Strange Timing

[ElbowRoom]

So, I am scheduled for surgery with Dr. Hakky on October 21. As fate would have it, my wife and I have decided to divorce. The split is very amicable, there was no cheating or betrayal and we still sleep in the same bed and cuddle, it's just that neither of is is getting what we want/need from the relationship. ED was not a significant part of our issues.

The wife has taken time off from work to help with my surgical recovery, which is very nice of her given the circumstances. We still get along great and in some ways we're getting along better now that we've decided to split and the relationship question isn't weighing on us.

I never expected to be single at age 58, and I'm in the odd situation of having a dissolving marriage at the some time as I gain an untested bionic dick. Given the timing I probably won't get to use my implant with a woman for a while, since we both decided not to date until the divorce is final. I did tell the wife she's still welcomed to test drive the implant if she wants, not sure if she'll take me up on that but she seemed open to it.

Has anybody else been in an awkward timing situation like this regarding their implant surgery? Life has a crazy sense of humor.

[Kodixx]

ElbowRoom, really sorry to hear about your situation. I can't give you direct feedback because I haven't been in your circumstance.

However, i can relay that the level of passion in my marriage changed big-time with the return of sexual function. As I read your message, I kept thinking that since the two of you get along so well, and have a such mutually supportive relationship -- you really really should consider postponing the divorce until after the recovery and return of sexual activity. The two of you might discover that the return of that passion, combined with an already proven good relationship, might restore your marriage to what is satisfying and fulfilling for both of you.

The other thing I'd offer is that in the mean time, be sure your use of oral, fingering and sex toys lets her know that her pleasure is important to you like it is for her. If the two of you aren't there now, you might want to ask her if for no other reason than just for the fun of it

Best wishes in navigating thru those challenges.

- Chuck

[UpNorth]

ElbowRoom I pretty much ditto Kodixx cept I was closer, my wife actually had appointments looking at new places, and I had already started visualizing how I was going to organize the fridge. I was even to the point that I wasn’t afraid to start a new life.
I don’t believe there is anyone on here that didn’t go through some hell with their relationship due to The Disease. Think of all the guys that don’t know about the implant. And I doubt Medicare would pay for it if Ed didn’t destroy lives.
My heart bleeds for the two of you.
Dave

[dan_bionic]

So, I am scheduled for surgery with Dr. Hakky on October 21. As fate would have it, my wife and I have decided to divorce. The split is very amicable, there was no cheating or betrayal and we still sleep in the same bed and cuddle, it's just that neither of is is getting what we want/need from the relationship. ED was not a significant part of our issues.

The wife has taken time off from work to help with my surgical recovery, which is very nice of her given the circumstances. We still get along great and in some ways we're getting along better now that we've decided to split and the relationship question isn't weighing on us.

I never expected to be single at age 58, and I'm in the odd situation of having a dissolving marriage at the some time as I gain an untested bionic dick. Given the timing I probably won't get to use my implant with a woman for a while, since we both decided not to date until the divorce is final. I did tell the wife she's still welcomed to test drive the implant if she wants, not sure if she'll take me up on that but she seemed open to it.

Has anybody else been in an awkward timing situation like this regarding their implant surgery? Life has a crazy sense of humor.

ElbowRoom,
if the decision to divorce came for both of you without a war, that's nice and wise.
Don't worry now, you will be free to find new chicks for sex and enjoy life. your dick should now be number one in your thinking and concentrate on that.
I am 67 now and was divorced 4 times and after the last one I found a 22 years old chick who was with me for a year after implant and had to move to another city. Since then I'm having a lot of young girls wanting to fuck with me because of my super-powered dick, that "never sleeps".
I assure you, everything has a sense in life and you should take this step of separation as a driving force to a new life with your new bionic dick!
Dan

[LetoMan]

Hey Elbow,

I’m either sorry/happy for you, depending on how you are feeling about it!

I separated from my wife, and was implanted a few months after. The first sex I had post-separation was with my bionic dick. So I was in a similar boat, but the decision to separate came first (and then I discovered implants and got one quick).

My ex doesn’t know I got an implant. Technically we are still married, but it’s purely for financial and child reasons. Our state allows you to file for separation, which allows you to stay technically married while splitting assets.

Divorce is a challenge, but it is what it is. If one or both of you can muster the resolve to break it off, it’s usually because the time has come. We only get one turn on this little speck of stardust, and we shouldn’t be wasting it.

