Lost Sheep wrote:justanotherdrumber wrote:Cigar56 wrote:
Well, that's the thing. She isn't all that interested anymore, frankly. Marriage is fine; she simply doesn't have much desire. That makes it more difficult for me to decide what to do.
Maybe it's just me because I read of this all the time.
The wife can go months without sex and has limited desire, while the "Male" is left un- satisfied, jacking off 3-4 times a week attempting to compensate for the difference in libido; some guys even seeking "permission" or approval from the female to do so.
WTF ... ? The "Marriage" is N0T
fine !The terms of cohabitation may be " comfortable" and mutually acceptable, but the only thing left of the "Marriage" is any money in the savings account divisible by two [minus attorney fees], accepting your half of the debt on the credit cards and voiding some papers at the court house.
I fail to see where anyone finds this situation completely "acceptable" and considers the "Marriage" just; "fine" !
I feel pretty sure the "fine" descriptor is being applied only to the non-sexual parts of the marriage.
I believe that I do take your meaning, though. If the non-sexual parts of any marriage are fine, the way should be open to discuss the sexual parts and come to a meeting of the minds about finding a solution.
Two people who care ABOUT each other care FOR each other. Caring for your partner does not imply a spouse should be sexual with the other when it is inconvenient, painful or even unrewarding, but it does imply the recalcitrant spouse should do whatever is reasonable to see to the other spouse's satisfaction.
I am not a marriage counselor (obviously), but having successfully avoided the institution of marriage for 50 years, I feel I am now qualified to give advice on the subject to anyone.
Seriously, being on the outside allows me a lot of perspective without the biases that being invested often brings.
I'm not a volley ball player (obviously) ......
...... , but thank-you for "Spiking" down my wild attempt to score.
Like I said, "Maybe it's just me".....
..... I realize I have a totally different experiences and perspective on marriage ; it's just a fact.
I was married and divorced twice and engaged another time that fortunately got terminated before the knot got tied.
I was first married at 21 and had 3 children by age 26. We were married 20 years and very truthfully; I don't think see ever said N0 !
The second Marriage lasted 8 years. She was only 4 years older than me, however; began an early menopause, began to lose "desire". After two years of marriage counseling with 2 different therapists and a minister she flat out refused to seek any medical intervention for the problem.
P00F ... she was history !
Now, a little about me !
I'm a proponent of Male lead relationships. My relationships begin with the understanding that the man is the dominant partner within the relationship and that one of the expectations in maintaining that relationship is continuing sexual relations.
If at any point it was decided that sexual relations were to end for some unforeseeable reason it would be a well discussed mutual decision; not a one sided stand off. This would also include , "options ". IF either partner were totally incapacitated to perform or unwilling to participate seeking substitutes from outside the relationship would be on the table if necessary.
I just turned 65. My present girlfriend is nearly half my age. We have been together 10 years. During my progression with ED both of us got by by substituting alternate sexual foreplay activities during times when I was having difficulties maintaining a sufficient errection for penetration.
She has constantly been at my side through my decision making process and my post-surgical implant complications. We had a Dr. appointment again today and there are still further medical decisions to be made; the Journey is not over yet.
She is sexually active with me because she chooses to be sexual with me.
As one of my counselors put it, "withholding sex from a partner is a severe form of psychological abuse"; no matter how they attempt to rationalize it.
IF ... a woman really wants to be with you, she will find a way to do that !