New to the forum, searching for ED answerrs.

[farmboy]

Hi All, new to the forum, age 71, married 43 years.

My ED started in my mid-fifties. I started with 10mg Cialis, which worked well for a while, but after a few years, I increased it to 20mg. In the past few years, things got progressively worse. I tried 100mg of sildenafil for a while, which was marginally effective, the switched to tadalafil for flexibility. Now back to 100mg of sildenafil. For the past few years, regardless of which med I used, I could get an erection at first, but it would not last long enough to achieve penetration. Erections seemed to be better when I was by myself, so it makes me think that at least part of the problem is performance anxiety. Until a few years ago, when I became mostly unable of having penetrative sex, our sex life had been pretty good. My wife has been patient, something of a trooper, putting up with me. After an unsuccessful attempt, I wind up finishing without penetrating, sometimes with some help from her hands and mouth. Oral sex is not satisfying enough for her. She has been willing to put up with different experiments. Tried fooling with a cock ring, but found it awkward, so set that aside for now.

In doing some research on this forum and elsewhere, I realized that maybe our routine was contributing to the problem. We have been using a "date night" scenario. Cocktails, romantic candlelit dinner with wine, maybe watch a movie, then bed. I like to start out making out on the couch, but she finds it physically uncomfortable, so we usually quickly move to the bedroom. Usually, I get an erection during the makeout section, only to lose it in the bedroom. Perhaps there is too much foreplay. I think the problem with this routine, is both a big meal and alcohol are counterproductive with respect to sildenafil effectiveness. The problem is that I only have an empty stomach first thing in the morning or evening just before dinner. She has ruled out mornings, and is uncomfortable with daylight hours. However, we talked and she has agreed to try just before dinner in a bedroom that we are able to darken considerably. She is self-conscious about her body, although she is in pretty good shape. Despite my telling here that her nude body is still a turn-on for me, she will agree only to dim lighting. I should also mention that part of her self-consciousness is because she had a lumpectomy in one breast 2 years ago, which left her with some mild disfigurement.

So, we have a new plan. Next time, we will schedule sex for just prior to the dinner hour, when my stomach can be relatively empty when taking the sildenafil, and no alcohol will have been consumed. I will also refrain from taking my usual dose of tamsulosin the night before, as I customarily do, to eliminate a possible interaction from that.

I miss both the physical and emotional intimacy. I think she does too, or she wouldn't keep leaving the door open to experiments. We love each other.

If you read this far, I thank you, and welcome any comments. I will also note that for now, at least, I am not interested in injections or an implant.

[bldoink]

....If you read this far, I thank you, and welcome any comments. I will also note that for now, at least, I am not interested in injections or an implant.

Welcome to the forum!

Give the cock rings another try. Visit the "Cock Ring" thread in the "Members Only" sub-forum: https://www.franktalk.org/phpBB3/viewtopic.php?f=16&t=21302 Some experimentation is usually necessary to find the best ring(s) for you. Expect some rejects. The proper ring really can give an erection a nice boost. Wearing a cock ring should not be awkward. If it is it's the wrong ring. Try a different one.

Yes, absolutely use the Viagra on at least a fairly empty empty stomach.

Yes, do avoid alcohol. That doesn't mean your wife can't have a glass of wine. If you want to drink with her, then water yours down or etc.

I don't any recommendations on the Flomax. There are some reports of it contributing to ED.

You might want to consider injections or at least have that conversation with your doctor.

I might or might not have anything else to add but a 1 year old grandbaby is demanding my attention.

[Spontaneous1]

Farmhouse, I'm very sorry to hear what you're going through, and that the things that worked for you in the past are not working as well now. As bldoink said, stay away from the alcohol, I think that is counterproductive to the Viagra.

In my opinion you are dealing with a lot of psychological ED, and I know that once that gets in your brain it's a hard obstacle to get past. You can't do this, she doesn't like that, this doesn't work for her, that doesn't work for you! You say you get erect when you're making out on the couch, but then you have all of these parameters you need to fulfill to actually get to intercourse, and guess what, by then all of the distractions have taken their toll and it's game over. Your wife's conscious of her body, and her minor disfigurement, so that takes away from what most guys want, to see! We want to see all of our spouses sex, it's a turn on for us, and you need to explain this to her, to make her understand how beautiful she is to you and you need to see that beauty, not a low-light subdued version of it. I think if you can find someplace, "other than the bedroom", that's comfortable for her, yet where you can actually see what she has to offer, have your makeout session where it can flow smoothly into intercourse, you may discover your erection is still there ready, willing, and able. My wife and I will throw a couple sleeping bags, and blankets too if needed just to be comfortable, on the floor of the living room, do some massaging, kissing, etc., etc., you get the point, it's different!

