Update from a past User

[defiant]

Sorry to disappoint off the bat, but I’m not implanted! So this isn’t an implant update post.

I did post here often though as I’ve suffered ED since my early 20s. I’m 37 now.

Long story short, I was misdiagnosed with Venous Leak. The Doppler test is imperfect and can be misleading. It’s often not a fair test; you might be extremely anxious at the time of testing, the person performing might not be an expert in ED etc.

Anyway, I suffer a mental form of ED, which for all intents and purposes may as well be physical. Is the brain not a physical part of you?

I had an episode as a youngster after a night out where I couldn’t perform. She didn’t react well. From that point on, my obsessive personality has focussed on my ability to stay hard. Consequently, the more I’ve focused on it, the less ability i have.

Strangely, this has presented most in masturbation. It’s always been like a test. And if you walk into any situation expecting the worst, it’ll most likely end in the worst. As it stands, I can barely keep an erection when masturbating for longer than 5-10 seconds. It’s horrid.

Ive seen various doctors over the years, most notably Dr Ralph, a high volume implanted here in London. They confirmed via Doppler and night time erection study that I do not have physical ED. Rather, I have a cascade of negative emotion and anxiety that floods my body with the wrong signals and hormones. In essence, I struggle to relax.

Years of negative reinforcement have made my mental ED an absolute reality.

Cialis has always worked, thankfully. But I’m so nervous about sex and new encounters that it literally cripples me.

Thankfully, I’ve still been able to have sex with a lot of women over the years and it’s been good, normal sex. Some I’ve told about my issues, others not. What has got worse though, is my fixation on the problem.

I’ve been with my partner now for 2+ years and the stability of it has allowed me to actually wean off cialis and now I have sex unaided a few times a week. without the pills, I feel like position changes would be a risk but I can do it. So that’s been a huge move forward for me; finding an understanding partner, who I can share with and confide in and trust, who won’t judge me if it doesn’t work.

Trouble is, I’m not sure I’d be in this relationship anymore if it weren’t for my problems. I do feel somewhat trapped in that I would be so anxious and I mean dangerously so to be alone again and have to go through all the barriers to a healthy life again; all the first times with new women. And that is hugely damaging to my mental health. ED is a prison.

I guess what I’m trying to say here is that as men, we fixate. We catastrophise. We are so Quick to label things with a medical name but I’ve noticed soooooooo many of us do not recognise the true significance and fundamental importance of being relaxed; of not being anxious and worried about performance. Erections depend upon the right signals. And if you’re experiencing the stress response every time you’re heading into a sexual episode, you’re almost certainly doomed to failure or at the very least, impeding your innate ability to have sex.

So first, assess your mental state. Performance anxiety is huge and left unchecked, it can lead to a sexual life like mine; one lived in fear.

Of course I’m glad I can have sex without pills now. Just about.

But oh how I long for the freedom of just LOOKING FORWARD TO SEX, no fear, no hang ups. Just the certainty of the knowledge I’ll perform just fine.

I would say an implant in my life is still a possibility. Mental ED absolutely is real ED and is deserving of an implant to fix it; should the patient in question have tried certain things beforehand and continues to suffer day to day.

Sometimes I just think, we’re only here for a split second on a cosmic scale. We may as well just fix the things that ail us. But my situation is so nuanced. It’s not clear cut. I almost wish sometimes that I had severe ED so I could just decide to implant without any regret.

Anyways, I hope you’re all well and staying healthy.

[pitmanm]

Hello Defiant,

Thanks for sharing your experience. And I want to agree that anxiety and performance go hand in hand. Especially when your partner reacts so negatively. It is difficult to enjoy intimacy when you get so focused on staying hard that you miss the joy of making love.

For me, that was a huge problem early on....in my late 40's. As I got older, other issues arose....high blood pressure, PAD, Statins, ....life and stress.

I started to consider an implant as an option, when all else started to fail. And it took 4 years to finally do it. Indeed, I just did it June 9th.

I have been single for the last 3 years. Every woman I met while dating has been sensitive and understanding about the challenge. I was quite surprised at their acceptance, but I still felt less than whole.

This forum was CRITICAL to my decision to get an implant.

Thanks for sharing. It is very important to do so.

[vajim1]

I am not an expert but you may want to try hypnosis if you can find someone.

[defiant]

I am not an expert but you may want to try hypnosis if you can find someone.

Tried it. Only once in fairness. But it was a crock. Absolute sham. I swear 99% of these people have no ability to hyponotise anyone.

[cbinspok]

Defiant
Thanks for sharing I hope it is cathartic to let some of your burden down. This site is great for that. If I was there I would make sure you are having some FUN you are young, smile laugh drink run bike sweat laugh. Life is short and prospective is good. Thanks for sharing

[ochorey]

Sorry to disappoint off the bat, but I’m not implanted! So this isn’t an implant update post.

I did post here often though as I’ve suffered ED since my early 20s. I’m 37 now.

Long story short, I was misdiagnosed with Venous Leak. The Doppler test is imperfect and can be misleading. It’s often not a fair test; you might be extremely anxious at the time of testing, the person performing might not be an expert in ED etc.

Anyway, I suffer a mental form of ED, which for all intents and purposes may as well be physical. Is the brain not a physical part of you?

I had an episode as a youngster after a night out where I couldn’t perform. She didn’t react well. From that point on, my obsessive personality has focussed on my ability to stay hard. Consequently, the more I’ve focused on it, the less ability i have.

