Hello from a newbie--warning: long intro

[photoguy]

My name is Jim. I am a retired 62 Y/O with a penis that doesn't do it's primary function any more--it works just fine for urination though, and I'm sure that I can still write my name in the snow with it. But, my "best buddy" decided to retire too.

My intro here may well be the longest you've ever read anywhere, and I aplogize in advance for it. I'm not making excuses, but I sense a need to get some things off my chest. ATTN: admin--if this belongs on another discussion forum, please feel free to move it.

I’ve had minor symptoms of ED since an auto accident six years ago when all five of my lumbar vertebral disks were ruptured along with moderate compression fractures of three thoracic vertebrae and breaks of other bones. I did not have surgery for the herniated disks because of the risks involved. Today, I can’t walk more than 50 yards without rest but it’s a miracle that I survived that accident and can walk at all. (FYI because everyone asks eventually, I lost my brakes at the top of a two mile hill; I drove my vehicle off the road at 65mph and became airborn for 30 feet at the last switchback curve and embankment at the bottom. BTW, those “Dukes of Hazzard” flying car stunts are pure bullshit). Since then, I live with chronic pain that is unrelenting and emotionally exhausting. Yes, I've been through the pain management routine with three separate specialists. I finally weaned myself off of opiate pain meds choosing to be lucid instead of in a fog...and I get by with asprin, tylenol, heat/ice, rest, and just plain old grit.

Since then, I haven't been able to lay down to sleep and the mechanics of intercourse are guaranteed to aggrivate my lumbar and sciatic pain. (Woman on top? Don't even think about sitting or rocking on my pelvis!) Is there an emotional component to that which could induce psychological ED? I'm sure of it, but it never happened before and any sex is just a few days of more acute pain anyhow. IMO, it's a small price to pay for the sharing of mutual pleasure. I can deal with that, but what I am now experiencing is not psychological.

I have other physical problems that can lead to ED and are the most likely precursors: overweight but not obese, smoke, and peripherial artery disease in my legs & feet. I don’t have any confidence left in my family physician or any other I've been to—it’s a long story that began with my complaints about the PAD symptoms I presented more than 10 years ago as well as decreased testosterone production and other issues. I sincerely doubt that I’d make an appointement to see a urologist for the ED. A few years ago I quit using prescription medications to control blood pressure and cholesterol. Ironically, they’ve both returned to normal levels. That being said, I’m not an advocate of health foods, alternative holistic medicine or other choices.

In short, I don’t wish to live a life dependent on prescription medications or avail myself of other life-extending options. For more than 35 years I taught anatomy & physiology as well as pathophysiology (diseases and disease processes) at the college level. I am not a physician, but I’m certainly not ignorant about the structure and function of the human body either. Both of my deceased parents pursued living at all costs; e.g., my father had his first heart attack at 38 and underwent five bypass surgeries before he finally died of the complications of end-stage diabetes at age 67. My mother lived to 78 due, in part, to a 36 inch widowsill filled with her daily prescription medications. From what I observed, both of them were miserable in their final years. Their lives were consumed with physicians and regrets with their physical problems…it was sad. However, it was how they and many others choose to live their final years. I don't have issues with that, but it's not my choice, nor my wife's choice.

I have no regrets about how I have lived my life but I’m rather stoic about it too. I have pursued living my life with it’s attendant pleasures, pains, and sorrows rather than exclusively seeking a long life as the primary objective. Could I have had both? Probably, if I also had the genes to go with it too (genetics is a major factor that medication and all the healthy living in the world won't significantly alter). So, I have always known that there are consequences for some of the choices I have made and that the piper must eventually be paid. I’ve never had a heart attack or stroke…but I don’t fear them either, nor do I fear death. Most folks would not agree with my attitude or choices, or try to understand them. Many would call me foolish. That doesn’t matter at all to me—I’ve never been a follower…I do not yield to guilt or fear…and I’ve always walked to the beat of my own drum.

So...all of the above being said, why am I here?

Wed Dec 28 was our 30th anniversary. It was the most expensive date I’ve ever had with the woman who deserves every penny spent as well as all the time & effort that I invested in the planning and execution. A diamond necklace pendant that I’ve been saving for during the last five years, a wonderful dinner at a fine restaurant followed by two nights at an exclusive B&B resort with period style furnishings in a large room, aeromatic candles in the rooms & bath, bottle of wine & roses, chocolates on the pillows, soft music from a CD I burned…the works.

We had a great time: the food and service was excellent...intimate conversation with murmers of endearment and desire...the suite and its furnishings were amazing...the mood and ambiance could not have been better. In short, all the romanticism a woman desires which contributed to a slow build-up of sexual tension until my “best buddy” literally let us down—no erection sufficient for penetration—not even a hint of one. OTOH, I made sure that my wife was more than satisfied emotionally and physically with a sensual aromatic oil massage leading to manual and oral stimulation with multiple orgasms until the grand finale...and THEN, the surprise of my life.

My wife tried every trick in the book to help me along including oral with prostate stiumulation that never failed to get me firing on all 8 cylinders and as hard as iron, but “buddy” would not even rise to the occasion and I knew this event was not a fluke. So we spent a long time just cuddling and reminiscing about our lives together. We tried again later that night, in the morning (no morning wood at all), and the next night with the same pitiful results.

