touble getting wife on board

There is more to sex than an erect penis. How do you maintain your sexuality both for yourself and for your partner? What techniques do you use to give both of you a great, satisfying sex life? How do you explore your own body and sexuality now that the rules have changed?
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Happy Toy
Posts: 615
Joined: Fri May 11, 2018 9:30 am

Re: touble getting wife on board

Postby Happy Toy » Tue Oct 09, 2018 12:15 pm

I'm very luck, my wife of 51 yrs. is very into it now. I have almost always been the initiator of love making and she seemed to be happy with that. We usually have sex about once a week on Saturday morning or Sunday afternoon. But for the last month we have been busy with "life" if you know what I mean, and just have not had time for ourselves. She works from 9 am to 12 pm M-F so is usually home in the afternoons as am I. About 2 weeks ago SHE asked me if I was busy this next Wednesday afternoon. I said no, what do you have in mind? She said, "sure has been a long time since we made love" :o . I about fell out of my chair I, of course, said "Well nothing, that sounds like a good idea!" She said she is so happy that I got my implant and that she really is enjoying intercourse now. You talk about words that make a guy feel great and loved, it just doesn't get much better then that!!!
Andy
Implanted 6/26/2018, Coloplast Titan 20cm, no RTE'S, infra pubic, Dr. Ree, Kaiser :o 8-) 75yrs., married 52 yrs. ED for over 20 yrs.

Lost Sheep
Posts: 2637
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2016 11:16 pm

Re: touble getting wife on board

Postby Lost Sheep » Tue Oct 09, 2018 1:16 pm

rancherejim wrote:I feel your pain. My wife shut down right after menopause. I just put up with it for 10 + years, I tried everything to try to get her back in the game. She won't even talk about it. Finely I told her if she didn't start having sex with me I would be finding it elsewhere. So after 50+ years of being faithful to her I started up with the hookers. Despite what people say about hookers I have met some very sweet women in this hobby. Now we have a don't ask don't tell policy in our home. I can't divorce her because she is handicapped and is completely dependent on me for everything.
I am looking forward to my surgery coming up in a couple weeks so I can get out and fuck anytime I want to. If everything go's well I should be able to make the 20 year old girls as happy as they make me. I am still as horny now at 77 as I was as a teenager. Actually maybe more so. Back then it was wham baam thank you mam, now I will be able to make it last for hours if I choose to.

Do they give you a wholesale rate for those hours? :lol:

Seriously, as I understand it, prostitutes charge per encounter. I might be wrong, though. Do they charge per hour? Or do streetwalkers have a different fee schedule than call girls or other business models?

You can see that I am unschooled in these matters and unlikely to find out on my own (I am in a satisfying monogamous relationship).

To the contributors of the thread, please forgive this departure from the original theme
Lost Sheep
AMS LGX 18+3 Nov 6, 2017 Dr Shaw.
READ OLD THREADS to ask better questions and better understand answers.
Make yourself part of your medical team.
Document your current penile size: photos and written records.
Pre-op V.E.D. therapy helps.

justanotherdrumber
Posts: 242
Joined: Sun Mar 25, 2018 11:29 pm
Location: Erie, PA

Re: touble getting wife on board

Postby justanotherdrumber » Fri Jan 18, 2019 8:45 pm

Cigar56 wrote:
AnotherOldMan wrote:
If you both want sex, or neither wants sex, everything is fine. It's that middle ground where everything goes south.


Very true! My feeling is that she more or less set the time, place and frequency(with few exceptions) when we were "in our prime". If for any reason she wished to shut
it down at this stage then that is what we would do and I would do my best to make it seem like a mutual decision.


Well, I am 61 and my sex drive seems higher than ever. At this point I would not stop having sex if my wife simply decided to quit. If she did that I would exercise my right to masturbate in private, which of course is a form of sex. Whether that would be enough would be something we'd have to determine.


IMH0 there are a few things that enter into these matters. It can be difficult enough to make any sense of especially when you have limited facts to go on and N0T the whole picture. This is even more true today in a society full of working wives with careers, coming home from work every day tired; who matured in an environment of rabid "Feminisum" .

From my perspection Feminism is where wives have developed the perception that "she"is the one partner that can decide entirely on their own to terminate sex within a marriage when their personal desires wane; without any discussion with her spouse.

