Yet Another Journal: Replacement surgery cancelled

[hanknyman]

I’m sorry to hear that NYC. Ruby called me to cancel my pre op visit with Dr Eid yesterday. I was hoping your replacement would not be canceled and I’m sorry to see it was. I’m scheduled for 1/6 and to see him the day before on 1/5. Let’s hope that he recovers quickly and that we can move ahead with the procedures.

[NYCGay]

I’m sorry to hear that NYC. Ruby called me to cancel my pre op visit with Dr Eid yesterday. I was hoping your replacement would not be canceled and I’m sorry to see it was. I’m scheduled for 1/6 and to see him the day before on 1/5. Let’s hope that he recovers quickly and that we can move ahead with the procedures.

Glad to hear that you are able to proceed pretty soon, in spite of the cancellation.

Ruby from Dr. Eid's office called me today and offered to squeeze me in on December 30, knowing that I must have the procedure done before the end of the year for there to be any chance that my insurance company will cover any part of the cost at all. But after considering it for a few seconds, I turned it down. I will have family from overseas visiting then, which doesn't happen often. I can't spend their visit being bedridden.

So now I'm scheduled for January 16, exactly four weeks from today. No catastrophe, I guess. But still a fucking downer. By now, I had thought I would be flat on my back in bed, with ice bags on my package, sending my husband to get me ice cream and cookies. I was so much looking forward to having the procedure behind me. Now it's like all the tense nervousness leading up to this morning was for nought and I have to start over being nervous again.

And it's not just the nervousness, but also that my next erection just got pushed back by four weeks. I miss my hard-on. I miss feeling it hard in my hand, even if I just jerk off. I miss just knowing that I can get hard if I want to, even if I have no reason to be at that particular moment. And I miss the kind of sex I could have with a hard cock.

Sorry for all the whining. I'll get over it. But right now, I just feel ... tricked somehow.