Sex anxiety

[Tomtomtom28]

Hi there

Need advice and answers please

I have really bad anxiety when it comes to sex, I just do and I can’t help it

When I fail I end up being really depressed and it’s scares me.
Due to this I’ve gone back on my anti-depressants as I can’t deal with it.
I’ve recently started to see a girl and I’ve not being able to get out of my head and it’s meant I’ve kind of ended this relationship

I feel I’ll be like this forever. It’s all I think about which I know is bad but I keep thinking will I be like this forever.

I’m going to try mindfulness and keep on the medication. I’m 4 weeks in on 50mg of sertraline ( Zoloft )

I can’t keep doing this to my self, the not knowing is killing me.

I’ve even thought about a penile implant as I feel it’s the only option
I have had sex but it’s only been with a perfect situation
Never had regular sex ever, trying to keep away from porn too as I know this is damaging.
I’m pretty sure it’s psychological

Any tests that I should have done do you think ?

Have any of you been that psychologically in your head that you’ve had the implant.

I’ve read a lot about why you would have an implant such as prostate, venous leak etc but/would you get one just for psychological Ed.

It causes depression/anxiety and feel I can’t move on properly with my life as I’ve got it lurking around me all the time.
Been like this since 18 to now and I’m 34 so a real long time

What do you guys think ?

Thanks for reading

[Hounds68]

There is not one man here, regardless of age or at what stage they are in ED or treatment of the ED who would not urge you to seek professional psychological therapy, perhaps with one specifically trained in dealing with sex or sexual anxiety! You are not, in my estimation, ready for an implant before therapy and a complete physical examination, to include blood tests for hormonal imbalance. You have expressed publicly your anxiety which is a step in the right direction. Seek professional care. Continue on your meds unless told to stop by your physician. Please inform your physician of your need for a therapist. Be patient. There is light at the end of this tunnel.

[bldoink]

I concur with the prior post. Insist on a therapy referral. Bear in mind that not all therapist are equal. You may not get a satisfactory one on your first attempt. Ideally, you'll want a therapist that specializes in sexual wellness.

[Frank Talk Admin]

The guys are right. It sounds like you might have some anxiety. This is a medical condition and is not because you did something wrong or are weak. Where do you live? I will try to find a good therapist for you. Also, are you seeing a psychiatrist? There are other medications for anxiety that do not have as many sexual side effects. I worry that the Zoloft is having some sexual side effects and making it more difficult for you.

Also you need to see a sex therapist so that you can learn how to have sex that is not about performing or putting on a show. The girl you are with does not want you to perform. She wants you to be you and for you to have fun with her.

And remember, even after you are dead, we can get you an erection, that is the easy part. We just need to get you to the right people for the right help. You will be perfectly fine. I see guys like you every day.

Paul

[slipnslider]

Have you tried injections? They can be an anxiety-proof solution that just forces you to have a boner no matter how anxious you are. Knowing how well they work can actually lead to you feeling less anxiety.

There are downsides for some men, but might be worth looking into.

[Flavio]

Anxiety is a perfectly normal biological reaction. Most, if not all men get anxious before sex and worry about their performance. Too much anxiety is, however, an erection killer. When you get too anxious, the increase of adrenaline and other chemicals will block erections (the last thing you need when you're facing a dangerous of stressful situation is an erection).

Believe me, I know what I'm talking about because I suffered from sexual performance anxiety for many years (coital anxiety, I was able to get an erection but lost it just before penetration).

Today I have a perfectly normal sex life and if I could do it, so can you.

The good news is sexual performance anxiety is easily treatable. No, you don't need injections and no, you don't need an implant yet - penile implants are extremely effective but they are a last resort solution and it is still too early for that.

I strongly recommend you do some research on the subject of psychogenic ED. Read books (anything written by the brilliant urologist Tom F. Lue is a must), talk to doctors, consult good websites. The more you know about sex, the less stressful it will be.

Don't overthink it, don't worry too much and don't take antidepressants: Zoloft and most antidepressants are major erection killers. A warm shower before sex can do wonders, it will relax you and widen the blood vessels that bring blood into the penis to form an erection. If you have a negative sexual experience, just avoid sex for a while and give it some time to relax and clear your mind.

Seeing a therapist or a urologist is essential. It's no shame to seek professional help and self medication is always a risk. Even if this is just psychological, a doctor will be able to help you.

Oral meds may be helpful, I take avanafil and oral phentolamine before sex and it is excellent. Phentolamine is great in cases of sexual performance anxiety because it blocks sympathetic action and the effects of stress hormones in the penis. Side effects may include hypotension and headaches and only your doctor can say if this combination is right for you.

I hope this helps. Good luck and keep us posted on your progress.

[Tomtomtom28]

Hi there people. I’ve just re read your feed back. I needed some time to my self.
I’ve been with a girl again and had successful sex a few times with viagra but the last time it struck me agsin and my erections were up and down
Thoyght I was getting somewhere.

I’ve booked in with a urologist but what do I say to the girl now as I’m panicking a lot

Cheers again

[Flavio]

Hi there

Need advice and answers please

I have really bad anxiety when it comes to sex, I just do and I can’t help it

[...]

You can help it and there's quite a lot you can do about it.

Sexual performance anxiety is extremely common, esp. among young men, but it is easily treatable.

You are not sick, anxiety is a perfectly normal biological reaction but it is a major erection killer.

When you get anxious, adrenaline, cortisol and other stress hormones work via the sympathetic nervous system to constrict blood flow: an erection is the last thing you need when you're facing danger (fight-or-flight response).

All you need to do is find effective ways to control your anxiety levels, that's it.

I use Seredyn for performance anxiety, two pills taken 1 hour before sex. Seredyn is just a food supplement, it does not cause sedation and some of its ingredients (e.g. L-theanine) may even improve sexual performance.

Depression is another major cause of sexual dysfunction and most antidepressants, incl. zoloft, may also worsen ED.

Go see a doctor for more on this. Even if this is just psychological, a urologist will be able to help you.

Good luck!

[Flavio]

[...] I’ve booked in with a urologist but what do I say to the girl now as I’m panicking a lot

Cheers again

It's perfectly normal to fail every now and then, that's not ED and it's nothing to worry about.

Fatigue, anxiety or even just the 'wrong' mood may be erection killers. Again, nothing to worry about.

If you have a good, trusting relationship with you girlfriend maybe you could confide in her but you don't HAVE to tell her anything. Most women don't know how to deal with this and in my opinion talking doesn't always help.

[Flavio]

Don't forget to share with us what the urologist told you, maybe he has some new ideas.

Good luck!