Depression and ED

What are your fears? Ideas? Hints? to coping with ED. What helps you with your mental game? How are relationships affected?

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Depression and ED

Postby bonefish » Mon May 31, 2010 8:58 pm

My ED problems finally got to me and I had to see a doctor about depression. When you are forced to radically change your sex life as we all have had to do and experience the problems associated with ED (incomplete erection/no erection/no orgasm/leaking urine/self doubt), it is understandable that we get depressed. I am taking an anti-depressant now and feel better. I will share that the things that added to the depression. I felt my penis died the day of my surgery, I counted the days and months since the operation and I reviewed daily what I hated about my "new sex life"
Gentlemen, if you are thinking these same thoughts, forget them because they are not helpful. I am not sure what to replace these thoughts with yet but I am working on a more positive message to put in my brain to move forward and not look back....

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Re: Depression and ED

Postby Paul-Mod » Thu Jun 03, 2010 7:48 am

Wiser words were never said. I think that for most men, the two biggest shames in life are admitting we have ED and second would be admitting we have depression. It's crazy what we do to ourselves.
Any stressor such as cancer, life change, work, relationship problems, death of loved one, ALL can trigger depression. for some guys realizing that it is a chemical imbalance in the brain makes it easier to admit since they tend to feel it is less their fault. Fighting ED alone can certainly cause depression - which worsens ED - which makes us more depressed - etc etc. Most family docs are very understanding. Just mention it. Wellbutrin is touted as having the fewest sexual side effects. But I hear Lexapro is good also. Any drug is good that works. If one isn't quite right, they have a whole arsenal to try on you! I have also said that any diagnosis of cancer should include six months of therapy sessions!
Bonefish, thanks for the thoughtful, considerate post. You've helped a lot of guys.

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Re: Depression and ED

Postby regain-is-the-aim » Mon Jun 07, 2010 10:35 am


I agree. This is a bad deal we all got and it does impact the mental health status. I also have had and continue to have some very dark hours. No one prepares you for the change in life-style; I think most docs don't even comprehend what has totally happened to us. But, we are were we are. You've taken 2 large steps toward the light; talking with your doc and being a member of this family. After I joined Franktalk, it was as if a new vista appeared and there was hope. I found other guys who had the same issue and realized I was not alone any more. Each has a separate story but they are making it work.

I have not needed the meds but have had most of the feeling you expressed. I realized I need to change some things and the focus. One thing I did was get with a personal trainer. The ole bod was showing, before surgery, the trials of age and I needed to do something. I figured this might help with the self image and mental health status. It really has helped! Understand, that I am not a jock- never been, don't want to be. But I do want to look good and move easily. I found a trainer who only takes private clients. Good for me as I've never been around a gym and didn't want to look stupid in front of the jocks- silly I know but I didn't need another perceived issue. Bonefish- this has been some of the best $ I've ever spent. I look better and really feel better. As you say better between the ears then probably better between the legs. It's made me more tolerant and understand that I have a new reality and this is a journey and I should have some fun with it.

The second suggestion I would offer is to get involved in the chatroom of this site. Everybody has the same problem and there are suggestion if you ask. The general banter makes one realize that life goes on, the journey can be fun and there is joy and sex after surgery.

Hope this helps,


PCa-surgery 10/06

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Re: Depression and ED

Postby franglais » Mon Jun 07, 2010 1:41 pm

Last edited by franglais on Sun May 22, 2011 12:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Depression and ED

Postby Flavio » Tue Jun 08, 2010 6:45 pm

Hi Bonefish! Thank you for sharing this with us.

You are definitely not alone. Depression is a major cause - and consequence - of ED. ED causes depression and depression causes ED. Erections start in the brain and the brain has to be in great shape, too.

Moreover, most antidepressants (e.g. SSRIs) can actually worsen these sexual problems. There are, however, exceptions: tianeptine (brand name STABLON) is a mild antidepressant that increases the levels of dopamine (a neurotransmitter that plays an important role in sexual arousal and erections) and actually improves erections. Tianeptine is a prescription drug and should only be taken under the supervision of a doctor.

Like I said before, I believe that even simple mood variations may have an impact on your sexual performance. If you know how to control your mood, you will be able to beat psychogenic ED. In the future, Zoraxel will do just that: act directly on the brain to improve mood and sexual performance.


Re: Depression and ED

Postby 3mtrship » Fri Jul 09, 2010 5:24 pm

I had an open radical in 2005 at 60 and 1 1/2 yrs later this event happened.

I wrote my full cancer story for the first time a few weeks ago and posted it on

It is large and I think should be a separate topic. 3 BIG Chapters.

These events helped pull me back from depression which was probably started. So to a snippet from my life with ED.

