Thank goodness for a venue like this . . . guys talking about guy stuff. Bear with me for this longish post . . . I make most of my points at the end and will come back to the topic at hand.
I got nailed with 2 aggressive tumors in my prostate back in 2008 when I was just 40 years old. I opted for the nerve-sparing robotically-assisted procedure at that time, and even though I'm clean now, it did not leave me unchanged.
Five years later I find myself dribbling in my shorts when out and about or on the road -- ESPECIALLY if I have gas. If I have gas AND have to pee, I'm pretty much screwed. And god forbid I have to sneeze or cough at that time, because I'm going to soak myself. No pads or diapers just yet, but I get a feeling as I get into my 50s, it's going to be an issue.
Before my surgery, my erections were amazing. My only complaint being the "thickening" and/or "lessening" of my ejaculate, which along with testicular pain, was what took me in to see the urologist in the first place. After the surgery, I was able to get about 75% erect for the first few months, but with a patient wife of 20 years, sex became a mostly normal part of our life once again. Surprisingly, orgasms for me the first month or so were incredibly painful (which confusingly made them even more powerful -- go figure). After a few months, I noticed (as did my wife) some rock-hard erections from time to time, but if there was even the smallest distraction in the bedroom (cat, dog, etc.), I would lose my erection almost immediately -- which as many of you know, is very frustrating. But life went on with fluctuating degrees of rigidity. Annoying, but I was cancer-free.
These days my biggest complaint is the quality of my orgasm as compared to my pre-surgery orgasm. Yes, orgasms feel good, but without the ejaculate coursing through the plumbing, my orgasms (no longer painful) are remarkably short (2 to 3 seconds) and sometimes (surprisingly) not pleasurable at all -- just a convulsing of the Kegel muscles and penis, and that's it. What I call "airgasms." This might sound like a trivial complaint to those of you suffering from a combination of post RP symptoms -- I understand -- but it's extremely annoying/depressing to burn that many calories during sex or masturbation after waiting for a little action all day, you know?
WHICH BRINGS ME TO THE POINT OF THIS THREAD:
A few months ago while having sex, my wonderful wife sitting on top of me ("cowgirl" style) enjoying the ride and smiling down at me after an unusually long session of 30-40 minutes or so, decided that enough was enough and reached down and behind her to massage my balls as I continued to thrust up and into her. Of course this felt as awesome as usual, but as I bucked my hips up hard (and somewhat comically -- we were both laughing), it caused her fingertips to shoot past their intended target and graze/dip ever so slightly over my perineum into my ass, which had an IMMEDIATE AN AMAZING effect, in that my whole body -- including by penis -- went SUPER RIGID, and I climaxed EXTREMELY HARD just a few seconds later. WOW. At that point in my life, it was one of the best orgasms I've ever had. Little did I know then that things would only get better.
FAST-FORWARD TO A MONTH AGO:
The perineum play continued, much to the delight of me and my awesome wife. Unfortunately, however, I got hit with 2 common warts along the shaft of my penis (of the non-STD variety). MAJOR ANNOYANCE, as now we had to deal with my intermittent ED and condoms as I went through treatment! GRRRR! To be honest, sex was almost impossible. What was a 75%-95% hard penis, drooped significantly with a condom on (some condoms were better, but that's a different topic entirely). Random flaccidness through the sex, condom falling off, delayed orgasm, frustration on both of our parts -- it was the WORST. One day, to give me a break, my (again, awesome, patient, and loving) wife treated me to a hand-job to give me the pleasure of warm skin-on-skin sexual enjoyment after I satisfied her needs. Normally I don't go for hand jobs, preferring vaginal or oral sex (and if I'm super lucky, a little anal as well). Anyway, because she was using lube ("ID Glide"), it was a messy but wonderfully hot affair . . . and as she brought me closer to the edge, she let a finger or 2 drop once again to my perineal area. Encouraged by the change in firmness to my cock, she carefully and lovingly (while looking me in the eyes with a "trust me" look), slid her finger slowly-yet-confidently into my ass while continuing to pump me. Once in, she carefully (she had nails) slid it in and out until, without almost no warning at all, I had THE MOST MIND BLOWING ORGASM OF MY ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE. No exaggeration, guys. It was INSANE. It lasted for probably 10-15 seconds, and I could barely keep my eyes open as I rode those waves, her finger barely moving in my ass.
I could bore you with more dirty details, but suffice it to say that there are nerves in that area that NEED YOUR ATTENTION, GENTLEMEN. Whether it's for experimenting with erectile quality or the power of your orgasm, GET IN THERE! LOL. Since that big orgasm, we've explored the concept of anal play by buying some toys (different sized "butt plugs," vibrators, lubes, anal douche bulbs, etc.) to help stimulate that area before and during sex. As a former Army Ranger, I'm kind of the stereotypical "manly man," and there was a short period where I was thinking, "Is this gay? Am I bi? Am I having gender identity issues?" And the answer, without sounding defensive, is NO, NO, and NO.
We've even moved into the "naughtier" realm of "pegging" at this point, purchasing a cute harness and strap-on dildo for her . . . that's going to be INSANE.
I've take enough space here in writing something that's almost turned into amateur erotica. Sorry. I just wanted to go on the record as saying, even though prostate cancer and the ensuing prostatectomy were some of the lowest points of my life, as someone who is turning 46 next month, my wife and I are discovering things about our bodies (you didn't think she was going to miss out on some anal play, did you) that have taken our love and sexy-time with each other to AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT LEVEL. We've never been puritanical or "plain vanilla" in the bedroom, and sex has always been awesome, but MOTHER OF GOD, things do get better! In fact, our intimacy and sexual pleasure -- we feel -- are at their all-time highest and only getting better. FOR REAL!
Try something new. You only get this body for one go-around. Do some research; read some positive-sexuality blogs; buy some toys; let down your guard. COMMUNICATE openly with her or him and let them know, "I think I want to try something . . . would that be okay?"
Have fun, gentlemen! It's YOUR BODY!