Talk with the Wife went well

There is more to sex than an erect penis. How do you maintain your sexuality both for yourself and for your partner? What techniques do you use to give both of you a great, satisfying sex life? How do you explore your own body and sexuality now that the rules have changed?
Old Guy
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Location: Ohio

Talk with the Wife went well

Postby Old Guy » Fri Sep 02, 2022 4:59 pm

So, I know she's had a lot on her plate at work lately, but in the last three weeks it's only happened once. I tried to engage her twice during the week to no response. That is not her. I mean sometimes it's just plain NO, or I'm too tired, but we go at least once or twice a week.
My other issue is boredom in the bedroom. We've been in a sexual rut for a long time. Every time it's almost always the same routine. And 98% of the time it's me that has to initiate. 36 years ago she was the horniest thing and would always be the one to start things. I miss that.
So, I'm not good at talking about sex with her. I always seem to mis-say something that ends up making her cry. I spent two days writing my feelings into a letter. Kept all the four-letter words out of it. Told her that as much as I love our intimate times, I needed some change and more often. Gave it to her this morning, she read it while I was in the yard. We actually had a good talk when I came in, and she agreed she has been too caught up in work stress to realize. She agreed to make some changes too.
On a separate page I wrote three fantasies I have, nothing wild. I challenged her to fulfill those fantasies. She agreed. She won't get to see any of them until she picks it. I have hopes but have to see what happens.
Nov. 8, 2019
4+ years, Coloplast Titan OTR
Married 36 years to my beautiful young bride
Always here to answer questions if you PM me

AmansinCali
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Joined: Mon Apr 20, 2020 2:30 pm
Location: SoCal

Re: Talk with the Wife went well

Postby AmansinCali » Fri Sep 02, 2022 6:11 pm

Oh man Old Guy, don't leave us hanging like that! :roll:
Used Viagra & Cialis until lost vision in one eye due to AION, therefore can never use pills again, then tri-mix 1 1/2 years until unreliable. Implanted 9/20/22 at 77 years old by Dr. Yafi, UC Irvine. Married 55 years wife 76. 20cm Coloplast Titan.

dg_moore
Posts: 1885
Joined: Mon Apr 25, 2011 9:34 am

Re: Talk with the Wife went well

Postby dg_moore » Fri Sep 02, 2022 9:09 pm

I learned early on that my wife was not willing to discuss our sex life in any fashion. Even so, until my stroke our relations were good, and satisfying. When the stroke ended it all for me, she was not disappointed at all. This was more than ten years ago, and we have still never discussed it. There's actually nothing to discuss, so it doesn't matter to me.
Dave, 80, Maryland - Implant (Titan) 2008 by Dr. Andrew Kramer (failed Sept 2020) - never used due to a stroke that, among other things, ended my sex life.
Life is not the way it's supposed to be, it's the way it is.

Old Guy
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Location: Ohio

Re: Talk with the Wife went well

Postby Old Guy » Sat Sep 03, 2022 11:59 am

AmansinCali wrote:Oh man Old Guy, don't leave us hanging like that! :roll:


Sorry, I'm kind of hanging now too.
Backstory on this, she knew how things were and was ready to bed me the night before I gave her the letter. However, we both suffer with herpes, and she broke out in a sore that morning. Once she's healed I'll have to see how if she still agrees to grant my fantasies. Those are simple, watch her masturbate using toys, give me oral to completion (which in 35 years has happened once) and anal (again only once).
I'll follow up with details as things happen, or not.
My hope is IF she fulfills my fantasies it will lead to a more open and changed relationship in the bedroom. She hasn't been the same since her hysterectomy. She has been shy about her body, so I'm hoping making her masturbate while I watch will open her up some.
Nov. 8, 2019
4+ years, Coloplast Titan OTR
Married 36 years to my beautiful young bride
Always here to answer questions if you PM me

AmansinCali
Posts: 315
Joined: Mon Apr 20, 2020 2:30 pm
Location: SoCal

Re: Talk with the Wife went well

Postby AmansinCali » Sun Sep 04, 2022 8:43 pm

Old Guy, you got me thinking. You say she has not been the same since menopause, could that be she doesn't feel like a complete woman like we don't feel like a complete man when we have ED?
Seems understanding it that way might make it easier to make her feel like a woman, like putting you in her shoes so to speak.
Women, it's always a challenge, isn't it?
Used Viagra & Cialis until lost vision in one eye due to AION, therefore can never use pills again, then tri-mix 1 1/2 years until unreliable. Implanted 9/20/22 at 77 years old by Dr. Yafi, UC Irvine. Married 55 years wife 76. 20cm Coloplast Titan.

AnotherOldMan
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Joined: Tue Dec 27, 2016 9:52 am

Re: Talk with the Wife went well

Postby AnotherOldMan » Tue Sep 06, 2022 6:47 am

She hasn't been the same since her hysterectomy.


I would venture to guess that no woman is! A trap we sometimes fall into is a desire to recreate the "Good Ole Days", which with careful, honest evaluation, had some not so "Good Ole Days" mixed in with the good ones.

