Should I have implant? Frustrated 43 year old.

[Yoseff]

I'm sure this comes up a lot, I've read forums, just so confused and frustrated...

About me, 43 years old, married 21 years, healthy cept for high blood pressure, family issues are high blood pressure, cardiovascular disease, and peripheral artery disease which I believe is the root of my problem. Started having mild ED issues around 37-38. Started testosterone replacement and over the counter meds. This worked fine for about 4 years then it was like a light switch, I just couldn't keep an erection, hard as ever at the start but then would go to 70% erect, as long as stayed in missionary position it was manageable but others I'd just slip out. I hide this from my wife, tried Viagra and daily cialis, neither helped at all. I then went to a medical grade pump and cock rings, this worked, then one night I slipped out, due to the "floppiness" from the ring ended up hurting my penis and now have a slight, 10-15% bend to the left. Started tri-mix but never felt like I was getting a 100% erection. Then started double strength tri-mix, same issues, still never 100%. Maybe I have unreal expectations but I wanted things to be like there were, doctor's statement was if I was getting hard enough to penetrate it was a win and I should be happy...

Ended up driving to a doctor that was advertising the P-shot and gainswave and is a certified urologist. He examined me (no formal tests to say though) and stated I had a venous leak and that's why nothing was helping, that a cock ring was my best bet. He went on the say that doing the p-shot or gainswave was a waste of money and that the only thing he would do for me was to install the titan penis implant. He showed me the implant, said he did around 3 a week, and it was my only option. He did suggest the "giddy" cock ring which I have been using. While it is the best option I've used so far, I still don't stay 100% hard and it limits the positions we can use and I don't ejaculate often (obviously my concern is keeping the wife happy more so than me). But no pain from shots and easier to keep by the bed and more spontaneous than running to the fridge and taking a shot.

So I started researching which led me here. It seems surgery is in my future, my concern now is losing size as most have said. With the ring in place I measure 6.1" girth and 7.5" long. I'm a grower, if I stretch my flaccid penis I can only get to 6", I don't know if it matter but when
I use to get erections I was straight up at 1:00, seems my penis is "tough".

I would rather deal with the problems I have now and have 7.5" than lose 1.5" or more but stay hard forever if that makes sense. My wife is supportive, she walked in on me pumping one night before bed which obviously let the cat out of the bag, she stated she had noticed but thought it was stress/medications/etc. She didn't know I had seen 3 different doctors, she knows all now. If the ring didn't work there would be no question but, my concern is her expectations and while I know she says she's happy with me, I don't want to be smaller for all the reasons guys want to be bigger (no psychoanalysis please). Reading the site, it's amazing to hear 70-80 year old guys getting implants to stay active, it's just one of those things that's hard to wrap your mind around, I never thought I'd have this problem, but if I have 40 years of sex still ahead of me I need to get a handle on this. It seems "shrinkage" occurs the longer you have the implant so what will I be left with. I read about the penuma implant that helps with this but it seems most here have had a negative experience with it.

It seems Dr Eid and Dr Kramer and the go to guys. I live in NC, my insurance will pay wherever and I don't mind traveling to get the best doctor I can. Just concerned that I'm making the right decision, being permeant, and that nothing better will come out in a few years that I will regret waiting for.

Sorry for the wall of text and thanks for any advise/personal experience.

[Larryb8x8]

Only after you considered every other option you and I are about the same size post-surgery photo. I guess they call it a beer can penis....lol

[David_R]

Getting an implant does not mean you automatically or even probably will lose length. There are many of us out there to verity that. I regained my pre-E.D. length and my wife and I couldn't be happier.

[Lost Sheep]

Welcome to the forum, Yoseff and thanks for asking our advice.

First of all, get your wife on board. She is your partner in life and consider that this is JUST AS IMPORTANT to her as it is to you. Share EVERYTHING with her that you are feeling. Not just the mechanics and hydraulics of the matter, but how you are made to feel (as a man) when you can and when you cannot achieve an erection and what that does to your ability to express your feelings, especially to her and particularly physically/sexually. Women are incredibly supportive when they feel respected, trusted and safe. If you don't level with her, she cannot feel respected and trusted. Make it so.

Secondly, knowledge is power. It dispels fear, confusion and is a powerful tool against frustration. I spent nearly two years researching. Sadly, a lot of it was wasted before I was shown where to find FrankTalk. But when I did, I spent a weekend reading through a couple years of posts on all the forums in FrankTalk, spending time on any that looked relevant. I gained a "feel" for the E.D. problems that plagued me for over 3 decades and learned a lot about the various solutions and treatments.

Daily (nightly nocturnal erections) tend to keep a man's penis healthy, elastic and full-sized. If you are not getting those, the oxygenation and stretching provided by daily Vacuum Therapy can substitute. I will write more about that if you ask. Used in this way, the V.E.D. is not for sex but for therapy. 30 minutes twice a day, pump and release, pump and release to get blood exchange through the penis and maintain elasticity and size.

In the pantheon of treatments, implant is the one that is guaranteed to be irreversible and irretrievably destroy what erectile ability you still have. So do not go into it lightly, but only when no other treatment is satisfactory. If a true cure were to be discovered the day after you are implanted, it will do you no good once the implant operation has destroyed, damaged or compromised those erectile tissues (corpora cavernosum inside the tunica albuginea). Only go to an implant if there is nothing to go back to.

