Hey all, I've posted several threads and talked with a few of you via private message, so my basic story has already been told. I am one week away from implant surgery with Dr. Kramer in Baltimore. I'm 29 and have had ED my whole life, at least since my mid teens years. But despite this I have also, since about 18 or so, had what I would consider a pretty active sex life. ED never stopped me from pursuing women, even though I would often fail to achieve or maintain an erection with them. And when I could perform, I was always, in their words, impressive. I say this not to engage in immature locker room boasting, but to give you a more complete picture of my situation. I guess my main fear is that I am going ahead with a surgery that I really don't need, as it is ultimately elective. My erections are, with 5 mg of cialis, hard but still bendable, and I've never once in my life been what I would call "rock hard".If I take a larger dose of cialis or viagra the side effects are extremely unpleasant. Bad facial flushing, headaches, backaches, stuffy nose, etc. My erections wither within about 15-30 seconds if vigorous stimulation is not maintained. I have never enjoyed girl on top or oral sex because I almost always lose it. So if I am with a girl, I usually have her lay on her back, play with herself while I stimulate myself into sufficient hardness, penetrate quickly, and then have to maintain a certain rhythm and intensity for my erection. I can then last, at my best, around 10 minutes, but usually less than that. I can usually get off, but I have to decide to do it without waiting too long, or I will lose my erection. Despite this, girls are still impressed by my size. Who knows, maybe they are just being nice, but every girl I've ever been with has complimented my girth.
So, is this the kind of sex I should just be satisfied with, and not risk this irreversible procedure? There is no going back, and with many of you, there is nothing to go back to, but with me, there is, but I'm dealing with feelings of guilt or maybe entitlement. I for some reason feel that I don't deserve this and that I should just let it go. But also I have felt depressed and insecure for a long long time, and have tried therapy. I wish I could get over it, but maybe I truly just need a dependably hard dick to feel good about myself. And that makes me feel sort of strange and, well, vulgar and base. I know I'm in good hands with Dr. Kramer but if anything went wrong I would just be devastated. At the same time I imagine the lover I could be if I didn't have to worry about maintaining my erection, if I didn't have to reserve mental energy for keeping myself in the game when all I want to really do is concentrate on my partner. Just sharing my thoughts as this life changing moment approaches. I appreciate any and all feedback.
One week to go, working through last moment doubts
Re: One week to go, working through last moment doubts
Don't make too much of all this. When I brought up the idea of an implant with my internist, and old friend, he said "It's only plumbing. Just get it fixed." As you say, there's no going back, but as you also say, there's nothing you'd like to go back to. Kramer is the best - I'm sure you'll have a successful surgery, and afterwards a restored sex life.
Good luck!
Good luck!
Dave, 80, Maryland - Implant (Titan) 2008 by Dr. Andrew Kramer (failed Sept 2020) - never used due to a stroke that, among other things, ended my sex life.
Life is not the way it's supposed to be, it's the way it is.
Life is not the way it's supposed to be, it's the way it is.
Re: One week to go, working through last moment doubts
It's worth it, it's worth it, it's worth it!!!!
73 Years old. RP Oct 2010, No erections after, Botched Titan implant April, 2013, Successful Titan revision, April , 2014 by Dr. Paul Perito, Miami. Titan failure Feb 2017. Rev. by Dr Perito March 1st, 2017. Titan failure Nov 2020. New Titan January 2021
Re: One week to go, working through last moment doubts
Hey my friend.
We've already gone through this via PM, but maybe an open interchange in this thread will spark more good comments.
Your situation is very, very similar to mine. The way you describe your ED could have been my own words. With the add-on that without pills (or with only 5 mg daily Cialis), I was useless. I needed 100 mg Viagra or 20mg Cialis to get what you get on 5 Mg C. But I got no side effects. I am 13 years older than you, but still consider myself young and with a wife worth staying young for.
Hence, I can 99% relate to your dilemma. I tried hard to get the answer to that key question:
Is an implant for me? Are my problems severe enough?
I am only two weeks into my bionic life. Have pumped up three times, and my bionic sexual experience is limited to one masturbation sesssion to porn.
