What makes for a long, happy marriage/relationship?

[Martin6469]

Bump for newer members.

[UpNorth]

Apparently I don't know.
My wife just did not want to be married any longer.
Neither of us cheated and it has been 5yrs and neither of us have had a sexual relationship.
I would have remained married though I am okay that I am not.

Dang
You’re really close to my age, don’t give up on relationships, my first marriage was 20 years and Ive been with current wife 22 years.

[Benjamin]

I’ve been married for 15 years, and from my personal experience I can say this:

Lately, I’ve been thinking more and more about why some relationships grow cold and turn into routine, while others manage to keep warmth and closeness over the years.

And I came to a simple but important conclusion: over time, we forget why we chose this person in the first place.

In the beginning, we notice every little detail. We admire, give compliments, look at them with interest, want to be close.
But as time passes, all of that somehow fades into the background.

It’s especially important to remember that women love with their ears.
And in my opinion, one of the key things is daily attention through words.

Give compliments.
Notice the details.
Say things like: “you have beautiful eyes,” “your hands are so gentle,” “you look especially beautiful today.”

And do it every day, not just on special occasions.

This works on several levels:
— you make her feel that she truly matters to you
— she feels loved and desired
— and at the same time, you “reprogram” your own perception, constantly reminding yourself why you are with this person

In a way, you are programming both her and yourself to maintain that connection.

In marriage, we very often forget to say simple, kind things to our partner.
And little by little, the relationship turns into just everyday coexistence.

But in reality, it’s the simple things that make us happier.

Sometimes you don’t need grand gestures.
It’s enough just not to forget to tell the person next to you that they matter to you.

And as for bedroom matters… that’s a whole different story.

[Old Guy]

After three failures I declared myself a confirmed bachelor, until my current wife won me over. For her age she was more mature than females twice her age. We worked together for over a year, talking about TV shows and other unimportant stuff. Since she was so much younger than me, I had no intentions of starting a relationship as much as we got along very well. Then one day I was going to the mall after work, and she asked if she could ride along. That ended up with her coming home with me for the night. She only wanted sex. Have to admit I was in need of some good sex too. I still had no intention of continuing this affair, but she was so sweet and loving I couldn't help myself. Several months later we rented an apartment together, one year later we married. Seven months later our son was born, I started college and two years later our daughter was born.
We have had our share of ups and downs. Money, sex, several moves and raising the kids took a toll on us. But through it all we never lost the one thing that got us started, that was sex. We are good together, know each other's needs & wants. I won't say that was the only thing keeping us together, but it didn't hurt either. We still often mention that fact after we have sex.
But there is always an "I Love You" every night before bed. And of course, throughout the day. We never leave each other without saying it. We hug often. We still have our moments of being mad at each other. But that's what makes it real.
38 years of memories, kids, grandkids and some awesome sex and I want to keep going for many more.
My advice for a strong marriage that lasts? Never go to bed mad at each other. Talk it out. Never fight in front of the kids. Always be honest with each other, one simple lie can come back to haunt you. And never stop saying I love you.