Last sleep before the big day. Possibly a journal.

[Kodixx]

Kiwias, congrats to you ! What a great comeback story !!!

- Chuck

FrankTalk Journal – Post-Op Day 11 Something remarkable has happened over the last four days: after years of low-to-no sex drive, my libido has come roaring back like I’m 25 again. Grateful doesn’t even begin to cover it. More updates soon.

[Kiwias]

Week 2 Update

Week 1 was textbook surgical recovery.
Week 2 felt like getting parts of myself back that I hadn’t felt in years.
Here’s the full update for anyone following the journal or preparing for their own surgery.

Physical recovery

Swelling & Pain

Swelling is now minimal , often completely gone for long stretches.
Pain is basically just “awareness” now. No real discomfort unless I’m in an odd position.
The one persistent issue from Week 1 (a pinching feeling at the left underside/base) has mostly disappeared. I occasionally wake with it at night but I think this is just positional as I let everything hang freely.

Incision

Dry, behaving perfectly, glue beginning to crack and lift as expected.
Skin around it moves freely, no tethering or tightness.

Nerves

This was the most interesting physical change of the week. I had: -

ventral twinges

occasional “electrical flick” sensations

pin-pricks in the scrotal skin

deep urethral stretch sensations

an itch-like feeling inside the glans

Even though the outer surface of the glans is still mostly numb, I can feel inside it, including the pressure from the cylinder tips sitting about halfway in. This is exactly what my natural anatomy felt like, only firmer.
Sensation is returning in waves, not all at once.

Implant feel

The cylinders are noticeably softening (in the good way). Crinkling is much less apparent and
the device bends more naturally.

Bend resistance varies by direction:

Both left and down: bends easily

up: mild resistance

right: moderate/strong resistance and wants to buckle

From what I understand, this is normal early behavior as tissues loosen in some planes faster than others.

Measurements

Like everyone on this forum I have gotten a little obsessed with measurements. These are difficult to get correct at the moment as due to the scar as I can't really do an accurate bone pressed. However on an inaccurate side measure length has bounced between 5.5 and 6.5. it changes day by day increases then decreases then increases again. I'm not going to bother with it again until I can pump and deflate, then I'll have a better idea of the erect and flaccid outcomes, not this intermediate semi erect state.
Girth measured midshaft 4.5 inches at Day 15. This is right between my natural and VED girths immediately pre surgery
Also it's without cycling, without full inflation, and without the final healed shape. So very pleased with that. And hopefully as I have a Titan it will continue to improve.

Miscellaneous

I found a couple of soft, mobile, rubbery lumps in the scrotum. They move freely and vanish when I stop looking for them. Almost certainly fat lobules or healing tissue. They are not painful, not attached to anything, and not
concerning.

The pump

This seems to have settled left of centre, below and behind my left testicle. I'm completely unaware of it at all times. The position is good for both left or right hand pumping. I'm slightly ambidextrous and from my current exploration of the device I think I will prefer to pump left-handed and deflate with my right hand. I'm not envisioning any issues when it comes to activation as I have already had a couple of naughty micro pumps with either hand to test things out. I can also clearly locate and feel the deflate button and this feels comfortable to grip and press with my right hand. I haven't attempted to deflate. The only possible issue is that I can feel some sort of soft squishy tissue attached to a small spot on the top ridge of the pump. This is a little bit painful in a pinchy sort of way when I press on it. It's easy to avoid and hopefully it will dissolve or disappear with time.

Sexual function and libido

This is where Week 2 took a dramatic turn for the better.

Libido

Around Day 9–10, something just “switched back on.”
After years of diminished desire post-prostatectomy, I suddenly felt horny again, consistent, daily, urgent, and frankly enjoyable.
I’ve been touching my wife at every opportunity, and she’s loving the attention.

Sensation

Still numb in areas, but:

I can absolutely feel warmth, pressure, and pleasure from oral and manual stimulation

I can feel early twinges of sexual sensation in the shaft and base

Glans responded to suction by partially engorging and staying that way afterward

Pelvic muscle contraction moves the penis normally again


I have not tried to orgasm. I can definitely feel the early signals at the base of my shaft and in my loins, but I doubt I that with the current numbness that I would be able finish yet. That will come with healing.

