I am thinking of suicide

What are your fears? Ideas? Hints? to coping with ED. What helps you with your mental game? How are relationships affected?

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caninoespacial
Posts: 54
Joined: Mon Aug 07, 2017 11:28 am

I am thinking of suicide

Postby caninoespacial » Fri Aug 18, 2017 8:07 am

I really need help, folks... As I told before on the board, i'm only 21 and had ED for my whole sexual life. Never had sex, can't get hard alone, everything is terrible. Yet I had a beautiful girlfriend, and I loved her with all my energy. But I had to let her go... she is only starting her youth, I can't steal her sexual life. We broke, last sunday, now she seems much happier. I really don't want to die, but suicide seems like the only way. Pills don't work anymore, my penis feels numb, cold and shrunk. 3 uros already told me it's psychological, but... after what folks here told me, I don't think so. So... I lost my sweet girl... because of imcompetence... one that I can't do anything to overcome. I can't see anything in my future right now. Can't go back to her, can't go on with my life. I've been crying for four days in a whole. I don't want death as the only way out of this misery, I hate this so bad, my mind is horrible destroyed. Please, can someone shed a light for me? I need hope, I am in the end. Can't find injections in my state and country, doctors refuse to prescribe. Implant is a distant reality, Im only 21 and have no money, living in brazil without a chance o flying america for an appoitment for the next 5 years or so. Is there any reason for me to go on? Plato used to say, suicide is condemned when it's done out of cowardice and laziness. But he also used to say it is needful when the self-killing is compelled by extreme and unavoidable personal misfortune. Seems like my situation. But don't want to die. I want to love someone new like I loved her, i want to be normal.

David_R
Posts: 1078
Joined: Mon Nov 02, 2015 1:03 pm
Location: Northeast Maryland

Re: I am thinking of suicide

Postby David_R » Fri Aug 18, 2017 8:26 am

BROTHER, PLEASE DON'T DO IT! WE CAN HELP YOU. Keep writing in here, or send me a pm with your phone number and I will call you. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
Baltimore area. Age 68. Prostatectomy in 2000, CX inserted in 2002. Wore out after 12 yrs., got LGX in 2014. I am glad I had them both. My great urologist is Dr. Marc Siegelbaum. (After regular inflating I regained my original length and girth.)

radioradio
Posts: 753
Joined: Tue Aug 09, 2016 2:44 pm
Location: Philly Burbs

Re: I am thinking of suicide

Postby radioradio » Fri Aug 18, 2017 8:40 am

PLEASE go to a hospital.

I can barely breathe reading your post. I lost my son to Suicide 6 years ago. Get some psychiatric help NOW. I understand your depression over this, but there are so many other beautiful things in life. As one who can and does obsess about things, I know how important it has been for me to have help in seeing a larger perspective.

I once told my other son -- who used to obsess about things:

I stood about 10 feet away with a soccer ball in my hand and asked him what he saw. He said a soccer ball. I asked what else, and he eventually described everything in his field of vision. Then I stood with the ball about a foot from his eyes, and all he could see was the ball, my body, the earth and the sky. Then I held the ball about an inch from his nose. He could see nothing but the ball. The ball was his entire experience. He got the point. Something as small as a ball can become your whole universe if you focus only on that.

I know how devastating ED can be, and can imagine how terrible at your age. But please,step back. I'm assuming you have your limbs, your sight, sense of smell, hearing, and the tremendous gift of people who care about you. Yeah, your particular soccer ball sucks. Please get some mental health professional help. You don't deserve ED, but you surely don't deserve to be in the pain you are in, either. Maybe the ED can't be fixed right now, but I know the pain can be addressed and that you can find joy in your life, even if that soccer ball is still in the picture.

Suicide only transfers your pain to others, it doesn't end the pain, ever.

Please private message me any time, and please go get some professional help TODAY.

Bob 2.0
Born '52. Married '79. RALP 3/1/17. ED 50+% prior to surgery even w/ meds. VED, Injections, ineffective. Considering implant even before PCa diagnosis. Dr. Kramer 8/2/17. LGX 21cm+0.5 RTE. Kramer replaced/repositioned pump 12/13/17. Willing to Show/Tell.

DaveKell
Posts: 221
Joined: Tue Sep 04, 2012 7:39 pm
Location: Texas

Re: I am thinking of suicide

Postby DaveKell » Fri Aug 18, 2017 9:53 am

I'd like to start out by telling you about a successful family member's suicide, another family member's attempt, and finally my own suicidal thoughts at one time over 20 years ago.

My father killed himself at the age of 42. It was 2 months before Elvis Presley died at the same age. Every year I'm reminded of it because of the fans who keep track of the anniversary of Elvis' death. My dad's suicide was a total shock to his entire family, especially all four of his kids. To be perfectly honest with you, the shock turned to outright hatred of him for the hurt he inflicted on us. That happens a lot among those left behind when someone kills their self.

