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AmansinCali wrote:This subject came up this morning in my household before we had sex, my wife is 75 and I am 77. I use tri-mix so none of lovemaking is spontaneous. Having coffee first thing, she said, "Do you want to play today?" I said, "Well that was romantic." Then she explained in words that I and all you guys know, but haven't heard, "I don't get horny like you do, I don't have balls and a pecker talking to me, but I know how edgy you get when you don't have sex a couple times a week." Then, "I don't get horny until you start playing with me."

We never talked much about sex, just did it when the mood struck; however, since I have been on tri-mix for a little over a year it has almost forced us to speak more openly. As ED settled in I began to assure her that it was not her fault, it was just the way nature works, but I told her I would get it fixed. I began to share with her some of the stories I read on FT and how some women just don't seem to care about their husband's needs. I read one rather dramatic post to her once by a sex starved husband and she said, "That is just plain cruel."

We are having the best sex of our lives and I know it is from speaking more openly about our sexual relationship.

As it has been pointed out over and over again on FT, getting turned on and satisfied is about 90% in the brain. Those who recommend starting a verbal conversation about why you need sex more than her I think are on the right track. Open up and get it on the table.

Your testimonhy moved me deeply, sir. You have a treasure in such a caring, sensitive and aware wife. Congratulations on finding her, cultivating such a relationship with her and listening with a hearing heart.

Lost Sheep with utmost respect. Thank you for sharing.

Thank you Lost Sheep, that is very meaningful coming from such an active participant on FT. The best to you too.

I am new to this site. Until a year and a half ago, when I was diagnosed with PC and subsequently had surgery I was fit (into body building) and looked, felt and acted young. I am 71. Since my surgery I feel I have aged 15-20 years and now I am facing the probability of a course of salvage radiation + hormone therapy. (Am definitely not looking forward to THOSE side effects!) Prior to surgery I experienced episodic ED, which usually responded to pills. Since, activity down there has been pretty much zero, I have developed Peyronies and been diagnosed with a venous leak. Am now considering an implant.
Part of what I am struggling with is the sad fact that my wife of 45 years has had NO interest in sex for 25-30 years. This has led me to depression and and a lot of negative self thoughts. Consequently, I have sought sex outside the marriage - including men and women - and I have found solace and fun in that. She doesn't seem to want to hear about it; raising the subject always distresses her and frustrates me so I no longer do. I give her frequent massages (she has a long history of back and leg pain); I knows she appreciates that but I find myself resenting that there is no reciprocation of touch.
Not sure how to explain to her why being able to get and sustain an erection is important to me and why I would go through the pain and discomfort of getting an implant. What I have said to her is that I think it will make me feel whole again.

pump up and set the rings and then go to it - with or without the help of a vibrator. She does orgasm once and that's it - too sensitive and can't be touched after.... I guess I shouldn't complain too much because we do now have a date night weekly...but none-the-less, I do miss a little aggressiveness, desire and romance.

Your profile says you are 83 years old You have a weekly sex date with your wife who STILL regularly orgasms. Is this a subtle way of bragging?

Not so subtle. But I'll give him bragging rights. I'd be kinda proud too. You go dude!

AnotherOldMan & bldoink: Sorry, wish I could but I can’t accept the “bragging rights.” Yes, after many years of nothing, bitching, complaining, and guilt trips - finally got her to give in. The “rights” go to my VED w/rings and her helping herself during PIV with a vibrator. At our age positions and PIV is difficult and sometime a little painful for her, but we carefully find a way. I have yet to climax during penetration and sometimes have difficulty after with mostly self-help, but I still enjoy it. My reason for posting is to let other guys that have similar situations that there can be hope…with persistence. DON'T GIVE UP!!!

The “rights” go to my VED w/rings and her helping herself during PIV with a vibrator.

Both of those, VED and vibrator, are a testament to you and your wife's willingness to continue your sex life at an age when a lot just give up and quit. I think you BOTH get "bragging rights".

AmansinCali wrote:This subject came up this morning in my household before we had sex, my wife is 75 and I am 77. I use tri-mix so none of lovemaking is spontaneous. Having coffee first thing, she said, "Do you want to play today?" I said, "Well that was romantic." Then she explained in words that I and all you guys know, but haven't heard, "I don't get horny like you do, I don't have balls and a pecker talking to me, but I know how edgy you get when you don't have sex a couple times a week." Then, "I don't get horny until you start playing with me."

We never talked much about sex, just did it when the mood struck; however, since I have been on tri-mix for a little over a year it has almost forced us to speak more openly. As ED settled in I began to assure her that it was not her fault, it was just the way nature works, but I told her I would get it fixed. I began to share with her some of the stories I read on FT and how some women just don't seem to care about their husband's needs. I read one rather dramatic post to her once by a sex starved husband and she said, "That is just plain cruel."

