niarceel wrote:My wife and I have made watching pornography together a regular part of our sexual foreplay.
We are only interested in erotic pornography, nothing violent, nothing demeaning to women, nothing harmful, nothing "nasty". This filter eliminates about 95% of all the pornography that's out there.
We're both very sexual, very visual. My wife loves watching good, erotic pornography as do I. Watching it together, getting really hot together before we head to the bedroom, is one of the best things we've ever done in our love life.
We have an absolute level of trust. We have no secrets and fully communicate our sexual interests and desires. Between us, nothing is off limits. If she or I watch pornography while the other person is not around, that's fine. It gets us worked up so that when the other person walks in the door, he or she is "attacked" for sex.
And later, we share any new, exciting pornography we've discovered with the other person.
Watching pornography has been very educational. The spectrum of human sexual activities and expression go beyond anything we ever imagined. Most of it is not for us; we are totally straight and very much in love, so there will never be anyone else involved in our love life. But it has been interesting to watch the ways other people express their sexuality.
That, my friend, is a really healthy, really balanced and positive way of approaching porn. Congratulations on doing something with porn together with your wife. You're a lucky man. And, from talking with you yesterday, I know you absolutely know and honor that.
And you're right, you need to do a little diligence and find the right porn content that's right for the two of you. Whatever that may mean. So you're having a
shared experience. It gives ideas, it creates almost endless discussion points, and for us it makes us laugh, and it makes us creatively copy and try to adapt things we see to our own experiences. It leaves indelible images we can reference later, text one another about, etc. It occasionally leaves us scratching our heads.
So like you two, we use porn in a context which we find to be healthy - for us, anyway - we both benefit
together from the dopamine activation and rush (dopamine being the chemical neurotransmitter which activates reward centers in our brains, the same centers activated by euphoric drugs like cocaine etc). Dopamine is a tricky little bastard though! As another poster alluded to, there can be a negative cascade associated with porn...where it takes an ever increasing stimulus to achieve similar arousal and turn on and performance. But we see the positive flip side to that coin, because we also use porn (mostly) together. The reality of dopamine release always pushing our brains to ever higher, ever different visuals and experiences...we find that fun and a challenge we're up for. Human sexuality is so damn infinite. There's always another place to have sex, another toy to try, another position to attempt, another risk to take, another dynamic to focus on which might appeal to whatever kinks we have or the ones we cultivate which we didn't even
know we might have. All about healthy perspective and...god willing...the right sexual partner.
I will check out some porn on occasion solo. She knows. We are wide open about it. She's fascinated and curious as hell to know what would that be that I occasionally choose to watch by myself. Most typically, it would be content of a more...well...edgy nature. Gangbangs would be one example. She would not naturally gravitate toward such content. But when we talked about it a little, she wanted to see something like that which turned me on. She's always motivated to know and understand my turn ons. So it took a little searching to find a scene I thought would be in line with my turnons but also somewhat accessible/palatable for her, and yes, absolutely, we watched some together and she had a number of
"what the hell??!" reactions, but...she also had other reactions...reactions which took her by surprise (elements of a gangbang which turned her on, who knew?). This led to god knows how much conversation and sexual fuel to burn through in coming days and weeks and there's still stuff we reference and occasionally come back to. Still stuff she doesn't quite understand about my turn ons, but...at least for us...the thrill is in the continual process of discovery about one another. We don't think that arrives naturally...it needs cultivation.
At some point, you know your partner inside-fucking-out. You naturally (if you are lucky) move toward a type of comfort in your intimate relationship. Totally normal. And necessary. And fulfilling as hell. But how do you recapture that "newness" of when you are first getting acquainted, first dating, first tearing each other's clothing off, first seeing her in some light or in some position or taking some risk...which blows your brain out? All that early relationship ocean of dopamine. So yeah...porn can be the occasional stick of dynamite we light to push things back toward the unknown, toward newness, toward discovery of entirely new things but within the context of a solidly comfortable and known relationship.
Only our opinion, though...!
