Titan Journal #10

[Bearskin777]

No photos Today is mostly Emotional Baggage Thursday. Bruising is clearing up and I'm looking more and more my normal pink Scots/Irish self by the hour. But as the swelling goes down overall, the hematomas aren't getting cleared out of my system fast enough, so my scrotum is looking smaller but it's hard as a rock even when I'm very warm. And yes I'm icing. So I can't get to the pump, and apparently I didn't deflate 100% yesterday. As I mentioned yesterday, the cylinder on the right isn't on the same wavelength as the left side and it's acting out. I can't sit straight up in a chair, can't bend over to pick something up off the floor, because that cylinder stabs the glans and the base of my shaft at the same time. I can't feel any dog ears, so I can't tell exactly where it's bumping at the base, but it isn't pleasant. I'm currently wrecking my posture, slouching with my hips pushed too far forward in my fancy way-too-spendy ergonomic desk chair, and the pinch at the base of my dick is actually getting more and more painful as I type. I can't work lying down, and I've already used Leave Without Pay one day. I see my doc next Friday, and I'm hoping it gets resolved between now and then. Once my ballsack relaxes a little, I'll deflate the rest of the way and that might fix it. I'm probably at 25% right now. Mantra: I am healing; I am healing; I am healing...

On the insurance front, my Hubs is getting really down in the dumps about the denial they sent this week. He was scheduled to get his implant next Tuesday. They said the doc didn't provide evidence of blah blah blah, which was not true, but they assigned the case to a vascular surgeon rather than a urologist for review and he had no clue what he was reading. An appeal has been filed with new test results which are undeniably in Hubs' favor, we will get a different reviewer, but that could take 45 days, so we're guessing they'll get back to us after the holidays at this point. We'd done a lot of elaborate planning for the first couple of weeks of recovery overlap: cooked and froze a bunch of meals, got as much of the groceries so we didn't have to lift bags, got the house set up, cancelled clients and Thanksgiving plans. And now we're being held hostage, in limbo, with no clear answers. And we were already mentally celebrating the day we got cleared for sex, real sex where were both able to keep our hard ons and rail each other for an hour and do it again an hour later. I was being his seeing-eye guide dog and leading the way, but now I'm feeling like I need to hide mine from him and not gloat when I cycle to 100% for the first time and see what cock is really going to look like from now on. I don't want to show him the new toy he's been turned down for. I have, or will soon have, a perfectly functioning dick that I feel guilty about now, so we're technically back at square one. The emotions we're both feeling around this are hard to put into words.

End rant. I've been trying to keep these entires positive, but there are some days that's just not an option. Hopefully tomorrow's post is all good and I've excavated the pump again and deflated and feel comfortable and he's feeling better too.

I am healing; I am healing; I am healing...

EDIT: I got myself deflated and that was where all the discomfort was coming from. Ahhhhhh...