My experience as a newly implanted single guy may be different from yours, in that I’m a lifelong ED sufferer and I never in my life truly had my full sexual confidence. After implantation, there was a bit of a perfect storm; for the first time in my life I was fully confident in my abilities, I was coming off being with only one woman for almost 20 years, and was coming off my longest period without sex since I lost my virginity (we had a dead bedroom for several years). Once I discovered dating apps and that I could get laid regularly with some effort, I went a bit crazy. I’ve been fucking almost every woman I date for over a year now.

Like I said, you may differ from me in substantial respects. But there is a good possibility that you go through a standard midlife divorced guy routine, which combined with your new superpowers may make you go a bit nuts. You may want to rethink commitments to not have sex until the divorce is final!

I think you mentioned you were a regular online dater before your marriage, sounded like you know what you are doing. So you will likely have opportunities to fuck… it may be a challenge to hold back. And why? Again… we have limited time on this blue earth.

That said, it is going to take a little bit for your new equipment to settle in. So if you are only delaying a few months, maybe it makes sense to rest up before you get back out there? I don’t know.

My experience with divorce is that it upsets a lot of your social patterns. You no longer spend time with your wife, of course, but you also start to lose other social contacts, too. Some people decide they are on your wife’s team, even if you are very amicable. Some couples no longer socialize with you because you are now single. A lot of your friends’ wives may think divorce is contagious, and those wives’ husbands suddenly spend less time with you. And some married guys just aren’t interested in having single guy friends (some of my married male friends are downright uncomfortable with even hints at what my life currently entails! Others want to hear all the stories, haha.)

For me, navigating that changing landscape was likely significantly better because of my implant. I could start making new social patterns to replace the ones that I was losing. I had a new identity. I had a new hobby, lol, that got me out of the house and gave me new routines. Dating is fun for me, not just for the sex. And I was not concerned about my future prospects anymore. I now know that when and if I am ready to settle down again, I’ll have the confidence to make it happen. That has gone a long way to avoiding any loneliness, regret and depression that might have set in otherwise.

So, it could be the timing is a blessing in disguise. But only if you embrace the new man you will become after you split.

I wish you the best, brother! Feel free to reach out about anything over the next few months.

Be well, Leto

[ElbowRoom]

Thanks for the responses guys.

I appreciate those saying to wait until after the surgery to decide, but the ED played zero role in the issues we have. She has lost all libido, and I can’t live anymore with a roommate instead of a wife/lover. There are other factors too, but all of them have cause me to withdraw emotionally (you can only be shown you’re not desired for so long before you break).

As a result of my withdrawal, she feels like she doesn’t get emotional support and validation from me…and it has created a vicious feedback loop. Neither of us is happy or getting what we need. We both recognize what’s happening but neither knows how to correct it, in spite of both of us seeing therapists. We’re both just too stubborn to compromise on what we want from a relationship.

It’s sad, but like I said we’re on very good terms. I’m looking at a small house to rent right around the corner, so that will make things a little easier. And the wife asked if I’d come back when she has trips and stay in her house with the dog, which is great because I love that damned mutt.

I think overall it’s an interesting new life chapter, and if we’re both miserable with the decision we can always get back together. But I can’t live in a zero sexual interest household anymore at this stage of life. I’m fit and healthy for my age and I still have some life left to live before hanging up those spurs.

[Gt1956]

ElbowRoom, maybe the two of you have had this conversation. But what does she think her life will be like as a very low libido woman dating? Does she think there is some hidden colony of eunuchs just waiting for her?

Just a very non professional opinion. Many people think that they are perfectly normal & that they'll fit into society perfectly well with what ever quirk they have. I've seen this with substance abuse & drinking. Reading some dating forums leads me to believe that the low libido female community is same/similar. Along the lines of "I'm not doing that".

Either way. I wish the best for you going forward.

[Kodixx]

ElbowRoom, that sounds like a really tough place to be, and a lot of guys can relate. This forum is filled with stories about guys faced with hard life decisions because their spouses no longer care about or support the basic needs of their marriage.

"It takes two to tango". Clearly you're doing your part by restoring sexual function. For her, the fix for low libido isn't a mystery or rocket science anymore. There are proven therapies with a good risk/reward. Is there any chance the two of you, maybe with the help of one of your therapists, could have an open minded visualization discussion about how things could be if she took decisive action, just as you are, toward restoring that in your marriage ?

Seems like that would be a 'nothing to lose and everything to gain' conversation. Especially since the two of you still care about and support each other.