I would also mention using a VED (vacuum erection device) with a constriction band if all else fails. I know you said you tried a cock ring in the past, but what I'm talking about is totally different. If your wife is able to get you hard then you can skip the VED and just use a constriction band. The band must be tight enough to keep the blood from leaving your penis once it's erect, but not so tight that it's painful. You'll probably have to experiment with different types and sizes till you find the Goldilocks one, there are many suggestions in the Pump section that'll help you choose, or just ask different members, the Osborn style seems to be a popular choice of quite a few. Without having to use the VED it makes it a much easier solution, your wife gets you hard, or you do, you slip the band on over you penis all the way down the shaft (better to have trimmed your pubes and applied some lube), and enjoy yourselves! It will keep you erect, but Safety Warning, don't leave the band on longer than 30 minutes (I prefer 20) to forego damaging your junk!

I hope this helps you, and I'm sure there will be enough people on here if you have further questions. Best of luck with finding a solution that works.

[farmboy]

Update - the new scenario didn't work. Same result as before. Very upsetting to both of us. It's adding stress to the marriage. I've suggested we just call it quits and agree that we are now in a sexless marriage, but then she continues to leave the door open a crack: "well maybe we can just have oral sex and you can finish yourself off". I'm actually fine with that, but I think it would be a sacrifice on her part. Her enjoyment is very important to me.

I think I'm ready to try a high-quality pump. I have a cheap one, and it doesn't seem to work. Maybe I haven't spent enough time with it, or maybe it's just wrong to draw any conclusions about a cheap pump. I'm willing to spend the money to get one such as the Osbon Erectaid (currently about $200 on Amazon for manual one), since it seems to be recommended by many here. The cost relative to the scale of the problem is trivial to me. I would practice with it on my own to increase the chances for success.

Thanks for the comments so far.

[jsjwjw]

Hello Farmboy !

Go to a Urologist and ask for Trimix.

Your story pretty much mirrors mine.

If you have Psychological ED maybe, hopefully Trimix will overwhelm that problem and allow you to have and a good erection.

I have a Trimix training appointment with my Doctor scheduled on the 22nd and I'm super hopeful that I will get great results.

Whoops, I'm sorry I just noticed you said you are not interested in injections....so my reply is not useful to you...... however I was not interested injections either but after reading about the high success rate of Trimix I'm going to give it a try

[farmboy]

Hello Farmboy !

Go to a Urologist and ask for Trimix.

Your story pretty much mirrors mine.

If you have Psychological ED maybe, hopefully Trimix will overwhelm that problem and allow you to have and a good erection.

I have a Trimix training appointment with my Doctor scheduled on the 22nd and I'm super hopeful that I will get great results.

Whoops, I'm sorry I just noticed you said you are not interested in injections....so my reply is not useful to you...... however I was not interested injections either but after reading about the high success rate of Trimix I'm going to give it a try

Thanks. I hope you will share your experience. Like many, the thought of sticking a needle into my penis makes my skin crawl, but I suspect every Trimix user had the same fear. I'll probably try the pump route first.

[bldoink]

...Like many, the thought of sticking a needle into my penis makes my skin crawl, but I suspect every Trimix user had the same fear. I'll probably try the pump route first.

After the first few sticks you'll find the needle really isn't a big deal. There's way less pain than you'd expect, often none. Although it may take awhile to work out your correct mix and dose, once you have a good solid long lasting erection you'll be sold.

[Spontaneous1]

Bldoink, answer me something, how long can you use trimix before your penis develops scar tissue, or PD?
I ask this because I have read numerous articles referring to this, and it seems after that happens you're one step away from an implant.

[bldoink]

I don't know. I've been using alprostadil mono-mix for about 12 years and everything seems fine. There's other posters on here that used injections for much longer without issues. And then there are guys on here that claim to have gotten scaring and/or fibrosis from just a few uses. There is obviously some risk but for many the risk seems low.

[Spontaneous1]

Apparently I'd only seen posts from one side, good to know, thanks.