New territory here

If it takes too long to climax and it is causing a problem for you or your partner, welcome to this section.
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Ratt19
Posts: 27
Joined: Sat Aug 24, 2019 4:42 pm

New territory here

Postby Ratt19 » Tue Nov 12, 2019 1:58 am

I posted this in the general section, but now I am here looking for help.

I am with a brand new partner. She knows that I have Erectile Dysfunction and that I am currently taking testosterone to see if getting my low numbers (206)
up to allow me to function with oral medications. Injections are on the table if I can't wait.

I am able to masturbate to orgasm while viewing porn by myself.

I can get partial erections that are firm enough to penetrate, but I cannot sustain them. She is OK with little intercourse and we plan on trying cock rings.

We have been intimate together only two days this past weekend. This was our first time together. I was unable to ejaculate both nights with her going down on
me and using her hand. The pleasure was super intense, but I couldn't climax.

The whole weekend has gotten into my head now. What if I can't ejaculate with her? What if my ED problem is solved and I can't ejaculate then? What am I doing wrong now? How do I fix this?

We plan on spending time together this week and weekend. She is on her cycle this week, so I am the focus.

Even though she has assured me that she is with me and patient, I am worried that in time if this continues that she is going to leave.

Anyone have any advise? Why can I ejaculate by myself and not with a beautiful woman working on me?

60s_surfer
Posts: 63
Joined: Mon Jul 30, 2018 1:42 pm

Re: New territory here

Postby 60s_surfer » Tue Nov 12, 2019 6:48 pm

I share your frustration; many times, I have been extremely close to ejaculating as my wife is stimulating my cock but I couldn't quite get there. In my case, though, I can't even get there masturbating myself. You, at least, can still get a release. I suggest that you build on that capability. Dream back through one of your DIY sessions and try to isolate what factor(s) allowed you to ejaculate. Did you use a particular grip or a rapid stroke that helps? If so, maybe your new partner can try that. Is there a particular fantasy in the porn that you are watching that really turns you on? Maybe you and your new partner can create it. Another technique is for you to stroke yourself until you are very close and then let her take over. You might have to cycle back and forth a couple of times between your stimulation and your partners until you get there. The general idea is to start where you are and then gradually build out from there.

The other point is to make sure that she is getting what she needs. Between your fingers, lips and tongue, there are an enormous number of ways to pleasure a woman even if you don't have a useable erection.
71 years old in 2018; married 49 years. ED since 2001. PD5 inhibitors (Viagra, etc.) worked with increasing dosages until side effects got too bad by 2017. Now using Trimix injections. Delayed ejaculation has been a continuing problem since 2012.

notaes
Posts: 165
Joined: Sat Mar 23, 2019 8:54 am

Re: New territory here

Postby notaes » Tue Nov 12, 2019 7:03 pm

I have been where you are many time not being able to ejaculate. Anorgasmia or whatever you wish to call not being able to climax. I tried my with everything i had in me not to make a big deal out of this hoping it was a short term thing for whatever reason. I tried cabergoline for awhile without any success. I have learned the bigger i make the mountain in my head the worse these sexual things can get. The best advice i could give you is try not to put anymore pressure on yourself as this just makes matters worse. I never did get anythng that made any difference. It just got better with time. I just had tried to tell myself that as i get older climaxing has gotten harder for me. To add insult to injury i have had a number of back surgeries several years ago and i think my back just causes me problems periodically. Now i am able to cum pretty good and usually have pretty good sex. I am using trimix now and scheduled for an implant in January. I wish you the best of luck. I wish i could say or do something to at least make you feel better as i know how i felt during the times i experienced this kind of Anorgasmia. Just do the best you can when you can and usually if we communicate honestly with our partner they are pretty damn understnading. I know we guys love our cocks and worship them. My wife has told me a thousand times women dont marry men for their cocks they marry the man inside that body. She is a pretty smart woman. sometimes i think we men would be better off if we didnt foucs on our cocks as much as we do. But that is what makes us men. Best of Luck to you!
Scheduled surgery for early January 2020. My surgeons implant of choice is the AMS implant. 66 yr old male married 35 yrs. no implant yet looking for help getting implant.greeneville,tennessee trimix and cialis user for several yrs. scarring!

