What To Do? You Like Erotic Sex and Your Wife is Plain Vanilla

There is more to sex than an erect penis. How do you maintain your sexuality both for yourself and for your partner? What techniques do you use to give both of you a great, satisfying sex life? How do you explore your own body and sexuality now that the rules have changed?

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Cigar56
Posts: 525
Joined: Fri Aug 15, 2014 10:56 am

Re: What To Do? You Like Erotic Sex and Your Wife is Plain Vanilla

Postby Cigar56 » Tue Jan 16, 2018 3:14 pm

rancherejim wrote:I need to cry a bit also. Married 37 years ago, me 40 her 38, sex was as often as I wanted it. Many days we had sex 3 times. She would want anything that I wanted. Now 37 years later she won't have sex at all, last time was six years ago and for 5 years before that it was maybe once a month. I still have a very high libido but I'm only able to have sex about once a week due to ED. Shortly after she quit having sex with me I told her that I was going to find it somewhere else. That's when I decided that I didn't want to have a girlfriend so I started seeing hookers. They only are interested in the money that I give them, no commitment, no one calling me all the time asking where I am, no one asking me to fix their car, ect, ect. I fall in love one hour at a time once a week. I realize that I'm exposing myself to STI's but I practice safe sex (as safe as you can be) and I now wouldn't have sex with my wife if she wanted it because I would not want to expose her to anything. Of course if she decided to go back to having sex all the time I would get away from the hookers and get checked for STD's and stay home again. That is what I would rather be doing anyway. I am now 77 years old and am in good health for my age. I think it's due to staying sexually active. I am right on the verge of getting a implant so I can stay active as long as I'm alive.
One of my lady friends told me that she saw a 95 year old guy in a nursing home recently. She said she had a really good time with him. He had a hard time getting it up but she didn't care as long as she got paid. She will be going back next month.
These women are looked down on in our society but I have met lot's of really nice women in the sex industry. I look at them as another one of my health providers. I just wish my medicare would help pay for it.


Wonderful story, RanchereJim. Good for you!
62. Was under "active surveillance" for prostate cancer. Scheduled for prostate radiation -- Stereotactic Body Radiotherapy (SBRT) -- in December 2018. Considered implant for ED but decided to stay with injections.

Cigar56
Posts: 525
Joined: Fri Aug 15, 2014 10:56 am

Re: What To Do? You Like Erotic Sex and Your Wife is Plain Vanilla

Postby Cigar56 » Tue Jan 16, 2018 3:19 pm

Reggieman wrote:Cigar 56- I can sympathize with you. My libido has been higher than my wife's. She claims that she never thinks about sex unless I bring it up. When we married we were in our 50's and she seemed to enjoy sex a couple times a week. Then 1 year after marriage she gave me the "honeymoon is over" speech. She now felt she only wanted sex once every two weeks. It has been a battle for 18 years. I've concluded that for many, many women they have no idea what sex means to a man and that the pleasure they get from it is merely the orgasm. I get way more out of sex than just an orgasm. When you have an unwilling partner or one who drags her feet every single time it takes the pleasure out of it. It has affected our relationship in an otherwise great marriage. Whenever I would get horney I would also get angry because I knew what effort it would take to get my wife into bed. It is very strange because she always has tremendous orgasms. Very frustrating. After my 2016 prostatectomy my libido dropped and my ability to have good orgasms stopped. They only way I can reach orgasm now is by masturbation and it takes effort. She is enjoying not having me ask for sex now. I had my T levels checked and they are in the normal range. The doc discovered I have high Estradiol and is treating it with an aromatase inhibitor hoping to prevent the T from converting to Estrogen. It's a shot in the dark. I get great ejections from Bimix injections but can't orgasm during sex. I diverge here. I love my wife but have never found a solution to the libido problem and doubt I ever will. Perhaps my libido will completely die which will solve the problem for both of us. I can whine about this all day long. It's a no win situation. I feel for you and myself.


Hey Reggieman,

Don't give up. In the meantime, you deserve to have a sex life.
62. Was under "active surveillance" for prostate cancer. Scheduled for prostate radiation -- Stereotactic Body Radiotherapy (SBRT) -- in December 2018. Considered implant for ED but decided to stay with injections.

Anonymous3
Posts: 1307
Joined: Thu Aug 03, 2017 9:43 pm

Re: What To Do? You Like Erotic Sex and Your Wife is Plain Vanilla

Postby Anonymous3 » Tue Jan 16, 2018 3:38 pm

I d9nt see it that way. Butwe all pay for sexin some, just notdirectly

dg_moore
Posts: 1226
Joined: Mon Apr 25, 2011 9:34 am

Re: What To Do? You Like Erotic Sex and Your Wife is Plain Vanilla

Postby dg_moore » Tue Jan 16, 2018 3:57 pm

...Perhaps my libido will completely die which will solve the problem for both of us.


That's what happened to me, and honestly it removed a lot of tension and made our lives better. It's been over ten rears now and getting sex out of the way has been a positive thing for us. If you still have desire I know it's hard to imagine this, but I can attest that it's true.
Dave, 75, Maryland - Implant (Titan) 2008 by Dr. Andrew Kramer - never used due to a stroke that, among other things, ended my sex life.
Life is not the way it's supposed to be, it's the way it is.

