At a Pivotal Crossroads - Some Merrix-Style No-BS Advice Desperately Sought

[Lost Sheep]

(edited for focus)

But I haven’t really made any decision and that’s the point of putting it out there really.

It’s like I’m in this dead zone where I feel I’m not bad enough to be implanted just yet but light years away from being good enough or let’s just say physically and most pertinently mentally fit enough to remain natural and forge a life for myself as such.

Crippling!

Thanks for your reply!! I appreciate it

Uncertainty is, indeed, crippling.

Turn your "OCD personality type, hyper focused on certain things" to your advantage. Research with an unbiased and critical dispassionate mind. Your penis' performance will (not unlike a speedometer) point to the correct conclusion. Then, your decision will be clear and uncertainty dispelled.

[verytempted1992]

It’s like I’m in this dead zone where I feel I’m not bad enough to be implanted just yet but light years away from being good enough or let’s just say physically and most pertinently mentally fit enough to remain natural and forge a life for myself as such.

Crippling!

For me, it's all about acceptance.

I accept that I have a physical issue which is compounded by a mental issue.

For example - I can get erections without pills which I suspect some older people on here would be more than happy with. Sadly, for me now, due to being OCD on this subject, anything less than perfect is unsatisfactory. Literally, an erection that even moves the slightest bit during masturbation makes me feel suboptimal. During sex it doesn't bother me as much as sex is more chaotic in general. My glans engorgement isn't great, but there is some engorgement so I can live with that.

Equally, there is the occasional truly bad day where my erections suck. Where one of my "suboptimal" erections mentioned above I'd kill for

Long term, I am sure one day, likely in my late 30s I will get an implant. However, I know the psychological aspect will never truly disappear. I could honestly see myself breaking an implant by constantly looking for problems with it. But I can accept that (although I will try not to break it). For now I live my life as best as I can.

Because I can accept things and crack on - I have an understanding partner who I have regular sex with, I still enjoy other female company (I absolutely love women) even if I don't go astray. I still watch my favourite shows and I still troll idiots over the internet. Even the occasional idiot on an erectile dysfunction forum. You can't make it up really.

[SteveSW]

OK, no BS. You can choose to live in this "dead zone" as you call it, (which will most likely only get worse) or you can change the situation and dramatically improve your life. That's it. Those are your options. If you read back through your posts in this thread, several times you have answered your own question. I wasted many years, not finding the answer to my ED problem (my implant), so please don't wait till you are 67 to solve this. I've had more incredible sex in the last few months, than I did in the previous 20 years. You can as well. Just my opinion, but it boils down to a hard dick on demand, or a hit or miss erection which only serves to further exacerbate your difficulty, whether physical or mental. Good luck.

[defiant]

Thank you all for your responses. You’re very kind.

[Whywhywhy]

what was the reading of your doppler?
Have you had your prostate examined for possible prostatitis? PSA level?
Have you considered that you have tight pelvic floor muscles?
Any sign of Peyronies disease?
Im 30 and in the same situation as you. This has consumed the majority of my thoughts, but I want to know that I have explored every possible avenue before going the implant route. At the end of the day, know that you have a solution and you don't need to have those dark thoughts. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

[merrix]

With that thread subject, I suppose I had to come out from the darkness again and post a reply.

Your story - as in the description of your ED symptoms - sound very much like mine. With the difference that yours was and is much milder than mine.
Or rather, pills work much better for you.
I was fucking around in my younger days without pills - they barely existed at that time - but with shaky performances.
Then came the pills. Better. But not great. Then the pills started to have less effect.

However, where our stories match 100% is how you describe your masturbation and your (lack of) morning wood. Those could be my exact words.

I also went for a doppler in my late twenties. All good said the local urologist. Great erection, he said of my injection-induced semi shit-erection which I barely would have been able to bunch inside a woman.
In my thirties I did a Night time rigidity test as well. 5-6 erections. It was all in my head according to him.
I said BS. All the time, I said BS. Something was wrong and I knew it. I never had a long lasting erection (without stimulation) in my life after puberty. I had ED before I even knew what ED was.
In my forties I did two dopplers, one before the sclerotherapy and one by Eid before implant. Both showing VL. "A huge one" according to Eid. He was surprised I could even have sex on pills. Well, that is a matter of definition of course. One position, fuck fast and hard - then I could.

So what do I recommend you?
I don't recommend anything. But in my case, implant has fixed my ED. But I am not entirely sure that a person with plenty of psychological issues, maybe to the degree that he actually has ED with no physical issues, will be "cured" by an implant.
If you want to blame karma, faith, God, your genes, Allah, or whoever for your miserable poor luck and if you want to feel like shit because your dick ain't right - you can still do all of that with an implant.
If one girl's nasty comment on your failure can smash you down, then I am sure one nasty girl's comment about your weird plastic dick can smash you down pretty hard as well.

