New Titan First Full Test Drive on Day 56

[stephen54]

I'll probably go copy this over into my ongoing journal elsewhere here, but for anyone interested I figured I'd put this topic up as a stand alone.

I was implanted 11/18/2019. I've recounted some of my experiences post-surgery and along the way the last 8 weeks in the other threads:

viewtopic.php?f=6&t=13560
and
viewtopic.php?f=6&t=13783

We're empty nesters and the house cleared out finally yesterday, boys went back to university. Sweet freedom returned. So the new Titan got its first real world test drive last night. Thank God. FINALLY.

It's been an odd ride for sure these last 2 months. Last pre-implant sex with my wife was on 11/16. Then implanted. Then, on day 20 and I think 23 post-op, we made love carefully and gently and somewhat briefly out of complete desperation, just on the strength of the Titan's fully deflated rigidity. My surgeon (Laurence Levine, Chicago) sends you home from surgery fully deflated. Activates and inflates first time at week 4 post-op. So, just a weird world where my dick was (definitely still is) able to get into a quite tight vagina when "flaccid". Clearly, "flaccid" now means something quite different...at least for now...from what it used to mean. Turns out all kinds of things are different now!

So the house clears out and we're both kind of like, um, here's a glass of wine, also kindly take your fucking clothes off right now, let's GO let's go let's go.

She has some progress she needs to make with me in the sense of gaining some familiarity, and in turn, some comfort level, with all of what's going on down there for me now, everything that's new and changed. She doesn't want to "hurt me", she isn't sure what's ok to do, what's ok or not ok to touch, what feels good or not so good for me, and on and on. She's super aware of the fact that, her old intimate familiarity with my anatomy, and with how I feel, what works for me, how my dick operates...that's all a bit up in the air and a big new unknown for her. So I'm just continuing to try and bring her along in a way which gives her confidence and a new familiarity with the brave new world we're embarking on here. I've made sure she just touches my sac, feels for the pump and navigates around so she's more familiar. All those kind of things to make my new dick and sac not such an alien otherworldly experience for her.

Aside from my anatomy being a bit different now (my size, too, at the moment) there are the mental parts of adjusting. She has initiated conversations with me (thank God, again, that our thing is wide open communication...blunt, transparent, compassionate but at the root always dead ass honest) and she's shared with me that she's just a little unsure how this goes for us now. Meaning...for example...everything for the last 2 months has been, in her words, "pretty clinical". And she's of course correct. She's been in a surgery center watching all that stuff go down with me, she's seen me piss blood at home, have a blood vacuum bottle hanging off my hip, she's seen me walking around tenderly and slowly and carefully and she's seen me zip back and forth to Levine's office trying to figure out how to even operate my dick. None of this is remotely sexy, right? She likened the experience to when she had her children, post-partum days, and this made sense to me the way she explained it - that her vagina had, for a lot of months, shifted away from being something pleasurable and sexy and arousing...to something clinical and purpose-driven - a clinical baby delivery tunnel which was poked, examined, medicated, prodded, etc. No surprise that it takes many women a lot of time and shifting of mental energy to cross back over to feeling the attractiveness and desire and connecting sexuality with their bodies. Anyway, she made this comparison and it made perfect sense to me. Even the part where she is asking questions which may seem trivial or unimportant, but it's just revealing to hear and to consider the thoughts which occur to her - "when do you pump it up? before? during?". It's all new territory. She thought that maybe even the inflation process might be, during sex...too much of a...well...a "process". They just don't know, so I think we have to be compassionate and explain and show them and then just talk about it. I walk in our bedroom last night and she's like, "oh! already?!". It just did not really occur to her that I could literally inflate to 100% walking down the hallway from bathroom to bedroom. So we'll continue to find our way with this kind of thing. It's just uncharted, unknown territory is all. We are talking openly, having some laughs, and some definite "what the fuck..??"'s too. It's all good. An intimacy is forming around the new landscape here and will continue to do so. Attitude is everything.