Then, the idea of "Romantic Love" is ingrained into us by society as the primary basis to get married; rather than biological sexuality. Even the government entices us into marriage by tax breaks for getting married and evem more for having children.

Religion sets the standard for vilifying premarital sex and encourages marriages.
Single [unmarried ]moms are becoming more and more common.

Generally men tend to get married for commitment, women tend to get married for feelings.

My generation was brought up in families of male dominance and men being the providers. Its not necessarily that way today. Both genders are waiting longer to get married, if they marry at all. We all know about skyrocketing divorce rates and divorce rates of second marriages.

As Anniversaries add up, having children, aging, empty nesting and health issues begin to enter the picture. Women go through menopause and men develope ED.

Below are a couple youtube links that may help enlighten you:
"Why ALL Marriages are Doomed", Why Your Wife Gives Her Best SEX to the Guy She
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_0rczdj_ngM&t=3222s

"Marriage is the End of SEX", After 40 Her Body is Done.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=l0Med43fs-Q

Now this guy might not have all the answers, but he may tell you a few things you hadn't considered.

There is a present MGTOW movement [Men Going Their Own Way] that is helping men comprehend women. Paul Elam also has some topics on youtube.

See what you think. :o
Erie,PA
Age 64 - g/f 34
Implanted ams700 lgx, 18cm+1cm RTE
March 2018

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handfulWES
Posts: 110
Joined: Sun Jan 13, 2019 1:44 pm
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Re: touble getting wife on board

Postby handfulWES » Sat Jan 19, 2019 11:17 am

It is difficult to wake up one day and realize the girl you married, had children with will dump you over your ED issues. Before we were married and I was 20, in the military, great career and wanting to have a family I shared my ED issues. It was so fucking hard to admit that I might be less man than she wanted. She said it didn't matter. I am one that will take you at your word. See I grew up on a farm and your word and a hand shake was your bond.

We were married and it wasn't long that I learned my wife had 2 streaks. One was hot and the other cold. When she was hot, she didn't get enough and when cold I got a rest. I never knew this type behavior existed. My military service was during the Vietnam era and I had a tour to pull in southeast Asia. My first stop was in Thailand and I meet the chairman of the Christian and Missionary Alliance Association and we became great friends. He needed a secretary and my wife was a damn good one. We talked and the Christian and Missionary Alliance would pay her way, get her, her visa and passport and even pay her a salary. She jumped at the chance to come. We had our own place living in Koart, Thailand and life seemed just great. My ED issues were growing and getting worse it seemed each day. Then I ended up with an 89 day TDY to Vietnam. I made my trip returned to find that 6 weeks later I had yet another 89 day TDY. When I returned her year's visa was about to expire. It was extended for 90 days and she went home. I was still stuck in southeast Asia.

By the time I returned to the USA my ED issues were very bad. My wife had no use for me although we did have a little girl and was PG with our second kid, a boy. I sought answers and found one doctor who offered some help and I was put on Testosterone. We got my level up to something a bit more normal and 1/2 my ED issues were better. Every time I would have a failure it made things worst. Finally our son was born, and after about 3 years I was left with both children. I had my hands full. They are good kids, grown and on their own thank God and doing well.

I will hit the point. By now I was about to get an implant. We talked, fought and she said OK if it will fix the problem. When it came time to try it out for the first time and she touched me, she jumped out of bed, went downstairs telling me that thing wasn't going in her you know what. I almost died right there. In a few days she was packed and gone. I do understand this problem. I understand it better now because in the heat of the battle it is difficult to see the forest for all the trees.

I have a wonderful sex life several times a week, I still take "T" and I enjoy every moment. It took 50 years to get here and I promise you NO woman or man will take what I enjoy away from me.

handfulWES
68, single, have had an implant since I was 42. Goals: to help men with ED; help men over come years of failure; to know their bodies; have a richer fuller sex life whether they or straight, Bi or gay. last I traveled this road starting in the late 60's

justanotherdrumber
Posts: 242
Joined: Sun Mar 25, 2018 11:29 pm
Location: Erie, PA

Re: touble getting wife on board

Postby justanotherdrumber » Sat Jan 19, 2019 7:40 pm

handfulWES wrote:It is difficult to wake up one day and realize the girl you married, had children with will dump you over your ED issues. Before we were married and I was 20, in the military, great career and wanting to have a family I shared my ED issues. It was so fucking hard to admit that I might be less man than she wanted. She said it didn't matter. I am one that will take you at your word. See I grew up on a farm and your word and a hand shake was your bond.

