My ED story (UK)

[siltmonkey]

Week 5 so far

I’ve started going for walks. Actual outside fresh air time. At last. I’m a bit sore afterwards but everything is fine. Every day I seem to be able to bear underwear for longer. I have to kind of keep my dick pushed a little down but it’s bearable and not stretching or squashing anything. My wife bought me some ‘relaxed fit’ trousers which hide everything for now. Kind of hard to get used to, seeing as I keep myself trim and usually wear slim-fit clothes. Hey ho.
I have now managed to drive. It’s easy because it’s sitting down which is still the most comfortable position, and it’s note like I’m going to use my dick to change gear or anything.
Some things come as a surprise. The other morning I was wrapping presents and realised I was kneeling. Kneeling without pain or effort. I can crouch now, bend my knees. I’m a bit like a toddler finding out how everything works. I can’t go to the gym yet so I do upper-body workouts at home. That helps me feel better – exercise is definitely good for you.
On my latest walk I had my dick pointed down in my underwear. The first time I have been able to do it and not feel pain. I can feel it though. Every step I can tell it’s there. Perhaps this is what men with enormous dicks have to put up with every day. But it’s not painful. That’s progress. And it’s pointing down. That’s also progress. My wife says it doesn’t stick out too much either and if it does ‘show’ she kind of likes it. She also helped by wrapping a small bandage loosely around it so it doesn’t chafe. What a woman.
At this point I’m beginning to get microscopically less anxious. I currently have a large lump in my trousers. I remember the joke chinese proverb – ‘Man who walk sideways through airport door going to Bangkok.’ But it’s not so painful anymore. It inflates. I can deflate it quite a bit. And I don’t care that I probably won’t do the splits or conquer obstacle courses. I’ve already got some sensation in it. My mind is even turning to the possibility of sex. The last few, irregular orgasms I’ve had have been anxiety-riddled unsatisfying affairs. If I can give my wife an incredible feeling every time that would be amazing in itself. I have come to regard sex as largely mental anyway. A two-way street to be sure, but seeing how truly that girl has stuck to the ‘for better or worse’ part of the marriage vow, I’m going to put her first regardless. Then hopefully I’ll eventually learn to drive this new thing I have for my own pleasure.

Part way through the week I did a short trip with my family. A real trip outside! This must be how prisoners feel after release. I could even keep up with them while walking. Wasn’t expecting that so this is a high point. I’m steeling myself for some low points, of which I am sure there will be plenty. But let’s take a small victory.

There’s my low point. I got complacent and thought it was all tea and biscuits from now on. But no. Recovery is a rollercoaster. All morning I had my dick tucked away in my larger trousers with no problem. Look at me, world! I’ve got a large package! Pride comes before a fall. After lunch I inflated, left it for my required 15 minutes, then deflated, tucked it back in and boy did it hurt. Mostly in the perineum, a bodily area I had largely ignored until these medical shenanigans. Can’t ignore it now. Did I slightly over-inflate? Is that possible? This is a steep learning curve. Back to the pain medication. Paracetamol (tylenol in the US I believe) and codeine mix. Hope that kicks in soon.

Thankfully, the drugs do work. The pain has subsided like a politician’s manifesto and I’m back to where I was. Phew.

[Irish Lad 34]

Hey bro Great post - thanks for sharing.

We are on a similar timeline for recovery here because I was also implanted in UK almost 6 weeks ago. I had a penoscrotal Titan fitted.

The first few weeks were rough for me but I saw the most improvement around week 4 - week 5. Now at almost 6 weeks out I still get stiff and achy, mostly when wearing office trousers. I'm still a lot less flexible than I was. I'm finding it hard to make the new flacid comfortable. But I'm cycling every day and masturbating. Length is near enough what I had before with glans engorgement but I think I've lost a small bit of girth in the upper half mostly beneath the glans, and the shape has changed..

