Wife's lost interest, but still jealous.

[Bigdave]

OLD GUY wrote " Oh well, I could be single and get none." Sad but true or just as bad be in a sexless relationship ..but not allowed to have playmates .. leaves you few options in life ..

Ain't that the truth. It really sucks that she doesn't understand what she's doing to MY health, both mental and physical.

[Old Guy]

OLD GUY wrote " Oh well, I could be single and get none." Sad but true or just as bad be in a sexless relationship ..but not allowed to have playmates .. leaves you few options in life ..

Yes, a sexless marriage is about the same as being single, except as a single there is no guilt IF you're able to get some sex.
One thing I do is use toys. Still feel guilty about masturbating without the wife but got to relieve the pressure somehow.

[ready2go]

Hello guys , i am in the same situation as you here .
my wife a few months ago said she didn't want sex as it 'hurt" , suddenly .
she is 59 but went into menopause years ago .
so after reading posts here , i told her to have her blood checked and ask for hormone replacement therapy .
so first while in the philippines , she did that .[ turns out she is borderline diabetic ], but they only gave her what amounts as a herb supplement to treat menopause symptoms. no HRT . so she took a trip to usa to visit family and went to a clinic there.
They said . NO! , HRT is risky !
wth!? did your wives go through this trying to be treated ? risky? living with a dried up painful vagina is not worth trying available proven meds to resolve the issue and have a normal life again ?
what is our next move ? of course, trying to find a reasonable doctor . but if the guys here who had their wife go through with the HRT successfully ,could share how their experience was to obtain the proper meds went , that would be helpful .
Thanks .

[Bigdave]

Hello guys , i am in the same situation as you here .
my wife a few months ago said she didn't want sex as it 'hurt" , suddenly .
she is 59 but went into menopause years ago .
so after reading posts here , i told her to have her blood checked and ask for hormone replacement therapy .
so first while in the philippines , she did that .[ turns out she is borderline diabetic ], but they only gave her what amounts as a herb supplement to treat menopause symptoms. no HRT . so she took a trip to usa to visit family and went to a clinic there.
They said . NO! , HRT is risky !
wth!? did your wives go through this trying to be treated ? risky? living with a dried up painful vagina is not worth trying available proven meds to resolve the issue and have a normal life again ?
what is our next move ? of course, trying to find a reasonable doctor . but if the guys here who had their wife go through with the HRT successfully ,could share how their experience was to obtain the proper meds went , that would be helpful .
Thanks .

My wife is on HRT. She uses a hormone vaginal cream twice a week, but it's made little difference, unfortunately.
She had no issues getting her Ob/Gyn to prescribe it.

[CanGetItUpButNotOff]

i told her to have her blood checked and ask for hormone replacement therapy .
so first while in the philippines , she did that .[ turns out she is borderline diabetic ], but they only gave her what amounts as a herb supplement to treat menopause symptoms. no HRT . so she took a trip to usa to visit family and went to a clinic there.
They said . NO! , HRT is risky !
wth!? did your wives go through this trying to be treated ? risky? living with a dried up painful vagina is not worth trying available proven meds to resolve the issue and have a normal life again ?
what is our next move ? of course, trying to find a reasonable doctor . but if the guys here who had their wife go through with the HRT successfully ,could share how their experience was to obtain the proper meds went , that would be helpful .
Thanks .

I have no medical training or qualifications whatsoever, but I've done a deep dive into female hormones recently and I can tell you my learnings and experience. My frame of reference is for a post menopausal woman.

HRT is a broad term. It's better to think of it in two parts: estrogen and testosterone.(Tidbit: a woman has more testosterone than estrogen, but still about 1/10 that of a man.)

Either Premarin or estradiol can be a source of exogenous estrogen. Premarin is typically outrageously expensive; but estradiol is outrageously cheap, it can be found for about $11 per 42.5g tube. Application is usually by a plastic tube that reaches intravaginally and deposits a small amount in the vagina, 2-3× week. The whole point is to just replace what the normal estrogen level was when she was younger, so the goal is a physiological norm. The estrogen, topically applied, refreshes the skin and increases blood flow and generally brings the vulva back into its youthful state of greater plasticity. There is a lot of old thinking around estrogen but in the informed medical community that I've researched there appears to be unanimous approval without any downside whatsoever for using topical estrogen. (One very qualified female urologist has even suggested using a weaker version of estrogen on other areas such as the face to rejuvenate the skin.) As to libido, which is of interest here, it doesn't appear that estrogen directly has any positive effect on libido but just the fact that it makes the vagina more comfortable for intercourse, it can have a secondary beneficial effect.

Testosterone is more controversial. There have been, now debunked, studies that showed a linkage to either cancer or heart issues that have driven the medical community away from testosterone therapy in the last 20 years. Under current science, my opinion is that physiological levels of testosterone are only a good thing: it helps greatly with libido and it's also very good for bone issues to ward off osteoporosis. If your woman is hesitant, the latter argument should be very persuasive (at least it was with mine). Problems begin when the goal is supraphysiological testosterone levels and then various forms of masculinity and other downsides can manifest themselves.

There are a variety of delivery methods. One is embedded pellets but I don't like them because there's really no way to titrate the dosage. The more popular way is a topical cream that can be applied in various parts of the body for systemic absorption. Over the counter DHEA is another way to encourage the body to generate testosterone but it's hard to find in dosages that are appropriate for women and it's an unregulated product so you never know what you're getting. We chose to go with the cream.

Testosterone was a tough sell for me because my wife was very concerned about the masculinization effects, such as a deeper voice, acne or facial hair growth. I had to gently educate and inform her because if I pushed too hard she took it as me encouraging her to sacrifice her health so that I can get more sex. She went to two gynecologists at my urging but they were not helpful - stuck in the old ways. Finally I got a recommendation for a functional nurse practitioner who was very pro-hormone. She fine-tuned the estrogen plan and convinced my wife that getting to physiological levels of testosterone was only a positive thing. So here we go.

I haven't addressed progesterone because, even though it has some other applications, it's mostly used for premenopausal women who need to protect their uterus. So it's not applicable to us.

My advice is to run from any doctor who discourages estrogen use. Then find a doctor who is pro-hormone who can administer and carefully monitor testosterone for optimal effects.

[ElbowRoom]

I’m getting divorced at 58 after 20 years of marriage, for similar reasons. We still get along great and are friends with no hard feelings, and she’s even taken time off work to help me recover from my IPP surgery next month.

But she has essentially no libido or interest in me physically, which caused me to withdraw emotionally and make her unhappy too. Even at my age it’s better to be alone than live in that circumstance, and she would NOT be okay with me getting affection elsewhere.

It’s painful and difficult, but do yourself a favor and make it clear to her that things MUST change or you will head to greener pastures. Life is far too short to be miserable with the one person who’s supposed to have your back and make you feel like a man.