Ok so...we basically were so fucking desperate. She says, "yeah, just so we're clear, this is zero foreplay night...just get inside me". I have lube ready, I'm thinking about whether I will be able to press into her without a problem (because although the head of my dick is so much smaller right now than prior, I've heard guys here talk about how there can be discomfort or even pain where the cylinders enter up under the glans). So I'm thinking about some of this, of course, but then there she is, gloriously naked and she's sopping wet. Lube entirely unnecessary as it turns out.

The graphic results here, for those interested...penetration was easy and utterly painless. She felt great even with my decreased length and girth. A little different, no way around that for me...but great. Dreamy. Plenty of grip and stimulation for my part. Thrusting caused no pain whatsoever. Seriously - none. Thrusting also caused zero discomfort at the glans. Sometimes I would feel a little gurgle of a sensation on either side of my dick as I thrust, and this was actually a bit more evident with slower thrusting than with more vigorous. The sensation was that I could feel subtle, but unmistakable, movement of fluid across the length of both cylinders. It was painless and no problem at all, just interesting to feel. In hindsight, I think I was not inflated to 100% fully. I think I stopped a few pumps short of max, and as such, and with the pressure of thrusting, some fluid got compressed pretty hard by her vagina and I could sort of feel a little swish swish now and again. When I woke this morning, I feel the tiniest of a little ache at the base of my dick where I know and feel the tubes entering. It's extremely minor. To call it a 1 on a scale of 1-10 is about all you could call it. This, I'm pretty sure, came from some harder grinding up into and against her pubic bone. I'm not sure about this, going forward. Just in the sense of how durable and how much physical impact those tubes can take over time. Wondering about this because this is one of her absolute go-to orgasm triggers...missionary, me atop, slightly crossed over her one leg, and grinding the base of my dick rhythmically and pretty fucking hard up into her clit. She loves that and it works like magic time and time again, so I do want to talk to my doc about the relative durability of the lines/tubes to absorb and take a pretty heavy impact and grind over the long haul. I don't assume this medical device can do everything or that it's indestructible - I want to learn and understand its functional boundaries and just be aware...take very good care of it and protect it. Also I can feel a tiny bit of discomfort in my perineal area, just deep back into and under my pubic bone. Would be roughly where the cylinders are rooted back toward the bone. Again, it's not pain. Not even sure I'd term it as discomfort. More of...just an awareness that something got used and worked a little. Minor.

We made love this way vaginally for about 30 minutes or so. Mostly just collapsing onto one another in relief. But some moments of harder, more vigorous thrusting. Missionary, side by side missionary, brief doggy, brief cowgirl. Titan did not let us down. Stood patiently and capably at attention and did all of what we wanted it to do on the first run here. Had moments where I just lay motionless buried in her bone against bone and we just kissed and made out...and I explained to her that this was, in the 9 years we've been together, the literal first time of god knows how many times we've had sex, the first time that I've had the confidence and the ability to lay motionless inside her without worrying about how soon the erection will wane and start to soften without the continual stimulation of thrusting. It was absolutely, indescribably, utterly fucking magic...to shed that anxiety and mental overthinking and worry and all the other ED bullshitty bullshit. It's mind boggling to me still that I have an on-demand iron bar dick we can do (apparently) mostly whatever the hell we want with. It's almost impossible for me to internalize and believe this new reality. It's an adjustment, man. The new world where my mind now can open up and fully see her during sex...fully enmesh with our shared experience in a way that I was always previously challenged with because I would be feeling some interference and some mental limitations prior, because I was never, ever, ever able to be fully present. Because my dick had let me down in the past so many times and in so many ways. And because I knew it could let me down, my mind was never 100% able to free fall into her and into us and into the shared experience because of the fucking ED static constantly playing in my head. So we just had an experience where this whole new world opens up now, and possibility is ripe and real. It's emotional as hell for me. Not going to pretend otherwise. Just about on the verge of tears last night in those moments where I'm recognizing I can give myself over to her, mentally and emotionally, absolutely 100%....and relax...and connect...and connect more deeply and more intensely because that motherfucking ED has been outsmarted and out-engineered and my mind doesn't now need to mentally catalogue and stress all the shit which has gone wrong and could go wrong. Poof. Fucking non-issue. It's extraordinary. Oh...I came. Orgasm was awesome and familiar. She came. I feel like my sensations and sensitivity there is at like 85-90% of what it was pre-op. It's definitely progressively returning. It all feels familiar and awesome.