Not much for sure, but here are my thoughts:
It is a big thing. I don't think it should be made as simple as 'just get it done'. It's a huge decision.
My worry wasn't really the (infection) risk. It is minimal and too small to stop one if this is what one wants.
My worry wasn't the procedure itself and the post op pain and recovery. That's, even though I've had and still have, an unusual painful and slow recovery, also something which one just have to deal with if this is what one wants.
My worry was, and still is, if this will make my overall quality of life better. Starting with the sex itself, including the psychological issue of feeling unnormal and impotent, and extending to the whole well being.
I can share with you what my Doc said, Dr. Eid, when I asked him whether I was 'impotent enough' for this procedure. He said that I was a very good candidate for this. He said he did plenty of patients younger than me and with less severe problems than me. I was too young to have such low quality sex. I should normally at my age and health be able to stay very hard for ~40 minutes he said.
In the end I think you can ask this question to a hundred people on this site. Likely you will get 99-100 answers saying "Just do it". In one way I think it is like if considering to get a huge death skull tattoo all over your chest. If you ask whether to do it or not on an internet forum for people in to extreme tattoos, what answers would you get?
That doesn't mean this forum is not relevant - on the contrary. But for a fact, people always tend to after a huge decision to find ways to justify to themselves afterwards that they took the right decision. That's simple psychology any salesman picks up in any basic seminar.
Hence, not many would, even if they did, admit to themselves they regret what they did.
Plus, I believe most people here were in a worse state than you and me before going bionic. They literally had nothing to lose. You do and I did.
It would be equally interesting to ask someone your age with normal function this question:
What if you suddenly developed ED (as defined by your level of ED), would you live with that or would you get an implant?
I never asked someone that question, simply for the embarrassment and awkwardness. But if you have someone you trust - do it.
Bottom line is I think there is no universal answer to the question if my ED is severe enough to get an implant. One particular level of ED will be more than enough for someone to pull the plug, while an implant would be totally out of the question for someone else with the exact same level of ED.
One major factor is how it psychologically affects you. Before I did the sclerotherapy, and before I 100% openly discussed the ED with my wife, I was ok. Sure, I wished I could have better sex, but what you don't know, you don't suffer from. And I didn't know really know exactly what I was missing. Once the sclero made it obvious to me that my erections had been crap for my whole life, a chain of events started which despite a clear improvement of my ED made me suffer psychologically more from it! Simply because my treshold for what I could accept had changed. I started to really suffer from symtoms which was clearly less severe than what I had been able to accept for my whole life up till then.
So - only you can say if this is right for you. If you feel bad about your sex life, if it affects your life outside the bedroom, if it changes you and constantly is hanging over you like a burden, then it probably is right for you. If you on the other hand live an overall happy life and feel that "sure, my sex life could be better, but it's good enough and it's not affecting me in any way", then it's probably not for you. Yet.
I still don't know how I will feel about this a year, 5 years and 20 years from now. I think I will be happy, but as said before, I think humans most of the time find a way to justify our big decisions, so I am pretty sure I will get used to it and be happy with it for one reason or the other.
I also had the worry that an implant would replace quality with quantity. That I would be able to do it any time for as long as I want, but with less quality. As in less feeling than with a natural erection. I don't yet have the answer to that question but if I would make a guess based on my very, very limited masturbation experience so far, there is some validity to that concern. But on the other hand, weighing the pros and cons, that's a trade off worth taking.
Finally, one worry I had, and still have, is whether this will solve my lesser man feelings. Sure, I can fuck anyone anytime for hours, but will I still feel impotent, like there is still actually something wrong with me and I just found an artificial way to make my dick hard.
I don't think that will be the case, but it remains to be seen.
I reached a state before implant where I almost wanted to give up sex all in all. Because even if it worked quite well 8-9 times of 10, the failures hurt me a hundred times more than the pleasure I got from the good experiences.
