who to tell or not?

The final frontier. Deciding when, if and how.

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oldbeek
Posts: 1362
Joined: Sun Sep 10, 2017 1:46 pm
Location: Los Angeles area

Re: who to tell or not?

Postby oldbeek » Sun Sep 16, 2018 4:04 pm

A am a prostate cancer advocate and an implant is just part of the healing. I tell anyone that is within the prostate rang that amazingly is down to 45 for PSA testing. I haven't told my 96 yr old mother in law that lives with us but I go commando with just gym shorts around the house. She has noticed that something is UP. :D
78, good health, RP 7-2017, all nerves taken , PSA 0.05, 4-18,, .08 11/18,.07 1/19,.05 4/19, .06 2/20 Pain with trimix, implant 4-18, Infra-pubic, AMS lgx 15 cm with 5cm rte. Implant at USC Keck. Dr Boyd and Dr Loh Doyle 6 x 4.5

TANGERINE
Posts: 659
Joined: Wed Feb 15, 2017 11:10 pm

Re: who to tell or not?

Postby TANGERINE » Sun Sep 16, 2018 4:14 pm

I disagree.

Nobody , except perhaps the person you have sex with, should know about your bionic state and your bionic surgery.

The best is to say that you are having "urologic surgery" "old man plumbing stuff" and most will leave that alone. If you hang out with a sophisticated medical crowd who will wonder why you are leaving town, then say "I am having a cystocele repair" (my surgeon suggested that line). Yes, that is a lie, but I think it is a white lie which is morally justified to say.

Hernia repair surgery is fine as well, but some will wonder why you are going out of town, but they will let that drop since if they are sophisticated to know that it is odd to leave town for hernia surgery, then they quickly will figure out it is a private matter that does not allow probing questions.
"Strive hard to find the best implant surgeon -- surgical experience really matters"
(55 yo with Titan 22cm implant Feb 2017 by Dr Eid) Great experience -- I'm super pleased with my length and girth and implant performance.

williamb
Posts: 226
Joined: Wed Sep 09, 2015 9:48 pm
Location: south Louisiana

Re: who to tell or not?

Postby williamb » Sun Sep 16, 2018 5:35 pm

m507116 wrote:I have decided to go ahead and get an implant. My problem is I don't really want anyone (other than my wife) to know that I am having this surgery.
I don't understand the feeling to hide this. Its not our fault, we did nothing to cause ED. Maybe I am a little free with info about my situation. My uro asked me if he could bring a young female assistant in for the exam, I told him the 1st thing they remove during Prostate removal surgery is your dignity. You can go invite people out of the waiting room to witness the exam.
Dave
born 1949, Cancer 2014, 1st Implant AMS CX 18 + 3 RTE, Oct 2015 by a Houston Doctor. Left with loss of length, Floppy Glans and pain, a very poor job. Revision in Dec 2016 by Dr Kramer, 21 + 3 1/2 RTE,Regained length, Glans supported and no pain.

dg_moore
Posts: 1493
Joined: Mon Apr 25, 2011 9:34 am

Re: who to tell or not?

Postby dg_moore » Sun Sep 16, 2018 5:47 pm

Nobody but my docs and my wife know I had the surgery. To me, there's news you can use and news you can't. My implant is in the latter category,
Dave, 76, Maryland - Implant (Titan) 2008 by Dr. Andrew Kramer - never used due to a stroke that, among other things, ended my sex life.
Life is not the way it's supposed to be, it's the way it is.

WyoMan
Posts: 55
Joined: Sat Nov 11, 2017 10:51 am
Location: Powell, Wyoming

Re: who to tell or not?

Postby WyoMan » Sun Sep 16, 2018 6:08 pm

Williamb, I agree that it isn't our fault, and I have told my kids I will be having a 'urological procedure' (truth, just not all of it). They have not asked for more info, atleast yet. I'm wondering if they would really want to know-Mom and Dad still...?
75; married 52 years; HBP well controlled, overweight. Prostate Arterial Embolization Jan 2017: No indication of cancer. Injections failed. Implanted Nov. 2, 2018. Dr. Karin Dolan, Billings, Mt. AMS LGX 15 cm+2 2.5 cm RTE. 65 ml reservoir.

williamb
Posts: 226
Joined: Wed Sep 09, 2015 9:48 pm
Location: south Louisiana

Re: who to tell or not?

