Don't Waste Your Erectile Dysfunction

What are your fears? Ideas? Hints? to coping with ED. What helps you with your mental game? How are relationships affected?
RickRed40
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Don't Waste Your Erectile Dysfunction

Postby RickRed40 » Sat Jan 17, 2015 1:35 pm

Receiving a diagnosis of Prostate Cancer was a shock to my emotional, relational, and sexual life. My libido which was at a 10 before my diagnosis dropped down to zero after I received my biopsy results. While surgery cured me of cancer, being cured of cancer didn't bring back my libido.

I was surprised how devastated I was when I could not regain erectile functioning. I felt as though my manhood and usefulness as man was taken away and would not and could not be repaired. Back in the day, kissing or touching my wife could produce an erection. Now there wasn't anything she could say or do that would get a rise from me. My wife felt awful and I felt awful, but we could not comfort one another because I didn't want to think or talk about my impotence. I withdrew emotionally. I carefully avoided all physical contact which only served to remind me of my impotence.

At my lowest point, I gallantly used what little manhood I had left to inform my wife that I hereby release her from her wedding vow to stay with me in sickness and in health. I told her it was time for her to find a man who could love her in the way she needed to be loved. At the time I thought this was a loving, kind and generous offer.

I was surprised that my wife didn't react with joy and take me up on my magnanimous offer. Rather than feel released and free to find another man, she was both hurt and angry that I would suggest such a thing to her. What I realize now is my offer to release my wife of our wedding vows was a very selfish offer. My wife's very presence reminded me of my impotence, shame and loss of manhood. I thought I'd feel better if I were left alone.

How could I forget how much my wife needed to be held, cuddled, touched affectionately and kissed. How could I forget the power of speaking loving and tender words to each other. Looking back I don't think it was a matter of forgetting, but rather all of these behaviors were bitter reminders to me that I was impotent, so I avoided them like the plague. As a result I suffered alone, my wife suffered alone, and our marriage together suffered.

Fortunately I was blessed with a woman who had a Biblical view of marriage as a covenant that would not and could not be broken. She knew I had no power to release her from the covenant we made together on our wedding day. Therefore, she was ready, willing, and able to fight to keep our relationship alive at a point when I felt useless and dead inside. It took me a few years before I was ready to enlist and join my wife in the battle to restore our relationship.

It wasn't an easy lesson to learn that manhood has little to do with your erectile abilities. My Lord and Savior Jesus was for me the definition of a man's man. He knew how to love others sacrificially. His capacity to love and act like a man was not in the least bit connected to His erectile abilities. I realized that God was giving me the opportunity through my experiences with erectile dysfunction to learn a new definition of being a man.

Since I was married, I realized the Lord was also providing me with the opportunity to learn more about my sexuality and my wife's sexuality to enable us to enjoy mutually exciting and satisfying sex together that wasn't dependent upon my having an erection. We created a new and satisfying sex life together which was a delightful surprise to me.

My challenge to every man coping with erectile dysfunction is don't give up. Meet the challenge. Find ways to enjoy the sexuality you have left. In addition to finding new ways to enjoy your sexuality, strengthen your love for one another.

This is the best definition of love I've ever read. Not one of these characteristics require an erection. If you love your partner like this, they will feel blessed.

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (1 Cor 13:4-8 NKJV)
Last edited by RickRed40 on Sat Jan 17, 2015 7:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

farmallfarmer
Posts: 36
Joined: Wed Feb 29, 2012 11:21 am
Location: Minnesota

Re: Don't Waste Your Erectile Dysfunction

Postby farmallfarmer » Sat Jan 17, 2015 5:01 pm

Well spoken words of love and marriage.
I have started the process of getting an implant for 'us'.
Happy that it worked out for you and hope for the same here.

RickRed40
Posts: 144
Joined: Sun Sep 02, 2012 12:32 pm
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Re: Don't Waste Your Erectile Dysfunction

Postby RickRed40 » Sat Jan 17, 2015 6:48 pm

Let's stay in touch on the implant forum. My surgery is scheduled for 1/23. After 4 years of trying everything getting some success until last year when everything failed, it's been a long journey toward this decision. Both my wife and I will be glad when I'm home from surgery. Wishing you the best with your decision.
Rick

stanri
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Joined: Tue Mar 25, 2014 8:30 pm
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Re: Don't Waste Your Erectile Dysfunction

Postby stanri » Sat Jan 17, 2015 8:18 pm

rickread40 made comments that would apply to myself. The only difference is I waited close to 20 years before finally deciding I should do something. Like others, I felt I wasn't a true man. But it took years for me to realize that. I tried pills, nothing. Tried a vacuum pump.. HATED that, and finally injections. They work for awhile, but there were side effects that I didn't care for.

But after much thinking and reading both here on Frank Talk as well as other sites I decided at last to have a implant. This Monday, January 19 I become a member of the bionic buddy club. I'm not nervous, just anxious to get it done.
age 80. Prostate removed (cancer) 20 years ago. ED resulted. 19+ years did nothing. Tried pills, vacuum pump (HATED IT), injections worked sometimes, but not dependable. Presently have a inflatable, worked the 1st year. Not working for me now.

RickRed40
Posts: 144
Joined: Sun Sep 02, 2012 12:32 pm
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Re: Don't Waste Your Erectile Dysfunction

Postby RickRed40 » Sun Jan 18, 2015 12:40 am

Wish you the best with your decision to get an implant. By next week on this day I'll be home from USCF on the count down for my first experience with bionics. I can't wait.

Woodicould
Posts: 144
Joined: Mon Sep 03, 2012 10:09 pm
Location: near Dallas, Texas

Re: Don't Waste Your Erectile Dysfunction

Postby Woodicould » Tue May 26, 2015 11:47 pm

Thanks for your wonderful testimony. I came upon this post rather late. I trust the implant went well.
Prostate cancer age 65 with PSA 5.8. Biopsy Oct 2010. Gleason score of 7, 3+4 with perineural invasion. Stage II, T2cNXMX.
Jan-Feb 2011 radiation. Palladium-103 seed implant March 2011 (55 implants). Lupron treatment from Dec 2010 to Aug 2011 (8 months).


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