Sex anxiety

[Tomtomtom28]

Hi there

Need advice and answers please

I have really bad anxiety when it comes to sex, I just do and I can’t help it

When I fail I end up being really depressed and it’s scares me.
Due to this I’ve gone back on my anti-depressants as I can’t deal with it.
I’ve recently started to see a girl and I’ve not being able to get out of my head and it’s meant I’ve kind of ended this relationship

I feel I’ll be like this forever. It’s all I think about which I know is bad but I keep thinking will I be like this forever.

I’m going to try mindfulness and keep on the medication. I’m 4 weeks in on 50mg of sertraline ( Zoloft )

I can’t keep doing this to my self, the not knowing is killing me.

I’ve even thought about a penile implant as I feel it’s the only option
I have had sex but it’s only been with a perfect situation
Never had regular sex ever, trying to keep away from porn too as I know this is damaging.
I’m pretty sure it’s psychological

Any tests that I should have done do you think ?

Have any of you been that psychologically in your head that you’ve had the implant.

I’ve read a lot about why you would have an implant such as prostate, venous leak etc but/would you get one just for psychological Ed.

It causes depression/anxiety and feel I can’t move on properly with my life as I’ve got it lurking around me all the time.
Been like this since 18 to now and I’m 34 so a real long time

What do you guys think ?

Thanks for reading

[LuisFernandez]

The anti-depressants probably aren't helping. They are known to cause sexual side effects.

Why don't you go to your Urologists and simply start with the basics such as 5mg daily Cialis. See how you respond to that.
It'll even give you a psychological boost to take it because now you have pharma help to get erections.

Also get your testosterone tested to make sure you're in a good range. I'm 34 and i have 516 free testosterone, which is actually relatively low. Any lower than that is not normal, i took drugs (finasteride) which messed with my hormones and testosterone.

If your T is normal, and Cialis doesn't help. Then you can start looking for a Venous Leak.

Good Luck.

[Tomtomtom28]

Well the anxiety just took over me so I didn’t have a choice really.

I had my testosterone checked a couple of years ago. I’m gonna go again and see what happens.

Think it’s just so much psychological negativeness with sex that’s the anxiety comes back

I’ve never tried the daily 5mg cialis but why should I use that if I’ve got no one to try it with ?

I tried a 20 mg cialis with her but nothing happened when I was with her

It seems I can get aroused if I’ve not been out on a date all day and eaten loads of food. I’m gutted because all I want is a nice healthy relationship.

Can get hard from open instantly probably because I’m on my own and no one to disappoint. Staying away from porn now

I get that in my head and worry about it if I go out on a date all day thinking what’s going to happen at night.

[hopeful_future]

The Cialis won't do much if you're not mentally aroused, and anxiety can kill that right off the bat. Regarding antidepressants, I would suggest talking with your doctor about Wellbutrin (buproprion), which is an NDRI instead of an SSRI...It has less sexual side effects, and can sometimes even be taken alongside an SSRI to help reduce the sexual side effects.

Regarding dates, keep a meal light if you think you might be fooling around. Regarding porn, it's alright to watch a little and to masturbate now and then. If you're doing it 5/day every day you definitely need to cut back. If you want better chances of erection and orgasm, not masturbating for several days before (up to about a week) can help increase your drive...

Also, just remember there are lots of ways to make a woman sexually satisfied without vaginal intercourse. She's probably more worried about you freaking out and being anxious than she is about your ability to perform on demand. Give lots of oral, use your hands, bring a vibrator into your play...I think if you're awesome at making a woman cum, you'll be less anxious about your performance, and might have better luck getting and maintaining erections.

I totally understand though...This was basically me, turned out a had a venous leak, but it was the anxiety that killed me all through my 20s and early 30s. Still had a fantastic sex life though, since I was able to be honest and upfront with my partners (both guys and gals). Confidence is sexier than an erection or a six pack. Some of the biggest players I know are somewhat overweight, have lower than average dicks, but are just amazingly confident and fun to be around. If you find ways to make yourself generally more mentally healthy, you WILL have less anxiety around sex.

