Tenk's Journal
Posted: Wed May 31, 2017 10:25 pm
Good evening everybody, tomorrow I will be bionic. This past weekend was awesome with the extra holiday. On Monday I had a hot stone massage which was my first massage ever. Yesterday I went to Texas De Brazil and ate some great steak. Today I came home after work and just wanted to relax. I am uncharacteristically nervous, being no stranger to surgery, in fact, I am no stranger to surgery in the genital area. I guess the nerves makes sense because of how huge a move this is.
Here is some background on myself. I believe I've had ED slowly creeping in since my early 20s. Until a few years ago, I was able to perform with pills, but then there was the time where I was trying to have sex and my dick didn't work even a little. So fucking embarrassing. Clearly I have had ED creeping in for a while but the ability change was drastic. It seemed to turn off like a switch, or like an oceanic shelf.
I have no way to prove this, but I started taking prozac and I think that interferes with most of the remaining function. I was taking prozac because I started going to therapy after a suicide attempt. It didn't get much more past the 'I'm really going to do this stage,' but I got sufficiently scared to beg for help at that moment. Obviously they sent me to therapy, and I started taking prozac along with talk therapy. Talk therapy is awesome but I believe it was the drug that has totally changed my life. I was diagnosed with something called Dysthymia, which apparently used to be called childhood depression. It's classified as a mild depression, but FUCK THAT. Literally the first thought I had when I woke up everyday for 20 years is that I should kill myself. I did really well in school and everybody thought I was going to be successful, but instead I locked myself in my room for more than 10 years and barely ever left. I'm 36 now. It's like a fog has been lifted, I don't even know how to describe it. It is hard for even me to understand my old self. If you've never had to struggle with depression, I promise you it is worse than you can even imagine. Even if you could try to understand, I wouldn't want you to. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. So I got a job last year and I'm pretty happy now!
Urologically, I have had what is called a urethral stricture since I was about 16. A urethral stricture is when scar tissue forms and blocks or partly blocks your urethra. As you can imagine, not fun. It can be very painful and annoying. There was a time where I would have to use the bathroom every single commercial break during a football game. Even on the best day there was at least burning. In 2007 it became so bad that I couldn't ignore it anymore. I'm American so I had to quit my job(which i would've done eventually anyway because of depression) so I could qualify for aid from my local hospital. I did not have insurance at my job because, even though I worked full time, they classified me as a contractor instead of an actual employee of the company. I had a few smaller surgeries to try to fix the stricture that year, which didn't work so I had a big surgery called a urethraplasty (I think that was the name).
A urethroplasy is when basically they go in through my scrotum, and graft some healthy tissue which they removed from my inner cheek onto where the scar tissue they just cut out was. It helped a ton but didn't work fully. After the surgery, I also popped my scrote stitches which lead to a year long process to try to get the wound to heal.
My current Urologist, Dr. Roseman, operated on me this past August and was the only person that has been able to fix the stricture. It's not 100%, but it's probably at least 85% but it doesn't hurt anymore, and I can go to the bathroom and empty my bladder like a normal person. Dr. Roseman will also be performing my implant surgery tomorrow. We have been talking about an implant for a couple of years now and obviously we tried all the others. The surgery is going to be infrapubic because my doctor, and other doctors that he has consulted with, believe that the chance to damage or aggravate my aforementioned surgeries and problems is very high with the scrotal method. Obviously I would've preferred that but if I had to choose between never having sex again and the stricture coming back, I would choose never having sex again. Same with the depression so I will not go off the Prozac. Crazy, I know, but that's how much these things suck.
Well guys, thank you for reading and I apologize for the length of the post but I'm nervous and needed to spew, I guess. I will be receiving a coloplast titan. See you guys on the other side.
P.S. I told one of my repeat clients today that was bringing pickup truckloads of materials to us about once a week that we could send a truck to her location and get rid of it all at the same time. She said that this way was better because she gets to come over and see me. Soon I will actually be able to act on shit like this and it's going to be awesome. She's hot.
Here is some background on myself. I believe I've had ED slowly creeping in since my early 20s. Until a few years ago, I was able to perform with pills, but then there was the time where I was trying to have sex and my dick didn't work even a little. So fucking embarrassing. Clearly I have had ED creeping in for a while but the ability change was drastic. It seemed to turn off like a switch, or like an oceanic shelf.
I have no way to prove this, but I started taking prozac and I think that interferes with most of the remaining function. I was taking prozac because I started going to therapy after a suicide attempt. It didn't get much more past the 'I'm really going to do this stage,' but I got sufficiently scared to beg for help at that moment. Obviously they sent me to therapy, and I started taking prozac along with talk therapy. Talk therapy is awesome but I believe it was the drug that has totally changed my life. I was diagnosed with something called Dysthymia, which apparently used to be called childhood depression. It's classified as a mild depression, but FUCK THAT. Literally the first thought I had when I woke up everyday for 20 years is that I should kill myself. I did really well in school and everybody thought I was going to be successful, but instead I locked myself in my room for more than 10 years and barely ever left. I'm 36 now. It's like a fog has been lifted, I don't even know how to describe it. It is hard for even me to understand my old self. If you've never had to struggle with depression, I promise you it is worse than you can even imagine. Even if you could try to understand, I wouldn't want you to. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. So I got a job last year and I'm pretty happy now!
Urologically, I have had what is called a urethral stricture since I was about 16. A urethral stricture is when scar tissue forms and blocks or partly blocks your urethra. As you can imagine, not fun. It can be very painful and annoying. There was a time where I would have to use the bathroom every single commercial break during a football game. Even on the best day there was at least burning. In 2007 it became so bad that I couldn't ignore it anymore. I'm American so I had to quit my job(which i would've done eventually anyway because of depression) so I could qualify for aid from my local hospital. I did not have insurance at my job because, even though I worked full time, they classified me as a contractor instead of an actual employee of the company. I had a few smaller surgeries to try to fix the stricture that year, which didn't work so I had a big surgery called a urethraplasty (I think that was the name).
A urethroplasy is when basically they go in through my scrotum, and graft some healthy tissue which they removed from my inner cheek onto where the scar tissue they just cut out was. It helped a ton but didn't work fully. After the surgery, I also popped my scrote stitches which lead to a year long process to try to get the wound to heal.
My current Urologist, Dr. Roseman, operated on me this past August and was the only person that has been able to fix the stricture. It's not 100%, but it's probably at least 85% but it doesn't hurt anymore, and I can go to the bathroom and empty my bladder like a normal person. Dr. Roseman will also be performing my implant surgery tomorrow. We have been talking about an implant for a couple of years now and obviously we tried all the others. The surgery is going to be infrapubic because my doctor, and other doctors that he has consulted with, believe that the chance to damage or aggravate my aforementioned surgeries and problems is very high with the scrotal method. Obviously I would've preferred that but if I had to choose between never having sex again and the stricture coming back, I would choose never having sex again. Same with the depression so I will not go off the Prozac. Crazy, I know, but that's how much these things suck.
Well guys, thank you for reading and I apologize for the length of the post but I'm nervous and needed to spew, I guess. I will be receiving a coloplast titan. See you guys on the other side.
P.S. I told one of my repeat clients today that was bringing pickup truckloads of materials to us about once a week that we could send a truck to her location and get rid of it all at the same time. She said that this way was better because she gets to come over and see me. Soon I will actually be able to act on shit like this and it's going to be awesome. She's hot.