Sex became about not failing, about avoiding a negative experience rather than having a pleasurable experience. From the beginning of the act my focus was on getting it over with without failing to avoid the negative feelings rather than enjoying it. And that gave me no other choice than the implant. It kind of put me in the 'nothing to lose' group even though I technically could have decent sex. I couldn't enjoy it anyway.
Good luck with your decision.
I am happy to talk to you via Skype, Face Time, phone or whatever if you want. I'd be happy to. Just PM me and we'll sort it out.
We've already gone through this via PM, but maybe an open interchange in this thread will spark more good comments.
Your situation is very, very similar to mine. The way you describe your ED could have been my own words. With the add-on that without pills (or with only 5 mg daily Cialis), I was useless. I needed 100 mg Viagra or 20mg Cialis to get what you get on 5 Mg C. But I got no side effects. I am 13 years older than you, but still consider myself young and with a wife worth staying young for.
Hence, I can 99% relate to your dilemma. I tried hard to get the answer to that key question:
Is an implant for me? Are my problems severe enough?
I am only two weeks into my bionic life. Have pumped up three times, and my bionic sexual experience is limited to one masturbation sesssion to porn.
Not much for sure, but here are my thoughts:
It is a big thing. I don't think it should be made as simple as 'just get it done'. It's a huge decision.
My worry wasn't really the (infection) risk. It is minimal and too small to stop one if this is what one wants.
My worry wasn't the procedure itself and the post op pain and recovery. That's, even though I've had and still have, an unusual painful and slow recovery, also something which one just have to deal with if this is what one wants.
My worry was, and still is, if this will make my overall quality of life better. Starting with the sex itself, including the psychological issue of feeling unnormal and impotent, and extending to the whole well being.
I can share with you what my Doc said, Dr. Eid, when I asked him whether I was 'impotent enough' for this procedure. He said that I was a very good candidate for this. He said he did plenty of patients younger than me and with less severe problems than me. I was too young to have such low quality sex. I should normally at my age and health be able to stay very hard for ~40 minutes he said.
In the end I think you can ask this question to a hundred people on this site. Likely you will get 99-100 answers saying "Just do it". In one way I think it is like if considering to get a huge death skull tattoo all over your chest. If you ask whether to do it or not on an internet forum for people in to extreme tattoos, what answers would you get?
That doesn't mean this forum is not relevant - on the contrary. But for a fact, people always tend to after a huge decision to find ways to justify to themselves afterwards that they took the right decision. That's simple psychology any salesman picks up in any basic seminar.
Hence, not many would, even if they did, admit to themselves they regret what they did.
Plus, I believe most people here were in a worse state than you and me before going bionic. They literally had nothing to lose. You do and I did.
It would be equally interesting to ask someone your age with normal function this question:
What if you suddenly developed ED (as defined by your level of ED), would you live with that or would you get an implant?
I never asked someone that question, simply for the embarrassment and awkwardness. But if you have someone you trust - do it.
Bottom line is I think there is no universal answer to the question if my ED is severe enough to get an implant. One particular level of ED will be more than enough for someone to pull the plug, while an implant would be totally out of the question for someone else with the exact same level of ED.
One major factor is how it psychologically affects you. Before I did the sclerotherapy, and before I 100% openly discussed the ED with my wife, I was ok. Sure, I wished I could have better sex, but what you don't know, you don't suffer from. And I didn't know really know exactly what I was missing. Once the sclero made it obvious to me that my erections had been crap for my whole life, a chain of events started which despite a clear improvement of my ED made me suffer psychologically more from it! Simply because my treshold for what I could accept had changed. I started to really suffer from symtoms which was clearly less severe than what I had been able to accept for my whole life up till then.
So - only you can say if this is right for you. If you feel bad about your sex life, if it affects your life outside the bedroom, if it changes you and constantly is hanging over you like a burden, then it probably is right for you. If you on the other hand live an overall happy life and feel that "sure, my sex life could be better, but it's good enough and it's not affecting me in any way", then it's probably not for you. Yet.
I still don't know how I will feel about this a year, 5 years and 20 years from now. I think I will be happy, but as said before, I think humans most of the time find a way to justify our big decisions, so I am pretty sure I will get used to it and be happy with it for one reason or the other.
