I am a 29 year old man that has been suffering from ED for the past 16 years. However my journey has been quite long and I believe there were potentially 3 causes to my ED. I will tell my story in the next few paragraphs. Please bear with me.
Incident 1:
When I was a child (approximately 10 years old), I used to go to the pool with my friends in the summer. One day they were installing a new plank on the ramps that was about 10m high. Kids being kids, I was dared to sneak past the coach and make the leap. As we has distracted, I climbed the ladder, ran to the end and just jumped. When I landed in the pool, a surge of electricity shot through my lower back and I noticed myself sinking. When I tried to move my limbs to swim, they were not cooperative. All I could do was watch myself sink and not able to get myself out of the pool. A few seconds later the coach dived in and saved my dumb ass. it took a few minutes for me to regain my motor functions, but I didn’t end up going to the hospital to get checked up. Everything seemed fine. I moved on from this traumatic incident and didn’t think much about it until many years later.
Incident 2:
Growing up, I had pretty severe ADHD. My initial medication was Ritalin, my doctor recommended I switch over to an SSRI called Strattera. It actually helped quite a lot by reducing my energy levels and enabled me to sit my ass down for a full class period. There were no side effects that were noticeable at the time until I hit puberty. All of my classmates were talking about masturbation and girls, my heart sank when I realized I was an outlier in that discussion. I never got a spontaneous erection or thought much about sex. I would get morning wood from time to time though. The dots didn’t connect in my head until when I was 16 or so and forgot to take my medication on a trip. My energy levels came SWOONING back and it felt good touching myself! women were BEAUTIFUL! My erections were still difficult to achieve, and would die immediately when I stopped stimulating myself but it was a start.
I brought this up to my psychiatrist and mother and they both coerced me into continuing this medication because I was able to focus and do my school work (my psychiatrist told me to stop the medication when I got married, I live in a Muslim country). He also warned me to not immediately stop taking the medication but to gradually lower the dosage over a period of time. Being a rebellious teenager that wanted to get the raging boners my fellow students were getting, I stopped taking them whenever I can, I was convinced if I stopped for a long enough period of time, my erections will match them. After many years later, it never improved beyond that level.
Another symptom that I did not think about much was that my prostate would get swollen from time to time. Once I was chilling with my friends and suddenly got a aching feeling in my taint, followed by my lower abdomen. It felt like I really needed to urinate so I went to the bathroom, and noticed that no pee could come out. The pain was getting worse and worse but it would temporarily get alleviated if I push down with my belly and force some piss out, a combination of urine and semen would come out, followed by a temporary relief of symptoms. the pain got so bad that I couldn’t hide it from my friends anymore, so they took me to the local clinic to get checked out. I was expecting to be treated nicely and taken care of. Instead all I got was a nurse BERATING me about the dangers of unsafe sex, and kept insinuating that I was filthy for sleeping with prostitutes (keep in mind, I was in excruciating pain). We left the clinic and went home, not getting any help The only was I was able to stop the pain was by having an orgasm, I ejaculated a combination of urine and semen, and I immediately felt RELIEF. News travelled to my mom and she implored me to tell her what’s wrong, I broke down and told her everything. she booked me a consultation with a Urologist.
Incident 3:
Initially, my urologist did not believe me when I told him about my prostatitis. He would exclaim there is NO WAY you would ejaculate both semen and urine at the same time. I told him that it happens whenever I do not masturbate for some time. So he told whenever you start feeling the same aches you usually do. Pass by my office so that we can collect a sample. After a few days, my prostate started swelling up so I gave him a call and went to his office. When he examined my prostate he told me that it was VERY swollen and it was most likely an infection. So I went to the bathroom and gave him a sample, when the results came back he was amazed that it did indeed have both. he didn’t find any bacteria. So he told me to maintain a regular ejaculation schedule and it should resolve itself over time.
