Getting back with an ex

[jimmi85]

Just curious to know if anyone here had a relationship breakdown due to their ED per implant and managed to rekindle the relationship post implant?

I broke up with my ex last December due to me not being able to satisfy her due to my severe Peyronies. I got implanted in February and over the last few weeks we have begun messaging again and I am intrigued as to how the relationship might br different now I am bionic.

I am convinced that if the sex was good, the other parts of the relationship that weren’t great would be so much better but would like to hear others experience before I dove into the deep end…

Thanks

[Lost Sheep]

Just curious to know if anyone here had a relationship breakdown due to their ED per implant and managed to rekindle the relationship post implant?

I broke up with my ex last December due to me not being able to satisfy her due to my severe Peyronies. I got implanted in February and over the last few weeks we have begun messaging again and I am intrigued as to how the relationship might br different now I am bionic.

I am convinced that if the sex was good, the other parts of the relationship that weren’t great would be so much better but would like to hear others experience before I dove into the deep end…

Thanks

Disclosure, caveat: I never got back together with a woman who broke up with me because I could not perform, so speak here only from theory and what I have observed in my and other's relationships.

I have made the assumption that she broke up with you despite your working of "I broke up with..". Let me know if I am wrong.

An adage that may apply here: "If the sex is good, it is 10% of the relationship. If it is bad, it is 90%." This might suggest that the 10% of the relationship you had with her (if it was good) will expand to be the 90% for the rekindled relationship. This would bode well for the second chance.

On the other hand, she dumped you once. How loyal is she? How communicative was she? If other problems crop up in non-sexual arenas or if she has misgivings about your cyborg sex in the future, will she communicate with you to repair the relationship or will she dump you again?

[cyborg: an person enhanced beyond normal haman capacaties by means of implanted device(s)]

My point is that a woman who will not communicate with you, but dump you without trying everything available to keep an ongoing relationship healthy is a risky prospect for a life partner.

If she did not try to keep the relationship alive, if she did not talk to you frankly and non-atagonistic and sympathetic way, I hold little hope for a healthy relationship unless she can learn to communicate any time she has a problem with you or yours.

If she did not talk you you in a kindly fashion about your breakup, if she did not want to work with you on your sexual problems and try alternative methods of satisfaction, I suggest caution. If you ask her why she dumped you instead of working with you, observe her reaction.

This is the unkind option: If she obsfuscates, go ahead and sleep with you (just so she knows what she missed out on) and be ready to close the door behind you as you leave.

The kind option: If she obsfuscates, tell her as kindly as possible that she fucked up when she dumped you without trying to work out the relationship difficulties and that makes her a risky woman to partner up with.

If you really do want to rekindle the relationship, treat her as if she were a wife who cheated on you and let her/make her prove herself.

Having successfully avoided the institution of marriage for 50 years of my marriageble age, I now feel qualified to give relationship advice to anyone, any time, any where.

Was your relationship outside of sex REALLY strong? Was it really good? If it was, why was it not sufficient for you two to work it out? What would have been needed to make you two try? If you do get married or whatever, and other problems crop up (money is a major cause of schisms in marriages, for example), will you (will she, mostly is what I am asking) stick it out? Stick it out only for the sex your implant permits or stick it out for a healthy love?

One other thing: If she has slept with other men since your breakup, my girlfriend suggests strongly she get checked for STDs.

[Agfa13]

Have to agree with LS because I just finished mentioning to a co-worker that a relationship is 95% hanging out and playing house. The other 5%, although very important, is physical.
The rest of the time, you are paying bills, working, talking about this, talking about that, doing this, doing that...you get the picture. Even averaging out very long sessions, you still manage to sneak in other aspects of life.
Tread carefully. Yes, we are getting your side only, and we are taking it with a grain of salt, but still....

[Time2Change]

When I first went to see the urologist who ended up doing my implant surgery, it was a move of desperation. My sex life with my wife was essentially nonexistent, and that, along with all the other problems with me that I think had my ED as a root cause, had us close to splitting up.