If you decide to get an implant:

Remember that an implant is not a cure, but it is a darned good treatment. Not perfect. But the best we have at the moment if nothing else works.

I stood at 1 O'clock in my youth and my penis darned near reached my belly when erect. As I aged, my erection did not point up so much, but still came close to my belly (which was itself reaching out to my penis). With the implant, I am at about 2:30. Many men point at 3 o'clock and a significant number point lower. But whatever angle you point, you point firmly, and that is a good thing. You get to choose positions for sex that fit your new angle. Make it an adventure with your trusted wife.

AI interviewed two local surgeons with implant experience. corresponded with both Dr. Eid and Dr. Kramer and flew to Seattle (I live in Anchorage) to interview Dr. Walsh and Dr. Ostrowski (but wound up interviewng a Resident because Dr. Walsh had left the V.A. and Dr. Ostrowski was on leave). Then Dr. Shaw (literally and figuratively) fell into my lap. He was expert enough to have taught the procedure and met the criteria for selection that Dr. Eid gave me, "Find a surgeon in love with his craft." Dr. Shaw wisely told me "you will be over-flying a lot of good surgeons if you go to the East coast." I felt rapport with Dr. Eid and Dr. Kramer and Dr. Shaw, so I stayed local for the convenience of followup with the same surgeon who did the procedure. You are closer by far than I was and I did not relish the idea of flying 5 to 8 hours after surgery (or even before the surgery, for that matter).

If you do travel, rent or borrow a small motor home or van so you can lie down in the back while your wife drives you home.

About size. I will not question any man's self-image about his own size. I am decidedly average, but would love to be a bit more, not only for vanity but so I could please my girlfriend a bit more (or tell myself I do).

I have sent a PM with a link to a forum entitled "Support for Women who have partners with ED". There are only four threads there, but despite the meager selection, the postings are quite enlightening. It is a dot-com so linking directly is something Paul has asked me not to do overmuch.

[oldbeek]

Most guys don't loose length. I was full length with in 1 month. Some guys that use a good surgeon that does not destroy the corpus cavernous do get natural erections.

[Happy Toy]

After about 5 months I regained my pre-implant length of 5.5". After almost 2 years now I still cycle at lease once a day and leave it hard for about an hour. I still sometimes get a natural semi erection. I used trimix for 12 yrs. and through that time gained just over an inch in girth, 6.5+", but did loose that "gained" girth with my implant, back to 5.5" girth. I do miss that large girth but gladly trade that for the hard dick I have now. I LOVE my implant and really love my new flaccid size of 4" compared to the one inch I grew up with. Having the surgery is a big decision and as I'm sure you have read here, things can go sideways, but that is true for any surgery, you have to think about the quality of life you have now weather it's bad knees or a broken dick (I've had both), is it worth living like this when there is something that can make it better. Like my knees, they are not as good as original equipment but they work now.
When I first told my wife after about a year of not being able to have intercourse, that I was think of getting the implant, she was not for it, she thought I was only doing it for her, but when I told her I was doing it for both of us that changed her mind and she became very supportive. We are both very happy with the decision "we" made and enjoy our sex life we have again.
Good luck with your decision and if you do decide to go ahead with the surgery, keep a positive aptitude, after the surgery give yourself LOTS of time, I'm talking months, to heal up. IT WILL BE WORTH IT!
Andy

[thereishope]

Definitely get your wife onboard. I get your fear, but it will be so much better to have her support on this and you will be glad you have done so...

[thereishope]

get your wife onboard. I get your fear, but it will be so much better to have her support on this and you will be glad you have done so...

[Lunatech]

Where in NC do you live? I'm not far from Winston Salem so if you want to talk I'd be more than happy. I used Dr. Terlecki at WFBMC and was totally pleased. My ED journey mirror's yours pretty closely but started a little earlier. I wish I would have had my implant done YEARS sooner. Here is a thread I started you can read if you want more insight on my journey My Ed Story and here is one I made that explains my feelings right after surgery and then after everything "settled in" Went from "What did I do" to "OH YEAH!!". Both are here on FrankTalk. I also have one about my recovery from surgery you can look up if you want.

I hope these posts help you in your decision and let me know if you want to talk on the phone or face to face or just via PM on here and we'll work it out.

Jeff

[Old Guy]

My ED started about age 50. I used everything from Viagra to Quad-Mix. Same story, one would work for a while then become unreliable. Viagra gave me migraines. Quad-Mix made me sore the next 1-2 days. I've only had my implant for five months, but have to say at this point I have definitely lost some length. On the other side I think I've gained some girth. Reading some of the posts here in the forum it seems like cycling is the key to maintain length. That means inflating and deflating the device daily or every other day for a while.
I'm sure the reason I lost length is because I have not followed that rule. Not sure why but I would have so much pain for 2-3 days every time I inflated during the first few months. I'm hoping to re-gain that now.
In any case, both you and your wife have to make the decision to have the surgery or continue trying to have good sex. The night my wife told me she couldn't do it "that way" anymore is the night I decided to have the surgery.