- Chuck

She has lost all libido, and I can’t live anymore with a roommate instead of a wife/lover. she feels like she doesn’t get emotional support and validation from me…and it has created a vicious feedback loop. Neither of us is happy or getting what we need. We both recognize what’s happening but neither knows how to correct it, in spite of both of us seeing therapists. We’re both just too stubborn to compromise on what we want from a relationship. It’s sad, but like I said we’re on very good terms.

[ElbowRoom]

Hey Elbow,

I’m either sorry/happy for you, depending on how you are feeling about it!

I separated from my wife, and was implanted a few months after. The first sex I had post-separation was with my bionic dick. So I was in a similar boat, but the decision to separate came first (and then I discovered implants and got one quick).

My ex doesn’t know I got an implant. Technically we are still married, but it’s purely for financial and child reasons. Our state allows you to file for separation, which allows you to stay technically married while splitting assets.

Divorce is a challenge, but it is what it is. If one or both of you can muster the resolve to break it off, it’s usually because the time has come. We only get one turn on this little speck of stardust, and we shouldn’t be wasting it.

My experience as a newly implanted single guy may be different from yours, in that I’m a lifelong ED sufferer and I never in my life truly had my full sexual confidence. After implantation, there was a bit of a perfect storm; for the first time in my life I was fully confident in my abilities, I was coming off being with only one woman for almost 20 years, and was coming off my longest period without sex since I lost my virginity (we had a dead bedroom for several years). Once I discovered dating apps and that I could get laid regularly with some effort, I went a bit crazy. I’ve been fucking almost every woman I date for over a year now.

Like I said, you may differ from me in substantial respects. But there is a good possibility that you go through a standard midlife divorced guy routine, which combined with your new superpowers may make you go a bit nuts. You may want to rethink commitments to not have sex until the divorce is final!

I think you mentioned you were a regular online dater before your marriage, sounded like you know what you are doing. So you will likely have opportunities to fuck… it may be a challenge to hold back. And why? Again… we have limited time on this blue earth.

That said, it is going to take a little bit for your new equipment to settle in. So if you are only delaying a few months, maybe it makes sense to rest up before you get back out there? I don’t know.

My experience with divorce is that it upsets a lot of your social patterns. You no longer spend time with your wife, of course, but you also start to lose other social contacts, too. Some people decide they are on your wife’s team, even if you are very amicable. Some couples no longer socialize with you because you are now single. A lot of your friends’ wives may think divorce is contagious, and those wives’ husbands suddenly spend less time with you. And some married guys just aren’t interested in having single guy friends (some of my married male friends are downright uncomfortable with even hints at what my life currently entails! Others want to hear all the stories, haha.)

For me, navigating that changing landscape was likely significantly better because of my implant. I could start making new social patterns to replace the ones that I was losing. I had a new identity. I had a new hobby, lol, that got me out of the house and gave me new routines. Dating is fun for me, not just for the sex. And I was not concerned about my future prospects anymore. I now know that when and if I am ready to settle down again, I’ll have the confidence to make it happen. That has gone a long way to avoiding any loneliness, regret and depression that might have set in otherwise.

So, it could be the timing is a blessing in disguise. But only if you embrace the new man you will become after you split.

I wish you the best, brother! Feel free to reach out about anything over the next few months.

Be well, Leto

Great post, thanks Leto! That is *exactly* where I am mentally, embracing the man I will become. I’m confident in myself and who I am, what I want, and the kinds of people i want to surround myself with (including female partners).

I’m feeling less stressed about life generally than I have in a long time, even though by circumstances I’m in a very stressful situation. I feel kind of at peace.

[ElbowRoom]

ElbowRoom, that sounds like a really tough place to be, and a lot of guys can relate. This forum is filled with stories about guys faced with hard life decisions because their spouses no longer care about or support the basic needs of their marriage.

"It takes two to tango". Clearly you're doing your part by restoring sexual function. For her, the fix for low libido isn't a mystery or rocket science anymore. There are proven therapies with a good risk/reward. Is there any chance the two of you, maybe with the help of one of your therapists, could have an open minded visualization discussion about how things could be if she took decisive action, just as you are, toward restoring that in your marriage ?

Seems like that would be a 'nothing to lose and everything to gain' conversation. Especially since the two of you still care about and support each other.

My wife has been on HRT to help her libido for months now, no change at all and if anything it’s worse. She has no desire to date after the divorce. That could change, but her mom has been the same way for decades so I think some genetics are at play.

But that’s just part of the issue, there are other challenges I won’t go into here out of respect.

It’s just time for me to move on, believe me when I say I have tried everything that I could, and we have talked in circles around this to death. Please don’t try to “save my marriage” over the internet as if you know more about it than I do.