Postby williamb » Sun Sep 16, 2018 6:29 pm

WyoMan wrote:Williamb, I agree that it isn't our fault, and I have told my kids I will be having a 'urological procedure' (truth, just not all of it). They have not asked for more info, at least yet. I'm wondering if they would really want to know-Mom and Dad still...?
. Yes I understand that the kids may not want to know that Mom and Dad still.......?. And I don't go advertising it but if someone starts questioning me about my surgery, I usually tell them I am still dealing with the effects of prostate cancer. If they ask more I will tell them that I got a penile implant and the Dr botched the job and I had it replaced. Last one was a male bladder sling to try to reduce the incontinence. Maybe they are not just nosy or insensitive, they may be truly interested because they are having issues and embarrassed to admit it but could us the help. I have not done a show and tell, the only non-medical people that have seen it is my wife and my sister in law (but she did not get to experience it)
Dave
born 1949, Cancer 2014, 1st Implant AMS CX 18 + 3 RTE, Oct 2015 by a Houston Doctor. Left with loss of length, Floppy Glans and pain, a very poor job. Revision in Dec 2016 by Dr Kramer, 21 + 3 1/2 RTE,Regained length, Glans supported and no pain.

newbie443
Posts: 484
Joined: Fri Dec 01, 2017 9:41 pm
Location: Sedgwick county, Kansas USA

Re: who to tell or not?

Postby newbie443 » Mon Sep 17, 2018 2:12 pm

m507116 wrote:I have decided to go ahead and get an implant. My problem is I don't really want anyone (other than my wife) to know that I am having this surgery. My son and his wife are living with us, so they will know something is up (no pun intended).

Have others tried to keep it from their friends and family? What kind of excuse can you use? My doctor said a hernia operation could be used as they would have similar restrictions post surgery.


There have been a lot of threads on this. I even had one. This is your choice and folks on this site very from "no ones business but my own" to "spread the word and try to help as many others understand as possible". I started out in the first group and have moved to the second. I was single and my sons live with me. There was a lot of stress for me even doing something about my ED. Keeping it private just added more stress. When I made my decision to do something about my ED then decided to have the implant it was really difficult. I had no one other than folks on this site to talk to about it. Then I told my family about it and it was such a relief. Others were very supportive and it greatly reduced my stress. But we are all different and others on the site are post implant and in the first group. What ever is best for you is what you need to do to take care of you.
Injections failed. Implanted 3-21-18 AMS 700 LGX 21 + 1 RTE 100 cc reservoir Dr. Kramer. https://youtu.be/QPu9pLBM0wM

62 years young.

Will show and tell and talk with others.

David_R
Posts: 2145
Joined: Mon Nov 02, 2015 1:03 pm

Re: who to tell or not?

Postby David_R » Mon Sep 17, 2018 3:22 pm

I have never talked directly with my two 30-something sons, but I think they have figured it out. (And like is commonly shown in comedies, I don't think they want to talk about their parents' sex life.) :?

Donnie1954
Posts: 2505
Joined: Wed Feb 19, 2014 9:04 pm
Contact:

Re: who to tell or not?

Postby Donnie1954 » Mon Sep 17, 2018 3:32 pm

I have no problem telling (or showing) anyone who inquires about my implant. My wife says, you can see your ..... through your clothes. I just smile and say, it's a big dick, you can't hide it.
donnie1954@mail.com
Implant AMS 700 CX, MS (18cm x 12mm with 5.5cm RTEs) on 10\4\16. 64 Dr. Edward Kata of Orlando. Awesome surgeon. Check out, 'DD Bryan. My implant journey, Wit and Wisdom, Stretching routine, Implant Pics, Natural Hang. Live in Ga.
.

alfa88
Posts: 178
Joined: Sat Jun 30, 2018 2:59 pm
Location: North of Gilligan's Island

Re: who to tell or not?

Postby alfa88 » Mon Sep 17, 2018 4:05 pm

I'm at least a couple of years away from the 'nuclear option' so I've contemplated this too. Nothing to be ashamed about but other than Mrs. Alfa no one else needs to know. I would anticipate a 6 week recovery. The hernia story sounds viable. 'Boy surgery' would be a more truthful explanation and without TMI. I, myself, wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of TMI. :shock:
53 years old, married 32 years. Decades of ED & PE. BPH. Tried Viagra W & W/O T-Shots, Levitra and Cialis, Edex, Trimix starter, medium, strong with poor results. VED is a last resort.


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