I see you are asking for oral and anal, both of which have only happened once in your 30+ years together. I think you should consider what you have to do to make both activities a reoccurring activity not just another one time event. My own experiences are that her pleasure and intensity of orgasms resulting from each sex act is directly proportionate to the frequency she wants to take part in the act.
Married 50+ years. Use VED for sex and do
daily exercises with both water and vacuum pumps.

Old Guy
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Re: Talk with the Wife went well

Postby Old Guy » Tue Sep 06, 2022 8:33 am

AmansinCali wrote:Old Guy, you got me thinking. You say she has not been the same since menopause, could that be she doesn't feel like a complete woman like we don't feel like a complete man when we have ED?
Seems understanding it that way might make it easier to make her feel like a woman, like putting you in her shoes so to speak.
Women, it's always a challenge, isn't it?


Yes, women are always a challenge. She actually never went through menopause; her hysterectomy was due to issues after having babies. She was actually happy to have her woman parts removed and avoid the monthly pain. As soon as the doc cleared her for sex after that she couldn't wait to do it. Her libido was high for a long time after that. Then we kind of fell into that rut of same, same, same.
Nov. 8, 2019
4+ years, Coloplast Titan OTR
Married 36 years to my beautiful young bride
Always here to answer questions if you PM me

Old Guy
Posts: 2472
Joined: Tue Mar 31, 2020 4:31 pm
Location: Ohio

Re: Talk with the Wife went well

Postby Old Guy » Tue Sep 06, 2022 9:00 am

AnotherOldMan wrote:
She hasn't been the same since her hysterectomy.


I would venture to guess that no woman is! A trap we sometimes fall into is a desire to recreate the "Good Ole Days", which with careful, honest evaluation, had some not so "Good Ole Days" mixed in with the good ones.

I see you are asking for oral and anal, both of which have only happened once in your 30+ years together. I think you should consider what you have to do to make both activities a reoccurring activity not just another one time event. My own experiences are that her pleasure and intensity of orgasms resulting from each sex act is directly proportionate to the frequency she wants to take part in the act.


I'm not looking to recreate anything, I just want something more than the same old, same old. As far as oral she will do oral on me, but not to the finish. A hang up on gag reflex is my thinking, not wanting my ejaculation in her mouth. That should be easy to overcome now since I don't squirt a big load like I used to. Anal got tried again but my size hurt her. Since ED and my implant and I'm not as big anymore so maybe another try? Also she gets so wet after her orgasm(s) it's tough for me to finish.
My hope is once I can get her to try these things again and see if it enhances our bedroom time, they will become part of our routine.
In a way, yes, I'm being selfish. The last several years the main focus of our sex life has been me pleasing her. It got us into that rut. As much as I always get to finish it's because I am doing the work. The occasional be able to lay back and get pleasured, or change of places, is what I need.
Nov. 8, 2019
4+ years, Coloplast Titan OTR
Married 36 years to my beautiful young bride
Always here to answer questions if you PM me

Wiggles123
Posts: 137
Joined: Sat Apr 23, 2022 10:12 am

Re: Talk with the Wife went well

Postby Wiggles123 » Tue Sep 06, 2022 9:34 am

Old Guy,

For me it is and always will be about her pleasure. My orgasm at the end is simply a bonus. I am lucky though, in that my wife loves sex as much or more than I do. She and I like to play for 2 or 3 hours, so the implant is appreciated. I think you need to have more of an open dialogue with your wife - possibly a sex therapy session with a couples counselor. In my situation I have found that the more I concern myself with her pleasure the more she cares about mine. I wouldn't push for anal sex if she's not into it (tons of other things to try).

Best wishes!
AMS700 CX 21cm with 3 RTE 4-2019 by Dr Natale - failed 5-2021. Revision 6-2021 with issue (scrotal hematoma and infection). Dr. Ryan Terlecki revision 3-28-2022 (AMS700 CX 21cm with 1.5cm RTE). Cylinder failure at 18 months. 24cm AMS700 CX 11-29-2023.

Old Guy
Posts: 2472
Joined: Tue Mar 31, 2020 4:31 pm
Location: Ohio

Re: Talk with the Wife went well

Postby Old Guy » Tue Sep 06, 2022 2:24 pm

Wiggles123 wrote:Old Guy,

For me it is and always will be about her pleasure.
In my situation I have found that the more I concern myself with her pleasure the more she cares about mine. I wouldn't push for anal sex if she's not into it (tons of other things to try).

Best wishes!


That's where we've been at for years. I've been through pills and injections to enable me to pleasure her. It has always been about her orgasms. No matter how I pleasure her, through oral, fingers or penetration, reciprocation has not been one of her traits. I always have to ask (beg?) for any touching or oral. I guess that's what I'm looking to change the most.
As I'm getting older and my stamina is not what it used to be, hitting the big O takes a lot of energy. To be able to lay back and be pleasured to orgasm is a fantasy I've had for quite some time.
I won't push for anal if she objects, not a biggie. I've tried numerous things over our years, toys, dildos, different positions, nothing seems to be to her liking. I did introduce her to a clit vibrator many years ago, and now it gets used every time. As far as a therapy session, she would probably not open up enough to make a difference.
Nov. 8, 2019
4+ years, Coloplast Titan OTR
Married 36 years to my beautiful young bride
Always here to answer questions if you PM me


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