We are having the best sex of our lives and I know it is from speaking more openly about our sexual relationship.

As it has been pointed out over and over again on FT, getting turned on and satisfied is about 90% in the brain. Those who recommend starting a verbal conversation about why you need sex more than her I think are on the right track. Open up and get it on the table.

Love it.

Vulnerability, Listening, Communication, Experimentation. Repeat, repeat, repeat...

Gentlemen,

This is sort of an update to my previous post here, I have had implant surgery, today I am 3 weeks post-surgery and just had my first office visit since my implant. It looks as though we are halfway through the waiting period before I can test fly this sucker.

I went back to the beginning of this thread and re-read all of the posts. It disturbs me to hear of men being deprived of sex by their wives. In a way, I wish those wives could talk to my wife, she says sex is a part of being married. We all know it takes teamwork to make a marriage survive and even more to make it thrive, you both need to invest.

I don't know any of your wives, but it seems rational to me discussing all of this with your partner is the solution. I mentioned in my early post that my wife and I never, and I mean never discussed much about sex, but when I had to go on trimix just to be able to have penetrative sex it required quite a bit more communication and planning than we had ever had to do. I had to speak to her more honestly about sex than I had ever spoken to her before. Not that I hid anything from her, we weren't totally out of communication about sex, but nearly so, we just did it. This "frank talk" really opened up the topic for both of us, there was no great revelations or discoveries, but just undisguised "frank talk" which I think has drawn us together, closer sexually than we have ever been.

The other big effect on our communication was my bringing up things I learned here on Frank Talk. I had to learn about injections, explain the science of it to her, plus the scheduling required seemed to just draw us closer. There are a lot of very sad stories of good men on the site who are being deprived of sex by their own wives. I read or talked to her about many of these, and she has been just shocked that a married woman would treat their husbands so badly. She says, "It is just plain cruel."

People get awfully set in their ways as they age and some will never change no matter what, but I think opening up the conversation about sex is where it begins. I think all women know, but many don't admit it, that the sex needs of a man and a woman are totally different. I really think this is where the conversation should begin, not lecturing like she is a child, but simply bringing up why you have different needs than she has and go from there. Explain to her what makes you tick and why you have the sexual drive you have. Let her know you know she is almost opposite of what you are. Ask her, what she would do if you could change places, have her imagine having a cock and balls and for days at a time the only thing you can think about is getting laid, she won't understand it, but explain it is the way we are built, and you can't change it unless you are castrated. Well maybe that shouldn't be suggested. lol

Try to get her to talk about why she doesn't want to be intimate with you, have her put it in her words. Let her know it is the nicest thing she can do for you and hopefully, the more she tries to please you the chances are the more turned on she will get. Let her know you are in a partnership you love being in, and that's the point, you want to make love to her and show her how much you love her and sex is the best way for you to show it.

We also know as we age our women are aging too, so making love is different, more restrained, but it can be just as rewarding and maybe even more so than it ever was. If your woman is past the age of menopause don't even think about penetrative sex without a good quality lube, use it in your foreplay on both of you. We prefer the silicone lubes, they don't dry out and don't get sticky like others. We love silicone based Platinum, they describe it as a luxury lube and it is.

As I said earlier, I was just implanted 3 weeks ago, this began whole new phase of communication between us, from her never knowing about implants to being with me in the recovery room. She made a comment to me in the recovery room I will probably never forget, she said, "I can't believe you are going through this for us."

BelleBite wrote:I am new to this site. Until a year and a half ago, when I was diagnosed with PC and subsequently had surgery I was fit (into body building) and looked, felt and acted young. I am 71. Since my surgery I feel I have aged 15-20 years and now I am facing the probability of a course of salvage radiation + hormone therapy. (Am definitely not looking forward to THOSE side effects!) Prior to surgery I experienced episodic ED, which usually responded to pills. Since, activity down there has been pretty much zero, I have developed Peyronies and been diagnosed with a venous leak. Am now considering an implant.
Part of what I am struggling with is the sad fact that my wife of 45 years has had NO interest in sex for 25-30 years. This has led me to depression and and a lot of negative self thoughts. Consequently, I have sought sex outside the marriage - including men and women - and I have found solace and fun in that. She doesn't seem to want to hear about it; raising the subject always distresses her and frustrates me so I no longer do. I give her frequent massages (she has a long history of back and leg pain); I knows she appreciates that but I find myself resenting that there is no reciprocation of touch.
Not sure how to explain to her why being able to get and sustain an erection is important to me and why I would go through the pain and discomfort of getting an implant. What I have said to her is that I think it will make me feel whole again.

.
When my dick would not get hard after a RP, the most hated phrase my wife said was " It doesn't matter to me" She may as well have stuck a knife in my gut. We had a good sex life up to the RP at 75. I got an implant for myself. I put about 10 pumps in it and enjoy just feeling it as I sit around in the evening.