3 weeks w/ Titan mostly regret

[Lawrence13]

Today marks 21 days post 24cm coloplast titan via Dr. Eid. Have been cycling since day 3 in warm baths.

Raw honest thoughts.

Pros: wish there were more. The constant pain is gone. Off px meds. The cycling since day 3 has softened the cylinders just enough that I can conceal my flaccid state in my underwear. I have retained orgasim sensation.

Cons: Perfectly well understand it is still very early but there hasn’t been a single day thats gone by where I haven’t regretted this decision. If anything the decrease in pain has only made room for my brain to notice how this thing that’s been put in me is unnatural and has made me feel worse about my self not better. I’ve hit a wall cycling and it appears my tissue cannot or won’t expand as much as the cylinders need. Every time I try and push through I regress. There is little doubt I lost a full inch in length which at this point is the least of my concerns. I don’t see how I will ever be okay with having this implant or feeling confident or sexual with it. It’s a dead peice of plastic. A new source of shame and self doubt.

The more I read the posts of the men who “wish they had done it ten years earlier” the more I realize have almost nothing in common the people who like their implants. I was a bad fit for this. The thought honking this loud duck horn in front of a girl to get an erection makes me sick to my stomach. ( all the older married guys laughing “ oh it’s like a mateing call to my wife I…. Okay I get why you think it’s funny but for a single guy in his 30’s not so much). But that’s what I mean when I say I have nothing in common with the guys who actually like this device.

Certainly hope I have one of those drastic turn arounds and am open to the possibility it could happen. However, the truth is I currently hate my implant and pretty much every aspect of having one. Whether justified or not I am feeling a certain amount of animosity towards this site….. but really I think that’s likely more realistically anger at myself. Feel less like a bionic brother and more like an idiot. This was my decision alone after all.

Hope it gets better because obviously I have no fucking choice. Burned the ships as they say.


Just being honest.

[LetoMan]

Feel less like a bionic brother and more like an idiot.

At least you are self aware!

[Lawrence13]

Feel less like a bionic brother and more like an idiot.

At least you are self aware!

Wow, great to see the community really supports people having a tough time when it’s not all sunshine and roses. Can’t say I’m shocked.

[LetoMan]

I’m pretty sure if you didnt’t come on here and dig on everyone, guys would be lining up to offer support. But if you haven’t learned this in your first 38 years, let me be blunt: generally people are uninterested in helping you if you’re gonna be an asshole.

[Lawrence13]

I’m pretty sure if you didnt’t come on here and dig on everyone, guys would be lining up to offer support. But if you haven’t learned this in your first 38 years, let me be blunt: generally people are uninterested in helping you if you’re gonna be an asshole.

Dig everyone? When did I dig everyone? Because I simply pointed out that I may not have as much in common with the men who are happy with the implant? Ya know what. Fine man. You think I’m an ass hole. Will leave it that.

[Wooody]

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling this way. I remember having feelings of regret and OMFG What the hell have I done at times during my early recovery.

However, those feelings came and went as I became less and less conscious of it and focused more and more on the feeling of being erect without fear of losing it. And remembering how I felt pre-op.

I just looked at your first post here.....

I’m 38. Live in nyc. From ages 18-31, I had a great, confident sex life. ED arrived at age 32. Turned to pills and then in my desperation Trimix. Eventually dialed back to bi mix. Injections for the last 5 years. The loss of confidence and self security has slowly eroded over the past 5 years. Having to stick a needle in to have sex has robbed me of confidence and spontaneity. Now at the point where scar tissues are forming. This has infected every area of my life and how I move through the world. I used to be happy, confident and socially at ease…. Now I’m not. Have lost two relationships to my insecurity surrounding the decline.

Seeing Dr. Eid for Doppler tomorrow 3/10. Stretched length 6.5inch, injection length 7.2 inch.

Basically, I want my life back. I want to have sex when I want and not have to worry about damaging my self further with injections. Most of all, I want to get my confidence back.

You want to go back to that life? Sticking a needle in and building more scar tissue? What were the real alternatives to that?

And you say you have length loss... it seems you already had some pre-op, no? Your stretched length was the same as now.. before months of cycling.

Your feelings are not uncommon in the beginning, it's a totally normal feeling. If you can try hard to focus on what will and can be in the future, you may just find that your life WILL get better.. much better.

I don't even feel it in me anymore.. it's totally become part of me.. and for most others as well. You're just not giving it a chance.

Wishing you well

[Lawrence13]

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling this way. I remember having feelings of regret and OMFG What the hell have I done at times during my early recovery.

However, those feelings came and went as I became less and less conscious of it and focused more and more on the feeling of being erect without fear of losing it. And remembering how I felt pre-op.

