Is It Just Me?

What are your fears? Ideas? Hints? to coping with ED. What helps you with your mental game? How are relationships affected?
alfa88
Posts: 316
Joined: Sat Jun 30, 2018 2:59 pm
Location: North of Gilligan's Island

Is It Just Me?

Postby alfa88 » Sun Aug 30, 2020 1:23 pm

I've had ED problems since puberty and that seems to color my perception of female libido. The idea that women are horny as us guys just seems so foreign to me. Is it just me? Finally though, I will end the tyranny of ED. Next week I will join the ranks of the Bionic Brotherhood. :D
53 years old, married 32 years. Decades of ED & PE. BPH. Tried Viagra W & W/O T-Shots, Levitra and Cialis, Edex, Trimix starter, medium, strong with poor results, VED. Implanted w/AMS700CX 21cm X 12mm w/1.5cm RTE by Dr. Leroy Jones 9/1/20

Lost Sheep
Posts: 4449
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2016 11:16 pm

Re: Is It Just Me?

Postby Lost Sheep » Mon Aug 31, 2020 12:15 am

alfa88 wrote:I've had ED problems since puberty and that seems to color my perception of female libido. The idea that women are horny as us guys just seems so foreign to me. Is it just me? Finally though, I will end the tyranny of ED. Next week I will join the ranks of the Bionic Brotherhood. :D


Some women are. Most will NEVER admit it.

I heard a saying once: Men are afraid women will ridicule them. Women are afraid men will kill them.

It makes sense on many fronts, the most basic among them is that women, when they have sex with a man can get pregnant and die in childbirth. Men have no such fear.

I have my own saying.

"Women are incredibly supportive if they feel trusted, respected and safe." Make her feel so and she will be freer with her sexuality and libido.


Congratulations on taking the step into implant-land.
Lost Sheep
AMS LGX 18+3 Nov 6, 2017 Dr Shaw.
READ OLD THREADS to ask better questions and better understand answers.
Make yourself part of your medical team.
Document your current penile size: photos and written records.
Pre-op V.E.D. therapy helps.

notaes
Posts: 523
Joined: Sat Mar 23, 2019 8:54 am

Re: Is It Just Me?

Postby notaes » Mon Aug 31, 2020 8:50 am

Alfa88

Congrats on joining the bionic brotherhood. Had mine sine Jan 2020. Don’t think you will ever regret it. Feel free to ask any questions you may have.
66 yr old male married 36 yrs use trimix four yrs, cilais and Viagra. trimix work well developed scarring on both sides had implant 1/9/2020 at UT Med Ctr, Knoxville, TN Dr. John Lacy.

frwmw1
Posts: 194
Joined: Thu Oct 01, 2020 7:38 am

Re: Is It Just Me?

Postby frwmw1 » Sat Oct 03, 2020 8:58 pm

Women more usually have "responsive desire".
45yo, venous leak. Pills increased tinnitus (very rare). Trialing Trimix, 0.2 of:
Atropine Sulfate: 52MCG/ML, Phentolamine MES: 0.9MG/ML, Papaverine HCL: 26MG/ML

Lost Sheep
Posts: 4449
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2016 11:16 pm

Re: Is It Just Me?

Postby Lost Sheep » Mon Oct 05, 2020 7:01 pm

frwmw1 wrote:Women more usually have "responsive desire".

I think I know what you mean by "responsive desire". Could you illuminate further, please?

My guess is that you mean the concept that a woman starts to feel sexual arousal (get to feeling "frisky") when they are around a man who indicates desire for her? Put compactly, "His desire begets hers".
Lost Sheep
AMS LGX 18+3 Nov 6, 2017 Dr Shaw.
READ OLD THREADS to ask better questions and better understand answers.
Make yourself part of your medical team.
Document your current penile size: photos and written records.
Pre-op V.E.D. therapy helps.

frwmw1
Posts: 194
Joined: Thu Oct 01, 2020 7:38 am

Re: Is It Just Me?

Postby frwmw1 » Mon Oct 05, 2020 10:26 pm

Lost Sheep wrote:
frwmw1 wrote:Women more usually have "responsive desire".

I think I know what you mean by "responsive desire". Could you illuminate further, please?

My guess is that you mean the concept that a woman starts to feel sexual arousal (get to feeling "frisky") when they are around a man who indicates desire for her? Put compactly, "His desire begets hers".


Responsive desire is where they feel arousal first, then desire, yet don't really spontaneously think about sex at all (which is called spontaneous desire).

The best reference about this is Emily Nagoski, she has written a book called "Come as you are", the audience is for women however it seems like more men read it. She has also an old blog where she discusses it, it's called "the dirty normal".

Responsive desire came out of Rosemary Basson's research in the early 2000's, where she describes that this desire works in a circle (called the circular model), so the more good sex a woman has, the more she experiences desire, however if she stops having sex, her libido can go into hibernation.

Responsive desire is an important topic for this forum, because I think that ED plays havoc with it.

