I just give up.

[FMLFML85]

deleted

[Lost Sheep]

so, in this thread, I'm being told:

The advice I gave addressed only the near future. Adjust to your situation so your outlook is not clouded with negativity. I left out advice for how to "get back in the saddle".

no woman is ever ever gonna be with me when they could just find a guy with a normal dick.

Believe me. This is not true of all women, even women who WANT dick. They are more patient than you think.

God I'm just so utterly defeated. this has warped and ruined my entire life. and there's no evidence that anything will ever get better. I just can't take it anymore.

Yes, I felt your that your outlook was despondent (or worse). I sought to provide the view that all is not doom and gloom. There are solutions.

In your first post you stated

not sure why I'm even writing this. maybe because you guys can understand how much sexual dysfunction can ruin a man's life. I'm not even a "man", just some pathetic creature.

I do understand how much E.D. affected my outlook and affected (ruined) my life. But you do not have to remain pathetic. How the world treats you does not define you. It is how you respond to the treatment you get. Seek counselling if you must. It can help. Affirmations and counselling are not bogus hocus-pocus.

maybe next lifetime. I just hope this one ends soon.

There have been suicides among FrankTalk members. That diminishes and saddens all of us and is entirely unnecessary. "It is a permanent solution to a temporary problem." is an old saying, but true in this case. Medical science DOES HAVE solutions. It is just hard work to get them. You have been dealt a difficult hand, but not an impossible one. If coital sex is important to you, there ARE WAYS FOR YOU TO GET IT! Do you think it is worth the hard work to get it?

[stephen54]

so, in this thread, I'm being told:

I should just give up and become passive and let women peg me.

I should find an Asian woman. (always a favorite go-to when a guy isn't hung)

I should accept it and change my attitude.

at 38 years old, I'm by no means young, but I'm younger for this site. I hate to play negative devil's advocate, but an erect decent sized penis is VERY important in regards to sex. I can finger and go down on a woman til the cows come home, but it'll never replace a good old dick. no woman is ever ever gonna be with me when they could just find a guy with a normal dick.

God I'm just so utterly defeated. this has warped and ruined my entire life. and there's no evidence that anything will ever get better. I just can't take it anymore.

Listen, I don't know you, in fact all I know about you is the rather heartbreaking post you put up. Not really just a post though. More of a naked plea. It's sort of difficult for me not to weigh in maybe on a couple of fronts.

- There are 9,000 guys on this board and, to a greater or lesser degree, every one of us has experienced, or is experiencing, or will experience in the future, some manner of ED-related bullshit which is impacting all our lives in ways in which you will never fully understand. Just as we cannot entirely understand your situation. But make no mistake...we are guys and we are guys who find massive value in having use of functional dicks. Many (most) of us have hit brick walls with physicality, with the medical profession, with partners, with our own battered-to-dogshit sense of self and with all the self-flagellation and head-hanging depression which accompanies all of that. Or, with all of those things, and sometimes repeatedly. So just understand - this isn't a competitive ED forum here. We all have our shit. No one's shit is bigger than anyone else's shit. It's all subjective and personal and unknowable to others. That being said...the guys here listen and are compassionate and try our best to materially help. We are your very willing supportive resource; not your opponent.

- I've had a functioning dick in the context of a dogshit half-assed relationship. I can only speak for myself, but I would absolutely build my life around the relationship, not primarily around the clanging of genitals. Maybe I can say this confidently because, to you, I'm just an old man of 54. But I've always wanted to fuck like the 19 year old I still feel like inside today. And I was you a blink of the eye ago and I didn't know what I didn't know (about the right relationship, and about plenty of other things too). I am blissfully stupefied every morning now that I wake up to the relationship I find myself in today. But, important point: I didn't just find myself in it. It wasn't a passive endeavor which blew my way with serendipity because I was beaten up and in the rotten places I had previously found myself. I actively fought my ass off to open door after door after door. My opponents were my own body and (more pivotally) my own habitual ways of approaching my body and the world. It was an extremely aware, active, engaged and assertive way of turning the rudder of my life. And none of it was easy. There were mountains of unspeakable shit I will never describe to another person. I'm suggesting to you here that you need, as someone else suggested, to

- Do everything you can (and more...all the things you don't even know you are capable of) to find the most capable urological practice and physician you can find, travel to, communicate effectively with, and afford. I don't pretend to know or understand what the medical interventions are which are required to remediate and better your physical body, but I have faith they are out there waiting to be researched, discovered, and leveraged by you. I've worked in human medicine for 30 years. The things I've seen overcome and accomplished are mind-bending and sometimes border on science fiction. So, to your point...you absolutely should NOT "accept it". You should instead fight your ass off to change what can be changed. The right medical professional is out there. Work your ass off to identify them. Never fucking stop.

