Depressed

What are your fears? Ideas? Hints? to coping with ED. What helps you with your mental game? How are relationships affected?
jamesedwards
Posts: 5
Joined: Sun Aug 20, 2017 3:26 pm

Depressed

Postby jamesedwards » Sat Dec 16, 2017 12:25 am

I've been dealing with ED for a very long time since my 20's. I'm now 40 and still dealing with it. I've always been depressed about it back then, but the thing that I'm more bothered about the most now is the fact that I can't have a wife and family due to my ED. I'm not able to keep a lady long enough because of my problem. I've not been able to find someone who understands my problem and willing to work it out with me. Of course I don't expect a woman to stick around and deal with my issue. But it's just depressing because I've always wanted to meet someone and be with them for a long time and start a family with kids.

This ED issue has layers and layers of depression. I just wanted to talk to someone because I'm really in bad shape right now. But I'm not giving up, reading these forums over the past few months has really helped me not go over that edge.

DepressedSwede
Posts: 12
Joined: Thu Nov 23, 2017 9:23 am

Re: Depressed

Postby DepressedSwede » Sat Dec 16, 2017 12:34 am

jamesedwards wrote:I've been dealing with ED for a very long time since my 20's. I'm now 40 and still dealing with it. I've always been depressed about it back then, but the thing that I'm more bothered about the most now is the fact that I can't have a wife and family due to my ED. I'm not able to keep a lady long enough because of my problem. I've not been able to find someone who understands my problem and willing to work it out with me. Of course I don't expect a woman to stick around and deal with my issue. But it's just depressing because I've always wanted to meet someone and be with them for a long time and start a family with kids.

This ED issue has layers and layers of depression. I just wanted to talk to someone because I'm really in bad shape right now. But I'm not giving up, reading these forums over the past few months has really helped me not go over that edge.


Dear James,

I really feel for you and know exactly what you are talking about.
Most of us on this forum have probably experienced depression and anxiety of different degrees because of ED.
What solutions have you tried to cure your ED?
If you have tried all and none of them worked, have you thought about getting a penile implant?
Swedish 29 year old, implanted with a Titan 2016.

Larry10625

Re: Depressed

Postby Larry10625 » Sat Dec 16, 2017 9:45 am

DepressedSwede wrote:
jamesedwards wrote:I've been dealing with ED for a very long time since my 20's. I'm now 40 and still dealing with it. I've always been depressed about it back then, but the thing that I'm more bothered about the most now is the fact that I can't have a wife and family due to my ED. I'm not able to keep a lady long enough because of my problem. I've not been able to find someone who understands my problem and willing to work it out with me. Of course I don't expect a woman to stick around and deal with my issue. But it's just depressing because I've always wanted to meet someone and be with them for a long time and start a family with kids.

This ED issue has layers and layers of depression. I just wanted to talk to someone because I'm really in bad shape right now. But I'm not giving up, reading these forums over the past few months has really helped me not go over that edge.


Dear James,

I really feel for you and know exactly what you are talking about.
Most of us on this forum have probably experienced depression and anxiety of different degrees because of ED.
What solutions have you tried to cure your ED?
If you have tried all and none of them worked, have you thought about getting a penile implant?



I am really glad you two are talking. Helping others is a really good way to help yourselves while you work out your problems. :)

Larry

francisco
Posts: 43
Joined: Fri May 05, 2017 9:07 pm
Location: Buenos Aires

Re: Depressed

Postby francisco » Sun Dec 17, 2017 6:57 am

Larry10625 wrote:
DepressedSwede wrote:
jamesedwards wrote:I've been dealing with ED for a very long time since my 20's. I'm now 40 and still dealing with it. I've always been depressed about it back then, but the thing that I'm more bothered about the most now is the fact that I can't have a wife and family due to my ED. I'm not able to keep a lady long enough because of my problem. I've not been able to find someone who understands my problem and willing to work it out with me. Of course I don't expect a woman to stick around and deal with my issue. But it's just depressing because I've always wanted to meet someone and be with them for a long time and start a family with kids.

This ED issue has layers and layers of depression. I just wanted to talk to someone because I'm really in bad shape right now. But I'm not giving up, reading these forums over the past few months has really helped me not go over that edge.


Dear James,

I really feel for you and know exactly what you are talking about.
Most of us on this forum have probably experienced depression and anxiety of different degrees because of ED.
What solutions have you tried to cure your ED?
If you have tried all and none of them worked, have you thought about getting a penile implant?



I am really glad you two are talking. Helping others is a really good way to help yourselves while you work out your problems. :)

Larry


100% agreed!!
Male 26 years old, From Bs. As. Suffering from ED since April '17.

jamesedwards
Posts: 5
Joined: Sun Aug 20, 2017 3:26 pm

Re: Depressed

Postby jamesedwards » Mon Dec 18, 2017 1:26 am

I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in this depression stage. I bet some folks on here has or is dealing with even deeper depression issues than me. I'm curious how are you guys making it day by day?

As far as solutions I've tried, I've tried the usual (pills, therapy, vitamins) and probably other things I'm missing, but these are just the main things that everyone with ED issues has tried. Currently I'm looking into Trimix, but I'm just reading up on it now and if I happen to come across a lady that I'm getting to know then I might look further into the Trimix.

But right now I've about given up on finding someone only because I'm scared of the same routine repeating itself. Meet someone, fail, then lose someone. It's been a repeating factor.