Unfortunately, when the guy loses his erection, the responsive desire girl loses her interest, the guy loses his confidence, and they can both then start to pull away from the relationship.
45yo, venous leak. Pills increased tinnitus (very rare). Trialing Trimix, 0.2 of:
Atropine Sulfate: 52MCG/ML, Phentolamine MES: 0.9MG/ML, Papaverine HCL: 26MG/ML

Lost Sheep
Posts: 4449
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2016 11:16 pm

Re: Is It Just Me?

Postby Lost Sheep » Tue Oct 06, 2020 12:59 pm

frwmw1 wrote:
Lost Sheep wrote:
frwmw1 wrote:Women more usually have "responsive desire".

I think I know what you mean by "responsive desire". Could you illuminate further, please?

My guess is that you mean the concept that a woman starts to feel sexual arousal (get to feeling "frisky") when they are around a man who indicates desire for her? Put compactly, "His desire begets hers".


Responsive desire is where they feel arousal first, then desire, yet don't really spontaneously think about sex at all (which is called spontaneous desire).

The best reference about this is Emily Nagoski, she has written a book called "Come as you are", the audience is for women however it seems like more men read it. She has also an old blog where she discusses it, it's called "the dirty normal".

Responsive desire came out of Rosemary Basson's research in the early 2000's, where she describes that this desire works in a circle (called the circular model), so the more good sex a woman has, the more she experiences desire, however if she stops having sex, her libido can go into hibernation.

Responsive desire is an important topic for this forum, because I think that ED plays havoc with it.

Unfortunately, when the guy loses his erection, the responsive desire girl loses her interest, the guy loses his confidence, and they can both then start to pull away from the relationship.

WOW! I had no idea those terms were specific "terms of art". Thanks

Your post is insightful and I think the subject of women's (and male partners, too) relationship to their E.D. suffering partners might deserve a subforum of its own. Alas, the controversy over admitting women to full participation might trouble such a subforum. But men with E.D. really need to be aware of methods of dealing with their partner's (partners') feelings as well as their own. Harkening back to the O.P.'s questions.

Good thoughts, frwmw1.
Lost Sheep
AMS LGX 18+3 Nov 6, 2017 Dr Shaw.
READ OLD THREADS to ask better questions and better understand answers.
Make yourself part of your medical team.
Document your current penile size: photos and written records.
Pre-op V.E.D. therapy helps.

alfa88
Posts: 316
Joined: Sat Jun 30, 2018 2:59 pm
Location: North of Gilligan's Island

Re: Is It Just Me?

Postby alfa88 » Tue Oct 06, 2020 1:57 pm

men with E.D. really need to be aware of methods of dealing with their partner's (partners') feelings as well as their own.

Pretty much why I posted to 'Emotional and Mental Support'
Hopefully I'll get some of that "responsive desire" now that I have a robo-dick :D
53 years old, married 32 years. Decades of ED & PE. BPH. Tried Viagra W & W/O T-Shots, Levitra and Cialis, Edex, Trimix starter, medium, strong with poor results, VED. Implanted w/AMS700CX 21cm X 12mm w/1.5cm RTE by Dr. Leroy Jones 9/1/20

frwmw1
Posts: 194
Joined: Thu Oct 01, 2020 7:38 am

Re: Is It Just Me?

Postby frwmw1 » Tue Oct 06, 2020 2:09 pm

alfa88 wrote:
men with E.D. really need to be aware of methods of dealing with their partner's (partners') feelings as well as their own.

Pretty much why I posted to 'Emotional and Mental Support'
Hopefully I'll get some of that "responsive desire" now that I have a robo-dick :D


If you both haven't had sex in awhile, you may find that it takes awhile for the responsive desire cycle to kick in and for her libido to improve. She may require things to go very slow at first, slow massages and no pressure. Then, as the responsive desire cycle kicks in she will find it easier to get into the mood.

I'm envious.
45yo, venous leak. Pills increased tinnitus (very rare). Trialing Trimix, 0.2 of:
Atropine Sulfate: 52MCG/ML, Phentolamine MES: 0.9MG/ML, Papaverine HCL: 26MG/ML

alfa88
Posts: 316
Joined: Sat Jun 30, 2018 2:59 pm
Location: North of Gilligan's Island

Re: Is It Just Me?

Postby alfa88 » Tue Oct 06, 2020 4:27 pm

It's not as if she totally cut me off but as of late it feels like she's doing me a favor instead of us mutually enjoying each other. I got one last hoorah 2 nights before surgery but I've been following orders to abstain for 6 weeks. At week 5 it seems like 5 months. For sure I'm going to go slow with my rebuild. One Alfa Jr. is probably going to be tender and two I want to savor quenching my thirst ;)
53 years old, married 32 years. Decades of ED & PE. BPH. Tried Viagra W & W/O T-Shots, Levitra and Cialis, Edex, Trimix starter, medium, strong with poor results, VED. Implanted w/AMS700CX 21cm X 12mm w/1.5cm RTE by Dr. Leroy Jones 9/1/20


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