Any Other Wives Initially Against an Implant

[peyroniesjr]

Good morning,

My wife at first was totally not in favor of me having an implant. She didn't want me to go through the whole procedure. After my RALP, I was besides myself, sad not happy about not being able to have sex.

I had PD & after the RALP, & using Xiaflex for the PD, things got worse my penis would try to get an erection, but where the bend was like it was hinged. My degrees of PD went from 30 to 70.

My best decision was to have the implant, it's not aa perfect situation where I still miss getting aroused when being touch, but at least I can have intercourse & still have an orgasm.

The only thing about having PD & Low T: I found out that I had cancer. I should have known earlier, I had signs when I had an orgasm, I had some discomfort.

Junior

[jeb6294]

Since I don’t have a signature yet, I should add that I am 47, well 48 in about a month, and my wife is 3 years younger than me. I’ve been using some form of Viagra or Cialis from the beginning...used to get the bootleg stuff online and then by Rx from my Dr. Used to do the trick, but not any more.

I’m not sure if my wife is more opposed to the idea of surgery down there in general or the thought of using a pump to get hard because “it’s not because she’s turning me on”. We kind of left it at, let’s see what the specialist says. Don’t get me wrong, if the injections work like they’re supposed to I’d be thrilled, but I’m not crazy about the idea of having to schedule everything so you’re not injecting again too soon.

[Lost Sheep]

Here is just one of my thoughts on the question.


I don't know if the personal devastation E.D. does to a man is worse than what it does to his wife, girlfriend, significant other or even to a one-night stand. I do know that (the majority of) women tend to internalize failures of themselves or of their partners.

Think of a woman being with a man (even a one-night stand) and he does not respond to her.

Think of how a man feels when with a woman whose pulse and breathing rates do not go up when he is doing his best to get her excited. Or how frustrated or powerless does a man feel when (try as he might) he cannot get his car's carburetor (old school) to let the engine idle smoothly.

Now think of a woman who is accustomed to the feedback of a responsive penis standing up in appreciation of her attentions suddenly wandering off and ignoring her.

If you, as a man, feel out of control when you cannot rely on your erection to appear, at least you, more or less, know what is going on and what is NOT going on. Your partner has no such knowldege, thus is left puzzled, dismayed and uncertain. And unfulfilled. And often with a partner who is withdrawing.

And then, the unknown factor of a prosthesis which may seem like a coverup of HER problem. Or worse, an invalidation of HER. A prosthesis may seem to her as a repudiation of the importance of her part in lovemaking. An invalidation of her desirability.

It is no wonder a woman might feel ambivalent.

[barrylandon]

I suspect that the majority of older women in long-term relationships are not enthusiastically in favor of their men having penile implantation surgery for many different reasons. Because I value my wife and our strong bond, I would not have had the surgery if she didn't eventually relent in her objection to it. Fortunately for both of us, she gradually became involved and supportive...and is now very glad that we both are rediscovering our lovemaking potential.

[Lost Sheep]

A lot of women dislike the concept of an artificial sexual device (dildo) on principle. Such a woman may see the implant as a dildo inside a penis. Even though it IS a penis, the thought of a dildo inside it (and by extension, inside HER) may be anathema. She wants her man inside her. Not some inanimate object.

This brings up a question I have had for many years. What do women (or men, for that matter) see in fellatio? It gives no direct stimulation to their genitals. Yet many love giving "head" and some even reach orgasm (or so I'm told) while doing so! I believe there must be a link in there somewhere.

Now, my girlfriend loves fellating me even though my erection is entirely due to my implant, so the question is clearly WIDE open. But she is disappointed if I don't ejaculate.

[Lost Sheep]

These threads might yield some insights

What will she think? - a womans perspective
http://www.franktalk.org/phpBB3/viewtop ... f=6&t=6513

Pumping in front of her a mood killer?
http://www.franktalk.org/phpBB3/viewtop ... 6&start=10

Another Day, Another Research Question - Sponteneity
http://www.franktalk.org/phpBB3/viewtop ... f=6&t=9501

Does it feel different to her?
http://www.franktalk.org/phpBB3/viewtop ... =6&t=10103

Partners Views of Implant
viewtopic.php?f=6&t=12966

Erection: Organic or Mechanical?
viewtopic.php?f=6&t=7738&p=55332

[malibog]

...
And then, the unknown factor of a prosthesis which may seem like a coverup of HER problem. Or worse, an invalidation of HER. A prosthesis may seem to her as a repudiation of the importance of her part in lovemaking. An invalidation of her desirability.