I really hope it's something you can work on without an implant, but if it persists, don't be ashamed about going to your urologist and talking about it. An implant is an imperfect solution, but it IS a solution.

[LuisFernandez]

If you can get erections easily with porn then you're good IMO. I think cutting down from masturbating will help. I'd say some edging and finish 1 time per day max. I'm personally not a big believes in NOFAP or cutting down on porn. At least for long periods of time.

I used to masturbate like crazy, like 5 times per day and it really hurt my ability to have sex when i was nervous. I limp dicked some girls when i was younger because of this. But when i wouldn't masturbate for like 3 days my dick was stronger then ever when having sex.

Do you get night time erections? Cialis would help just making sure you don't lose penis function (e.g. smooth muscle function) by making sure you get erections every day. You can also just take it when you're about to go an a date. That'll give you a psychological boost.

Personally I would stop anti-depressants, work out to be confident and get endorphins, take cialis before a date, and cut down on masturbation to 1x per day + edging and no masturbation the day of a date!

That last one is key IMO.

Good luck!

[frwmw1]

Definitely ask you go see an urologist to get checked out.

Often ED can look to being psychological when it can be both physical and psychological.

Taper off the Zoloft, often people complain that going off SSRI's abruptly caused them sexual dysfunction. There are non-SSRI antidepressants that have less sexual side effects.

[Fernando]

Hi,

I'm in solidarity with you.
The psychological issues related to sex are terrible. They can easily spoil our whole life and condition everything else. To ruin any possibility of happiness and only lead us to make wrong and stupid choices. The worst thing is that you only live once and there is no chance to go back and do things differently.
But we must try to resolve this. One thing I can tell you, it is usually easier to treat psychological causes than physical causes related to sexuality.
I don't know if you believe in psychotherapy, but even if you don't, I strongly advise you to find a good psychologist in the sexual field.
Find out what is really causing your anxiety and try to tackle the underlying problem.
Try to distance yourself a little from sexual problems and breathe a little, life is not really just sex. Sex is extremely important, but it is not the only thing that matters.

In addition to looking for serious psychological help, I also looked for a good urologist and did clinical tests to rule out any physical cause.
Any good urologist before prescribing any medication will order a penile echo-dopler.
From there it is to define a strategy for ED if there is any physical cause, otherwise, it is to bet everything on therapy. Even if you don't believe in psychologists, please do so.
Try not to take medications with a psychoactive effect for anxiety.
I highly recommend doing something you really like, playing some sport you like, learning to play a musical instrument, learning to speak a new language, visiting new places, going on a radical adventure, anything different that makes you one little of the focus connected with sexual problems.
If you like water try swimming or diving. It's fabulous, while you're in the water struggling to breathe, you don't think about anything else. lol

Try not to touch your penis too much, only touch it when strictly necessary. Incredible as it may seem, this will take you a little further away from the problem.
But even if you rule out a physical problem, I totally recommend good psychotherapy.
Don't worry about how long it can take to get results, don't worry about anything. Disconnect yourself from this whole situation.
As I read somewhere, insisting on the same things and expecting different results is insanity.
So look for new things, change your attitude and different results will appear.

Force!!!

Hi there

Need advice and answers please

I have really bad anxiety when it comes to sex, I just do and I can’t help it

When I fail I end up being really depressed and it’s scares me.
Due to this I’ve gone back on my anti-depressants as I can’t deal with it.
I’ve recently started to see a girl and I’ve not being able to get out of my head and it’s meant I’ve kind of ended this relationship

I feel I’ll be like this forever. It’s all I think about which I know is bad but I keep thinking will I be like this forever.

I’m going to try mindfulness and keep on the medication. I’m 4 weeks in on 50mg of sertraline ( Zoloft )

I can’t keep doing this to my self, the not knowing is killing me.