I also had the worry that an implant would replace quality with quantity. That I would be able to do it any time for as long as I want, but with less quality. As in less feeling than with a natural erection. I don't yet have the answer to that question but if I would make a guess based on my very, very limited masturbation experience so far, there is some validity to that concern. But on the other hand, weighing the pros and cons, that's a trade off worth taking.
Finally, one worry I had, and still have, is whether this will solve my lesser man feelings. Sure, I can fuck anyone anytime for hours, but will I still feel impotent, like there is still actually something wrong with me and I just found an artificial way to make my dick hard.
I don't think that will be the case, but it remains to be seen.
I reached a state before implant where I almost wanted to give up sex all in all. Because even if it worked quite well 8-9 times of 10, the failures hurt me a hundred times more than the pleasure I got from the good experiences.
Sex became about not failing, about avoiding a negative experience rather than having a pleasurable experience. From the beginning of the act my focus was on getting it over with without failing to avoid the negative feelings rather than enjoying it. And that gave me no other choice than the implant. It kind of put me in the 'nothing to lose' group even though I technically could have decent sex. I couldn't enjoy it anyway.
Good luck with your decision.
I am happy to talk to you via Skype, Face Time, phone or whatever if you want. I'd be happy to. Just PM me and we'll sort it out.
43 yo, ED forever from VL
Fit and active
Implanted December 2015
Titan XL 24 cm, no RTEs
Dr. Eid
Activated day 13
Sex after 3 weeks
Gained length and girth
So far It works perfectly
Only one advice: Find a world class surgeon
Fit and active
Implanted December 2015
Titan XL 24 cm, no RTEs
Dr. Eid
Activated day 13
Sex after 3 weeks
Gained length and girth
So far It works perfectly
Only one advice: Find a world class surgeon
-
cincinnatus1951
- Posts: 299
- Joined: Wed Jun 17, 2015 11:54 am
- Location: Houston TX, USA
Re: One week to go, working through last moment doubts
C_Lab:
I, too am one who PMed you and am also scheduled for IPP surgery on the 6th of January.
I agree totally with Merrix, whether or not to go is absolutely your choice. It is not an easy decision. The fundamental question is whether or not you are happy, or even willing to endure your current sexuality. If yes, continue with alternative therapies (pills, potions and pumps (vacuum). If not go with the implant.
The alternative therapies have downsides too. We don’t really know about long term effects of pills. We do know that longer term use of injections has downsides of needing ever stronger and larger doses. Eventually, you are likely to develop perionies and/or scar tissue. At your age that should be a consideration.
One thing to consider is the work being done on immunotherapy for ED. My surgeon is a participating doc in clinical trials of that. He said it would be at least 5 years before they know how effective it will be.
I am 75 and guess I am fortunate. I really don’t have a lot of satisfactory options beyond an implant.
I am using combination therapies with marginal results. It took me a long time to decide, but now, I am anxious to get on with it and enjoy the freedom the implant will allow.
Yes, there are risks, ranging from anesthesia, to infection to botched surgery to rejection, to erosion. You control for those by using a great surgeon, scrupulous adherence to pre and post op protocols. There are risks to driving to work too.
I think Merrix had a good suggestion in talking with someone close to your age, particularly someone who has had his implant for a while. Perhaps someone’s experience with the results rather than just pre-op hebbie jeebies would help.
I too would be glad to talk or continue writing. I gave you my contact info in the PM. Would be glad to talk.
Incidentally, all my pre-op blood, urine and cardio clearances are in order and I report to the surgical center at 0600 on the 6th.
Hang in there and good luck with your decision.
Cincinnatus
I, too am one who PMed you and am also scheduled for IPP surgery on the 6th of January.
I agree totally with Merrix, whether or not to go is absolutely your choice. It is not an easy decision. The fundamental question is whether or not you are happy, or even willing to endure your current sexuality. If yes, continue with alternative therapies (pills, potions and pumps (vacuum). If not go with the implant.