Reggieman
Posts: 135
Joined: Sat Jun 04, 2016 7:17 pm
Location: Central California

Re: What To Do? You Like Erotic Sex and Your Wife is Plain Vanilla

Postby Reggieman » Tue Jan 16, 2018 4:25 pm

dg_moore- You hit it right on the head. After some kind of release (orgasm) the last thing on my mind is sex. However, a few days later when my limited libido kicks in I just start getting angry knowing what disappointment I am headed for and the time and expense (doctors with no answers, driving time, toys that don't help, wife who is complacent about it, etc.). I see how my wife has very little libido and is still a loving and kind individual. If my situation can't be improved then I think I would like to be like her, no sexual desire, no anger at my situation and just a normal person who loves and cares for is wife and family. 30+ years ago I went thru a period of "clinical depression" .
During one full month when I was the sickest I totally lost my libido. Females had no sexual effect on me. I had absolutely no interest and was like a Eunuch in every sense of the word. It was the most peaceful time in my life. I discovered just how many minutes in a day a male thinks about sex without even knowing it. It is an amazing amount of time that could be used more productively. I guess that I am more angry because I had no choice in the matter. I got old, I had a RP and now a big drop in libido (which no uro told me to expect). This along with desensitized penis. It's hard to accept something one can't change and especially for me as my 40 year career was that of a problem solver. You members that are 70 and 80 that are still horn dogs my hat off to you. I sincerely wish I had your blessing of a hard dick and a hyper libido. But that is not to be. I just have to wrap my head around it. It appears that this is just one problem I just cannot solve by shear force of will or brute force.
Retired. R.P. June 2016 at UCSF. Bilateral nerve sparing robotic surgery. Use .15cc of Bimix twice weekly. Still have some incontinence and not improving. Other side effects: anorgasmia & decreased penis sensitivity.

graymare
Posts: 87
Joined: Thu Feb 19, 2015 3:50 pm

Re: What To Do? You Like Erotic Sex and Your Wife is Plain Vanilla

Postby graymare » Wed Jan 24, 2018 3:19 pm

I don't fit this profile perfectly. I like erotic sex, but after reading posts from FT contributors, many of you would call me plain vanilla too. My wife and I are into foreplay which involves oral for both of us, followed by intercourse to climax. I use Trimix with excellent results. We don't experiment with positions or toys as much as many of you writers seem to.

My wife is modest while I am into naturism, as I have written on other occasions. Her libido is lower than mine, so I am trying to increase how often we make love. For those of you in situations similar to mine, I have one suggestion that seems to work well.

I have gotten my wife to agree that she won't launder our bed linens if we haven't made love in them. Sure, it doesn't always work, especially during flu season, but I will give her credit for trying to abide by this. She likes clean bed linens.
Married, 65 yrs old, ED for 21 yrs. On TriMix for 4 yrs. Live in the Adirondacks of NY. Would be a nudist if it weren't for the black flies and the short summers. :D

Reggieman
Posts: 135
Joined: Sat Jun 04, 2016 7:17 pm
Location: Central California

Re: What To Do? You Like Erotic Sex and Your Wife is Plain Vanilla

Postby Reggieman » Wed Jan 24, 2018 5:33 pm

Don't change the sheets?

I would immediately get that "LOOK" that melts ice and withers erections!!! You all know that LOOK that wives given occasionally. We've all seen it.

I guess one must use whatever method works with their own individual wife (that grand mystery) :D
Retired. R.P. June 2016 at UCSF. Bilateral nerve sparing robotic surgery. Use .15cc of Bimix twice weekly. Still have some incontinence and not improving. Other side effects: anorgasmia & decreased penis sensitivity.

dg_moore
Posts: 1226
Joined: Mon Apr 25, 2011 9:34 am

Re: What To Do? You Like Erotic Sex and Your Wife is Plain Vanilla

Postby dg_moore » Wed Jan 24, 2018 7:29 pm

My wife is a master of "the look." I don't see "the look" very often, but I'm sure if I were to suggest any amorous activity she would unleash it.
Dave, 75, Maryland - Implant (Titan) 2008 by Dr. Andrew Kramer - never used due to a stroke that, among other things, ended my sex life.
Life is not the way it's supposed to be, it's the way it is.

Reggieman
Posts: 135
Joined: Sat Jun 04, 2016 7:17 pm
Location: Central California

Re: What To Do? You Like Erotic Sex and Your Wife is Plain Vanilla

Postby Reggieman » Wed Jan 24, 2018 8:16 pm

:lol:
Retired. R.P. June 2016 at UCSF. Bilateral nerve sparing robotic surgery. Use .15cc of Bimix twice weekly. Still have some incontinence and not improving. Other side effects: anorgasmia & decreased penis sensitivity.

Robert51
Posts: 135
Joined: Thu Dec 28, 2017 10:39 pm

Re: What To Do? You Like Erotic Sex and Your Wife is Plain Vanilla

Postby Robert51 » Wed Jan 24, 2018 8:24 pm

I get the your lucky I am not like other women buying cloths and jewelry all the time
66 years old married 14 years on my 3rd wife /////// had a major operation at 51 hernia below belly bottom ed got really bad after that .. Tried pills not much and side affects.. trying alprostadil without a lot of success but only 3rd time


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