We were married and it wasn't long that I learned my wife had 2 streaks. One was hot and the other cold. When she was hot, she didn't get enough and when cold I got a rest. I never knew this type behavior existed. My military service was during the Vietnam era and I had a tour to pull in southeast Asia. My first stop was in Thailand and I meet the chairman of the Christian and Missionary Alliance Association and we became great friends. He needed a secretary and my wife was a damn good one. We talked and the Christian and Missionary Alliance would pay her way, get her, her visa and passport and even pay her a salary. She jumped at the chance to come. We had our own place living in Koart, Thailand and life seemed just great. My ED issues were growing and getting worse it seemed each day. Then I ended up with an 89 day TDY to Vietnam. I made my trip returned to find that 6 weeks later I had yet another 89 day TDY. When I returned her year's visa was about to expire. It was extended for 90 days and she went home. I was still stuck in southeast Asia.

By the time I returned to the USA my ED issues were very bad. My wife had no use for me although we did have a little girl and was PG with our second kid, a boy. I sought answers and found one doctor who offered some help and I was put on Testosterone. We got my level up to something a bit more normal and 1/2 my ED issues were better. Every time I would have a failure it made things worst. Finally our son was born, and after about 3 years I was left with both children. I had my hands full. They are good kids, grown and on their own thank God and doing well.

I will hit the point. By now I was about to get an implant. We talked, fought and she said OK if it will fix the problem. When it came time to try it out for the first time and she touched me, she jumped out of bed, went downstairs telling me that thing wasn't going in her you know what. I almost died right there. In a few days she was packed and gone. I do understand this problem. I understand it better now because in the heat of the battle it is difficult to see the forest for all the trees.

I have a wonderful sex life several times a week, I still take "T" and I enjoy every moment. It took 50 years to get here and I promise you NO woman or man will take what I enjoy away from me.

handfulWES


Hopefully a few more links to help understand sexless relationships
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=MhDzD4xa4mQ
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pVpV1u6iSvM

More extreme examples, but the principles are the same; listen to the end.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=SddZvNQOuFw
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=SddZvNQOuFw
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0plOkoJ8O3A
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=rlvMAS_20K4

Just for entertainment, she's cute !
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=IT9jeK30yH8

Introducing Paul Elam, "An Ear for Men":
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=eg58He7wF34&t=10s

"How to Hold a Woman Accountable in 5 Steps"
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Bn-sQWVxPls

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=O8pBNOi5QaQ
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hL5tX2M2_qs&t=47s
Erie,PA
Age 64 - g/f 34
Implanted ams700 lgx, 18cm+1cm RTE
March 2018

Robert51
Posts: 430
Joined: Thu Dec 28, 2017 10:39 pm

Re: touble getting wife on board

Postby Robert51 » Tue Jan 22, 2019 11:08 pm

Lived in asia many years its a wonderful place to not have ed
66 years old married 14 years on my 3rd wife /////// had a major operation at 51 hernia below belly bottom ed got really bad after that .. Tried pills not much and side affects.. trying alprostadil without a lot of success but only 3rd time

Minnscooter
Posts: 58
Joined: Wed Dec 28, 2016 5:17 pm
Location: minnesota

Re: touble getting wife on board

Postby Minnscooter » Tue Jan 29, 2019 8:16 pm

I have ed caused by diabeties , started being a problem in my 40,s so after finding out the pilld did nothing got on trimix OMG harder than ever and 2-3hours at first wife kinda liked te new toy but then menapause took over and it got less and less.. didn't make sense to buy it and not use it so I quit luckly I can Jo just fine soft ... she's ok with me jerking off but dosn't like porn so I respect that and OnlY look at porn if she's not around. Not Ideal but works for us ( no intercourse since 2002)
70 MM married 48 years, live in Minnesota type 2 diabetes caused ed in my 40's went on trimix with great results but when wife had menopause sex got less and less so just wasn't cost effective so no sex since 2002.