Whodat
Posts: 31
Joined: Thu Aug 08, 2019 11:21 pm

Re: New territory here

Postby Whodat » Tue Nov 12, 2019 11:05 pm

My thoughts....a new relationship may require some time to get comfortable with each other. My experience with my current gf did take almost a year to figure out what was the ultimate pleasure we could deliver to each other. ( we do live apart and visit often but sexually once a week ). Turned my attention to what pleasured her the most and forgot about my needs. The TONGUE !! She orgasms 2-5 times quickly with the tongue. I give her that first then I know she is satisfied when she calls it quits then can concentrate on enjoying her working on me after she gets a brief rest while I go the bathroom and inject. Some times (although it takes a while ) I cum while she is sucking and handjobing.
But as I lay back with eyes closed it is pure pleasure. Then my preference is when feeling very excited flip her to the missionary position and start pounding.
Anorgasmia has somewhat set in but when I say loudly " fuckme...fuckme" she obliges with jack hammer body movements that I can orgasm in 15 seconds. The bottom line was finally figuring out what she liked most to satisfy her and get that out of the way..
She says a woman would never leave a man with a good tongue.
Age 78 good health. Radiation prostate 28 hits 3 years ago with 6 months of horrible ADT. Good recovery and ED no worse.
Can't tolerate oral drugs but 4 years of Alprostadil 40mcg/ml 18 units is a miracle for 3 hours. Young GF is happy!!

bldoink
Posts: 1592
Joined: Mon Apr 03, 2017 12:58 am
Location: Fl.

Re: New territory here

Postby bldoink » Wed Nov 13, 2019 10:51 am

I will repeat and elaborate on my reply posted in your original post in the "General" sub-forum.

There have been some pretty good response to your questions.

Copied from other sub-forum thread
"Have you experimented with cock rings for help maintaining your erection? Lots of different grades of varying quality. Some strictly for novelty but many also help with erections, even those from sex shops that technically are novelty rings. The jelly rings are, IMHO, a waste of time. A fairly strong silicone ring is the ticket for me. Medical grade rings can help too if you want to go that way. As for the anorgasmia I don't have a good answer. If she's up for it a little anal stimulation while she's going down might push you over the top. I don't think injections will help with anorgasmia."
End copied section.

Please read through as many of the older threads on this and related topics as you can stand. There's some gems of information to be found. There has been quite a bit written on cock rings, constriction rings or novelty rings. Read them.

Yeah, I think some of your issue is mental. It always is. Be honest with your girl but don't be insecure or weak. You can acknowledge and be honest about a problem you're hoping she will work through with you, but still be a manly man. Most women don't want an insecure or weak willed man, at least not for long. Approach it with openness, honesty and humor, and not insecurity. Make sure she is otherwise satisfied.

I use injections and love them but with me, short of an implant, it ain't gunna happen without them. Well a VED with very tight medical constriction rings does work but isn't ideal in my book. Like I said, I love injections but other than giving you a boost of confidence, which could help, I guess, I don't think they will help with any anorgasmia and maybe worsen it. But if you physically need injections to get or hold an erection, well go get them, they can work great.

If necessary, I still wouldn't take a little anal stimulation off the table. Try a little gentle finger or vibrator anal stimulation on her, go slow. If she likes it, and she likely will if introduced properly, she might readily reciprocate while going down on you. That can sometimes be an amazing aide in pushing you over the top.

I'm an expert on nothing. If your moral and or religious scruples are offended by my suggestions or you find them distasteful, then I apologize. The capability of satisfying regular, unaided by drug or device, missionary position sex is, of course, the gold standard. I can actually vaguely remember those days.
R.R.P 2011 Mayo Jacksonville, Dr. Michael Wehle. Nerve sparing - badly damaged. C in margin. V.E.D, Viagra and PGE-1 (80mcg/ml) injections @ ~ 12 units. Originally Edex20, then compounded PGE-1 - cost. Inject. ~ 8 yrs. It works. Treasure coast of FL.