It is no wonder a woman might feel ambivalent.

The invalidation of HER is, I suppose, one possible lens through which the matter might be viewed.

Then, on the other hand, it strikes me that many (probably not all) women will see her man's decision to undergo implant surgery as a signal indicator of her desirability. Why would her man endure the ordeal unless he found her of such desirability that he was willing to take that step in order to continue to relate to her sexually? It seems to me that a man who longer found his partner particularly desirable would simply accept his ED and not take such (some might say extreme) measures as implant surgery to address it. In fact, if the guy's interest in her was truly on the wane, he might well take comfort from his ED. It would allow him to take refuge in it and and to say, with a straight face: "Sorry sweetheart, I still love you and would really love for us to have sex but, alas, I cannot." Going the implant route may fairly be seen as an attestation of the woman's desirability writ large.

[Lost Sheep]

...
And then, the unknown factor of a prosthesis which may seem like a coverup of HER problem. Or worse, an invalidation of HER. A prosthesis may seem to her as a repudiation of the importance of her part in lovemaking. An invalidation of her desirability.

It is no wonder a woman might feel ambivalent.

The invalidation of HER is, I suppose, one possible lens through which the matter might be viewed.

Then, on the other hand, it strikes me that many (probably not all) women will see her man's decision to undergo implant surgery as a signal indicator of her desirability. Why would her man endure the ordeal unless he found her of such desirability that he was willing to take that step in order to continue to relate to her sexually? It seems to me that a man who longer found his partner particularly desirable would simply accept his ED and not take such (some might say extreme) measures as implant surgery to address it. In fact, if the guy's interest in her was truly on the wane, he might well take comfort from his ED. It would allow him to take refuge in and and to say, with a straight face: "Sorry sweetheart, I still love you and would really love for us to have sex but, alas, I cannot." Going the implant route may fairly be seen as an attestation of the woman's desirability writ large.

Indeed, also true.

[Gt1956]

Lots of points to consider. At the very least, women can be/are complex. Top that off with upbringing, life experiences & such.
If any of you have ever turned down sex with a woman that wanted to. As in they were initiating an encounter. They can be down right nasty in their response to rejection.
I can only presume that an ED failure to some women looks like a mans mental rejection that she isn't worth a fuck. So thus, it must be in his head.
I wish we could get feedback from some women that switched from not wanting their spouse to get an implant. To glad that he did. Might be hard to get them to be that candid.
For the record. My wife has always been supportive of an implant. Biggest problem was somehow she was under the impression that there would not be any ejaculations. I'm pretty sure that I sufficiently reassured her that it won't be affected. At least not by much. She would dearly miss them if they weren't available anymore.
Interesting thread.

[Lost Sheep]

Lots of points to consider. At the very least, women can be/are complex. Top that off with upbringing, life experiences & such.
If any of you have ever turned down sex with a woman that wanted to. As in they were initiating an encounter. They can be down right nasty in their response to rejection.
I can only presume that an ED failure to some women looks like a mans mental rejection that she isn't worth a fuck. So thus, it must be in his head.
I wish we could get feedback from some women that switched from not wanting their spouse to get an implant. To glad that he did. Might be hard to get them to be that candid.
For the record. My wife has always been supportive of an implant. Biggest problem was somehow she was under the impression that there would not be any ejaculations. I'm pretty sure that I sufficiently reassured her that it won't be affected. At least not by much. She would dearly miss them if they weren't available anymore.
Interesting thread.

LknRon's wife, as I recall, was initially reluctant to support the concept of an implant. Her thoughts can still be read in some of his posts. She had a great deal of value to contribute. (PLEASE do not open up the debate over women members. Let it suffice that Franktalk members can openly report what their partners want to share and leave it at that.)