This is not saying that an implant will not be a great treatment of choice for you.
I am just saying that an implant does not make you "normal" or "restored" to your youth version again.
It is a plastic piece of equipment in your dick that you pump up and it gives you an erection. With or without glans engorgement. That's it.
So be careful with your expectations. If they are managed and appropriate, the implant will most likely be great.

I have said many times that dating with an implant can be heaven or hell. I say it's your head that decides which.
Are you happy that you can fuck like a king or are you spending more energy wondering how/where you will inflate and what she will say if she detects your implant?
Huge difference.

Being 100% sure every time that it works is of course great.
You must however be prepared to accept the not-so-great stuff that comes with an implant as well.
You know them already, but make sure you accept them.

Good Luck.

[Smetro]

Always great to read your analyses Merrix.
Merry Xmas

[defiant]

With that thread subject, I suppose I had to come out from the darkness again and post a reply.

Your story - as in the description of your ED symptoms - sound very much like mine. With the difference that yours was and is much milder than mine.
Or rather, pills work much better for you.
I was fucking around in my younger days without pills - they barely existed at that time - but with shaky performances.
Then came the pills. Better. But not great. Then the pills started to have less effect.

However, where our stories match 100% is how you describe your masturbation and your (lack of) morning wood. Those could be my exact words.

I also went for a doppler in my late twenties. All good said the local urologist. Great erection, he said of my injection-induced semi shit-erection which I barely would have been able to bunch inside a woman.
In my thirties I did a Night time rigidity test as well. 5-6 erections. It was all in my head according to him.
I said BS. All the time, I said BS. Something was wrong and I knew it. I never had a long lasting erection (without stimulation) in my life after puberty. I had ED before I even knew what ED was.
In my forties I did two dopplers, one before the sclerotherapy and one by Eid before implant. Both showing VL. "A huge one" according to Eid. He was surprised I could even have sex on pills. Well, that is a matter of definition of course. One position, fuck fast and hard - then I could.

So what do I recommend you?
I don't recommend anything. But in my case, implant has fixed my ED. But I am not entirely sure that a person with plenty of psychological issues, maybe to the degree that he actually has ED with no physical issues, will be "cured" by an implant.
If you want to blame karma, faith, God, your genes, Allah, or whoever for your miserable poor luck and if you want to feel like shit because your dick ain't right - you can still do all of that with an implant.
If one girl's nasty comment on your failure can smash you down, then I am sure one nasty girl's comment about your weird plastic dick can smash you down pretty hard as well.

This is not saying that an implant will not be a great treatment of choice for you.
I am just saying that an implant does not make you "normal" or "restored" to your youth version again.
It is a plastic piece of equipment in your dick that you pump up and it gives you an erection. With or without glans engorgement. That's it.
So be careful with your expectations. If they are managed and appropriate, the implant will most likely be great.

I have said many times that dating with an implant can be heaven or hell. I say it's your head that decides which.
Are you happy that you can fuck like a king or are you spending more energy wondering how/where you will inflate and what she will say if she detects your implant?
Huge difference.

Being 100% sure every time that it works is of course great.
You must however be prepared to accept the not-so-great stuff that comes with an implant as well.
You know them already, but make sure you accept them.

Good Luck.

Thanks for your time, Merrix. Most candid, as one would expect from you.

Yes, I think it’s just a bitter pill to swallow, especially when you know that a few months back, pills were ‘enough’ as it were.

But it’s what ED has done to me over the years, the way it’s made me live; a sheltered, inhibited life, one governed by the imprisonment it places upon me.

And I think I’ve experienced one tragedy too many now and extreme fear situation, that it’s reached a point where my only hope for a normal sex life going forward; one where I’m not constantly thinking ‘will I get it up’, is to get an implant.

It’s a daunting situation, going into it single, but many have done it and they seem happy; men my age or younger.

At the very crux of it all is ED. My dick just doesn’t respond the way it should. I can’t keep it up in most situations without pills and even with pills, I’m still not able to be free of the ‘what if I won’t stay up’. Knowing it’s not going anywhere will surely be an uplifting and game changing dynamic to this god awful situation.

And maybe what awaits is an amazing life full of new experiences and one day, hopefully, a wonderful, caring woman who couldn’t care less whether my dick is ‘natural’ or implanted.

Thanks, all!

[Fourtytwo00]

It's not an easy choice. Could you be able to fuck also w/o Cialis before being cheated with your last partner?

[defiant]

It's not an easy choice. Could you be able to fuck also w/o Cialis before being cheated with your last partner?

I could but only conservatively and because I felt ultra safe and loved.

Now my mind is the worst it’s ever been. I’m very depressed and very anxious. And the root cause is ED. It’s draining. Just feels like there’s no right answer.