I guess you can see we're pretty ecstatic with round 1. I mean...it's literally everything I hoped. And yes, for sure, it's definitely just a short, first 30 minute test drive. But god almighty this is exciting and good. Life is good.

Hope this helps. I've had a few guys ask me here questions like, "knowing what you now know about the implant, would you recommend it, would you have proceeded to implant sooner?" etc. All I can honestly say is to recount my experience and for someone else to hopefully infer something from it which makes sense for them. I would not change the run I had with pills in the beginning and I would not change the run I had with Trimix for a lot of years. I think things sort of played out the way they were made to play out for me and for us. There was an expiration date, somewhere, on the pre-implant ED strategies and it was just time for us. So at the moment here, only 8 weeks in...? Am feeling blessed and fortunate. Massive understatement.

[Lester33]

Great post and if you are like us it will just get better as you go.

[Frederickdave]

Great post Stephen. We had a very similar first time experience. Just being able to truly make love to my wife again is worth the pain that is the price of admission. My wife is fascinated with the mechanics and hydrodynamics of my new penis. She surprised me in the shower the other night demanding she be shown how to pump it up. I gave the first squeeze to pop the valve then carefully positioned her fingers on the bulb and let her pump. By now she was being playful and placed her mouth around me to feel it grow. Was very erotic. She wasn't strong enough to get a real hard erection, but enough to satisfy her curiosity. I finished the pumping and she finished me. Incorporating the mechanics of pumping into foreplay took us to a new level of acceptance and intimacy. The best part was even though I had finished, she wasnt done. We dried off and slipped into bed and I was still able to satisfy her. We're so looking forward to new ways to regain lost time. It's all good, like teenagers again. For those of questioning your decision, or those who've not moved forward yet, the results speak for themselves. Just do it.
Implanted Sept 24, 2019 AMS LX, 18cm, 1 RTE, 5" flacid, 6+ inflated. Dr. Tajkarimi, northern VA.

[stephen54]

;) Great post and if you are like us it will just get better as you go.

Thank you so much. I believe you!

[stephen54]

Great post Stephen. We had a very similar first time experience. Just being able to truly make love to my wife again is worth the pain that is the price of admission. My wife is fascinated with the mechanics and hydrodynamics of my new penis. She surprised me in the shower the other night demanding she be shown how to pump it up. I gave the first squeeze to pop the valve then carefully positioned her fingers on the bulb and let her pump. By now she was being playful and placed her mouth around me to feel it grow. Was very erotic. She wasn't strong enough to get a real hard erection, but enough to satisfy her curiosity. I finished the pumping and she finished me. Incorporating the mechanics of pumping into foreplay took us to a new level of acceptance and intimacy. The best part was even though I had finished, she wasnt done. We dried off and slipped into bed and I was still able to satisfy her. We're so looking forward to new ways to regain lost time. It's all good, like teenagers again. For those of questioning your decision, or those who've not moved forward yet, the results speak for themselves. Just do it.
Implanted Sept 24, 2019 AMS LX, 18cm, 1 RTE, 5" flacid, 6+ inflated. Dr. Tajkarimi, northern VA.

Absolutely LOVE all of that. That's brilliant. Love it love it love it. Extremely happy for you two.

I don't think I've ever been so genuinely happy for so many randomly anonymous people as I have felt the last few months on this site. There's something so fricking deeply moving about hearing stories of couples encountering ED hell, persevering and coming out the other side to rediscover and recapture something so important to them both. There is something so fundamentally awesome about 2 people experiencing these challenges together, navigating, and carving out a new way...together.