I just looked at your first post here.....

I’m 38. Live in nyc. From ages 18-31, I had a great, confident sex life. ED arrived at age 32. Turned to pills and then in my desperation Trimix. Eventually dialed back to bi mix. Injections for the last 5 years. The loss of confidence and self security has slowly eroded over the past 5 years. Having to stick a needle in to have sex has robbed me of confidence and spontaneity. Now at the point where scar tissues are forming. This has infected every area of my life and how I move through the world. I used to be happy, confident and socially at ease…. Now I’m not. Have lost two relationships to my insecurity surrounding the decline.

Seeing Dr. Eid for Doppler tomorrow 3/10. Stretched length 6.5inch, injection length 7.2 inch.

Basically, I want my life back. I want to have sex when I want and not have to worry about damaging my self further with injections. Most of all, I want to get my confidence back.

You want to go back to that life? Sticking a needle in and building more scar tissue? What were the real alternatives to that?

And you say you have length loss... it seems you already had some pre-op, no? Your stretched length was the same as now.. before months of cycling.

Your feelings are not uncommon in the beginning, it's a totally normal feeling. If you can try hard to focus on what will and can be in the future, you may just find that your life WILL get better.. much better.

I don't even feel it in me anymore.. it's totally become part of me.. and for most others as well. You're just not giving it a chance.

Wishing you well

Hey man I really really appreciate the post and your way of reminding me to look at the reason I did this / what it was like before. It’s true I was miserable. My only clarification is that my initial 6.5 stretch was incorrect. After a few ved sessions my stretch length went up to 7.25 every time.


Yeah I dunno. I certainly feel rough at the moment about things. I’m hoping there’s others who felt what I’m feeling right now and it changed for them. I’m just frightened by how bad I feel.

[NYCGay]

I’m sorry to hear that you're feeling so bad about your implant right now. But please know, that a certain sense of buyers’ remorse seems pretty common. The satisfaction rate with implants is reportedly very high – but not necessarily during the first couple of months.

A few years ago a guy in his thirties DM:ed me here on FT. He’d had his surgery only a couple of days prior, and now he was severely depressed and felt that it was such a failure of his manhood that he had had needed this so early in life. I urged him to look at the possibilities that the implant would open to him, instead of focusing on whether or not it was a failure of his manhood. Several months later, I saw posts of him on FT. He was living the life and playing the field. He certainly didn’t sound depressed any longer.

Yeah, the sound of the pump is annoying, but in my experience, there are ways of hiding it. You can pump up halfway at some opportune moment before getting undressed. You can put on music to cover the sound while you pump up the rest. Or if that’s not an option, you can excuse yourself and go to the bathroom to pump. It doesn’t take longer than it would have taken to pee. I find it’s so much easier to hide the implant that it ever was to hide my injections.

My final advice is: Just give it some time. At least wait till you have used the implant for sex a few times before you decide it was a mistake. Don’t rule out the possibility that you will come to enjoy what you can do now that you have it.

[Lawrence13]

I’m sorry to hear that you're feeling so bad about your implant right now. But please know, that a certain sense of buyers’ remorse seems pretty common. The satisfaction rate with implants is reportedly very high – but not necessarily during the first couple of months.

A few years ago a guy in his thirties DM:ed me here on FT. He’d had his surgery only a couple of days prior, and now he was severely depressed and felt that it was such a failure of his manhood that he had had needed this so early in life. I urged him to look at the possibilities that the implant would open to him, instead of focusing on whether or not it was a failure of his manhood. Several months later, I saw posts of him on FT. He was living the life and playing the field. He certainly didn’t sound depressed any longer.

Yeah, the sound of the pump is annoying, but in my experience, there are ways of hiding it. You can pump up halfway at some opportune moment before getting undressed. You can put on music to cover the sound while you pump up the rest. Or if that’s not an option, you can excuse yourself and go to the bathroom to pump. It doesn’t take longer than it would have taken to pee. I find it’s so much easier to hide the implant that it ever was to hide my injections.

My final advice is: Just give it some time. At least wait till you have used the implant for sex a few times before you decide it was a mistake. Don’t rule out the possibility that you will come to enjoy what you can do now that you have it.

I can’t begin to explain how much I appreciate your response man. I do have very acute depressive thoughts and anxiety in the wake of this surgery so hearing about other guys who did as well who came out of it does give me hope. Been having trouble sleeping and some of the cycling regression has been difficult to accept. Right now with the set backs I feel that I’m probably a ways away from my first sexual experience. Of course I hope that getting a few under my belt could turn the tide.

[duke_cicero]

Hey man. 21 days is still very very early in the game. I'd re-evaluate at 6 months and 12 months. I really think it's going to get better.