Yet Another Journal

[Gt1956]

If you are philosophically opposed to an artificial body part, think of it as a filling in your tooth.

No, no, no! I absolutely do not have any philosophical oppositions against artificial body parts, be they gold teeth, or titanium hip joints, or silicon breasts, or plastic cavernosa! I'm only concerned with how it feels. I was initially afraid that I might feel the implant all the time, and that thought bothered me. But, as I said, people have given me reassuring answers when I've asked about this. Only one guy in a Facebook group told me that it feels like the pump is always cutting into his skin. But everybody else has said pretty much what you said. Thank you for adding your voice. I really should stop worrying about this altogether.

Worrying is perfectly normal. So don't worry about worrying. Mind you, Covid has most surgeries on hold here. So I don't have an implant yet. But as several members have pointed out. Once you get to the point where you understand that where you're at now can't get much worse if the implant fails. The worrying about the implant goes away. Just like getting used to a new prescription of glasses. You gradually should get used to it & it becomes your new normal. Good luck.

[boots1959]

Hey NYCgay
The idea of the implant to me is great bar the surgery

Yes, it's the surgery itself -- but also thoughts about what it will feel like having this device inside me, knowing I can't take it out. I like the feeling at the end of the day when I shed all clothing, take a final leak, and head naked to bed, my body unencumbered. Will the implant affect that feeling of being able to shed everything? That was initially one of my main fears, but I've asked several guys about it. The answers have been reassuring, mainly along the lines that once you've healed, you don't really feel anything from it, unless you go searching for the parts with your fingers.

If someone has a different experience, that is if you're constantly and physically aware of the implant in your body when not using it, then please let me know. I still have twelve days to change my mind.

The surgery was what I was most apprehensive about, the recovery less so. I figured every day post surgery I would be getting better. I thought along the lines of the surgeon knowing their job and maintained a positive outlook. I knew I was basically at the end of my active sex life without the implant.

The implant will not affect your ability to feel "unemcumbered". I sleep naked and am only aware of the pump when turning over in bed and supporting my scrotum with my hand while doing so. I have also benefited from a longer flaccid than preop, going from a grower to a shower, a benefit I really like .

I had some pain/discomfort post surgery mainly for the first 5 weeks as I was inflated for that time. Once the surgeon deflated the implant at 5 weeks I then started feeling a lot more comfortable. At that point I started cycling and that had a degree of hurt in the beginning as well.
3 and a half months post op I am feeling good, the occasional twinge down there. I would have the implant again in a heartbeat.
Cheers boots.

[NYCGay]

But as several members have pointed out. Once you get to the point where you understand that where you're at now can't get much worse if the implant fails. The worrying about the implant goes away. Just like getting used to a new prescription of glasses. You gradually should get used to it & it becomes your new normal. Good luck.

Thank you for your comment. I'm not quite at the point where things wouldn't be worse than they already are if the implant were to fail; For now, I am still able to achieve some kind of erection -- actually enough for anal sex -- but it doesn't last long, and it requires so much planning and preparation, with pills and injections and a cockring.

But from all I've read, the implant has a very low failure rate, so I'm not really worried about it failing. My main concern was what it will feel like having it inside you when you're not using it. But most guys say that once you're healed, it doesn't feel much like anything, and you pretty much forget about it. I've found that reassuring to hear.

There are two main things I hope to get from them implant:

1. Not having to plan sex in advance. With the injections, not only do I have to make sure to have them at hand whenever I think I might want to use them (that's the easy part), but I also have to decide when is the right moment to inject. Do we want to keep this foreplay going a little longer, in which case I should wait, because as soon as I've injected, I only have so much time at my disposal, or is it time for the main action, in which case it's time -- annoyingly -- to break this off, so I can excuse myself (with some contrived explanation, if my partner doesn't know about my injections), and go and inject. And as soon as I've injected, I have to keep one eye on the bedside clock, so I finish in time, because once I start flagging, that's it; I'm not going to get hard again. Which brings me to the second point.

2. Staying power. I want to be able to have sex for as long as my partner and I enjoy it and are having fun. And on occasion, I want to drag it out and make it last: let foreplay flow into fucking, but then not bring it straight to climax, but hold off a while, deliberately tune it down a notch, cuddle and caress, perhaps even share another drink, before turning it back up. I want that freedom to be spontaneous, and not have everything planned around the injection and its too short-lasting effect. I understand that with the implant, I will be able to pump it up partly, for oral, keep it at that level for as long as I want without feeling that I'm on a timer, and then just pump it harder for fucking, and if I want to, I can deflate it, and then inflate it again. There will no longer be a limited ration, a set number of minutes I'm allowed to enjoy being hard. So there won't be any rush. I will be free to play. I love the thought of that.