The only issues I can find myself are the slight loss of girth and change of shape in the upper half, and also some palpable tubing at about 4 o' clock beneath the base of my penis. It's mostly only palpable jutting out when I lye flat on my back, it's not as bad when I stand up straight. I'm thinking of having it reviewed in maybe 6 - 12 months to see if I can move that tubing out of the way.

Your post is good I find it most inspiring that you have already been successful in dating and successful in a satisfying long-term relationship with what seems like an amazing woman. This is an aspect of your case that gives hope to many of us!

With ED and the treatments it's a 2 sided coin for many of us. On the one side is the physical problem and the treatments, but on the other side is dating and relationships. Even after my implant - myself and many others will still struggle with confidence around women. I personally worry now will the shape of my penis be OK for a woman, will it have enough girth, will they judge me for having an implant, will the tubing annoy them etc etc?! I don't have much experience dating. I would like to find a partner and I now have the hard penis but I also find I now have anxiety about how I'll be judged for the implant and all that goes with it.

Your case is really inspiring because it shows that it is possible to meet women even if your erection is not 100% perfect or natural.

[siltmonkey]

Hey bro Great post - thanks for sharing.



Your post is good I find it most inspiring that you have already been successful in dating and successful in a satisfying long-term relationship with what seems like an amazing woman. This is an aspect of your case that gives hope to many of us!

With ED and the treatments it's a 2 sided coin for many of us. On the one side is the physical problem and the treatments, but on the other side is dating and relationships. Even after my implant - myself and many others will still struggle with confidence around women. I personally worry now will the shape of my penis be OK for a woman, will it have enough girth, will they judge me for having an implant, will the tubing annoy them etc etc?! I don't have much experience dating. I would like to find a partner and I now have the hard penis but I also find I now have anxiety about how I'll be judged for the implant and all that goes with it.

Your case is really inspiring because it shows that it is possible to meet women even if your erection is not 100% perfect or natural.

I don't think anything I've ever done has been called inspiring so thank you!

The dating/relationship side is something that a lot of people don't mention much so I will. I'll try not to ramble but I really appreciate your post.

I remember wishing that someone would feel sorry for me and whisk me away to a life of love and fun. I guess my head was full of fairy tales and film happy endings. And of course there was nothing but failure, avoidance and unhappiness. Dating happened to other people.

I remember reaching a point, I think I was 24, where I stopped trying to find someone and started doing things for myself. I had had an encounter with a very fit girl and it ended terribly, with her saying she didn't want to see me again because I was no good. After the tears and days of self-hate, it was almost like a switch went off - 'Well I can't have sex so I'll just do things I feel like doing.' A big 'fuck you' to the world I guess. I did canoeing, scuba diving etc. whatever I felt like. I met some nice people and consciously avoided thinking about partnering up. Yes I would have traded it in a heartbeat for a working penis and someone to fiddle with it, but that wasn't an option and It did actually kind of take my mind off it.

What I didn't realise was I was unwittingly doing something really good - I was building a life. Instead of trying to find someone to make a life with, I was making my own, having experiences, learning things, finding things out, gaining knowledge, making friends and acquaintances, filing away jokes and building social skills and generally becoming more of my own person.

It was only then that people started taking more of a genuine interest in me. It was quite scary. I'm naturally shy and retiring, probably quite far along the autistic spectrum. Most people seem to inherently understand sociability whereas I have to learn everything, almost making a filing system in my head for various social interactions. Countless false starts and saying the wrong thing to the wrong person at the wrong time.

But here's the open secret - nobody starts confident. Nobody. You gain confidence by doing things that are hard. Things that scare you. And each time you come through it, you learn. Maybe you learn what not say or do (there's a lot!). Maybe you learn a good joke. Maybe you learn how to compliment someone without sounding creepy. Maybe you learn how to ask questions that don't sound like you're interviewing them (I still find this difficult). Maybe you learn that girls aren't interested in you boasting about your skydiving. Maybe you learn that girls are just people and people like to feel valued and listened-to. But it all adds up, little by little. Marginal gains. I'm living proof of that because I really wasn't any good with talking to people, and still often find it uncomfortable.

