I need help, or idk if I'll make it

What are your fears? Ideas? Hints? to coping with ED. What helps you with your mental game? How are relationships affected?
joe1738
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Oct 20, 2020 6:17 am

I need help, or idk if I'll make it

Postby joe1738 » Tue Oct 20, 2020 3:55 pm

Hey, I’m 21 and I just recently started to believe I have a venous leak. For the last two months I’ve been noticing a decline in erection quality, inability to keep erection without stimulation, and more difficulty getting one. I kind of shrugged it off at first and just let it go for a while, I could still have sex fine so didn’t think it was much of an issue as this was a bigger problem during masturbation. Then about 10 days ago I was having sex and noticed by the end of it I was softer than I normally would be, even though my GF said she didn’t notice much of a difference. I freaked out and started to research. I had a lot of major medical issues like diabetes and testicular cancer crossed out with tests from the doctor. I have also used weed daily and nicotine for a few years, so I assumed I just had to completely stop smoking weed which has been hard by itself. I went to a urologist, and of course they said it was most likely all psychogenic. I’ve never had performance anxiety, and this wasn’t affecting sex as much as masturbation so I knew she was wrong and there has to be a physical element to this. Obviously, this lead me to discovering the venous leak and ever since then it’s all been downhill. I have a long-term GF who has been really supportive and assured me no matter what happen downstairs we would find a way to both have a satisfying sex life. The problem is what this is doing to me mentally. It is really destroying me. I cant eat much, or sleep for more then a few hours a night, which is worsened by the weed withdrawals. Every time I try to focus on anything else, I just end up back to panicking again. I really can’t take much more of the way things are going. Because of all the research I’ve done I have a pretty clear idea of what I’m in for physically: pills until they stop working, then more pills and pumps, anything else I can think of, then an implant and multiple revisions that hopefully never go too bad. I was more comforted by the idea of an implant before looking into this forum and researching them but still if all else fails and I make it through this, that is what ill do. Ever since I started freaking out I’ve noticed things have gotten worse, especially if my gf isn’t there with me. Masturbation can only produce a semi and it would disappear if I stop. If I could just get myself out of this mental shit show I think I could start to accept and deal with it, but I’m having a lot of trouble. If I’m being honest the thought of a future obsessing over it like this just leads me into a really dark mental state. I really don’t know if I can do this. So much of the day I just wish I could go to sleep and never wake up. I was a totally different person just 3 weeks ago, very laid back and relaxed. Always had fun no matter what was going on or what I was doing. I’m starting to think I’ll never be able to get that back. I’ve been putting so much of this stress on my parents and GF and I cant do that to them anymore. I’m kinda losing hope at a bright future of any kind and I don’t know why this has affected me this horribly. I feel like life as I knew it is over. I don’t get any pleasure from the things I used to enjoy and I don’t know whats the point if this continues. I’m not giving up yet, and I know I could deal with this if I could get over this mentally I just don’t know how. I just want to wake up from this nightmare. Someone who has dealt with this and gotten over it please help me. Did you ever go back to your old self? Did you start to enjoy things again? Were you ever actually happy again or just in passing moments? Are there any days where you don’t constantly think about it? I really don’t know if I can do this, but I want to. I want to accept this and turn it around.
21 years old, likely VL, early stages of dealing with all of this

verytempted1992
Posts: 24
Joined: Sat May 25, 2019 6:09 pm

Re: I need help, or idk if I'll make it

Postby verytempted1992 » Tue Oct 20, 2020 5:06 pm

Firstly, stop panicking. That's the worst thing you can do right now. Take comfort in your girlfriends reassurances (she sounds great btw) and the fact that help is out there.

Next, get penile implants of your mind. They're the best thing in the world for people that need them but you're seriously jumping the gun. SOME people on here (especially some elderly) will tell you to get one asap and how they're nothing short of perfection but don't listen, they're full of shit.

My advice would be to try some low-medium dose Viagra a few times and see how it goes, from what you've said, I'm guessing it will help out nicely. After a few positive experiences you may find your confidence and bedroom issues improved to the point where you no longer need them at all.

If you don't have any luck with that, you could see a Urologist who specialises in sexual medicine (sometimes known as Andrologists) for a diagnosis. Even if you do, don't be surprised if it's a suspected psychological issue. Despite what some people will tell you, psychological ED does exist and can be compounded easily sadly. In many ways, physical ED is easier to treat depending on the underlying cause.