[NYCGay]

The implant will not affect your ability to feel "unemcumbered". I sleep naked and am only aware of the pump when turning over in bed and supporting my scrotum with my hand while doing so. I have also benefited from a longer flaccid than preop, going from a grower to a shower, a benefit I really like .

Thank you, boots1959. That's reassuring to hear.

And regarding the flaccid state: If this will make my flaccid bigger, hey, I won't mind that at all.

[NYCGay]

Eleven days till surgery.

Just talked to my insurance company. The pre-authorization request has been approved. What a relief. Mainly, of course, because I won't have to consider whether I'm willing to pay for the procedure out of pocket. But also because their approval validates, to a degree, my decision to have the procedure done; if the insurance company, given my diagnosis, is willing (or rather: feels obliged) to pay for this not entirely-cheap procedure, then doing it can't be entirely unreasonable.

So it's really going really happen. Only things remaining now are getting some routine bloodwork done, the final pre-op visit with Dr. Eid, and getting a Covid test three days before the procedure. The thoughts about what I'm about to go through still feel a bit overwhelming, but I'm also excited, and I will focus on that.

[peyroniesjr]

NYCgay,

You'll all kinds of thoughts running through your mind. It's normal, my concern was going to NYC, Feeling good now & not knowing what to expect afterwards.

I have no regrets, for myself & my wife. I wish you the very best, Dr Eid is one of the best!

Junior

[NYCGay]

I have no regrets, for myself & my wife. I wish you the very best, Dr Eid is one of the best!

Hi peyroniesjr!
Glad to hear you're happy with your results!
Best,
Ola

[NYCGay]

Ten days till surgery.

Today, I went to Quest Diagnostics and gave the required blood and urine tests. I also requested sick time for the Tuesday of the surgery and the following two days for a “Medical procedure.” I hope to be back in the office on the following Friday, the office nowadays being a desk in my bedroom with a 27” monitor and a camera for video calls.

But requesting three days of sick time for an unspecified “Medical procedure” sounds so ominous. I don’t want them to think that it’s time to send flowers and start looking for a replacement, so I want to tell my boss something, and what I'll probably say is that I need inguinal hernia repair surgery, which is complicated by the fact that I already had it once, in early childhood; hence the need to rest for two days afterwards. It’s a repurposed story from reality: I did have inguinal repair surgery at age two and again about ten years ago.

I actually toyed with the idea of telling the team I lead, in our start-of-the-week meeting on the Monday before the surgery: “I’m getting a penile implant tomorrow, so I’ll be out for a couple of days. X will be in charge while I’m gone.” There is something tempting about the thought of owning this and not making any excuses. But I won’t actually say that; it could be considered improper.

I don’t remember if the company policy is that you have to provide HR with a note from a doctor if you’re out for three days (which I will be) or more than three days (which I hope I won’t be). If I do have to provide a note, I guess it will say that it is from a urological surgeon, and if the nice young lady in HR were to get curious and Google his name, she’ll see that he specializes in inflatable implants. Does this bother me? Not much, really. It’s highly unlikely that she would gossip, but not even that possibility bothers me much.

Why don't I care? I mean, I’m hardly alone in preferring that people I interact with in general won’t know about my erectile dysfunction. It’s none of their business, but it’s more than just that: I want to be perceived as a sexually potent male, even by people with whom my interactions are entirely non-sexual (which is the case with all my interactions at work; I have had no office affairs). You could say that there shouldn’t be any shame in being impotent -- of course there shouldn’t be! -- but the wish to be, and be seen as, potent is -- it’s quite clear -- firmly rooted in evolutionary fact, so I don’t try to fight it. I want to be potent, and I want to be seen as potent.

But if someone at work found out what kind of medical procedure it is I’m getting, then they wouldn’t just be able to conclude that I suffer from erectile dysfunction (again, no shame, but not what I want to be known for), but also that I’m about to become very potent indeed. So let them gossip! Not that they actually will, but if they did: go ahead!

[Masonjames]

Tell them you're having surgery on a Hydrocele . About the same recovery and the implant.

[NYCGay]

Tell them you're having surgery on a Hydrocele . About the same recovery and the implant.

Hi Masonjames,
Thanks for the tip! I wasn't familiar with Hydrocele.