QuestionGuy
Posts: 121
Joined: Tue Sep 22, 2015 6:50 pm

Re: touble getting wife on board

Postby QuestionGuy » Sun Feb 10, 2019 4:35 pm

Where do I begin:

1) There are tons of things people can do in bed besides intercourse. Some of my best orgasms I have ever had : have been "wanking" myself while a women sat on my face. ...but there's also a thousand other things you can do if the man cant be erect or the women experiences pain from intercourse. So I have zero sympathy for any one of either gender unilaterally deciding that "everyone's" sex life is now over. Withholding sex is actually now considered a form of ABUSE (as it should be)

2.
After 4 months wife still not on board. I still love her but I need sex so I am on a NSA dating site. Meeting first woman tomorrow for coffee. If I was looking for a relationship not sure, but it just for sex . She is not getting sex from her husband. The problem I have found with alot of those sites is alot of them are pure scam with fake profiles and bots


.....if you think there are large numbers of women on the internet looking for NSA sex from middle aged married men: i have a bridge in new your city I'd like to sell you the deed to :) of course there all bots and scams. The ratio is about 100 to 1, so even if you look like Brad Pitt you will be lucky to get a very haggard women (and after many hours of time invested) NOT A VIABLE OPTION

3)
A REAL MAN WOULD realize that being a good provider is what is most important to the family


....interesting how women now get to define what is and "is not" a REAL MAN.
I'm 55. PostFinasterideSyndrome/Peyronies . Initially had good erections but numbness. Now erections are compromised, but good sensitivity. I see Dr. Irwin Goldstein and do : TRIMIX-Clomiphene-Arimidex –Cabergoline -Cialis -Traction-VED-Pshot-gainswave

dg_moore
Posts: 1396
Joined: Mon Apr 25, 2011 9:34 am

Re: touble getting wife on board

Postby dg_moore » Sun Feb 10, 2019 5:29 pm

Why would you want to have sex with somebody who doesn't want to have sex with you (or presumably with anybody else)? I have always believed sex to be a mutual activity.
Dave, 76, Maryland - Implant (Titan) 2008 by Dr. Andrew Kramer - never used due to a stroke that, among other things, ended my sex life.
Life is not the way it's supposed to be, it's the way it is.

QuestionGuy
Posts: 121
Joined: Tue Sep 22, 2015 6:50 pm

Re: touble getting wife on board

Postby QuestionGuy » Sun Feb 10, 2019 6:50 pm

Why would you want to have sex with somebody who doesn't want to have sex with you (or presumably with anybody else)? I have always believed sex to be a mutual activity.


so the default is :one person "decides for you" that your sex life is over? Obviously sex is a biological function and its also a component of a romantic relationship. the ideal scenario is two people who are madly in love and cant keep their hands off of one and other, but where that does not exist there must be a compromise.... or one person has to lose. From what I have observed and experienced: both lose (eventually) .... and if there is a family involved, the kids get to lose too. In my opinion, the only way a middle aged married man with a family ever could compete with a young ambitious man in the work place, was that the married guy had access to regular sex from his stay-at-home-wife and the single guy had to go devote some portion of time to procuring female companionship (dates, parties, activities, bars not to mention drinking on the weekends to get up the courage to hit on women, etc...) a single young man is in a position to work back to back 20 hour days to get ahead (if he is so inclined) a family man cant compete with that. .....but eventually the single guy has to throw "some cycles" at his social life. When the wife puts her husband in the position of now stepping out (and throwing those same cycles at procuring women) who wins?

....this is just my bias. I was in a sexless marriage, so I empathize with some of these posts, but disagree with some of the "wisdom" which I see in the rationalization of the "withholding of sex". When my kids were little: i sucked it up and went many years without sex. In another chapter, when I was working 2 jobs to get us into our dream-house: she had obligatory sex with me...(and honestly : "it wasn't half bad"). In yet another chapter, (after we got into dream-house) she cut the sex off again : and I had girlfriends and a sexlife outside the marriage (that stole cycles from both my career and my family) . Now the kids are grown and were getting divorced....and she like many other women in these scenarios does not yet realize where she has landed herself. Woman in a bygone era, understood that a middle aged women was not "holding a very big stick" and it might be best to try to keep the husband around. . today they all still think their in their 20's and that the world is waiting, to once again, "roll out the red carpet" for them. I don't think my wife (or these other women in these stories here) gets it. A 50 - 60 year old women, is "not the prize". Their options are few and far in-between.
I'm 55. PostFinasterideSyndrome/Peyronies . Initially had good erections but numbness. Now erections are compromised, but good sensitivity. I see Dr. Irwin Goldstein and do : TRIMIX-Clomiphene-Arimidex –Cabergoline -Cialis -Traction-VED-Pshot-gainswave


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