Anybody Here In A Sexless Marriage But Going Forward With Implant?

[Cigar56]

Um, that would be me. Married since we were in our twenties, but that was a long, long time ago. Now she has lost all interest, but I haven't.

Onward.

[dg_moore]

We were sexless for several years before I got my implant. The procedure was a total success but it didn't change anything.

[Cigar56]

I hear you, @dg_moore. I would not expect a penile implant to improve sexual relations between husband and wife -- unless she had been pressuring him to improve his sexual capabilities. On the other hand, if she had no interest in sex and post-implant still doesn't, then the implant wouldn't matter that much in the marital dynamics of the couple.

On the other hand, some men seek implants to improve the quality of their erections for masturbation. I think that's an acceptable solution for a sexless marriage. It's one I endorse. Other men have an agreement with their wives to outsource sex for the husband. Their are other situations as well.

[Time2Change]

Here's my question--Is the marriage sexless because of the ED?

The implant is a major change in the scenario.

[Txagq8]

You don’t expect the implant to fix everything. That would be a mistake.

A lot of times, the sexless marriage has become that way because sex has become frustrating for both parties and it becomes less of a pain in the ass to do without rather than piss off both parties.

The implant makes the frustrating part go away. If renewing sex is approached gradually, judiciously, cautiously…..then it can restore things in a way you couldn’t imagine.

Okay. You need an implant. You don’t do it for your wife. You dont do it for sex. You do it for yourself. The ability to become erect is instinctive and a deep seated part of the male psyche. A man who is no longer impotent is not going to feel impotent, and that’s gonna improve depression, boost confidence and self esteem, etc etc. it’s not instantaneous but it does happen.

After a number of years of sporadic and frustrating sex, it’s tough to climb back into the drivers seat. But it can and does happen. And when the frustration and fear of failure disappear, good things can happen.

Managing expectations is key. One thing, very important….that implant gives a guy the power to do more pleasurable things to wife than ever before. Whereas foreplay was once a big risk because of the time it took and the likelihood you might lose ypur erection….now you can do foreplay forever.

Don’t ask me to explain women. I’ll never be able to. But they want romance, gentleness, flowers, rose petals on the bed. Candles. Men want to get off.

Without sn implant, I had neither. With, I can have both. Let things happen slowly, gradually, naturally. Sex lives don’t die in a day and they aren’t going to be revived in a day. But once you have the tools, it can be done. Just realize it’s the man, not the machine, responsible.

[Cigar56]

Thanks for all the observations. I'll add some more context. My erectile dysfunction has hasn't been the cause of my sexless marriage. I've always been able to manage an erection somehow, through all the various pills, vacuum pumps, injections, etc. I found out after marriage that my wife's main interest in sex was to have a family and we have achieved that. But to have sex just to have sex -- sadly, that's never really been her thing. Meanwhile I'm the high libido person, which means sex is important to me.

So no, I'm not expecting the implant to improve my sex life at home. I'm getting the implant for me.

[cbinspok]

Txagq8 nailed it again, My wife has an opt. coming up and plans to talk to her Dr about her "dead vagina " -her words not mine, Hoping we can get it on again one day. Cigar56, I hope you find some warm love but what ever happens like me be happy for our dependable bonners.

[Cigar56]

Thanks, Cbinspok. I salute your wife's willingness to talk with her doctor about her low libido. Unfortunately, that's not an option in my marriage. My wife is pretty much done with all forms of sex, but to her credit she supports my desire to continue being sexually active -- even if it means "outsourcing" that need with extreme discretion.

We'll see how it goes.

[Gt1956]

Thanks, Cbinspok. I salute your wife's willingness to talk with her doctor about her low libido. Unfortunately, that's not an option in my marriage. My wife is pretty much done with all forms of sex, but to her credit she supports my desire to continue being sexually active -- even if it means "outsourcing" that need with extreme discretion.
We'll see how it goes.

Tread carefully on that offer. Frequently it is offered thinking that you'd never accept it. Hard to put that genie back in the bottle if the offer gets rescinded.

[Cigar56]

Thanks, Gt1956. I doubt things would get out of hand. If I decide to partake it would be only be three or four adventures a year, all out of town. We'll see.