The following year+, during which I fought with insurance for months to approve the surgery, waited for my surgery date after it was approved, and healed to the point where sex felt good, was tenuous, but my wife and I stayed together. Now, we have a much better relationship, and I attribute that directly to having the implant and a vastly improved sex life.

So, based on my experience, I would say go for it. I think you will have a better relationship in many ways, now that you will be able to fuck her like you probably both want.

[jimmi85]

Thanks guys, some interesting input.

I believe in my case, the lack of sex led to a lack of intimacy which in turn made her feel insecure and our relationship turned more into a friendship. We both have high sex drives and when we did have sex, although it wasn't great due to my Peyronies, the next day or two we both felt much closer.

I am reluctant to move on without at the very least knowing if we could work now i am Bionic, and the fact that she is back in touch with me ( and sending voice memos and pictures of herself ( not sexual ) ) tells me there might be a chance.

If you don't try, you'll never know right?!

[frank66665]

Thanks guys, some interesting input.

I believe in my case, the lack of sex led to a lack of intimacy which in turn made her feel insecure and our relationship turned more into a friendship. We both have high sex drives and when we did have sex, although it wasn't great due to my Peyronies, the next day or two we both felt much closer.

I am reluctant to move on without at the very least knowing if we could work now i am Bionic, and the fact that she is back in touch with me ( and sending voice memos and pictures of herself ( not sexual ) ) tells me there might be a chance.

If you don't try, you'll never know right?!

what have you got to lose there is an old saying ... what you leave behind is lost

[SquadCaptain74]

in 100% agreement with others.

I think you are dancing really close to a flame that is likely going to do more than singe your eyebrows.

Fool me once - fool me.
I won't be fooled twice.

Too many other fish in the sea for that level of nonsense (IMHO).

Loved the "marriage is 95% playing house and 5% intimacy" quote.

Bottom Line: RUN!

[Old Guy]

I have really mixed feelings about this. Although my ED didn't start until I was married to my current wife for 20+ years it did put a strain on our relationship. Many feelings got hurt during the time my ED was happening. Fortunately, she is a saint and hung with me.
Now in my history first wife and I broke up, got back together, broke up, tried once more and finally divorced. 10 years later after the guy she left me for had been cheating, she called and asked how my love life was going. Big red flag. I had just moved into a place with my gf, who became my current wife. About 15 years later and she moves to be close to our grown son. Even though I was married with two kids with my current wife, damn if she didn't try to stir shit between us.
OK, I'm not saying your gf is a demented nut case like my first wife. Go in slow is my advice, don't make any long term commitments for a good year or so. See how things go. It's already been said, but life as a couple is more than sex. Bills, work, housework, and everything else is 95% of it.

[Lost Sheep]

Thanks guys, some interesting input.

I believe in my case, the lack of sex led to a lack of intimacy which in turn made her feel insecure and our relationship turned more into a friendship. We both have high sex drives and when we did have sex, although it wasn't great due to my Peyronies, the next day or two we both felt much closer.

I am reluctant to move on without at the very least knowing if we could work now i am Bionic, and the fact that she is back in touch with me ( and sending voice memos and pictures of herself ( not sexual ) ) tells me there might be a chance.

If you don't try, you'll never know right?!

I hope this does not sound like backtracking, but reading Time2Change's post reminded me of my experience with an on-line dating program. Women responded to my honesty and candor (they called it courage, but I call it desperation) in revealing I was impotent (the old word for 100% ED) but taking positive steps to fix it.

Women respond to a man who does not hide from his troubles or shorcomings and admire and respect a man who is proactive in fixing what is wrong in himself.

So, echoing what Agfa13 said "we are getting your side only", I have to ask if the breakdown of your relationship might be attributed to some sort of denial syndrome on your part. As I mentioned before, communication is key. And communication is a two-way activity.

Can you own some responsibility for the breakup back in December?

I would not recommend jumping into sex right away. It tends to cloud judgement and skew the weight of incentives to get back together. (She may pretend to get back together just for the good sex - which does not bode well for a life partnership.) But, as you recognize, a good relationship should not be lightly thrown away. While there are plenty of fish in the sea, only a few are good swimming partners in the long term.

[FMLFML85]

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