A first cousin hung himself in his early 30's after a divorce. He called someone and told them goodbye. They called the police who found him hanging in his garage. They cut him down while he was still alive, but just barely. In the hospital his family was told he likely suffered brain damage. As it turned out, years later he is apparently fine and in a new loving relationship. But not before the anguish he caused his aged mother nearly killed her from a heart attack.

In the few years after my own ED became an impossible mental burden on me, I thought about killing myself often. After a number of major surgeries I usually had narcotic pain pills left over. I knew I could die quickly by eating a bottle of them. As it turned out, my wife kept supporting me in my battle with ED and was very patient. Plus, I had my memories of hating my father for what his suicide did to me. I couldn't inflict that on my 2 sons and daughter. Had I killed myself I never would have met any of my 4 grandkids or my 3 kids spouses. I wouldn't be living in anew beautiful home in the country surrounded by field of beautiful horses grazing all day.

I realize I am over 4 decades older than you and had a satisfying sex life up until 20 years ago. I can't imagine the distress of what you experience at such a young age... actually I think I can. It would be very hard to tolerate. What you have to remember is where there is life there is always hope. I'm not going to tell you to look forward to being implanted someday when finances might make that option available to you. There are however some exciting discoveries being made with a new ED drug based on the venom from the wandering spider in your country. I believe human trials are about to be underway. So far it has been tested on old, diabetic, obese male rats who are impotent. The rats have fathered many generations of offspring and they don't die from the altered spider venom. I'm saying there is hope for you.

Being told your ED is a psychological issue really doesn't solve anything for you as I'm sure you know full well. By now at your young age it will likely be a mental issue for you until an effective treatment becomes available. I'd advise you to turn your anguish into a determination to become a highly powerful, successful individual in the best way available to you. You have immense value as a young human being and the possibility for over coming your adversity are within your grasp if you set your mind to it. Become a story of motivation for the ages to be inspired by.

Above all, stop thinking about the final exit from life. As someone has already told you, that will only become your family's pain and you will miss out on what life could have in store for you. I know suicidal thoughts can become something you dwell on constantly. You have ultimate control of your thoughts and I hope you choose instead to think of a beautiful future for yourself.
Became DaveKell 2.0 on July 18th with Dr. Allen Morey in Dallas, TX. AMS 700 CX implant. 18cm with 5.5 RTE's.

ED2013
Posts: 779
Joined: Tue Mar 05, 2013 8:15 pm

Re: I am thinking of suicide

Postby ED2013 » Fri Aug 18, 2017 10:02 am

I lost my girl due to ed as well. I know exactly how you feel. Don't give up there is hope. Give it time. You have your whole life ahead of you. Lots of opportunity. Things are much better for me now. It doesn't rain forever. The sun comes out again.
Ams 700 cx. Dr Karpman.

antelope
Posts: 1372
Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2010 3:17 am
Location: Baton Rouge

Re: I am thinking of suicide

Postby antelope » Fri Aug 18, 2017 10:44 am

Fervent prayers for peace and grace. In the meantime, please contact someone who can help you, either a local professional, a local pastor, or anyone on this forum. We've all been through this and some of us are still groping for a solution. Don't abandon us now that you've found us. Manly hugs.
Born 1948, married 1969. BPH & Type II Diabetes at age 35. TURP-2002; Some ED even before that. Cardiac valve surgery-2007. ED from diabetes. Poor results with pills. Started trimix injections in Nov, 2010. Great results from the very beginning.

sliphill
Posts: 972
Joined: Mon Oct 29, 2012 8:27 am
Location: Charlotte, NC

Re: I am thinking of suicide

Postby sliphill » Fri Aug 18, 2017 11:04 am

I can only imagine having ED at your age! But on the other hand, that is your advantage, youth. You will love again. The hurt from losing your girl is still fresh in your memory. Over time, she will become a distant thought. Don't dwell on the past. Lot's of things can happen. We have implant surgeons on this forum, and perhaps given your situation, they would be willing to help you out. Are we could start a crowdfund for you. But first you have to get this notion of suicide out of your mind. You haven' t really lived yet. I never wanted to kill myself, but at one point, probably around 20, I didn't care if I died or not. I had inner turmoil from growing up in a dysfunctional alcoholic family. But I got help with that I learned to live life on life's term. I'm 62 now, and I am enjoying life because it is a gift. You don't think so now, but I assure you, your feelings about this girl will pass. And you will be able to have sex again. PM me your phone number and we can talk. I learned that talking to another about your problem seems to give the problem less weight.
Ed (sliphill) 62

Implanted by Dr. Michael O'Neill in Charlotte, NC on 6/9/2017 with AMS 700LGX. 18 cm cylinders 3 cm RTE's.

torless50
Posts: 47
Joined: Mon Apr 17, 2017 8:46 pm

Re: I am thinking of suicide

Postby torless50 » Fri Aug 18, 2017 11:25 am

Before thinking to commit suicide,maybe you should think implant are here, why not go for implant before to commit suicide? I feel your pain, I am in your same situation, thoughts about suicide are always in my mind, but before suicide I will go with the implant. Why not try the implant before you end it all? What if you are happy with the implant?