Oral/Manual Stimulation

My wife has been giving me gentle oral several times a day (her idea now as much as mine):

gentle suction

licking

stroking the shaft

massaging the scrotum

using her mouth on the glans

All perfectly safe at this stage, and deeply reassuring to both of us.
Everything feels normal to me, despite the reduced surface sensation.
She can feel the pump slightly and 2 small Peyronie’s plaque lumps on the left side, but says none of it feels bad or off-putting, just different.

Non-thrusting penetration

This was the emotional highlight of the week.

Last night we ended up in a kneeling missionary position and she guided me inside her.
We stayed connected for a couple of minutes, no thrusting, no pressure, just closeness.
It felt familiar in a way I wasn’t expecting. Like reconnecting with an old part of our relationship we’d missed for years.
Later, in a spooning position, I slid in again while she masturbated herself.
Still no thrusting, just comfortable, beautiful intimacy.
No pain, no strain, and we both found it incredibly affirming.
We won’t attempt real intercourse until cleared, but these moments have done wonders for our confidence and connection.

Emotional state

Honestly, I feel better than I have in years.There’s something incredibly healing about: -

libido returning

sensation returning

being able to pleasure my wife again

her being excited, involved, and affectionate

the feeling of “we’re doing this together”

Instead of sex becoming distant or out of bounds as we wait for healing, it’s become more present, frequent and abundant than it’s been in a decade.
We’re touching more, laughing more, talking more.
She told me she’s loving the increased intimacy and wants this new chapter with me.
That alone would have made Week 2 a success even without all the physical improvements.

Two weeks in: My overall impression

I genuinely feel like I’m ahead of the typical curve.

Sensation returning earlier than expected

Swelling nearly gone

Minimal pain

Libido back

Early, safe sexual contact already possible

Emotional connection strengthened

Girth already improved

Device softening and feeling more natural

Able to see the clear shape and future potential of the implant

And cycling is still a week away.
If Week 3 is anything like Week 2, this is going to be one hell of a journey.
I’ll update again after activation, or sooner if something interesting happens.
Happy to answer any questions for guys preparing for surgery.

[Kiwias]

I forgot to mention the tubes. Once the swelling had subsided I could clearly feel both tubes on either side of my penis, tracking down into my scrotum. They felt large and hard. I was not to concerned and felt that this was something I could adapt to and live with.
Then a couple of days ago they appeared to completely disappear. In reality they haven't gone but have settled deeper into the tissue and just feel like part of my regular anatomy. No way would they be noticeable by anyone, including myself as I really have to probe deeply to locate them.

[Kiwias]

Week 3 Update

It’s been a good, quiet week at home focusing on recovery. Libido remains high, and my wife has been helping where she can with gentle stimulation and general support, which has made the whole process feel far less clinical.

Earlier this week I deliberately deflated as a test. I was feeling anxious about whether I’d be able to deflate properly once I’m given permission to fully inflate, and I wanted to make sure I could do it without issues. (Didn't want to struggle with a full erection) Deflation itself was straightforward and painless. I partially reinflated within minutes. My penis briefly looked flatter and a bit misshapen and I was quite shocked. However that corrected itself spontaneously within a minute or two with no intervention from me beyond a quick shake.

The second deflation was for a car journey. I remained deflated for about five hours in total. The flaccid state looked good throughout, it was rounded and plump rather than collapsed, and there were no obvious “dog ears” unless I accidentally positioned it badly. During the first part of the outward drive I noticed some deep discomfort on the left side, but it was mild, resolved completely once I’d been walking around at the destination, and did not return during the drive home or afterward.

After returning home, I reinflated to roughly 50% without difficulty. The pump was a little slippery but easy to manage, and there was no pain during inflation but a bit of smarting afterwards for a few minutes.

It's ability to bend continues to improve. Bending to the right improving noticeably this week, though overall flexibility still isn’t quite as good as bending to the left. Upward bending remains the stiffest direction. Downward is easy.

Sensation continues to evolve. There’s still numbness along the top and sides of shaft and down the midline of the scrotum, but sexual stimulation is starting to produce a more pleasant, lingering sexual tingle that persists after stimulation stops. Can't say I'm happy but at least there has been some noticeable progress in the right direction.

Glans engorgement remains limited, but warmth and mild fullness are definitely appearing after stimulation, which feels encouraging. Otherwise it is cool to the touch much of the time. It's not floppy as the cylinders are placed correctly, but it is very soft.

I consider these my 2 major issues and am hoping they will both improve sooner rather than later. If anyone has had similar issues I would appreciate hearing about your experience.