The alternative therapies have downsides too. We don’t really know about long term effects of pills. We do know that longer term use of injections has downsides of needing ever stronger and larger doses. Eventually, you are likely to develop perionies and/or scar tissue. At your age that should be a consideration.
One thing to consider is the work being done on immunotherapy for ED. My surgeon is a participating doc in clinical trials of that. He said it would be at least 5 years before they know how effective it will be.
I am 75 and guess I am fortunate. I really don’t have a lot of satisfactory options beyond an implant.
I am using combination therapies with marginal results. It took me a long time to decide, but now, I am anxious to get on with it and enjoy the freedom the implant will allow.
Yes, there are risks, ranging from anesthesia, to infection to botched surgery to rejection, to erosion. You control for those by using a great surgeon, scrupulous adherence to pre and post op protocols. There are risks to driving to work too.
I think Merrix had a good suggestion in talking with someone close to your age, particularly someone who has had his implant for a while. Perhaps someone’s experience with the results rather than just pre-op hebbie jeebies would help.
I too would be glad to talk or continue writing. I gave you my contact info in the PM. Would be glad to talk.
Incidentally, all my pre-op blood, urine and cardio clearances are in order and I report to the surgical center at 0600 on the 6th.
Hang in there and good luck with your decision.
Cincinnatus
Age 79, Wife 77 Married 52yrs RPP Dr Brian Miles, Houston Methodist, July 2013. Used VED, pills, MUSE, and trimix with no or mixed results. 18cm Titan, one RTE by Dr Mohit Khera, Baylor, Houston, Jan 2016
Re: One week to go, working through last moment doubts
C_Lab,
I can totally relate to your story and I fully understand your feelings 1 week away from the surgery.
I'm 31 and got my implant 9 months ago, but it took me long 12 months to decide whether the implant was the right choice for me.
If you wanna know, I have even cancelled my surgery once just 10 days before the date my doctor had scheduled the surgery.
I thought I could live my life with the pills which usually game me a partial erection good enough to enjoy some minutes of sex.
Well, I was wrong.. Just 2 months after I cancelled my surgery, one of my failures did hit me badly and it started to affect my overall quality of life again.
Like merrix said, I also started to avoid sex fearing a negative experience rather than having a pleasurable experience.
I had no other choice, but to call my doctor again and schedule another date to get implanted.
I'm overall pleased with my decision, even tough I suffered with pain the first month and lost some size.
The bottom line is, I was able to adapt to my bionic dick but could not live with my natural limp dick.
Today, the only concern I have is to know how long my implant will last.
Other than that, I live a normal life and enjoy sex as never enjoyed before.
I also have to say that it affected me positively in other aspects of my life such as my career and time spent with family and friends.
I really liked what merrix has said..
Take some good thinking, but do not go to the surgery if you still have questions that this is right thing for you as there will be no turning back.
I'll be here cheering for you and praying for you whatever your decision will be.
I can totally relate to your story and I fully understand your feelings 1 week away from the surgery.
I'm 31 and got my implant 9 months ago, but it took me long 12 months to decide whether the implant was the right choice for me.
If you wanna know, I have even cancelled my surgery once just 10 days before the date my doctor had scheduled the surgery.
I thought I could live my life with the pills which usually game me a partial erection good enough to enjoy some minutes of sex.
Well, I was wrong.. Just 2 months after I cancelled my surgery, one of my failures did hit me badly and it started to affect my overall quality of life again.
Like merrix said, I also started to avoid sex fearing a negative experience rather than having a pleasurable experience.
I had no other choice, but to call my doctor again and schedule another date to get implanted.
I'm overall pleased with my decision, even tough I suffered with pain the first month and lost some size.
The bottom line is, I was able to adapt to my bionic dick but could not live with my natural limp dick.
Today, the only concern I have is to know how long my implant will last.
Other than that, I live a normal life and enjoy sex as never enjoyed before.
I also have to say that it affected me positively in other aspects of my life such as my career and time spent with family and friends.
I really liked what merrix has said..
Take some good thinking, but do not go to the surgery if you still have questions that this is right thing for you as there will be no turning back.