I’ve even thought about a penile implant as I feel it’s the only option
I have had sex but it’s only been with a perfect situation
Never had regular sex ever, trying to keep away from porn too as I know this is damaging.
I’m pretty sure it’s psychological

Any tests that I should have done do you think ?

Have any of you been that psychologically in your head that you’ve had the implant.

I’ve read a lot about why you would have an implant such as prostate, venous leak etc but/would you get one just for psychological Ed.

It causes depression/anxiety and feel I can’t move on properly with my life as I’ve got it lurking around me all the time.
Been like this since 18 to now and I’m 34 so a real long time

What do you guys think ?

Thanks for reading

[WhiteCane]

If you are going to take anyone’s advice about stopping the antidepressant, please consult your doctor before you do so… there are better options than SSRI but, the worst possible option is to drop them altogether… remember, there’s a reason you are on them… do you know why Sex makes you nervous? Is it a size thing, a performance thing, anything we can all talk through with you? i’m in medical school. I can be very confidently tell you that the large majority of men are between four and 6 inches, That’s pressed to the bone… that’s my physical reassurance to you… My girlfriend is a psychologist… she works every single day with men who are having sexual issues… she’s offering up this advice... when you’re laying with a partner, Get in the moment… if you’re going to have any thoughts at all about yourself, make them thoughts like “I’m the man“ but, try focusing on both of you and the moment you are in as comfortably as he would focus when you are masturbating to porn… be connected to your partner mentally and physically… If you’ve gotten that far, you are good as gold… she and I survived years without me ever penetrating her with my penis… if you can’t get it up, connect more… Explore her body, Try some oral play, Really psych yourself up for what’s going to happen… if you still can’t get it up, be good to her… Don’t get discouraged, keep going and ask her if she likes what you are doing… if you can’t make it about both of you, give her everything that she deserves, at least… yes put you ahead of 80% of guys who were just quit… If she knows you’re into her enough to make sure she’s good, your dicks not going to matter at all in this equation… if you really cannot get yourself together psychologically, you really need to be adamant with your doctor about this so that together, you can focus on the right course of treatment… It very well may lead you to an implant but, there’s so many things to try before hand… Be well, my friend!

[WhiteCane]

My Russian accent came out a lot in that response… If I need to clarify anything, please let me know… I’m so sorry!

[Fernando]

Yes, the White Cane is correct.
Do not take or stop taking any medication without medical advice.
My advice was to try not to be dependent on medication with psychoactive effects.
I think it is much more effective, even if it takes longer, to treat the cause of the problem and not just its effects.
Good luck to everyone!

If you are going to take anyone’s advice about stopping the antidepressant, please consult your doctor before you do so… there are better options than SSRI but, the worst possible option is to drop them altogether… remember, there’s a reason you are on them… do you know why Sex makes you nervous? Is it a size thing, a performance thing, anything we can all talk through with you? i’m in medical school. I can be very confidently tell you that the large majority of men are between four and 6 inches, That’s pressed to the bone… that’s my physical reassurance to you… My girlfriend is a psychologist… she works every single day with men who are having sexual issues… she’s offering up this advice... when you’re laying with a partner, Get in the moment… if you’re going to have any thoughts at all about yourself, make them thoughts like “I’m the man“ but, try focusing on both of you and the moment you are in as comfortably as he would focus when you are masturbating to porn… be connected to your partner mentally and physically… If you’ve gotten that far, you are good as gold… she and I survived years without me ever penetrating her with my penis… if you can’t get it up, connect more… Explore her body, Try some oral play, Really psych yourself up for what’s going to happen… if you still can’t get it up, be good to her… Don’t get discouraged, keep going and ask her if she likes what you are doing… if you can’t make it about both of you, give her everything that she deserves, at least… yes put you ahead of 80% of guys who were just quit… If she knows you’re into her enough to make sure she’s good, your dicks not going to matter at all in this equation… if you really cannot get yourself together psychologically, you really need to be adamant with your doctor about this so that together, you can focus on the right course of treatment… It very well may lead you to an implant but, there’s so many things to try before hand… Be well, my friend!