- Actively engage someone to help with your obviously significant depression. That help exists. It's a patient google search away. And it's out there regardless of your health insurance or relative ability to pay. I'm sure there are guys on FT here who have been in the same situation where dollars seem like the primary barrier to better well-being, and I bet they have a wealth of ideas and resources you could try to tap into. The depression is entirely understandable based on even what little you've told us. What's not understandable is deciding not to work on it and just keep recounting the bad shit life has handed you. I know my words and my tone here are probably coming off as preachy. I don't mean it that way. I only mean what I am saying to you as a fucking tough-love call to arms here.

Sometime a spot of humor helps, too. Never underestimate humor.

You said, "I should just give up and become passive and let women peg me".

Well, no. You should absolutely not give up (as emphatically described above). You should do quite the opposite.

But hey, maybe just don't marginalize or scoff at pegging until you've tried it and tried it with a woman who is into it. I mean really, really into it, for your pleasure and for hers, too. Not everyone's cup of tea, I get it. But you unknowingly brought up something (pegging) which plays to both male and female physicality and also plays to the emotionality and mind space attached to sex and things way beyond sex (roles, power play in a relationship, trust, experimentation, taboos, etc etc). It's one act. But it's deeply embedded with possibility. Like a lot of other things that we don't know until we say, "Oh what the hell, alright" and just leap.

This group gives a damn and we'll help you any way we can. You've gotta expect and demand more from yourself though.

Yeah I know...one guy's humble and possibly preachy opinion. For what it's worth.

[Agfa13]

I have to chime in because I think my post, as well as others, were taken way out of context...basically, as something you HAVE to do to become a man.
I have re-read this thread from the beginning. I know you are despondent, we are all offering different views.
Speaking of my post only, I did qualify it and say "on the lighter side of things" regarding pegging, but I also said that you should find someone who is into it, AND that you are into it also. Pegging is not for everyone. Some guys luv it, some guys, its 'exit only'...to each his own.
No one is saying you should do anything, but that this is what worked for them, esp. Captain1117, who said it took him 51 years and finally found someone who appreciates HIM and is supportive of his endeavors, not to mention also finding out about a different culture.
Cut yourself a break and take things on a day-by-day basis. If you read something somewhere, read it, but think about what you read, and the same goes for this site. As you get older, like us old farts here, looking back on things will result in you telling yourself that you can relate to (whatever problem). Offer your insight, but bottom line is that YOU have to decide what you want to do. Remember, tomorrow is another day to continue working on your issue. Good luck.

[stephen54]

I doubt I can top some of the advise and encouragement from prior posters. Then again, topping them wasn’t the goal. Providing another perspective on your dilemma is my goal.

Sometimes taking a cue from history is worthwhile: Sir Winston Churchill was easily the most influential leader of my lifetime. He said, and I quote:

“The pessimist sees the problems in every opportunity. Whereas the optimist sees the opportunity in every problem"

"Never give in, never give in, never; never; never; never - in nothing, great or small, large or petty - never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense"

Truth be known you have issues, but truthfully you haven’t said or thought anything most every other man hasn’t thought on one occasion or another.

Your dick falls within the great expanse on the bell curve of what would be considered normal. Only 14% of men have 7” or more and only 3% have 8”. And that might be more of a curse than a blessing. Women do not always like their cervixes rammed into, don’t like having their airway blocked when giving head, and most prefer clitoral stimulation from the body to body contact possible with a guy who can go bells deep.

Nobody is perfect. High school was the worst time of my life. I might eat strychnine if I were forced to do it again. I started to blossom in college, but really hit my stride in my late 20s. I learned one valuable lesson. Take it as gospel from a grizzled old Army and oilfield cowboy.

If you don’t believe in you, nobody else will. You have to like the guy you are. Then other people will too. It’s infectious.

If you don’t like the guy you are. Modify the things you can. I thought I was a dorky looking geek type. I ditched the glasses for contacts, hit the gym, wore clothes that showed off my newly acquired muscles. It’s a shame people are shallow but there is benefit in packaging yourself nicely. Once I started looking good, I felt good about me. Once I felt good about me, getting dates and getting laid became routine.

By the time a woman is ready to sleep with you they’re not gonna care how big your pecker is. If it’s anywhere close to normal, as yours is, all is well. And if some girl complains that yours is too small suggest she rent her vagina out as a parking garage.

Bottom line is you only lose if you give up. I’ve been dealt some shitty hands in my life. Loss of career, kid with disabilities, abusive dad, etc. but you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and strive forward to see what happens next. Success is measured by forward progress from one failed effort to another, always with enthusiasm.

Hang in there and pm me if you ever need my version of a pep talk. I may be full of shit about half the time, but the other half is occasionally really sound advice.

