At a Pivotal Crossroads - Some Merrix-Style No-BS Advice Desperately Sought

[defiant]

I am going to be very direct, since you asked for it.

It really is not all that nuanced. You have, as I see it and I am not a doctor, two choices: fix your head or have surgery and fix your equipment. The implant option has nearly a 100 percent success rate. I have been implanted now 10 months and wonder why I waited so long and allowed my ED to control my life. Personally, my thought is get the implant, overall its faster and much more of a sure thing.

Thank you, Bob.

I think that you're right. There are many implications to my getting an implant but I believe the positives really do outweigh the potential negatives or downsides as one might describe them.

As for fixing the mind, the vast majority of why my mind is like this is the ongoing onslaught of ED-brain; the constant black cloud that follows you around saying 'there's another hot girl you can do' or 'good luck getting hard later' etc etc etc.

Psychiatry and psychology, CBT, all that, it can only go so far. Ultimately we need to deal with the set of circumstances that are causing the depression/anxiety and in this case, that means eliminating ED.

I just can't believe it's come to this, you know.

I know it is a decision that is not made without trepidation--but from what you just wrote it seems that you fully grasp what is at stake: you future happiness. Whatever you decide, there are a lot of guys here to help and support you.

Thank you very much, my friend.

I'm really happy for you and your new implanted adventures...

[Txagq8]

My comments for you are my opinion, not based on medical science, and should not be relied upon as professional advice.

If it were me, I’d have them prepping me surgery this very moment. No question at all. Not the slightest doubt.

You’ve been through quite a bit of hell. Lymphoma. Rejection. ED which responds somewhat to PDE5 inhibitors but that’s an imperfect solution at best. The combination of all that takes a toll.

Installing an implant is not going to make life perfect and it is not a vaccine to prevent anything else bad from ever happening. But it is going to solve one problem, once and for all, and with that you ought to be able to deal with the other obstacles that get thrown in your path.

I have no idea how some guys skate through life and the biggest dilemma they ever deal with is a scratch on their car….whereas others deal with a constant diet of shit sandwiches. It doesn’t matter. You play the hand you are dealt, the best way you are able.

In your case I think that means an implant. You will never have another natural erection. By the same token, you will never be without a really good erection when you want one. Not a bad trade off.

[defiant]

My comments for you are my opinion, not based on medical science, and should not be relied upon as professional advice.

If it were me, I’d have them prepping me surgery this very moment. No question at all. Not the slightest doubt.

You’ve been through quite a bit of hell. Lymphoma. Rejection. ED which responds somewhat to PDE5 inhibitors but that’s an imperfect solution at best. The combination of all that takes a toll.

Installing an implant is not going to make life perfect and it is not a vaccine to prevent anything else bad from ever happening. But it is going to solve one problem, once and for all, and with that you ought to be able to deal with the other obstacles that get thrown in your path.

I have no idea how some guys skate through life and the biggest dilemma they ever deal with is a scratch on their car….whereas others deal with a constant diet of shit sandwiches. It doesn’t matter. You play the hand you are dealt, the best way you are able.

In your case I think that means an implant. You will never have another natural erection. By the same token, you will never be without a really good erection when you want one. Not a bad trade off.

Thank you for the candid reply.

I appreciate it a lot.

Yes, I haven't included half of the shit I've been dealt. It really does make me question sometimes what I did in a past life. Or even this life. But hey, it is what it is. The analogy I often use is that I've been given a Ferrari but no keys to drive it.

You're right. All of that has taken one hell of a toll and this latest tragedy has sent me precariously close to the grave. I can't live my life this way, codependent on whomever I'm with just to keep me sane. I need to be able to pick and choose and if necessary, dump the women that I want to. Not live my life with ED at the forefront of my decision-making or partner choice.

You're right on the notion that an implant won't solve everything as well. Spot on. It won't I know. And I do envisage the road to healing being a long one; reconnecting with sex, adjusting to life with an implant as a single man in his late 30s looking to settle down with Mrs Right. It's daunting. But....at least, hopefully with a good result, I'd have all I need to actually achieve that, confidently, minus the profound angst of ED, albeit with some major changes to the way I live and fuck but able, nonetheless.