You're so correct. Lots of these last 8 weeks hasn't been the most fun, but I'd take on much worse to get to this point of promise we seem poised at the brink of today. For the guys considering and researching and thinking about implant...do your diligence, and shit tons of diligence...but don't fear this thing. Maybe fear the fear instead.

[dg_moore]

Lucky you! That's how it's *supposed* to go.

[Frederickdave]

Need I mention that we started having sex at 17 and have been married for 46 years. 66 years old and still the most important person to each other. Sex is just part of the reward. Good sex breed intimacy. Intimacy breeds good sex.

[Agfa13]

Wow, and I thought I was graphic, lol. Glad to hear the progress.
Just posted on my thread about being able to fuck ass after a month of bitching. Was pleasantly surprised, as I thought the malleable would not hold up. A little back story, but I am uncut, and dabbing my dick after I piss was uncomfortable. I was expecting that ANY type of pressure on it would be uncomfortable.
Needless to say, I went to town this afternoon. Did not 'finish', but took a wild test drive!

[Waynetho]

Wifey & I have gotten a bit more out of my implant last week. Due to her weight we had to be creative, using the porno "scissor" position with her on her right side with her left leg up, and honestly I didn't do much of the work due to the awkward position of my legs. I just maxed out penetration and let her grind, all the while working he clitoris bulge. I didn't cum either night during our sessions but the first night she came seven times and the second night it was ten times. She said she'd never cum like that before.

[Lost Sheep]

(edited for focus)
I explained to her that this was, in the 9 years we've been together, the literal first time of god knows how many times we've had sex, the first time that I've had the confidence and the ability to lay motionless inside her without worrying about how soon the erection will wane and start to soften without the continual stimulation of thrusting. It was absolutely, indescribably, utterly fucking magic...to shed that anxiety and mental overthinking and worry and all the other ED bullshitty bullshit. It's mind boggling to me still that I have an on-demand iron bar dick we can do (apparently) mostly whatever the hell we want with. It's almost impossible for me to internalize and believe this new reality. It's an adjustment, man. The new world where my mind now can open up and fully see her during sex...fully enmesh with our shared experience in a way that I was always previously challenged with because I would be feeling some interference and some mental limitations prior, because I was never, ever, ever able to be fully present. Because my dick had let me down in the past so many times and in so many ways. And because I knew it could let me down, my mind was never 100% able to free fall into her and into us and into the shared experience because of the fucking ED static constantly playing in my head. So we just had an experience where this whole new world opens up now, and possibility is ripe and real. It's emotional as hell for me. Not going to pretend otherwise. Just about on the verge of tears last night in those moments where I'm recognizing I can give myself over to her, mentally and emotionally, absolutely 100%....and relax...and connect...and connect more deeply and more intensely because that motherfucking ED has been outsmarted and out-engineered and my mind doesn't now need to mentally catalogue and stress all the shit which has gone wrong and could go wrong. Poof. Fucking non-issue. It's extraordinary. Oh...I came. Orgasm was awesome and familiar. She came. I feel like my sensations and sensitivity there is at like 85-90% of what it was pre-op. It's definitely progressively returning. It all feels familiar and awesome.

Thanks for that testimonial.

Here's mine:

When I first began to notice my E.D. it was;

For a LONG time I was plagued by the nagging anxiety of the questions, "Will I stay hard long enough to please her?" then,

"Will I stay hard enough to have an orgasm myself?",

"Will I get hard enough to even get inside her?"

and ultimately the near certainty,

"You will not even GET hard.". And that NEAR certainty was worse than a certainty.

Now that the anxiety of, "Will I stay hard?" is gone, (not to mention the anxiety in the back of HER mind, "Will HE stay hard long enough for me to have even ONE orgasm?") sex can be as carefree, spontaneous and playful as can be.

And during sex, I don't concentrate on keeping my erection. I am free to concentrate of making the most of an erection with staying power, concentrate on how it feels to her and concentrate on being the kind of considerate man IN BED as I try to be OUT OF BED that makes us (her and me) happy with each other.

Yes. "Awesome".