You got this bro.
29. Mild ED since 2018 most likely caused from CPPS. Can still have hard erections and have sex but morning wood is rare and also have PE. May occasionally take Viagra 25mg with good results.

alfa88
Posts: 316
Joined: Sat Jun 30, 2018 2:59 pm
Location: North of Gilligan's Island

Re: I need help, or idk if I'll make it

Postby alfa88 » Tue Oct 20, 2020 5:13 pm

#1 Book an appointment with a counselor. Irregardless of your ED problems it sounds to me like you're having problems coping with things in general. We all need guidance once in a while and sometimes it's just easier to talk to a impartial professional. Been there.
#2 Either tell your Urologist to book you a doppler test to ease your mind or get another Uro that will. I spent a huge part of my life going on a Dr.'s assumption that 'it was all in my head' only to find out that it was a venous leak all along. I would consider yourself more fortunate than myself in that I didn't have much of a sex life until I was close to 30!
My 2 cents worth
53 years old, married 32 years. Decades of ED & PE. BPH. Tried Viagra W & W/O T-Shots, Levitra and Cialis, Edex, Trimix starter, medium, strong with poor results, VED. Implanted w/AMS700CX 21cm X 12mm w/1.5cm RTE by Dr. Leroy Jones 9/1/20

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limpbiscuit
Posts: 59
Joined: Thu Sep 24, 2020 7:45 pm
Location: Washington State

Re: I need help, or idk if I'll make it

Postby limpbiscuit » Tue Oct 20, 2020 5:58 pm

CHECK THE FACTS: Recently you noticed that your penis was softer at the end of having sex than it had been in the past. Your GF hadn't noticed.

YOUR REACTION TO THE FACTS: You spent hours (my guess) on the Internet searching for possible causes. In your mind you are already imagining the worst case scenario- needing years of medical care and eventually an implant.

FACT: Dr. Google is not your friend.

FACT: Your girlfriend hadn't noticed anything.

WHAT YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT: Limit your time Googling about symptoms and health concerns. Find an activity that helps calm you down- working out, lifting weights, writing poetry, gardening, hanging with the buddies at the bowling alley, take a hot shower or a cold one, read a book about male sexuality, volunteer for a service organization, bonk the living daylights out of that lovely girlfriend of yours, write the great American novel.

ok i'm off the soapbox for now
prostate cancer diagnosed 2015, brachytherapy 2017 to good result, heart attack 2018, recovered, taking a butt-load of cardiac meds. married 50 years, father and grandfather,

malibog
Posts: 28
Joined: Wed Jun 17, 2020 4:12 pm

Re: I need help, or idk if I'll make it

Postby malibog » Tue Oct 20, 2020 6:11 pm

I think the above replies are on target. Nonetheless, I'll add a few thoughts in a similar vein.

Given that your ED problems are of VERY recent origin, I would doubt it to be anything physical that has gone seriously wrong. I am no expert at all, but I would think that if you were suffering from a physical issue, it would have manifested itself more gradually, over a longer period, unless it were a physical issue due to trauma, and you report no injury or trauma.

I would guess there's a remote chance you might require and implant at a young age, but I regard it as unlikely it is premature at present to be giving it much, if any, thought. You are "catastrophizing" the matter in your head right now and you need to get past that, as others have suggested.

More likely than not, this is but a transitory and minor issue that will be, as doctors like to say, "self-limiting", meaning it will require limited or no medical intervention.

joe1738
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Oct 20, 2020 6:17 am

Re: I need help, or idk if I'll make it

Postby joe1738 » Wed Oct 21, 2020 10:05 am

Hey guys thanks for all the support I really appreciate it. I just got my hormones checked and my prostaglandin was 23ng/ml which is outside of the normal range. IDK if it is high enough to be the cause of this problem but I have an appointment with a uro to learn more. Still know its pretty possible that it is a venous leak, although at least there's another possibility now. Either way I've done some thinking about how I'm going to handle this if it is a venous leak and I feel slightly better about the whole thing. Ive just decided I'm going to do my best to look at the bright side and enjoy the things in life I still can. Knowing where the path of venous leaks lead, idk if I want to live my full life with it, but until that time theres no point in not enjoying things while I still can. It'll take some time to work through this and I'll need some counseling I'm sure, but I've decided I'm going to stay positive and enjoy everything I can and deal with whatever comes later in life how I see fit.
21 years old, likely VL, early stages of dealing with all of this

Lost Sheep
Posts: 4449
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2016 11:16 pm

Re: I need help, or idk if I'll make it

Postby Lost Sheep » Wed Oct 21, 2020 4:02 pm

joe1738 wrote:I've decided I'm going to stay positive and enjoy everything I can and deal with whatever comes later in life how I see fit.

That's the ticket.


Overuse of any psychotropic chemical can change stuff around. Marijuana is known to alter a man's hormones
https://www.doctorsdata.com/resources/u ... n-men.html
http://www.cannabis-med.org/english/faq ... y_male.htm
(the admonition from limpbiscuit that "Dr. Google is not your friend" has a great deal of validity., but has exceptions. But remember, YOU must vet all you find on the internet for accuracy and reliability as well as applicability to your personal circumstances.)

When you do go find a counselor or urologist, ask if they specialize in sexual function/dysfunction.

Nicotine also has a direct effect on the blood vessels that carry blood to the penis, by reducing the blood flow and this makes getting and maintaining an erection difficult. It is advised to avoid all types of tobacco and nicotine to reduce your chances of erectile dysfunction, including vaping. Even so, there seems to be little data suggesting that sudden changes can be attributed to nicotine.
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10. ... 1.10400569
However, I have heard from reliable sources that smoking does make a man's semen tast AWFUL!

When you search the 'net remember this adage:
Only believe half of what you see
Only believe one quarter of what you hear
to which I add
That goes double for anything you get from non-authoritative sources on the internet.