[trapped2021]

This sounds so similar. Risks yes but you have great chance to live better life with implant. It is my opinion

[Tmansdorfer]

Even after all the surgeries I have had for the implant and losing size I would do it over again. The sex that I have had with the implant has been the best of my life because I am not worried about loosing my erection.

[defiant]

Even after all the surgeries I have had for the implant and losing size I would do it over again. The sex that I have had with the implant has been the best of my life because I am not worried about loosing my erection.

Thank you so much! It would be great to hear more from you via PM regarding the feelings psychologically speaking about having an implant at such a young age and the implications for the future!

I’m so glad you have that feeling toward the implant!

I’m sorry you had problems. A fair few it seems. May I ask why they occurred?

Thank you again!

[Lost Sheep]

(edited for focus)
What I have is a real short-circuit between brain and dick - an epic case of performance anxiety and a body that is so used and conditioned to believing there is a problem so, hey presto, problem!

What I have is a real short-circuit between brain and dick - an epic case of performance anxiety and a body that is so used and conditioned to believing there is a problem so, hey presto, problem!

I'm in the worst headspace I've ever been. It's only now I realise what ED has done to me. Truly.

Even after my implant, my confidence was so shaken that it took considerable time for me to approach each and every sexual encounter/attempt. No physical limitation with the implant or engorgement of peripheral tissues, but just "getting up to speed" with the woman.

(edited for focus)
I have profound psychogenic ED. And it has ruined my life. It dominates my thoughts 24/7. And I am simply fed up of the precipitating heart-attacks any time I engage in any kind of sex. But it's so bad now, just the notion of even trying scares me. Just being around a hot woman gives me increased anxiety. It's really fucked up, I know.

Now, four years after implant, I am more comfortable "getting back in the saddle". A supportive girlfriend is a TREMENDOUS help.

Note: decades of performance problems conditioned me to be tentative about asking for sex. It has been difficult to reverse that conditioning. The sooner you realize what your barrier actually is, the sooner you will be able to dismantle it. And the dismantling process is a deliberate process in many cases. Sometimes a professional guide (counselor) can speed the process. Or an amateur counselor (girlfriend, a mentor of either sex, or the members here on FrankTalk (as you obviously know)).

Keep your eye on the prize and know it IS attainable!

[AST2123]

The downsides are not to be underestimated though; the potential for poor surgery (I would only go to the best), lack of glans engorgement, floppy head, having to pump and losing that natural reaction, the need for revisions of which, if I lived a long life, there would be at least 3 probably, all of which would need to be paid for out of pocket. I wouldn't trust the NHS on this one.

So you can see, there is a lot to have internal conflict over for someone in my very unique set of circumstances.

But yes, I truly am...stuck.

I am with opinion of getting the implant as the solution. Here are some points you mentioned:
the potential for poor surgery(I would only go to the best): You provided the answer for this: go for the best.
lack of glans engorgement: Isn't related to the implant. If your glans used to engorge, it will still after implant.
floppy head: Only if the doctor undersized you
having to pump: This is how it is, but there is a (workaround) for that, so that you can do it discretely.
losing that natural reaction: When aroused, I can still feel some erection, not enough for sex, but at least my partner feels it.
the need for revisions: With the evolving technology, revisions may provide better implants that we may chose to do a revision without even needing them .

[verytempted1992]

Merrix style advice? I suspect that would be "Don't be a limp dick loser, get the implant. Pay for the best. I had money for the best. I still have money for the best. I am the best"

But seriously, whilst nobody can make the decision for you, it sounds like you've already made the right one...

[defiant]

Merrix style advice? I suspect that would be "Don't be a limp dick loser, get the implant. Pay for the best. I had money for the best. I still have money for the best. I am the best"

But seriously, whilst nobody can make the decision for you, it sounds like you've already made the right one...

Well, no comment on the first part! I try to be as diplomatic as I can be. :/

I do appreciate straight talking though, whoever it might be coming from.

But I haven’t really made any decision and that’s the point of putting it out there really.

It’s like I’m in this dead zone where I feel I’m not bad enough to be implanted just yet but light years away from being good enough or let’s just say physically and most pertinently mentally fit enough to remain natural and forge a life for myself as such.

Crippling!

Thanks for your reply!! I appreciate it