Yet Another Journal

[NYCGay]

I'm sure your new dick will bring you much pleasure.
Pete

Thank you, Pete! I certainly hope so. There is a lot to get used to: new shape (flaccid and hard), new routines (pumping instead of injecting), and new possibilities (not having to always plan sex in advance). But for now, I'm mainly focused on just healing and trying to get through the upcoming workweek.

[LuisFernandez]

I suspect the injections is what caused the increase in girth. How often did you inject? Did you use trimix or just pge1? Great journal btw.

Thank you, LuisFernandez! I use bimix. I used trimix for a long time, but didn't like the ache it gave me, so switched to bimix. It's very irregular how often I use it. On average, probably less than once a week. But I've been doing it for a long time. I started about thirty years ago, but had a hiatus of about ten years when Viagra came out.

Gotcha, thanks for these insights. Did you notice any curvature forming from all those years of bimix use?
I think the implanted pic looks good btw. You might eventually gain some girth through cycling and potentially VED use.

[NYCGay]

I’m healing. My balls are still blue, and the pump still pokes uncomfortably against the skin of the scrotum when I sit up or when I lie on my side, but most of the time, it’s just a discomfort and an ache in my cock and the perineal are; I wouldn’t quite call it a pain. I am still on the pain killers though, but I space them out more than in the beginning.

Yesterday, I called Dr. Eid’s office and asked if I could come in for an unscheduled follow-up, since I was about to leave our AirBnB place and head back to New Jersey. I believed everything looked fine, and I was able to cycle the device, but it would feel reassuring to have him take a look. Ruby gave me an appointment in the afternoon.

Sitting in the back of an Uber, I could feel my new, larger flaccid in my pants. It’s really more like a semi-erection at this point, and the sensation reminded me of times when I’ve injected at home before heading over to a nearby hookup. Since I didn’t get really hard from the injections, just very tumescent, I could easily stuff my cock sideways in my underwear on such occasions. And then, on the way to the hookup, I would often give myself a discrete squeeze, and feel disappointed that it wasn’t at least a little bit harder. With a cockring and arousal added to the mix, I would usually be able to get it up enough to penetrate anally, but only barely, and not for long.

Now, in the back of the Uber, sensing the tumescence in my pants, I felt for a second that old disappointment of being turgid but not hard, and I had to remind myself that this was my flaccid (and a flaccid that I hope will get more flaccid with time); if I want it hard, I just need to pump it up. I haven’t yet tested the limits for how hard it can get, but even the very first time I inflated it, on the third day after the surgery, I got it harder than I’ve gotten it in my three decades with the injections.

If there is something I’m not quite happy about, it’s the shape, the new flatness of my hard cock. When I think of a phallus, I think of a cylinder topped with a bulging head. But the shaft of my cock has the shape of two cylinders, side by side, each about an inch in diameter, with a drinking straw put in the groove between them on the underside, and then plastic wrap holding the whole assembly together. I’m almost twice as wide from side to side as I’m thick from overside to underside. And as for the head, it doesn’t really bulge out, but looks more like a tip.

Dr. Eid was surprised, but by no means alarmed, by the amount of bruising. My ballsack is still uniformly blue, and the bruise has now spread to parts of the shaft too. He told me to keep up with the hot baths, which will help get rid of the bruising. Other than that, he was very happy with the result. He pumped me up and said that it was a great-looking erection. (Thank you, Doc!) He confirmed what I suspected, that the flat shape is here to stay, though the spongiosum, on the underside of the cock, may swell up if I’m aroused, rounding out the cross-section of my cock somewhat. I know that the same holds for the glans: that it may get engorged and bulge a little more if I’m actually turned on, and not just pumped up. I just don’t know yet whether or to what degree this might be the case. My dick still aches too much when I pump it up for me to feel turned on by being hard, and I haven’t yet tried to make these cycling sessions feel sexual. And I might as well wait, because I don’t think I’m supposed to start jacking off just yet.

So far, I’ve been focused on recovery, and I’ve actually thought less about sex than I did before the surgery. But thoughts of sex are starting to come back, if for no other reason because I haven’t cum in eight days. (No wonder my balls are blue.) It’s like I don’t know how I will be approaching sex, now that the limitation that has always been a part of the equation for me is gone. I have a lot of exploring to do.

[cbinspok]

NYC I'm 2 months ahead of you, don't judge the junk just yet. You will have gains when you are excited about sex. That third cylinder and tip will respond more when healed. Give it time... and enjoy you weekend away from home. I go in Thursday to get this reservoir moved so I don't have to feel it / see it constantly. Also Hopefully Dr can dislodge my pump from my still sore scrotum where its planted like a post in cement, Lol. As far as the "flat" look- you will get used to it, Back in the day when I would get a super hard on my dick would get a "flat" look and my new me reminds of those amazing hard ons of yor.

best days are ahead.

[NYCGay]

As far as the "flat" look- you will get used to it, Back in the day when I would get a super hard on my dick would get a "flat" look and my new me reminds of those amazing hard ons of yor.