I’m really looking forward to my call with the nurse tomorrow, where I’m expecting to be formally instructed on inflation, deflation, and cycling. That feels like the next big psychological milestone.

Another question for fellow bionics.
When you first started proper cycling, how did inflation feel for you in the early days? Did the shape and feel continue to improve over the first few weeks of regular cycling, or did it take longer before things started to feel more natural and consistent?

Overall, this week has felt like steady progress rather than dramatic change, but everything seems to be moving (very slowly) in the right direction.

[Kodixx]

Kiwias, first, congrats on a continued good recovery. I didn't start cycling until almost week 8, and by then parts of me were probably more healed than guys who started a lot earlier. There was some pain, but I didn't force to max inflation -- instead I pumped to the threshold of pain, waited for it to fade, then mini-pumps, repeat, repeat, and repeat. The shape and feel hasn't changed much since the early days.

- Chuck

When you first started proper cycling, how did inflation feel for you in the early days? Did the shape and feel continue to improve over the first few weeks of regular cycling, or did it take longer before things started to feel more natural and consistent?

[Kiwias]

Thanks for your reply Chuck. That's actual quite encouraging.
I've got my phone call with the nurse today so I'll update again after that.

[Kiwias]

The big reveal – First Full Inflation

It’s been a reasonably good week relaxing at home. Some ups and downs but nothing major. Libido remains high, and my wife has been helping where she can with my recovery, both physically and emotionally, which has made this whole process much easier.

Today after my telephone review with the nurse I had my first proper inflation. I hopped into the bath as I felt this might be comfortable. I didn’t count pumps, but the last few were partial as I started meeting resistance and some mild pain, so I don’t believe I truly maxed out. The nurse advised to do at least 5 minutes daily but I was also given carte blanche to go longer and more often if comfortable. I ended up doing around 20 minutes, stopping mostly out of boredom and not wanting the ache to linger after deflation. I was very pleased, my dick felt hard and close to capacity.

I felt compelled to measure. These came out at 7 inches bone-pressed (side) with 4.5 inches mid-shaft girth, and this was without glans engorgement. Its not pointing up but orientation is sitting around 4 o’clock. Hopefully that will improve a bit with cycling. Seeing that ruler was a good feeling.

What really struck me is how much of what I’d lost over the years, (through the radical prostatectomy, followed by ED, and then Peyronie’s), is already back. I believe I’m probably still ½ to 1 inch short of my peak, but I never measured back then, so that’s only an estimate. Honestly I don't really care if things stop here. What matters far more is that it feels like my erection again, not something shriveled and unrecognisable, like a little prepubescent sausage.

Girth also feels close, maybe half an inch shy of my maximum, but again, recognisably my dick.

RestoreX deserves real credit here. The 5 months of traction work pre-op made a major difference, and my surgeon also went the extra mile during the op sizing me correctly and dealing with the fibrosis he encountered. I genuinely feel those two things set me up for the outcome I’m seeing now.

I’ve been given the go-ahead to resume sex in a week. (YAY!) I don't have high expectations that the earth is going to move for me but my wife is going to get an extra Xmas present this year

Cycling is now underway, and I’m looking forward to seeing where things settle over the coming months.

Finally, a sincere thank you to everyone on FrankTalk. Without the shared experiences, honesty, and willingness of others to document their journeys, I know I wouldn't have had the confidence to take this leap. This may be my dick, but thanks to all of you it hasn’t been a solo journey.

[LetoMan]

Brother Kiwi, it sounds like everything is going great, and your spirits seem like they are exactly right. It all gets better from here. Believe me, you and your wife are gonna really love it given how much you have adapted this far.

[Kodixx]

Kiwias, great update ! Yes you are fortunate to have a wife who appreciates what you've been thru for the benefit of the two of you and your relationship. It's a real game-changer -- especially after years of ED. Just remember to take it slow and set an expectation that it takes weeks/months before everything settles out and becomes the "new normal". Which again, is amazing !

- Chuck

It’s been a reasonably good week relaxing at home. Some ups and downs but nothing major. Libido remains high, and my wife has been helping where she can with my recovery, both physically and emotionally, which has made this whole process much easier.

I’ve been given the go-ahead to resume sex in a week. (YAY!) I don't have high expectations that the earth is going to move for me but my wife is going to get an extra Xmas present this year