But as of now, I'm just trying to deal with my depression. So being at work a lot helps and visiting this forum also helps a lot. But often times I think about all the missed opportunities of a potential partner I've missed out on due to my ED. That's what's the toughest to clear from my mind.

Larry10625

Re: Depressed

Postby Larry10625 » Mon Dec 18, 2017 7:56 am

jamesedwards wrote:I've been dealing with ED for a very long time since my 20's. I'm now 40 and still dealing with it. I've always been depressed about it back then, but the thing that I'm more bothered about the most now is the fact that I can't have a wife and family due to my ED. I'm not able to keep a lady long enough because of my problem. I've not been able to find someone who understands my problem and willing to work it out with me. Of course I don't expect a woman to stick around and deal with my issue. But it's just depressing because I've always wanted to meet someone and be with them for a long time and start a family with kids.

This ED issue has layers and layers of depression. I just wanted to talk to someone because I'm really in bad shape right now. But I'm not giving up, reading these forums over the past few months has really helped me not go over that edge.



James;
If sex is that important to you, why not explore your options now so that WHEN you find a mate that will be one less thing to worry about. It MAY take a while to find an acceptable solution due to doctor wait times. :)

Larry

jamesedwards
Posts: 5
Joined: Sun Aug 20, 2017 3:26 pm

Re: Depressed

Postby jamesedwards » Mon Dec 18, 2017 7:28 pm

Larry10625 wrote: If sex is that important to you, why not explore your options now so that WHEN you find a mate that will be one less thing to worry about. It MAY take a while to find an acceptable solution due to doctor wait times. :)

Larry


Indeed. I am in the process of trying to figure somethings out. Hoping to see a Uro soon.

Larry10625

Re: Depressed

Postby Larry10625 » Tue Dec 19, 2017 6:59 am

jamesedwards wrote:
Larry10625 wrote: If sex is that important to you, why not explore your options now so that WHEN you find a mate that will be one less thing to worry about. It MAY take a while to find an acceptable solution due to doctor wait times. :)

Larry


Indeed. I am in the process of trying to figure somethings out. Hoping to see a Uro soon.



That's great. Should you have questions, please, feel free to post a message or private message anyone. :)

Larry

paulgonzales86
Posts: 6
Joined: Tue Mar 19, 2019 4:32 am

Re: Depressed

Postby paulgonzales86 » Mon Mar 25, 2019 3:08 am

Why dont you go for generic medications which I personally recommend to everyone. Based on the research, people got quick results on their problems. Now they are living life happily. Penile shock therapy and natural treatments are also available like L-arginine etc.

Lost Sheep
Posts: 6133
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2016 11:16 pm

Re: Depressed

Postby Lost Sheep » Mon Mar 25, 2019 1:43 pm

jamesedwards wrote:I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in this depression stage. I bet some folks on here has or is dealing with even deeper depression issues than me. I'm curious how are you guys making it day by day?

That's pretty much it. Day by day.

"I try to take things one day at a time, but sometimes they gang up on me."

Thoreau (I think) advised, "Simplify, simplify."
jamesedwards wrote:But right now I've about given up on finding someone only because I'm scared of the same routine repeating itself. Meet someone, fail, then lose someone. It's been a repeating factor.

It is said, that the definition of "insanity" is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Your routine may need to be changed in order to break that repetitive (and self-reinforcing) outcome.

I find women to be incredibly understanding and supportive if they feel trusted.

What I am advising is that the progression of intimacy you have been following (I am guessing) takes a path from introduction toward physical intimacy. I suggest that changing that path to put emotional intimacy (and truth-telling) in the path BEFORE physical intimacy. I believe you will be pleasantly surprised. I know it is scary to put effort into a relationship and than take the chance of telling her the (painful) truth about E.D.. Risk. Scary.

I went on a dating site and led with the fact that I was not capable of coitus. But that I was intent on fixing that infirmity. I was asking for a woman to accompany me on that journey - sort of a "lab partner". A woman willing to experiment with sex (various forms) before my implant operation and after. I got a LOT of supportive messages and a few volunteers. I settled on one finally and undertook my journey. As I said, women are incredibly supportive if they feel trusted and secure. Take the risk, even anonymously on a dating site (I used Plenty of Fish, which was pretty "clean" at the time).

jamesedwards wrote:But as of now, I'm just trying to deal with my depression. So being at work a lot helps and visiting this forum also helps a lot. But often times I think about all the missed opportunities of a potential partner I've missed out on due to my ED. That's what's the toughest to clear from my mind.

While it is said that, in relationships, "if the sex is good, it is 10% of the relationship, if sex is bad it is 90% of the relationship", I contend that trust (which includes being candid) underlies 100% of the relationship.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Take one chance.

Good luck.

p.s. Coitus is not the only form of sex that can satisfy (and attract) a woman. Don't eschew oral, manual or toys for your lady. I traded emails with one woman (from Craigslist before they shut off that venue) who was actively seeking an impotent man on the theory that he would be more expert at cunnilingus. (She turned out to be a bit of a jerk, but that was aside from her initial interest.) My point here is that good, satisfying sex is important to women than how (by coitus or by other means) that satisfaction is achieved. AND that emotional connection is essential to keeping a woman long-term.
Lost Sheep
AMS LGX 18+3 Nov 6, 2017
Prostate Cancer 2023
READ OLD THREADS-ask better questions -better understand answers
Be part of your medical team
Document pre-op size-photos and written records
Pre-op VED therapy helps. Post-op is another matter


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