Getting an implant to save a relationship?

[Lost Sheep]

Implant to save a relationship?
​​​​​​​
How important is it to your partner that you actually HAVE an erection?

I know, most men here are focused on their ability to have coitus, but I have long contended that if your partner has sexually satisfying orgasms it does (or should) not matter if you have an erection or not.  I mean, if the relationship is so weak as to be broken by lack of erection on your part it may be not worth continuing.  Not unlike having children to "save the marriage" is a lot bigger tactic than having an implant to "save the marriage", but if a marriage (or any relationship) is so weak that it requires a tactic like that to keep it alive, perhaps pulling the plug on life support is the better option.

Now, in a strong relationship, having an erection (or children) will strengthen the relationship and sometimes a weak relationship CAN be saved by such a tactic, but I am thinking about generalities.

So, the question arises:

Would/should a woman (with an able vagina) reject a man who gives her orgasms by oral sex just for his inability to do penis in vagina sex?

Would/should a man (with an able erection) reject a woman who gives him orgasms by oral sex just for her inability to do penis in vagina sex?

In other words, is penis-in-vagina sex a relationship-breaker if orgasms are still given by the partners by other means?

In an otherwise strong relationship?  

In a marginally stable relationship?

[Gt1956]

Not a very pertinent reply but here goes.
At least for my wife. The prospect of no dick forever is not attractive at all. Even further on this line. She was under the impression that there would not be any ejaculations with an implant. She was not happy with that prospect either. She seemed to be greatly relieved when I explained that there would be ejaculations. She has a friend whose boyfriend had prostate cancer. I suspect that she assumed an implant would stop ejactulation.
Many years ago, a female relative about our age went through a divorce. Maybe a year later her & I were talking & she bemoaned the lack of sex. I replied that there was always mastrubation. She was quick to reply that it didn't replace a dick.
The female realtive is related to my wife. These two stories show that dick is highly preferred, at least one goes so far to prefer inside ejactulation. Don't know about the relative. Now don't jump to the conclusion that its a family trait. The family is loaded with women. Several don't have much interest in having sex.
Update here, elective surgies are nearly a "not gonna happen" story here. I have a grandson that needs a circumcision. The urologist says it won't happen until some kind of halt is removed. I gather from reading posts that this isn't universal among all ststes.

[Surfshack]

No it should not be a deal breaker. Sex is fun and healthy but it's only a little part. When i was younger and had erections all the time I never thought about it so it wasn't a problem but now that i'm older and having ED problems now i think about it. But i will work through it and come up with a workable solution. But no there is so much more to life than just sex , you have to live and make life as enjoyable as you can and if you have a partner who you really bond with and want to be with than you figure and work out the sex part. It doesn't have to be perfect but i would not give up on a relationship just because of sex problems.
But to answer the OQ , Yes i would get an implant for the relationship (and for me).
But if i had problems with my partner I don't think getting an implant would necessarily "save" the relationship.

[Hunchback]

Implant to save a relationship?
​​​​​​​
How important is it to your partner that you actually HAVE an erection?

I know, most men here are focused on their ability to have coitus, but I have long contended that if your partner has sexually satisfying orgasms it does (or should) not matter if you have an erection or not.  I mean, if the relationship is so weak as to be broken by lack of erection on your part it may be not worth continuing.  Not unlike having children to "save the marriage" is a lot bigger tactic than having an implant to "save the marriage", but if a marriage (or any relationship) is so weak that it requires a tactic like that to keep it alive, perhaps pulling the plug on life support is the better option.

Entirely agree with you. Very few people understand that concept, or WANT to understand/accept it. "Saving" a relationship is usually a lost cause, in my opinion if a relationship needs "saving", it's already too late. And not worth it. What's broken, is broken. That's more a "life philosophy" discussion tho, and i think your question is more to analyse the other way around - Getting an implant to AVOID BREAKING a relationship? What i mean by that is, considering you are in a good, healthy relationship but you have the unfortune to get ED, should you get an implant to avoid the destruction of your relationship?

After 14 years with my wife, since all of which i've had ED (since it's since birth), we've talked A LOT about it. It's part of our lives from day 1. Honestly, even if it's hard to believe even for me, it's a much bigger problem for me than it is for her. Both on a physical and mental level too. We keep an entirely honest relationship, we believe it's the key to a successful life. I know that if i was healthy and had a larger dick, she'd have more pleasure during intercourse. There's no way around it, no need for smokes and mirrors. However, she's not "vaginal" and can't have a "vaginal orgasm" (we've actually talked to a lot of other women about it and, when entirely honest, they all confirm that vaginal orgasm is a myth and it's always the clitoris that causes the orgasm. It can be achieved during intercourse, but it's not the vaginal penetration that's the reason, it's the rubbing of the clit (where a bigger dick helps)). We know that it has nothing to do with me, since her ex had a HUGE cock and she actually didn't enjoy sex with him at all (confirming it's way more mental than physical), and we practice fisting - even the longest and hardest fisting sessions we've had, that leave her super tired and unable to walk, haven't ever given her an "orgasm". All that to say that, the "penis in vagina" part, as you put it, is NOT the most important part of the sexual activity. That's not to say that it's not of any importance, it doesn't bring pleasure for her and that it's not essential - It is, because of the bonding aspect of it. Penetrating your woman, being in the action, united... has more than the simple physical aspect of it. BUT, she says that given an imaginary situation where she had to chose between "no dick" or "no masturbation / cunni", she'd always go with "no dick" since we can do other things together and still enjoy orgasms and intimacy.