One day, I was with my friends and we were talking about our dicks. To my surprise, they all described their dicks as being soft and spongy when soft. I was the outlier when I said mine was very short and quite hard (my glans were as big as my shaft flaccid, erect I was 6’). After I googled “hard flaccid” I stumbled upon Obitoos posts in PEGym, it all finally made sense! So I ordered Amy Steins “heal pelvic pain” as well as “a headache in the pelvis” and “the trigger point handbook” than got to work. Initially when I took a belly breath my pelvic floor would spasm and be as hard as a floorboard, within a couple of months I was able to do a belly breath with no spasms! It involved some painful exploration in my butt to do “internal” pelvic floor massage. But I persisted, to cure my “prostatitis” and the glory of my erections!
But my erections didn’t improve, all my other symptoms went away except the hard little flaccid I had, at the time I was reasonably fit and very flexible, so it didn’t make any sense. In a fit of despair and desperation; I make my biggest mistake (tbh my no 1 mistake in my life). I call my urologist and set an appointment to discuss my ED.
In my initial consultation with the urologist, he told me he would do 3 different tests to evaluate my ED. The first one was hormonal test where I tested higher than average, the 2nd was the bulbocavernosus reflect test (to test the nerves) which I passed as well. So he suggested I do the doppler scan with a pharmacologically induced erection to test its rigidity. I have huge fear of needles but I decided to do it, and reassure myself that indeed it wasn’t physical. My pelvic floor issues should have been resolved. On the day of the test, he gave the first injection and waited……. Nothing. So he decided to give another one, saying some patients need 2…….. still nothing, he had to give me a 3rd one AND asked me to manually stimulate to induce an erection. I texted my GF at the time to start sending my lewd pics so I could get aroused. It took me a few minutes to induce one, and it was quite painful (especially at the base). Once my erection was enough, he took out a cylindrical shaped device and told me this device is used to measure rigidity, he put my penis into it and gradually pushed into me, even to this day I never had a more painful experience than this one. I was pushing the doctor away, BEGGING him to stop what he’s doing, but he kept insisting “just a little more” until he got the reading the reading he was looking for (afterwards he told me that the reading proved I would be able to devirginise a girl on my wedding night). he asked me to WALK TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE HOSPITAL, I had to cross the street with a painful and sensitive penis to get to the radiologists office. Once I got back, he had the other injection ready to kill my boner. Unfortunately, just like the first time; it didn’t work. He gave me a total of 4 shots before he had to resort to “manually” putting the erection down. He grabbed it and started twisting in force the blood out, and I felt a shot of excruciating pain shoot down the left side of my penis, to the base. The erection died pretty quickly after that. However my dick was never the same.
When I got home that night, my taint was feeling very achy and painful, so I decided to do some internal massage (in my butt) to relieve the muscular tension. When I pressed down around my prostate the entire area was EXTREMELY tight. So I followed the Stein protocol and massaged very thoroughly, my penis stretched out from my usual “hard flaccid” to a much longer, softer one. It was such a eureka moment for me. however upon further research I accidentally induced “long flaccid”. I didn’t cure my ailment, it just transformed from a shitty one to an even shittier one.
Congratulations! My dick can now get fat when I’m aroused, GREAT! But it isn’t usable, whenever I would try to penetrate I feel pain at the base of the penis. whenever I tried having a girl ride me (sitting down is my default masturbation position, so it should not be any trouble) my penile body feels hard but the base isn’t RIGID, it feels like its going to snap if she slightly bent the wrong way. The penile body dies pretty quickly anyway. Doggie style is out of the question because I cannot maintain an erection when I am upright, and sideways is impossible because I lose my erection before I can slip it in. Not only that, the bulbocavernosus reflex that my Uro used to test for disappeared, I can squeeze my meatus as hard as I want, there will be no spasm. It used to flex strongly to this stimulus.