Put a goal, injections or implants, your goal is to get one of those, if the implant is, looking for a job, get the money and go for it. What moves us are goals, think that you are not the only guy of this age who was for the implant, here there is a 19 year old boy who got it (minessota?)and recently one of 22, get money and go for it or get someone to prescribe injections, sure someone will. But have a goal in mind, the goal is what moves us, what keeps us alive.
Peyronie
Thinking about implant

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Larry10625
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Joined: Sat Apr 15, 2017 10:56 am
Location: Ontario, CANADA

Re: I am thinking of suicide

Postby Larry10625 » Fri Aug 18, 2017 11:33 am

caninoespacial wrote:I really need help, folks... As I told before on the board, i'm only 21 and had ED for my whole sexual life. Never had sex, can't get hard alone, everything is terrible. Yet I had a beautiful girlfriend, and I loved her with all my energy. But I had to let her go... she is only starting her youth, I can't steal her sexual life. We broke, last sunday, now she seems much happier. I really don't want to die, but suicide seems like the only way. Pills don't work anymore, my penis feels numb, cold and shrunk. 3 uros already told me it's psychological, but... after what folks here told me, I don't think so. So... I lost my sweet girl... because of imcompetence... one that I can't do anything to overcome. I can't see anything in my future right now. Can't go back to her, can't go on with my life. I've been crying for four days in a whole. I don't want death as the only way out of this misery, I hate this so bad, my mind is horrible destroyed. Please, can someone shed a light for me? I need hope, I am in the end. Can't find injections in my state and country, doctors refuse to prescribe. Implant is a distant reality, Im only 21 and have no money, living in brazil without a chance o flying america for an appoitment for the next 5 years or so. Is there any reason for me to go on? Plato used to say, suicide is condemned when it's done out of cowardice and laziness. But he also used to say it is needful when the self-killing is compelled by extreme and unavoidable personal misfortune. Seems like my situation. But don't want to die. I want to love someone new like I loved her, i want to be normal.


caninoespacial;
Let me first say that you have come to the right place. Everyone on here has the same thing in common. Different treatments but everyone suffers from ED. My wifes nephew hung himself on his bedroom door know 2 years ago on Thanksgiving. Every year his mother goes into deep depression and feels she has nothing to give thanks for. Suicide will not fix your ED, in fact it will fix nothing. There are a few things, as I see it, that you have to do.
1. If you really loved her, you need to contact her and tell her why you let her go... maybe so loved you s much that sex won't be as important as you think and maybe she would be happy to support you through your journey to correct ED.

2. You need to see a doctor who specializes in male psychiatric sexual issues...

3. Have any of the doctors that you have seen actually done any tests to support their theory or are they just talking to you and guessing it has to be psychiatric because you are so young?

4. STOP thinking of ending your life and let your new friends on here help you through your issues.

I am on here MANY times a day and would be happy to chat, answer questions and if I can't I have met a lot of people on here and know their stories so I could point you in the right direction. I think it is very safe to say that ANY of Frank Talks members would be more than happy to help, that's why they joined us.

Chin up and you can always think of something to smile about, so do it. :)

Larry
51 years old, married 29 years. Implanted Mar 30/17 by Dr. Brock of London, Ont, CANADA. (AMS 700 CX 18 + 2). Had implant removed Apr 29/17 due to Septic Shock. Liposuction By Dr. Gan and re-implant by Dr. Brock (AMS LGX 15 + 2) Dec 14/17.

ddbryan1972
Posts: 2028
Joined: Wed Feb 19, 2014 9:04 pm
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Re: I am thinking of suicide

Postby ddbryan1972 » Fri Aug 18, 2017 11:34 am

I tried to kill myself. I just wanted the pain to go away. It didn't work. God has plans for me and He has plans for you too. Plans to make you happy. Don't ever give up hope. I'm so glad now I didn't die. I have never been happier. There are plans for you too. Reaching out to your Frank Talk brothers is just the start. We are always here anytime you need us. Keep on believing. Never stop.
Donnie
Implant AMS 700 CX, MS (18cm x 12mm with 5.5cm RTEs) on 10\4\16. 64 Dr. Edward Kata of Orlando. Awesome surgeon. Check out my thread's 'DD Bryan. My implant journey 'Wit and Wisdom', 'Stretching routine', and "Implant Pics" Live in Ga.
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