Interesting to hear that you would get a flatter erection when getting really hard in your pre-implant days. I have no recollection of this ever happening to me, but then again, I haven't had a really hard erection in decades, if ever. For me, the shape feels new and a bit alien. I'm sure I'll get used to it, but I wonder how sex partners will react to it. I can't remember ever encountering a cock as flat as mine is now (and I've fondled quite a few cocks in the last thirty years). My partner assures me it doesn't look weird to him, but he might be a bit biased, wanting to make me happy.

I go in Thursday to get this reservoir moved so I don't have to feel it / see it constantly. Also Hopefully Dr can dislodge my pump from my still sore scrotum where its planted like a post in cement, Lol.

Best of luck with the move of the reservoir and the dislodging of the pump! So far, all my discomfort comes from the cylinders and the pump. I have no awareness at all of the reservoir. In fact, I asked Dr. Eid on Monday where he had put it. He pointed to an area on lower left-hand side of the abdomen. He could have pointed anywhere.

[NYCGay]

Did you notice any curvature forming from all those years of bimix use?
I think the implanted pic looks good btw. You might eventually gain some girth through cycling and potentially VED use.

No, I didn't notice any curvature forming as a result of the injections. My dick has always been fairly straight on the left side, but bulged out on the right side. This is what it looked like pre-op (about a year ago), with my usual combination of Viagra, bimix, and a cockring.

2020-06-29 00.50.41.jpg (214.18 KiB) Viewed 761 times

[boots1959]

No, I didn't notice any curvature forming as a result of the injections. My dick has always been fairly straight on the left side, but bulged out on the right side. This is what it looked like pre-op (about a year ago), with my usual combination of Viagra, bimix, and a cockring.

2020-06-29 00.50.41.jpg

Hi NYCgay,
I think your implanted dick looks more natural than the pre implanted pic you just posted. Like you mine has that flat feeling to it and I have the AMS branded implant. I suspect the only way to get a more rounded erection with the implant is to get some engorgement in the head and (tunica?) , but for me I get zero after having my prostate removed.

Maybe that will change in time but honestly, it doesnt really bother me, I am just so happy to be able to get strong hard erections, at will and for as long as needed.
Cheers boots.

[NYCGay]

I think your implanted dick looks more natural than the pre implanted pic you just posted.

Hi, boots!
It made me smile when I read that you think my implanted dick locks more natural than my old one! I guess it's just a matter of getting used to the newness of it.

I am just so happy to be able to get strong hard erections, at will and for as long as needed.

Indeed. I have no buyer's remorse. I'm happy I went through with this. But it will take some time for me to get used to this new dick, with its new shape, and also to the third testicle, which, being so hard and bold, seems to domineer over the original inhabitants of my ballsack, kind of like a cuckoo chick in another bird's nest.

I think my perception will change once I start deploying my new dick for sex. Getting pleasure from it in a situation in which I'm turned on -- and not just suffering through the ache as I cycle it -- might very well make me fall in love with this new companion and make me forget the old one, which always, to some degree, let me down.

[NYCGay]

I just couldn’t restrain myself any longer. Having taken two Tylenol III, I wasn’t too bothered by the tenderness and ache in my dick, and the permanent semi-erection in my underwear suddenly got the better of me. I put some porn on the computer, pulled down my underwear, and started stroking. I figured, if it’s not painful, it should be okay. Being uncut, I didn’t even need to reach for lube; the skin slides up and down comfortably enough.

At first, I didn’t pump it up at all. This new flaccid is not all that much more flaccid than my old erections. Then I pumped it up about halfway, enough to be full and somewhat rigid, but not at all as hard as during my cycling sessions, when I keep pumping till it’s painful. This was not cycling of the device. This was for pleasure and release.

It felt good, though not great. It certainly was not the most amazing jack-off session in my life, but neither did I expect it to be. I’m still healing, but after thirteen days without an orgasm, I just wanted to get off, to get a little more relaxed, and it did achieve that. I can’t say that I'm crazy about the feel of my cock in my hand: hard, yes, which feels good, but so flat and unsubstantial compared with my old dick, which could swell up to a full inch thicker than what I have now.

But don’t get me wrong: I do not regret getting implanted. I think I can get used to the new shape of my dick and the loss of girth too, but I could never get used to having a dick that failed to stay hard during sexual encounters, in spite of pills and injections -- and I tried for thirty years.

So, to sum it up: my new dick is not the dick of my dreams -- to be that, it would have to have a rounder shaft and a more bulging head -- but it is still a significant improvement over the poorly functioning equipment I had before. And, as I’ve written before, I suspect that I may start feel more sexual about this new dick of mine once I start associating it more with sex. I think jacking off is a first step of that process.

In other news: the bruise covering my ball sack is fading, my pubes have started growing back, and on Tuesday, the stitches are coming out. I relish returning to a more normal look.

[LBC2020]

Need to see a
New pic
And a flaccid pic if possible please