My 3 year check in and update

[gene308]

I had my implant surgery 3 October 2018. I have always been grateful for the information, comfort and support I received from Franktalk. At one time Franktalk and my impotence were the biggest factors in my life. These were dark times. I now have a very fulfilling, rich and satisfying love life with my wife of 46 years.

I feel it is important to not forget the debt I owe to those who had so greatly helped me. I will continue to update this important community each year as an example of the happiness and fulfillment possible after ED.

I feel it is also important to share what I have experienced and learned. I documented my implant experience here: viewtopic.php?f=6&t=15678#p139865

Also I had trouble exerting enough force on my pump to achieve full rigidity. I found ways to maximize pressure and “end of fill” see here: viewtopic.php?f=6&t=15936&p=142734&hilit=gene308#p142734

I have new information to offer:

1) Sex as we age: I heard the dreaded words from my wife “ I don't think I want or need sex any more” I did a considerable amount of research that led to a very interesting, successful re-framing of what sex and lovemaking can be as we aged
2) All these years and I did not know how to really pleasure a woman. I did more research motivated by the above. What I found and implemented successfully all men should know.

What every man should know (A short summary):

After studying female anatomy my understanding of female pleasure and orgasm changed fundamentally. I will summarize here: the analogy of female genitalia and male genitalia:

Head of the male penis is analogous to the female clitoris.
Shaft of the male penis is analogous to the female vagina.

My question to all men: could you climax if all your partner did was stimulate the shaft of your penis and not the head? Answer NO. So most woman cannot climax by thrusting penetration alone. We can and must do more for our partners clitoris and ultimate satisfaction.



I submit the following two separate posts in this thread.

[gene308]

After 45 years wife says “I don't think I need or want sex anymore”

After I learned about the following resources and my wife and I implemented a very different set of expectations and bedroom plans. We are truly having the best bedroom time in many years. Here is what helped us have the best sex as we aged:

Medical assist. Both my wife and I needed medical assist to keep intimacy alive as we grew old.

Read“ Naked at our age” by Joan Price website https://joanprice.com/books/naked-at-our-age Important take aways:

1. The nature of sex and intimacy changes as we age. No longer turbocharged by hormones , setting the goal/expectation of orgasm/climax each time is unrealistic and sometimes damaging. Take the pressure off, make the goal to enjoy/pleasure each other. If it happens it happens. Just take care of each other and luxuriate in the intimacy and closeness you have earned after all these years.

2) Make the encounters pleasurable for each of you and be sure to schedule. My wife and I schedule two afternoons a week.

3) My wife felt she didn't need/want sex because she no longer had the urges. We need to stop relying on her hormones and I needed to learn how to pleasure her and see what develops. No pressure no expectations just exploring and stimulating her.

As I look back, early in our relationship we would make time to enjoy each other, to experiment, to learn how to please each other. We found what worked and as life and obligations and demands on our time with the help of hormones we worked out a routine where we could make it work by sneaking 20-30 minutes. This came to a rapid end with age ,diminished hormones and ED


From Naked at our age
BARB DEPREE, MD

For women, sex doesn’t always begin with lust, but instead starts in our hearts and minds. The older we grow, the more this is true. We engage in our heads first, decide to have sex, and then, with enough mental and emotional stimulation, our genitals respond. For us, having sex is less an urge than a decision—one we can choose to make and then act upon. When we decide to say yes instead of no, when we decide to schedule sex instead of waiting for our body to spontaneously light on fire, when we decide to engage with methods that will put us in the mood rather than wait for romantic moments to magically happen, we’re using our heads to keep sex in our relationships.

Price, Joan. Naked at Our Age (p. 47). Basic Books. Kindle Edition.

[gene308]

After all these years, I really didn't know how to please a woman. What I thought I knew (read, watched and practiced) was wrong, inaccurate, incomplete or pure BS (porn)

Please if you value pleasing your woman sign up for the following website omgyes.com. At least read https://www.omgyes.com/en/about#/
This is detailed and explicit information on how 20,000 women prefer to be pleasured. Tangerine mentioned it in one of his posts

I had no idea how sophisticated and varied the female sex organ is. I had no idea how to begin to learn about my wife and her preferences

Women won't generally talk about or tell you what pleases them sexually. In 46 years of marriage I don't recall my wonderful wife hesitating to tell me what I needed to do, when I needed to do it and how it should be done. When I asked her for guidance as I tried to use the techniques in omgyes.com she hardly said anything. We needed to work to make her comfortable telling me what I was doing that didn't work and guidance on telling/showing what I should be doing. After all these years we had never in detail talked about what would please her. She was afraid that her guidance would be interpreted as criticism. Emphasize that this it very welcomed and necessary information

I learned to make the search for what pleases my wife an exciting and joyful part of our intimate time together. We experiment and she helps me to learn about her and what pleases her. The techniques shown in omgyes are wonder for experimenting and learning.

1. https://www.drlauriemintz.com/becoming-cliterateI by Dr Laurie Mintz: I did not know the female anatomy. It is so much more complex and sophisticated varies so much from woman to woman. Males are so simple to please. Please take some time and do this research in addition to ED and Implants.

2. My wife loves my implant. Although we don't always have PIV sex she says that knowing that I am always available and she can totally concentrate on pleasing herself for as long as she wants without any worries of me losing my erection is totally freeing for her I am the ultimate “Boy Toy” Pleasure machine.

[TANGERINE]

thanks gene.....your comments and references are super helpful. Thrilled that you and your wife are doing well !

[JP1977]

As a swinger, I do know that many men and women seek out help when hormones start degrading as we get older. It doesn’t have to end. I would suggest defy medical for both men and women if they get to a point where they just don’t desire sex anymore. For some that’s totally ok, for others it’s a hurdle to be jumped. Defy can help in jumping it for both men and women. In addition to regaining a sex drive and sensitivity, it can help with a host of other health problems that result from declining hormones. Under the supervision of a skilled doctor, it is totally safe.

[dg_moore]

If there's one thing I learned early on about my wife, it's that she always means what she says. She lost interest in sex during my long struggle with ED. My implant changed nothing about that- no really means no. We are content, but not intimate, and have been so for the past 15 years. My stroke completely wiped out my libido, so we remain on the same page. Life withoout sex is just fine.