Take care//txag

That was awesome. I'm rarely a guy of few words, but this one deserves to be left just like that:

Awesome.

(And dead on the nuts correct.)

[Biker60]

The post does not sound good. Why is today the day? I have followed your post and many people on here are supportive. Please reach out to us.

[Leebert]

Hi my name is Lee, I wouldn't normally put this out there but I think that it is warranted at this time! Back in the mid to late 90's I attempted to take my life twice, but something always came up at the moment each time ( call it divine intervention or whatever) thankfully it didn't happen! Lot of alcohol and pot. Couldn't get an erection without pills and alot of times that didn't work. My wife and I had a lot going on in our lives, mostly bad, with kids and our relationship. Not going into all the details but was alcoholic for ten yrs.i didn't know this sight even existed until 2008. It was a ruff road until then ,but I got thru it mostly by myself and some help from my wife. I thought there were no answers for my shitty life then and I'm actually trying rt now not to cry as it's an emotional topic for me.i thought there was no more future for me anymore and found my brothers here in this forum which was such a turn around in my life and decided to work thru it and move on.i now have my life restored and all the good things to look forward to in a revitalized outlook on life itself. Many guys have many different issues and trust me taking your life isn't the answer, and dam now I'm crying! I plead to you to work thru this cause I know for fact that it can get better, there's always hope and help, and I got thru the worse my friend. I feel you and share my compassion, go forward and live your life to it's fullist. Pm me if you want to I've been through a lot of stuff more than one guy can handle, but I did it.GL and my heart is with you!

[Lost Sheep]

tomorrows the day. I've had more than my fill of this life. anyone in my shoes would do the exact same thing.

I appreciate the few guys who reached out and tried to be supportive.

Jan 10 is not a good day to die. ( 2020-01-10 )

Tell me this: What would it take to bring you back? Just the least thing that would tip the balance right now and give time for the future to provide a better path in this life?

Also, remember: In subsequent lives, the choices we make in this life determines what we will be granted in the next. Penance or reward. Your choice.


You have value and something to contribute to the world (I discern from your depth of feeling and ability to string words together). Do not extinguish that light. Your trials can be fodder to benefit others who need you. Need your wisdom. Need to hear your story. Share it. Share it now. And not just here. A support group where you can show others face-to-face the pain and perseverance the E.D. and other challenges you have faced and are facing. Your experience is important to share. Your reason for being on this Earth is not yet fulfilled.

[Lost Sheep]

I don't really believe in reincarnation or souls or life-purposes. we just kind of exist for a little while.

what would it take to bring me back? a 6" x 5" functioning penis. the ability to have sex and romance in my life.

Dude, the ability to have sex does not reside in your penis. There are many different forms of sex and relationships with the opposite sex are not 100% about coitus. If you WANT to be happy, take the bull by the horns and go FIND happiness. If that involves a working penis, do what it takes to get one. If it involves accepting one limitation, accept it and make the best of the working attributes you DO have.

We are not defined by the attributes we have or do not have. We are defined by how we react to them, how we use them.

[PeaceofPain07]

You guys are replying to an old post, but I do wonder where this user is now. Lot of good advice here. I didnt even know pegging was a thing?! Still not sure I fully understand that but anyways, I don't know if the user is still reading this old thread. Even if not, my 2 cents for anyone in similar shoes...

You said he can't afford treatment (implant I assume). Where do you live? In US? If so, insurance may cover. If you don't have insurance, getting a job that offers one may help. I'm also aware that lot of people without a job have medicaid, but not sure of the qualifications clearly.

If none of that helps for whatever reason, then you need to decide how important it is for you to obtain the financial means to get treatment. There are ways to make more money, but that usually involves investing in your intelligence, education, and/or time. It's a process, but did you evaluate the rewards of that process? It should motivate you over giving up or taking your life. I've been thru it for yrs like you. I've had ED since my late teens to almost 34 yrs old. I'm fortunate enough to be able to afford treatment now, but a bigger barrier for me personally was not understanding my options enough as a young confused male, and why it was happening to me. So I spent way too much time trying to naturally fix it. That didn't work, but I did benefit from looking healthier as a side effect. It depressed me, but I'm in a much better and clearer place now. We've both been dealt unfair cards, but doing what it takes to get what I want and don't have... that motivated me over just giving up.

From your perspective, these are just words (hopefully motivating words) from a stranger, but I assure you. My story is real ,and it came with alot of stigma. Growing up in a culture where there is high stigma towards that, I almost gave up too but then I realized how much giving up sucks so I saw thru it all, because I had a plan to eventually fix it. Be strong and get thru it. The rewards are worth it. At the end, all that matters is your happiness and impact on others. Pursue it. What anyone else thinks does not matter long term.