FrankTalk.org

LUVWIFE,

Your welcome.

Would you be at all interested in our long cancer story? I was not able to write it till years after surgery but I don't mind sharing it. Actually if you go searching thru my previous posts, you will find it here on site. To do that just go to the right side of this page and click my net name -3mtrship- and you will find 18 pages of messages. Three of those pages form the long version of our journey back to a new sex life. There were times I did not think we would make it. There were times I sold her feelings for me short.

The basic question our journey answers is simple. Can a couple find a new sexual normal after ED enters their life and the answer is a resounding YES.

It is not easy but it can be done and it is worthwhile. She is 73 and I am 68 and our children still blush once in a while, which makes us both smile.

Please find some means of satisfying your immediate sexual needs so you can keep your mind straight.

Jim

Making our children blush is what we live for!

Well said!

G

Bill of rights for wives and partners
• Cry as often as you need to but look for humor every day.
• Worry all you want but know that it won’t change a thing.
• You can be a tower of strength and still fall apart.
• You don’t always have to know the right thing to say.
• Accept that you will never be the perfect wife/partner.
• Forgive yourself for making mistakes.
• On days when you have nothing to give, know that it will be enough.
• Take care of yourself and don’t feel guilty about it.
• Give yourself permission to forget about erectile dysfunction for a day.
• Hate the condition but always love the man.
• Grieve what you’ve lost and celebrate what you’ve got left.
• Let go of the illusion that you can handle this alone.
• When the burden is too heavy, give it to God.

All credit for this goes to advocate Harry Pinchot who passed away from prostate cancer in January of 2008. I edited this to make it applicable to a special lady who came to Frank Talk (http://www.franktalk.org/) trying to find help dealing with a man who was pushing her away because he had ED and was not dealing with it very well.
Harry talked about how men with prostate cancer expect their wives and partners to always be there for them in their time of need, care for them, listen to them, cope with their mood swings, fix the special foods they need to eat, bear their fears and anxieties and be their constant cheerleaders.
He urged men to remember that wives and partners have their own fears and anxieties (we know from studies that wives and partners experience as much stress as their loved ones). He also urged them not to dismiss wives/partners’ concerns because they are just as great.
That got us thinking that there should be a "Bill of Rights" for wives and partners. There is no life instruction book that comes with a loved one's diagnosis. As wives and partners, we often “wing it” as we go, taking the ups and downs of the issue in stride.
I think this message holds true for men with ED and the mates that must deal with the result.
I hope you will agree, Jim.

A good book to read is "Making Love Again" by Virginia and Keith Laken. It is a very candid and frank discussion of how they regained physical intimacy after sexual dysfunction. Keith got to the point where he didn't want sex any more. But they were able to talk. They actually went to counseling and their counselor told them to keep talking about it. But read the book and it might encourage you and give both you hope and some light at the end of the tunnel. I got my copy on Amazon.

LUVWIFE,

Are you listening?

Jim