I'll be here cheering for you and praying for you whatever your decision will be.
Re: One week to go, working through last moment doubts
Look at it this way. The majority of people who get implants are people who got worse and worse as time went on till they had nothing left. Most of us can say we started out with working parts, then they didn't work so well, then pills, then when that didn't do so good, pumps, injections...........Impotentcy is a compounding problem in my experience and opinion. You might have a slight rebound when you try something new but the failures keep coming until they are more the norm than not. After all the previous attempts at a cheap fix since 1997, now I could not get hard if hooked to a Hoover Elite and it was set on nuclear. Sure I can pump it up but I cannot make it hard. I can shove needles in it and eat pills all day and nothing and they used to do the trick. I do not think there is any man alive who can say that the older they got, the better their dick worked. You have to decide and I know it is hard. It took me 2 years to get my head around a surgery ( procedure they call it to sound less invasive) where there is no going back, but in 2 1/2 weeks I am going to do it! I think you will find a peace of mind and renewed confidence that many of us lost after years of failures. The failures compound, they grow and grow. I sense how they have affected my wife of 32 years too. Like filing a bucket full of sand till too heavy to lift. You don't talk about it any more. At first they frustrate but finally they erode at you mind and your relationship. I know I am not the first that considered suicide after so many years of failures and lack of a fix. Cheers, best of luck, and a hug sent to you expediently by electronic transmission. good luck no matter what you decide. Daaamn merrix, now that you have that rock hard working dick you really can type up a storm! pain must have gotten a lot better! d
LGX 21cm .Milam 01/13/16. Horror; both service and surgical outcome. hated infrapubic installation. Kramer revision 03/01/17. 22cm Titan +1.5cm extender. Those who think their opinion is the only one that matters are a danger to themselves and others.
Re: One week to go, working through last moment doubts
Thanks for all of the feedback guys. I really do appreciate it so much because I just don't have people in my life I can talk to about this that would understand. I've even been open with a couple of friends and my dad, and because they don't have the same problem, though they are supportive and decent, they just don't understand or have much to say. So what you all have to say has been really helpful. Alibaba your colorful, comical posts are always a pleasure to read, and I'm happy for you now that you're so close to curing your ED after such a long wait and so many frustrations. This morning was another example of why I'm conflicted about this. I woke up with a decent erection, and as soon I got up out of bed, it went down rapidly. I had sex the night before too, once again in my usual style, 5-10 minutes, lost my erection a time or two. It's not nothing, but I think I do deserve more and that it is probably worth the risk.
Re: One week to go, working through last moment doubts
The classic definition of E.D. is "the inability to achieve or maintain an erection long enough to engage in sexual intercourse." So the fact that you get hard but can't keep it hard long enough fits that definition. It's not just not being able to get hard.
Re: One week to go, working through last moment doubts
One big but unmentioned consideration you might want to think about is atrophy. I'm five weeks post. I kept flip flopping on doing this just like you and many others. I've been doing that for at least three years. Meanwhile, I was slowly losing length. I finally started reading the comments from several docs who were saying I could loose and inch or more a year due to ED. (Perito/Eid) I started measuring and paying attention and know what, at least in my case, I had already lost at least an inch and a half.
When you have ED and you are unable to use Willy that much, he starts morphing into a turtle. By the time I realized it and started paying attention, lots had been lost and is now unrecoverable.
That's what drove me to my surgeon. Other issues aside, I knew if I didn't do it, I'd have precious little left to enjoy. Tragically, what's gone for me is gone!
The surgery was just a small bump in the road. Actually very little pain. Just an inconvenience. But after the fact, I realize my indecision can be measured today in inches.
When you have ED and you are unable to use Willy that much, he starts morphing into a turtle. By the time I realized it and started paying attention, lots had been lost and is now unrecoverable.
That's what drove me to my surgeon. Other issues aside, I knew if I didn't do it, I'd have precious little left to enjoy. Tragically, what's gone for me is gone!
The surgery was just a small bump in the road. Actually very little pain. Just an inconvenience. But after the fact, I realize my indecision can be measured today in inches.
