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Lost Sheep has good advice: honesty in marriage is best. My wife did me a favor a year or so into our marriage by telling me that she was dissatisfied with my small penis. She confessed that her ex had a big one, and she had gotten used to the "filled feeling." So I got her some big dildoes and suggested that she masturbate with one while imagining that she's being done by a virile guy. This has worked wonders. It's now 30 years later, I've never been able to give her a penile orgasm, but she's been a happy and receptive wife all this time. Even in the Chinese virus quarantine, we like to be together all the time.

Every second or third day (she's my age!) I hold a dildo in her so she doesn't have to reach down awkwardly, and as she gets closer to orgasm I push it in further, and she always has a good orgasm. Then I encourage her to rest with it in for 15-30 minutes to savor the filled feeling. Afterward I encourage her to describe her fantasy and she enthusiastically reports what her "lover" did - sometimes two or more guys. Once a week I inject Trimix first, getting hard while she's in her fantasy, and then do her after the dildo. She's again totally honest and never pretends that she feels anything, just lies there and basks in the last tingles of her orgasm or reviews the grocery list or something.

It stands to reason that after decades of marriage a wife would grow tired of the same penis attached to the same guy using the same techniques. The contemporary writer Wednesday Martin has written some interesting books on the female need for sexual variety. Her ideas, along the lines of real boyfriends, might be too much for most of us guys, but she says they're a good way to get energy back into tired marriages.

Maybe wives who "aren't on board" can be persuaded to go along more with something smacking of what my wife and I do. (If anyone feels that women don't or shouldn't masturbate, I have some thoughts on female masturbation from dating many women pre-marriage: 5-4-20 post in "Masturbation during Marriage" topic in "Sexuality 2.0" forum.)

I feel that female sexual frustration is dangerous (it ruined my parents' marriage), and this is one way that I get my wife to "let off steam." Another is by showing no annoyance when she occasionally mentions my small size as we're going about our daily life; I laugh and say something like "the rest of me is pretty good, huh?" and she giggles, and we hug and kiss. (Of course I never mention the phrase "letting off the steam of frustration").

Martin6469 wrote: (Of course I never mention the phrase "letting off the steam of frustration").

Thanks for the acknowledgement, Martin6469.

The phrase you used reminds me of another, "Getting her pipes cleaned"

I don't know why you would avoid the "steam" phrase. Unalloyed joys of sex and orgasms )seem to me) to take the sting out of any language one might use.

When I was deep in E.D. my girlfriend and I used cunnilingus and one dildo in particular that was her favorite. She appreciated those orgasms I gave her with my tongue that she (after we parted ways for unrelated reasons) invited me back to her bed after she became anorgasmic (from medications she was prescribed). She wanted to see if she still could. My tongue did not fail her, or us.

(At the time I could still achieve penetration, albeit weakly).

Happy ending for all.

Anyhow, aside from that aside, I congratulate you two on your happy and inventive satisfactory solution.

Have you ever tried a strap-on?

Hi Lost Sheep. Good to hear from you. I indeed have a tongue well acquainted with clits, and many happy memories of giving many women orgasms with it, as you have, I'm happy to read, but at the end of a long string of girlfriends I married the only woman in St. Louis who gets nothing from cunnilingus! What's the chance of that?! Such a woman must be one in a million! I knew this on the second date with her, but we were so well matched that I overlooked that most unusual circumstance. What I didn't know was that I had a small penis! All my previous girlfriends had kept quiet about it, in accordance with what I was to learn after marriage from Chelsea Handler, the TV comic and humor author: no girlfriend tells her boyfriend that he's small unless she wants to get rid of him! To learn your size, you must get married! Well, life isn't perfect, as another of our FT friends says in his signature, but our marriage is as close to it as I deserve.

I've broached the strap-on idea to her in the past, but she always says "No, it's too artificial, I wouldn't like it." But maybe I'll get one and spring it on her in bed, encourage her to have a drink first - might be an interesting experiment. Probably get some laughs at least.

Martin6469,

Odd that she enjoys a dildo you hold for her but does not like the idea of one strapped onto your pelvis? Perhaps when you introduce the strap-on you introduce it hand-held, first. Or perhaps find a harness that lets you use her favorite one as a strap-on. (I know little about the harness and how to find one that fits...sorry)