My sexual experiences amounted to me lying down next to my lover, masturbating long enough to get something remotely hard, than trying to put it in as fast as possible and start thrusting to maintain it. If I got too close to orgasm? Penis dead. If she decided to be spontaneous and pull me out to try a different position? Penis dead. The only relationships I could maintain longer than a few months were my younger days when sex wasn’t expected.
My orgasmic response also changed drastically, I used to feel a significant tighting of my pelvic floor before orgasm, than I would blast off like a cannon. Now, my pelvic floor doesn’t contract nearly as hard, this resulted in my penis leaking semen before I orgasmed. Than the orgasm itself would not blast much out since it already dribbled down my penis. My penis has been in the same condition ever since.
I got big and muscular, I did yoga for a few years to stretch all the tight fascia away. I travelled to the US and UK to consult with physical therapists who told me I was in great condition. One told me I had a bad Anterior pelvic tilt of -10 or so. But that if it isn’t causing discomfort or pain it wasn’t an issue. I talked to urologists in Thailand who basically took my money and gave me some Kamagra.
After all of this, I am a man in my 20s who can only have sex after taking viagra, in missionary position, jackhammering it to maintain my erection. I got a friend who is fucking OBESE and he does not have any issues. I found out his dick worked fine after offering him some kamagra since he was nervous
Eventually I stopped doing those things because it didn’t matter, my health was already in the shitter, how I look outside didn’t reflect my actual health. all it did was catch women’s attention, and I had to get good at dodging any advances if I didn’t have my pills on me. It was also dangerous to be having one night stands because my erection rigidity wasn’t stable, so the condom would get loose at times and I would lose a significant amount of sensation. So add to that list unprotected sex was the only way I could orgasm.
Did me falling on my back in the pool induce hard flaccid, then my meds killed my libido so I never noticed during puberty? Did my interrogation specialist of a Urologist fuck up my pelvic floor so bad my dysfunction will never cure itself, did I fuck it up MYSELF by massaging my pelvic floor after a traumatic incident? Who the fuck knows. All I know is that I’m done. I’m a handsome, happy man in all other aspects of my life. I have a job in tech I am damn proud of, great friends and family surround me. Yet I have this enormous dark cloud of traumatic experiences and dysfunction I can’t really talk about to anybody because I am in a sexually repressive society, a repressive society that made me keep everything in, all this could have been avoided if I sought the RIGHT treatment. Everybody is noticing how this guy who supposedly has his shit together can’t keep a girl, or isn’t interested in pursuing women.
As I am inching closer to 30, all I can say is that I have had ENOUGH, enough of playing doctor with my body. Enough of a teenager looking up pelvic floor diagrams to know what muscle is spasming, and referenceing the trigger point handbook to find the cause. Enough to hunting around for viagra prescriptions before a date. Enough of putting off sex and purposefully making foreplay long so she doesn’t notice I’m waiting for the pills to kick in. Enough of thinking of my sexual experiences as a coin toss. I got very good at giving oral but no women my age is interested in somebody who has issues getting it up, and I don’t blame them.
I am SICK and TIRED of this piece of shit I call my penis and think I have reached the end of the line. I don’t even want to be a stud anymore, I just want to have sex for 10 - 15 minutes 1-3 times a week to please my future wife.
If you made it here, Congratulations! You read my entire post that needed some tears to fully complete. Nobody in my life knows about these issues but the doctors I have consulted. And you!
The past few months, I have been in a deep hole of depression and despair since I am about to lose an entire decade of satisfying sexual experiences. I do NOT intend to make them two.
Now for my question. What tests should I do to finally medically conclude this is organic, so that I can get an implant? I’m not interested in injections because I hate needles and was traumatized by my experience. I am willing to travel to ANY doctor this forum recommends, and do ANY tests that should be done.
the amount of research that is going into long flaccid is depressing, I do not believe there will be any leeway made to its treatments in my sexual prime. So id rather go bionic and never think about this issue again unless I need a revision (at least with revisions the problem is money, which can be solved with hard work and proper planning).
Thank you for reading my post!