Legitimate, peer-reviewed medical journal articles can be challenging to read, but are generally trustworthy.

OK, here is my experience that might prove useful right away

When I first began experincing E.D. it was devastating to my sex life and romantic life. I did not know anything was wrong because I had little to compare myself to and my girlfriends were too kind to complain. I was pretty much incapable of giving my partners orgasms. Certainly not by my penis and I knew next to nothing about alternative sexual activities (sensual massage, cunnilingus, masturbating a clitoris or G-spot, etc).

My relationships died on the vine. Until I decided that I COULD NOT BE RESPONSIBLE for her orgasms. SHE had to share in the responsibility. Shortly after that, my girlfriend and I began participating TOGETHER in a joint activity to achieve her (and my) sexual satisfaction. Well, mostly hers, because my orgasms came easily, even with a semi-hard penis.

Talking to her about HER needs, satisfying her sexual needs and recognizing that my penis could not do the job alone opened up communication and improved the entire relationship.

Once I leveled with her honestly and without trying to hide my E.D. things got a LOT better, both sexually and otherwise. I have said many times before, women are incredibly supportive if they feel trusted, respected and safe. They also admire a man who does not hide from his problems, but is willing to ask for guidance or help (witness all the jokes about men who refuse to ask for driving directions when they are clearly lost).

Once I crossed that Rubicon it got better and continues so today. You have a supportive girlfriend. Support her, appreciate her. Cater to her needs and she will help you in ways you cannot even begin to imagine.

joe1738 wrote:Someone who has dealt with this and gotten over it please help me. Did you ever go back to your old self? Did you start to enjoy things again? Were you ever actually happy again or just in passing moments? Are there any days where you don’t constantly think about it? I really don’t know if I can do this, but I want to. I want to accept this and turn it around.

You can see from my comments above that I did deal with this, but it did take me four decades. It is good that you recognize earlier than I did that there is a problem (whether it is in your head, in your chemistry, in your neurovascular system or wherever) and have the resources and determination to address it. Once you decide to do something, you will find a sense of liberation. Remember that sense and do not lose it while you search for, find and follow a course of action. Action is empowering and your girlfriend will appreciate and admire you for it. Your Parents and circle of friends will, too.
Lost Sheep
AMS LGX 18+3 Nov 6, 2017 Dr Shaw.
READ OLD THREADS to ask better questions and better understand answers.
Make yourself part of your medical team.
Document your current penile size: photos and written records.
Pre-op V.E.D. therapy helps.

Flavio
Posts: 648
Joined: Wed May 19, 2010 4:56 am

Re: I need help, or idk if I'll make it

Postby Flavio » Sun Nov 08, 2020 10:32 am

joe1738 wrote: [...] I’ve never had performance anxiety, and this wasn’t affecting sex as much as masturbation so I knew she was wrong and there has to be a physical element to this. Obviously, this lead me to discovering the venous leak and ever since then it’s all been downhill. [...]


I'm sorry, I don't get this. If your doctor said it was psychological, why do you speak of venous leak?

You remind me of me when I was 20. I was extremely anxious and my sex life suffered because of that. I knew nothing about ED and there was very little information available back then.

Don't underestimate psychogenic ED, your brain is the #1 sex organ and the mind plays an essential role in erectile function. And no, this is not the end of the line for you (that's what all men think everytime things don't go as well as planned) and it is easily treatable.

Quitting weed was a sensible thing to do, it is a major cause of ED. You will find on these forums many other tips on how to battle psychogenic ED. Knowledge is essential: the more you know about sex, the less stressful it will be.
Age 40. Psychogenic ED for over 20 years. Current regimen: Udenafil 200 mg, oral phentolamine mesylate 40 mg, Seredyn.

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chenbell
Posts: 5
Joined: Thu Nov 05, 2020 6:30 am
Location: Melbourne

Re: I need help, or idk if I'll make it

Postby chenbell » Tue Jan 05, 2021 1:48 pm

Just don't panic, it's the worst that you could do. I personally have recovered just fine from what I thought was the end of the world. Everything that you may experience can be from normal causes, you assuming the worst is possibly what is stoping you from having a full on hard.

dhiker99
Posts: 28
Joined: Thu Mar 18, 2021 6:54 pm

Re: I need help, or idk if I'll make it

Postby dhiker99 » Thu Mar 25, 2021 9:13 am

QUit the nicotine. MInimize the weed and porn use. Get started with on an exercise program (with a bunch of walking or running) and get a healthy diet. Try meditiation to calm you down and continue to communicate with your girl friend. This is nobody's fault so just relax. Life style is important to your overall health and, I've found, especially your boners. You Might try prescription pills and maybe a silicone cock ring ( helps a lot if its vennous leakage). I have goine to injections (I'm 59 though) and they are nothing short of great for me (they do limit spontaneity) but my soldier gets hard as a rock and stays there for along time.

Things will get a lot better once you settle into a beter life style and by then you may find you don't have half the problem you thought. Good Luck!
Implanted 4/22/21, Coloplast Titan


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