Strangely, this has presented most in masturbation. It’s always been like a test. And if you walk into any situation expecting the worst, it’ll most likely end in the worst. As it stands, I can barely keep an erection when masturbating for longer than 5-10 seconds. It’s horrid.

Ive seen various doctors over the years, most notably Dr Ralph, a high volume implanted here in London. They confirmed via Doppler and night time erection study that I do not have physical ED. Rather, I have a cascade of negative emotion and anxiety that floods my body with the wrong signals and hormones. In essence, I struggle to relax.

Years of negative reinforcement have made my mental ED an absolute reality.

Cialis has always worked, thankfully. But I’m so nervous about sex and new encounters that it literally cripples me.

Thankfully, I’ve still been able to have sex with a lot of women over the years and it’s been good, normal sex. Some I’ve told about my issues, others not. What has got worse though, is my fixation on the problem.

I’ve been with my partner now for 2+ years and the stability of it has allowed me to actually wean off cialis and now I have sex unaided a few times a week. without the pills, I feel like position changes would be a risk but I can do it. So that’s been a huge move forward for me; finding an understanding partner, who I can share with and confide in and trust, who won’t judge me if it doesn’t work.

Trouble is, I’m not sure I’d be in this relationship anymore if it weren’t for my problems. I do feel somewhat trapped in that I would be so anxious and I mean dangerously so to be alone again and have to go through all the barriers to a healthy life again; all the first times with new women. And that is hugely damaging to my mental health. ED is a prison.

I guess what I’m trying to say here is that as men, we fixate. We catastrophise. We are so Quick to label things with a medical name but I’ve noticed soooooooo many of us do not recognise the true significance and fundamental importance of being relaxed; of not being anxious and worried about performance. Erections depend upon the right signals. And if you’re experiencing the stress response every time you’re heading into a sexual episode, you’re almost certainly doomed to failure or at the very least, impeding your innate ability to have sex.

So first, assess your mental state. Performance anxiety is huge and left unchecked, it can lead to a sexual life like mine; one lived in fear.

Of course I’m glad I can have sex without pills now. Just about.

But oh how I long for the freedom of just LOOKING FORWARD TO SEX, no fear, no hang ups. Just the certainty of the knowledge I’ll perform just fine.

I would say an implant in my life is still a possibility. Mental ED absolutely is real ED and is deserving of an implant to fix it; should the patient in question have tried certain things beforehand and continues to suffer day to day.

Sometimes I just think, we’re only here for a split second on a cosmic scale. We may as well just fix the things that ail us. But my situation is so nuanced. It’s not clear cut. I almost wish sometimes that I had severe ED so I could just decide to implant without any regret.

Anyways, I hope you’re all well and staying healthy.

This sounds very similar to my story. Had a bad encounter with a super hot girl in my teens, she didn’t take it well, and pretty much from then to now I’ve had this issue. Before I discovered pills and trimix, I was really depressed about it. I dated a girl for about 6 months, and we would try, and I managed to get it in only twice. It was devastating. It’s a fucking cosmic scale irony too that the very thing that affects you is interpreted as lack of arousal by the woman, which forms an excruciating positive feedback loop.

Anyway, I eventually discovered pills, and they worked for a while, enough for me to see what I had been missing. I was able to have sex with some beautiful women, which I’ll always remember. My self esteem went up, and life was good. But really I was fooling myself. I never dealt with my actual problem, and indeed, for me, I truly felt that without a long term partner who knows my story, and wants to work through it, there was absolutely no way I’d be able to somehow just fix it myself.

So I didn’t. Switched to trimix, got really clever with how to use it jussst right (it’s damn hard to dial in just right so your partner doesn’t find out). And again, this worked great. For a while. But I realized I’d never be able to kept up the charade long term, and that left only one solution.

For me, after so many years, I see it like this. If I have an opportunity with a beautiful, ready and willing female, but without the help of an implant, pills, or trimix, then really the only thing left for me to do is decide on the least embarrassing story I’m going to use to explain why nothing will happen. It doesn’t matter one bit if it’s psychological, or physical, or whatever, you can’t put a hard dick in her, and you feel like a chump.

Actually, I truly believe I had very minor (if any) physical issues, and that with the right woman and proper mindset, I could function well enough. But the thing is, I didn’t *want* that. I don’t *want* to work through it with someone. I just want to be able to have sex and get on with my life. Almost none of my partners knew I had a problem, and that’s exactly how I wanted it.

Now, I have what is (hopefully) a workable long-term solution, and I’m coming to terms with the idea that a long term/life partner will eventually need to know. But my thinking is that, by then, we’ll already know how we feel about each other, and (for me at least) it will be just a procedure I had done. No apologies, no feeling like a bad lover. I did what I had to do and it is what it is. We’ve already had amazing sex, she knows what she’s got, I know what I got, etc. I’m certain confidence is key to all this.

Anyway, damn, I guess I went on for a bit here. But I’m in a hotel room with ice on my dick for the next 36 hours, so I got nothing better to do. Your story did resonate with me, and I thought I’d share my story as someone who’s about 10 years older, but also was in pretty similar situation at your age.

[LBC2020]

I’m in the same hotel w the same ice packs

[wolfpacker]

I’m in the same hotel w the same ice packs

LBC2020, how long ago did you book your surgery with Dr Eid? Trying to estimate when my surgery might be if I schedule it on Monday

[LBC2020]

Couple months ago