You took the proactive step to get an implant to fix an erectile problem. Take a similar proactive step to fix this relationship problem with an equal determination.
MichaelM wrote:Lost Sheep wrote:MichaelM wrote:I have posted before, when I had my LGX implanted in 2017. I ended up with about 5" of usable penis. My wife has tried out the inflated penis and satisfied herself, but without the penis actually managing to enter her. I have had no success having "fun" myself with her. So I am buying a penis pump to increase the size, and use a silicone ring at the base, using the implant to keep the shaft rigid enough for entry. Some people have said "don't do it" and my doctor and the Mayo clinic have said that the implant can tolerate the stress, so go for it. What is everyone's opinion on here? Any experience with this?
You have asked this question in a very specific way that previous posters have not done in the threads already in existence. Have you read those threads? They have answers for you, but probably none exactly addressing your specific points, using a vacuum erection device with or without constriction rings for sex or just for expanding penile tissues.
What is it that prevents you entering her, I wonder? At 5", you should be able to. What do you think her lack of her satisfaction is due to?
Lost Sheep, Sorry I wasn't clearer. My wife will only have sex with her on top. My doctor said that position is the least likely to allow me to enter with a shorter erection. So she rubs on my pubic bone and no matter how I maneuver, I can't get in. I was impotent before the prostate cancer, so the last time I successfully complete the act to my satisfaction was 12/11/07. We are coming up on our 19th anniversary, and I'd guess that we have been mutually satisfied about 10 times. Since she will not allow another position and she is very adamant, I have refused to participate to simply act as a toy for her to play with, having no concern for my pleasure. I have to secretly satisfy myself because there is no way to win: she considers what I am doing to be unacceptable in marriage, and when I try to turn the tables and explain that her inflexibility to do anything except one position is unacceptable in marriage, she responds like an expert debater and finishes by punishing me any way she can. So I was hoping the vacuum device would give me another inch or so, that I can get some of it inside. Obviously, that is not the real problem, but when I suggested counseling she said "you are welcome to go by yourself, since you are a pervert and you focus on sex too much" Well, maybe, but I had someone tell me that "if sex is working, it's 10% of a relationship, and if it's not, it's 90% of a relationship". Now that we're both retired, we have the time to try stuff, but she has no inclination. Trying to fix the problem on my own is not working so well, but I certainly DO get a longer and fatter erection with a VED. I was just making sure that I wasnt' going to hurt myself (and ruin my solo enjoyment!).
It was I who was confused. When I stated "my girlfriend and I use that position, too" in my response to Waynetho, I thought I was responding to you. (I need to pay more attention.)
Your suggestion to seek counselling is a good one. Another piece of wisdom is that, while couples counselling is good, if one person in a relationship refuses, going alone is a viable alternative. The refusenik does not have the right to "punish" you for wanting to make your relationship better. A counselor can help you develop mechanisms to better cope with your situation. There are many responses to other people's behaviors and most of them are learned as we grow up and all of us miss some of those lessons. A counselor can show you how to fill in those gaps.
If I were in your position, I might try making a deal like, "You can use me as a sex toy to get your sexual satisfaction, OK, but in exchange, I wish for your help in me getting sexual satisfaction, too. It is only fair." Given what you have said about her techniques of avoiding even acknowledging that there is a problem or wanting to fix anything, I would undoubtedly fail in this bargain offer. But, I am not a relationship expert. So, I repeat my suggestion to find a professional who knows more than I do.
You refuse to be her toy. She refuses to try finding or fixing the problem. You both contribute to the impasse. Recognize your own contribution and you will be able to see hers better. And perhaps see why it is she feels justified in withholding sexual satisfaction (and most likely to my mind, many other forms of satisfaction and happiness) from you (and from herself, too). You are in a vicious circle that seems on a path to a downward spiral. Don't let it go there.
You took the proactive step to get an implant to fix an erectile problem. Take a similar proactive step to fix this relationship problem with an equal determination.