In the last 4 days we've tried video, erotic stories, etc. and they just don't do anything for me now. My wife is fun, enjoyable, playful, has always had an open attitude about monogamous sex, and she’s not inhibited at all. There is nothing she would not do for me, nor I her. She’s certainly not the same woman I married 30 years ago and a far cry from the 23 year old body she suggested would do the trick, but I’m no spring chicken in the best of health and physique either. Indeed, I am far from those glory years of my youth. We’re just real people who grew older and more in love with each other together.

Upon returning home we searched the internet for info on ED. We eventually found this web site.

Yes, I am depressed about the ED that I am now experiencing--I think that’s a rather normal reaction, but I am not consumed by it. I see it as just one more physical problem that gave me intermittant problems before but fully expressed itself at a most inopportune time. And, the ED is not going away either. Things change. This is one of them.

I want to discover and learn from this site and forums about how other guys are working around their ED. Maybe I can contribute to the discussion in the future, maybe not. My problems are certainly not nearly as severe as many of those I have read about here, and for that I am thankful.

I do, however, wish there was a woman's section where I could gain some insight into how women react to and accomodate ED. Does anyone have a link or suggestion?

So, we are now talking about trying a pump. If that fails, I still have fingers, hands, lips, and tongue to use (toys too)…and a wonderful wife who loves me but feels very badly about not being able to satisfy her desires for me--I understand that but I don't know how to help her. It's odd to say, but that's even more depressing to me than a limp dick.

[Peckerwood]

Don't overlook the Chatroom, Photoguy. I read your post and found it very interesting. I believe you will find lots of helpful information on this site.
Littlejohn

[antelope]

No one can tell you what you should do. I can tell you this: After epic "fails" with other therapies, I've had great success with trimix injections. I highly recommend that you exhaust all possiblities before giving up.

Greg
Baton Rouge

[Cajun Jeff]

Photoguy: Welcome to FT. There is lots of info here on the site. If nothing else it will give you ideas. As Greg said join us in the chat room from time to time. No that there are solutions the a limp buddy! Everyone is different and you will need to find the one that works best for you.

Cajun Jeff

[Muz061]

Photoguy,

Apologies for the long intro accepted - great to read your well-crafted post, you are a man of lucid thoughts and observations.

Having come through the trauma of so called "nerve sparing" prostatectomy I was rendered seriously ED. At 53 and single I was gutted and determined to turn my situation around.

Long and short the only effective treatment for me turned out to be Trimix injections with a view to rehabilitation after 3.5 years of limping (LOL) around. If you have the great marriage you appear to have your wife should be supportive about the intrusion of "shooting up". I was resistant to the thought as much as the imagined pain, so understand if you reject this idea out of hand. The pain of injecting is outrageously minimal and Trimix has for some men a dull but bearable ache when erect. Caverject is said to be a more serious pain intrusion for most guys and bimix is pain free but less effective for most.

You would need to be prescribed so visiting a specialist or your GP would be required. Given the description of your accident, injuries and overall condition injecting may not result in rehab if your ED is physical, but I'm not qualified to talk to that. I hope this may be helpful and wish you well in your efforts to a recovery of function.

Muz

[bob1138]

Hi Photoguy,

Welcome to the FrankTalk Group.
No apology is needed for your detailed and compelling Introduction.
I think that the best way for me to provide you with some info on ED is to share the story of my battle with Ed.
I developed ED Post-Prostatectomy in February 2004 at age 65 and had never experienced any problem prior to that.
Viagra, Cialis, etc. did not work for me.
After much research and having the opportunity to speak with 2 men who underwent the Coloplast Titan Penile Implant
Procedure, I had my Titan Implant Procedure December 13, 2007.
The Titan Penile Implant completely corrected my ED and restored the emotional intimacy with my wife of 45 years.
I became a Coloplast Patient Educator in January 2008in order to share my Pre-Implant and Post-Implant experiences
with men still suffering from ED and its devastating side effects.
I just celebrated the Fourth Anniversary of my Titan Implant December 13, 2011 and my wife and I could not be happier with it. This past September, my High School Sweetheart and I celebrated our 49th Wedding Anniversary.
The FT Group has a bunch of great guys who are always willing to reach out to help other men suffering with ED.
Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions or just want to talk.
Happy New Year and all the best in 2012.

Bob

[Dave48003]

Photoguy - welcome! Thanks for taking the time and revealing so much about yourself to the group. One of your comments was wishing there was a women's forum. Having a section for women or allowing women on here has been discusses, but many guys would not be able to open up like you just did knowing women might be on the site. So, they are free to read (obviously) but not join and contribute or chat. I believe our greatest strength is the willingness of so many guys to bare their souls here and accept support from other guys who may be having some of the same issues.

I haven't been through the physical trauma you have, but the results were the same, a limp dick! I've tried all the solutions, Viagra, Levitra, Cialis, pumps and rings, Caverject, tri-mix, and finally quad-mix before I finally said "enough" and went under the knife and became bionic 9 months ago. Actually, quad-mix worked quite well for me, but like you, my wife and I had always had a healthy and active sex life. I wanted the ability to roll over and see what "pops up", just like the old days. The implant gave me that.

I would encourage you to work your way "up the chain" of remedies until you find something that works and you are happy with. I know exactly how you feel about being able to satisfy your wife, they can say all they want, be unless we can, we don't feel complete as a man. The implant gave that back to me. I hope you also can find a solution.

I don't know what part of the country you live in, but I found a lot of interesting comments in your introduction, I'd love to meet you some time and talk.

Dave