That's a big wall of text, i know, but i believe it can be useful to know for people who are less open with their partners or just lack experience.

So, back to the question - I am not ready yet to get an implant, but i am not in a rush either. We make do with injections and cockrings. It's not perfect, it IS very annoying for me sometimes, when i am very horny and the injection fails. It can lead to slight depression sometimes and lack of "will to try", but i've developed a personal discipline of sorts to ignore it and keep going. Try again later. Have her simply masturbate me on a semi-rigid, then take care of her... there are ways. And her support is ESSENTIAL for that. Obviously, in a relationship that's unstable, people don't love eachother etc, it won't work. Getting an implant won't solve the rest of your problems, so it's not worth doing it JUST for that reason. If you do it, to enjoy better life as a whole, great. But not for "saving" anything, other than your sanity.

[Time2Change]

Lost Sheep,

For me, having ED come on suddenly as a young man created a host of issues beyond poor intercourse. The frustration, anger, humiliation, etc. that I felt wreaked havoc on how I viewed myself and how I related to other people.

So, it's important to me to be able to have a hard on and fuck my wife well. As a result of this, I'm starting to become more mentally and emotionally healthy. This, in turn, is leading me to relate better with my wife, and she's recognizing that.

So, yes, for me, a root factor in having a good relationship is my hard on.

[AST2123]

Thanks LS for bringing this up. I think this could be a survey-based study.
IMO, intimacy is most important success factor of a relationship. That is what makes husband-wife relationship different than friendship.
As men are different, women are also different in the way they orgasm and sexual preferences. some women can only orgasm with penetrative sex, and a real penis (including implanted), and even they enjoy oral to get aroused. I think life with a woman with such preference cannot continue with ED. She cannot be satisfied with oral sex.
Also some can have one or 2 orgasms, then have penetrative sex. Other, if they orgasm by any way, they will no longer want to enjoy further penetrative or oral.
So, I can't blame a woman who is unable to live with me ED, but I assume open discussions are the only way to solve issues.

[TANGERINE]

great question !

A few things come to mind:

A surgeon on a video interview stated: "a man gets the implant for himself, NOT to please someone else or save a relationship" It sounds like from that doc's experience, implants really do not turn around the other multitude of issues inherent to a relationship going bad.

Now, that being said, many others have stated that when sex starts to become a burden in the relationship, then intimacy starts to whither and the man pushes the woman away to becoming just a partner and no longer a lover, because, "well if I sneak up and give her a little unexpected kiss, then something might happen, and with ED, nothing can happen." Same way with a hug that lasts a little longer than usual....men who cannot finish what they are starting will not even try to start something.

there is a really interesting ted talk delivered by a sex worker :
" nicole emma TED talk what a sex worker can teach us about human connection "

The three most memorable quotes for me are:

1) "sex is how men feel loved and worthy"
2) "men need to feel connected sexually in order to express themselves emotionally; but, many women need to feel connected emotionally in order to express themselves sexually"
3) "when a man feels alone or rejected (sometimes by his mate), then in response,"poof" he finds himself in bed with a sex worker."..

but what happens if he is to poor, too afraid, or too ashamed to hire someone like emma ? Emma answers that many men do not have the tools to handle rejection and feeling unworthy. For those men, the result is to implode and shoot bullets either into themselves (suicide) or into others (violence).

she also mentions that in her opinion, men are taught there are three ways to prove to the world your self worth: "your muscles, your money, or your MOJO" She states that money is hard to come by, muscles are determined in part by genetics, so what is left is mojo, and thus it is not surprising that men get desperate (and even violent) when they feel lonely and unworthy.

So, back to the question from lost seep. I interpret "MOJO" as emma discusses, as vigorous satisfying sex (not just orgasm through masturbation). So, in answer to the question of orgasm versus the importance of penis in vagina sex, for me, orgasms from masturbation are nice, but they provide only one fourth of the mood boost, personal validation, and life satisfaction, and feeling of being worthy that I get from a good sex session where the dick is in and the couple is connected. To state it another way, masturbation feels as good as putting your hands and arms into a really warm sink with soothing hot water, while penis in vagina sex is like immersing in a hot bath tub. Nothing comes close to real sex, so I fully understand the depression and hopelessness and obsession we all have when our cocks start to fail. For me, being really good at cunnilingus is fine, and a key skill to have, but my gut feeling says that women want both---the orgasm from clitoris stimulation, and also the stretch, the connection, and the primal penetrative bond from "getting dick"


shown below is the link to the talk
https://www.ted.com/talks/nicole_emma_what_a_sex_worker_can_teach_us_about_human_connection

PS: by the way, I was super happy to hear the remark on this thread from someone who stated that his wife used to have an ex with a huge penis, She stated that she never really liked sex with that big penis, and that made me feel good (since I aint huge). Though, it does sound like girth which in turn leads to stretch and clitoral rubbing is desired. The importance of "fucking the clit" and making sure the rub and grind are on the clit is discussed some in my thread of past years calle "advanced sex techniques for bionics"