3rd-Nut wrote:Lost,
I have been trying to get into My wife's "Inner circle" for over 40 years. I would have to agree with what you say. She says that her mother's only sex conversation with her was " Eeeew...sex is messy!" With no prostate or ejaculate it is not messy anymore.
So my big question is how do you get in to a woman's inner sanctum?
I have heard (in print and from women of my acquaintance) that one place to begin foreplay is by the man doing the dishes after dinner and allowing the woman (presumably who cooked) to relax, unwind and develop appreciation for her man who is so considerate. (A relaxed woman is a seduceable woman and a woman tired after a day of housekeeping is not.)
Then there is this thread in the Sexuality 2.0 subform:
viewtopic.php?f=12&t=10909&p=100192wherein Reggieman gives this advice.
Reggieman wrote:I believe some women are just not into sex. They engage when the relationship is new but then fade out as the newness wears off. It may be that their testosterone is lower than average, cultural restrictions, mama's advice as to what is a "bad" girl or dissatisfaction in the relationship. Many men will fuck no matter what mood they are in but many women, if not all, have to be in that very narrow "zone" mentally or it's a no go.In my hundreds of conversations with my wife about sex I have come to believe her concept of sex is totally different than what it is to most men.
There is an Australian lady sex therapist whose videos I've watch who describes two types of women. The first are "saucy ripe tomatoes" who are up for sex and need little coaxing. They others are referred to as "damp wood" who require lots of persuasion, warming up, etc.to get their fire started. The latter require a lot of work to get in bed. Often they can't seem to get self started, never think about sex on their own and may or may not enjoy sex once in bed. Many if not most enjoy sex once they are warmed up.
My wife is not a self-starter but once in bed and foreplay begins she will finish with terrific orgasms. Once the orgasm is over it's like sex never happened and her mind is back to other things. She can go for months without sex and when asked cannot recall how long since the last time she had sex. "Two weeks, three weeks, oh it can't have been two months, really?"
The latter remind of a story told by a Hub Zemke a fighter pilot/ace in WWII. He was assigned the task of overseeing the transfer of P-40 fighters to Northern Russia. He guided the Russian troops in assembling the boxed planes. It was cold and they had no heaters to keep the engine oil warm so the planes could be started. So, hours before each flight the ground crew would build fires on the ground under the plane's engine to warm the oil. In the sub-zero weather it took some time but finally the engine could be started.
Some women just don't come with pre-heaters.
Lay your groundwork before you even THINK about laying her.
Women respond to a lot of vastly varying stimuli. I have no idea what your relationship is like, what you have tried in the past and what "triggers" might bring up resistance, compliance or desire in your wife. It is up to you to find what will get into your wife's head BEFORE she thinks about sex that would prepare her mind to be receptive you your advances on her body. Onlyl after her mind is receptive will her body be receptive.
I may be preaching to the choir here (but I do not know anything about your particular relationship's history). So, please forgive me if I am stating the obvious.
As a general rule for most women, one must seduce her anew each time one desires her response. Show her you appreciate her totality including her sexuality (without seeming as if your only interest is her sexuality). For example, If she feels that every time you touch her tenderly, it is a prelude to an attempt at sex, she is likely to recoil at that first touch. A recipe for disaster. But (for example) if you rub her shoulders and then do not ask for further intimacy, she will wonder where your desire went. And perhaps try to kindle it. If not out of her desire, out of curiosity. Re-training her reactions is not difficult, but requires diligence, patience and attention to what is going on in her head (both her cranium AND her maidenhead).
I have also developed a rule for myself which I recommend to any man; "Ladies first" when it comes to orgasm. Or, at the very least, enough foreplay that her loins ache to be entered. Entering her before that moment of ache is telling her that you regard YOUR desire to be more important to you than HER desire. Selfish is not a turn-on.
Again, forgive me if I state what you already know.