So by the time Mrs. (always) Right appeared, I was sort of funny, more worldly, almost devil-may-care because, well, nothing was going to happen was it? I didn't work properly so what did I have to lose? We'd probably kiss and then I'd make an excuse and at the weekend I'd forget about it and go do something adventurous to take my mind off it.

Except that didn't happen this time. Because I wasn't the same person who didn't have a working dick two years before who was desperate to be with someone. I was someone else. I was me. Without realising at the time, I had stopped letting my ED define me. And that made me more attractive.

If a pretty, smart and aspirational girl can decide to make a life with someone like me who had always struggled with ED, then I cannot imagine someone not wanting a really together, fun, non-desperate guy who happens to have a dick that works every time. Unless you are actually a deformed hunchback who spends their weekends sandblasting their Nazi memorabilia.

But I'm guessing you're not.

[Rider1400]

Stilmonkey, really enjoyed the read. Just started at the beginning and caught up. Ed hit me about 45 years of age and I used pills effectively for 8-9 years then they started failing. It was about this time that it started really affecting my relation with my wife who blamed herself. We had been married over 25 years at this point and we struggled thru it. It just got worse with time and I would double down on the pills and fail miserably many times at sex. At 55 I started injections which worked great at first but quickly started failing and I constantly had to increase the dose which led to more frustration and failures. About one year into injections I started researching implants and by 16 months into injections (57yesrs old ) I did the deed. I had a very easy and almost painless recovery! It took another year or more to get my relationship back to a great place and now the last several years have been some of the best!!! I’m telling all this to let you know that ED can definitely cause chaos in your life but an implant can change it forever for the better! Sounds like you have an amazing and very supportive wife who will obviously benefit from your pain and suffering!! Better days are coming I guarantee you!! One small word of caution as I’m sure you’ve read. At first is not the easiest thing to have sex! Go slow and enjoy the process.It will be a little painful in a good kind of way but it does get better over a few weeks just like the recovery from the surgery. Within a month of having sex it will get much better and by 4-6 months it will be a natural thing with little or no discomfort. Things soften up a lot over the first year. The first 6 months is a learning curve and it just gets better from there. By 8 months I thought it couldn’t get any better… but, by 10-12 months it became even more normal to the point you forget you even have an implant for the most part during your day to day activities. Good luck in the future and keep us posted on how it goes when you finally get to have some great love sessions with the missus!!

[siltmonkey]

Stilmonkey, really enjoyed the read. Just started at the beginning and caught up. Ed hit me about 45 years of age and I used pills effectively for 8-9 years then they started failing. It was about this time that it started really affecting my relation with my wife who blamed herself. We had been married over 25 years at this point and we struggled thru it. It just got worse with time and I would double down on the pills and fail miserably many times at sex. At 55 I started injections which worked great at first but quickly started failing and I constantly had to increase the dose which led to more frustration and failures. About one year into injections I started researching implants and by 16 months into injections (57yesrs old ) I did the deed. I had a very easy and almost painless recovery! It took another year or more to get my relationship back to a great place and now the last several years have been some of the best!!! I’m telling all this to let you know that ED can definitely cause chaos in your life but an implant can change it forever for the better! Sounds like you have an amazing and very supportive wife who will obviously benefit from your pain and suffering!! Better days are coming I guarantee you!! One small word of caution as I’m sure you’ve read. At first is not the easiest thing to have sex! Go slow and enjoy the process.It will be a little painful in a good kind of way but it does get better over a few weeks just like the recovery from the surgery. Within a month of having sex it will get much better and by 4-6 months it will be a natural thing with little or no discomfort. Things soften up a lot over the first year. The first 6 months is a learning curve and it just gets better from there. By 8 months I thought it couldn’t get any better… but, by 10-12 months it became even more normal to the point you forget you even have an implant for the most part during your day to day activities. Good luck in the future and keep us posted on how it goes when you finally get to have some great love sessions with the missus!!

Thanks for replying. It's great to hear positive stories coming out of all the adversity.

[splitpeach]

A relatable read! The NHS is incredible.. Who was your surgeon?