oldbeek
Posts: 1060
Joined: Sun Sep 10, 2017 1:46 pm
Location: Los Angeles area

Re: New territory here

Postby oldbeek » Thu Nov 14, 2019 1:54 am

I find receiving oral With her head sideways on a pillow and me in the doggy position thrusting into her mouth from the side. In this position I can also finger her pussy. The pleasure is so intense with her fingers lightly rubbing my balls I can explode in 60 seconds. Relaxing on the couch and her working as you see in most porn videos I have never come that way. Sometimes even go soft.
78, good health, RP 7-2017, all nerves taken , PSA 0.05, 4-18,, .08 11/18,.07 1/19,.05 4/19, Pain with trimix, implant 4-18, Infra-pubic, AMS lgx 15 cm with 5cm rte. Implant at USC Keck. Dr Boyd and Dr Lo Doyle

Ratt19
Posts: 27
Joined: Sat Aug 24, 2019 4:42 pm

Re: New territory here

Postby Ratt19 » Tue Nov 19, 2019 6:41 pm

First, thank you for all the replies, this forum and it's support is amazing.

So my urologist and my psychologist have given me their opinions and they agree on the diagnoses.

Let me give you a super quick glimpse into my life and what has happened to get me to this point. Skipping a lot of details.

I was diagnosed with Bi-Polar disorder at thirty after having been misdiagnosed for six months as major depression. Having
the "Bi-Polar" label back then was a death sentence. I concluded that I would never find love, so I pushed every woman or
friend away. Better to be alone than to tell people your secret and watch them walk away. I was wrong.

Suddenly at forty-five I wake up and realize that I can be loved. But I lost fifteen years. Fifteen.

So i start dating. Things have really changed. I meet a woman that accepts me for everything I am. She knows about the ED and the DE.
She's amazing.

So back to the diagnoses. I am being told that I am suffering DE because of habitual masturbation. The position of my body, the sensation of touch,
and the porn that was exciting me have all changed. The directions for helping to solve the issue is to abstain from any masturbation and any
viewing of porn. It's not a problem for me. I mean I went fifteen years without sex, I think I can control my baser urges.

Hopefully in time this eases the situation.

Thank you again to everyone here, I truly appreciate your help.

medhatg
Posts: 192
Joined: Thu Sep 14, 2017 10:34 pm

Re: New territory here

Postby medhatg » Sun Dec 01, 2019 1:18 am

Ratt19 wrote:I posted this in the general section, but now I am here looking for help.

I am with a brand new partner. She knows that I have Erectile Dysfunction and that I am currently taking testosterone to see if getting my low numbers (206)
up to allow me to function with oral medications. Injections are on the table if I can't wait.

I am able to masturbate to orgasm while viewing porn by myself.

I can get partial erections that are firm enough to penetrate, but I cannot sustain them. She is OK with little intercourse and we plan on trying cock rings.

We have been intimate together only two days this past weekend. This was our first time together. I was unable to ejaculate both nights with her going down on
me and using her hand. The pleasure was super intense, but I couldn't climax.

The whole weekend has gotten into my head now. What if I can't ejaculate with her? What if my ED problem is solved and I can't ejaculate then? What am I doing wrong now? How do I fix this?

We plan on spending time together this week and weekend. She is on her cycle this week, so I am the focus.

Even though she has assured me that she is with me and patient, I am worried that in time if this continues that she is going to leave.

Anyone have any advise? Why can I ejaculate by myself and not with a beautiful woman working on me?


I hear you brother. Been there, tried it all until I decided to take the jump and get implanted. Do yourself a favor and do not waste your youth like I did. Happy to talk to you over PM or phone if you like.
53, Married. ED for most my adult life due to secondary hypogonadism. Testosterone Replacement therapy made ED worse.
Dr. Daniel Rapoport, Vancouver Canada. World Class Surgeon and amazing staff. September 2017. LGX 700 (21+4)

clayton2526
Posts: 29
Joined: Thu Dec 27, 2018 8:36 am

Re: New territory here

Postby clayton2526 » Sun Dec 01, 2019 6:47 am

I agree with medhatg, take the jump and you will be much happier. For me, it ended stress and anxiety which carried over into other areas of my life including work and self-esteem. Not to mention ending all the money you spend on gadgets and snake oils.
63 years old. Implanted 12/04/2018 by Dr. Aaron Lentz at Duke Raleigh Hospital with Coloplast Titan 22 cm. ED for over 30 years. Used Viagra and Cialis, later injections, THEN Gainswave: ineffective.


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