As all of you know when it comes to a mans penis it does not take much encouragement to make an impression on us. If I have a full boner after all that surgery and radiation once 1 1/2 yrs later, man you got my attention. So now to the snippet from my full story

A Birthday pool party for a grandson gets us all together, 20-30 people. My daughter in law is of Cuban heritage. She was sisters. One of those sisters is a knockout and she has a new bikini. Long shiny black hair, flawless tanned skin and blue eyes with a nice smile and a nice smell. Waterpolo in the pool and I'm sitting in the cabana with ice tea watching that bikini. My goodness it starts. It grows, it bulges. it protrudes and feels wonderful. One of those erections from my youth when I was not sure there was enough blood for me and it both and I might pass out any second. I mean "HELLO BUDDY WELCOME BACK. WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN SO LONG?" I quickly grabbed a towel and went to the bathroom. It went down just as quick as it came up and before I could do anything about it darned.

After we drove away hours later, my wife says "Was that what I think it was?" "YES." "Lets go invite him back, I want to see him again."

During those next months he accepted our invitations once in a while and showed up. Each appearance was a surprise because we could never quite figure out how to phrase the invitation. We were sexually confused and had far to go before this new ride was over.

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Re: Depression and ED

Postby hoosierphilly » Mon Mar 14, 2011 5:07 pm

Don't forget that we in the North don't get enough sun......we can get SAD. Try a sun light....I got a blue max light for my computer desk, as my wife urged as I get down by Christmas every year. Test your thryroid and your testosterone levels.....can cause depression too. Not all thyroid problems show up and if you feel tired, down, etc could well be that in addition to anything else. If your iron levels are low you can be tired and depressed too. Check for celiac as its first symptom is being tired and anemic. Be sure its the correct lab running that test, not all labs test properly. Don't give up gluten until you know for sure you have celiac. And take your vitamin D. Remember too frequently every specialist sees problems from his perspective. Some of these things are easier fixed with mimimal meds than some of the other reasons for depression.

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Re: Depression and ED

Postby RobinWriter » Tue Jun 14, 2011 6:39 am

I think Dick had the very best tactic in the struggle against ED... get moving, get some exercise, and certainly get away from the freaking computer for a couple of hours. It's not just about getting 'in shape.' You'll lose weight and firm up as a result of getting physical. Your entire endocrine system is wrapped around movement and activity. Everything works better: you balance and produce the right kind of hormones, you energize the "mood molecules" in your body, increase not just endorphins, but an entire cascade of pharmacologically active compounds. You digesting improves and you'll use food better.

Not only will you do away with depression -- if you allow yourself to, and don't fall into the abyss of self-pity -- but you'll be doing the very best thing to eliminate your ED.


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Re: Depression and ED

Postby cotham876 » Sun Sep 18, 2011 3:55 am

I wonder if the following may help others to see things in perspective. I must point out that I am Not looking for any kind of sympathy these are merely the facts........

In May 2004 it was discovered that I had cancer of the throat which involved radiotherapy resulting in the loss of all saliva glands and most of my taste buds. Food now is something I have to keep me alive. That's it. I also had an operation on my neck to remove secondary cancers leaving the side of my face permanently numb. All this treatment was a 100% succesful.

At this time I also noticed blood in my urine and after tests was hauled back into hospital for an 'op via the penis for bladder cancer. Very painful but very succesful - I now have a camera shoved up my willie on a yearly basis not very nice leaving me walking like John Wayne for a couple of days.

In May 2009 I was diagnosed with Prostate cancer and it was decided that RP on a keyhole basis was the best way to go this was performed successfully on May 11th. 7 days after my Mother died.

In common with most I walked around with catheters and pads for some time. 5 weeks later my cousin,more of a brother actually was very ill in Palm Springs where he lived so we brought him home to the UK where he died of widespread cancer 5 weeks later. Two months after that my best lifelong friend from school also contracted cancer - we looked after him too but he died last year.

It was all very depressing, oh yes and another friend was found dead in his apartment six weeks before.

Why am I telling you this? Because shit happens especially when we get older and we have to try and learn to live with it.

On top of this no sex at all of course pumps, pills,MUSE,nothing has worked after 2years plus. (Injections next?)

BUT for the last 5 mornings I have woken with a 30% erection - pretty useless granted but it is an ERECTION!!! It's also a start. It may lead nowhere but there is hope and when you have hope it keeps you going. My point - never give up - They tell me it's the attitude that gets you through.
I just hope this doesn't sound smug it's not meant to it's just the way things are.
Keep on trucking.
Keyhole RP May 11 2009 Type 2 Diabetes.

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Re: Depression and ED

Postby antelope » Sun Sep 18, 2011 5:42 am

Dear Cotham,

You have certainly had more than your share of troubles, my friend. I"m impressed that you have come thru the storm more or less intact. As you probably know by now, this is a great venue to let it all out. So don't hesitate to elaborate if you feel the need. We're a pretty good band of brothers here.

It seems you may have tried most of the solutions commonly suggested for our mutual problem. And like many of us, without success. For me, injections were indeed the next step and I can tell you that trimix has worked wonders for me since last November. I get wood like a 19 year old and have as much staying power as I want. If anything, the challenge is getting Little G to relax after a while so I can get some sleep! What a great "problem" to have, eh?

Best wishes for continued strength. God's peace,

Born 1948, married 1969. BPH & Type II Diabetes at age 35. TURP-2002; Some ED even before that. Cardiac valve surgery-2007. ED from diabetes. Poor results with pills. Started trimix injections in Nov, 2010. Great results from the very beginning.

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