[Kiwias]

With ED and the treatments it's a 2 sided coin for many of us. On the one side is the physical problem and the treatments, but on the other side is dating and relationships. Even after my implant - myself and many others will still struggle with confidence around women. I personally worry now will the shape of my penis be OK for a woman, will it have enough girth, will they judge me for having an implant, will the tubing annoy them etc etc?! I don't have much experience dating. I would like to find a partner and I now have the hard penis but I also find I now have anxiety about how I'll be judged for the implant and all that goes with it.

Your case is really inspiring because it shows that it is possible to meet women even if your erection is not 100% perfect or natural.

Irish lad. Stop worrying about the shape of your penis. Women don't give a shit. Most of them won't even look at it. Even if you wave it in their face (don't btw as they usually find that a turn off )
The experienced ones will have had every shape and size of dick and unless you have a micro penis you're unlikely to disappoint. They will be shagging you because they are into you not your dick.
The inexperienced ones will be just as nervous as you, probably more because of the body shaming industry that they have been confronted with since they were little girls. The last thing on their mind will be the shape of your dick.
You're confidence will come with experience. Yes you will make some balls ups but who cares, just move on. You will also shag plenty that you regret, especially if you drink and have the old beer goggles on.
You will eventually meet your soul mate and it moves to a whole new level. Be sure the shape of your now working penis will not come into it.
Get on with your recovery and go out and enjoy yourself. And remember not pulling every night is not a failure, it's just part of the game.

[siltmonkey]

A relatable read! The NHS is incredible.. Who was your surgeon?

Bizarrely enough, considering all the personal details I'm divulging here, I'm not entirely comfortable saying who did it and where. I'm still mentally fragile and I've read posts that decry particular surgeons, at least in the US. I'm not saying you will but I don't want to run the risk of anyone, even unwittingly, suggesting I didn't go to the 'best' person / didn't travel to the back of beyond for Mr. X / didn't pay money I don't have to go private etc. and have therefore jeopardised my future. I see people put various details of treatments, hospitals and surgeons as their signature under each post. I won't be doing that. At least until I know everything is fine. Yes in that one respect I'm burying my head in the sand.

I really want to tell everyone everything but I can't just yet. Please don't take it as a personal affront. It's not you, it's me.

Edit - with a small amount of new feeling on the underside of my glans (the most important bit, I seem to remember for me), slightly less swelling and inflation/deflation working and showing an erection that I only considered possible for porn actors, at the moment everything is going as the surgeon said it would. I am very cautiously optimistic.

[siltmonkey]

Still Week 5

I made it to London today. Walk, train, tube and navigating the Christmas crush.

It started badly. I had cycled my implant about half an hour before leaving, muttering my new mantra - 'Must not over-inflate. Must not over-inflate.' After about 15 minutes I gave it two more pumps and then I realised I had gone one too many. It was time for deflation anyway but some pain was already there. Not a lot, but enough to piss me off. I think I should start counting pumps from now on to get used to the tipping point. But I guess it was better than yesterday, so another tiny step in the right direction.

Nevertheless after my previous walk around a park with no ill-effects, this trip felt like a massive step backwards. It was awkward. I felt more self-conscious. It was uncomfortable a lot of the time, even sitting with my new relaxed-fit trousers giving plenty of room to stretch out.

I also became paranoid - every person in London was a threat. If they weren't deliberately going to barge into my nether regions then they were all walking round with a crotch-height pin waiting to stab me in the unmentionables. Small children were especially dangerous - they can't control their arms at the best of times and even less so when a tempting target comes along like a man obviously in a bit of discomfort. London is also mostly devoid of seating, unless you count the hostile architecture of plant containers, or seating your crack on a bicycle rack.

But I came through unscathed and even managed to make my family laugh by doing a very bandy-legged Charlie Chaplin quick-step that strangely proved much more comfortable. Perhaps that will be my alter-ego from now on.

Anyway I'm home and there's no damage done. I hope everyone else is mobile enough without too much discomfort.