My story - please help

What are your fears? Ideas? Hints? to coping with ED. What helps you with your mental game? How are relationships affected?

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Herman
Posts: 4
Joined: Sun Jan 06, 2019 10:44 am

My story - please help

Postby Herman » Mon Jan 07, 2019 9:08 am

Hello,

first I would like to say that I'm very grateful for this great forum. It gives me hope.

I'm from Europe. Please help me. I would like to apologize for such a long post.

I'm going through some really hard times and is killing me. Every day it is harder.

Here is my story:

I'm 35 years old. In 8 months I went from light ED to severe ED.

I trained track and field - long jump for 10 years (from age 9-19). I was a several times junior national champion. First signs of ED were sudden when I came to high school (when I was 15). I didn't know what happed to me. Erections stopped and I became depressed. For five years I didn't get erection at all became more and more depressed. I didn't tell my parents. Durring that time I still had a good results in sport but no motivation. Went to univeristy got a severe pneuminia and then depression in the ugliest form. Went to psychiatrist. Parents still didn't know about my ED. I didn't told psychiatrist about my ED eather. I lived on antidepressants for 3 years left university, left track and field not knowing what really was wrong with me. After 3 years I decided that something had to be done. I stopped eating pills and went to fitness. I got my erections time to time back. But always after workout pelvis flour discomfort.

At 24 I found my love. We had a rough start. Libido was high, erections strong but I just could not get enough blood to my penis to expand. I premature ejacuated all the time. She became distant and then I relized that she didn't love me at all. She vas rude and bad to me. I got a feeling that I was not the only one. I left her. She came back and I took her back. She said she love me.

At 25 I finally found a article about testosterone went to see urologist and he said to me that he never saw so low testosterone and that I had some injury and infection of prostate in the past that it is a little inflated. I found the source of my depression. Got viagra went on testosterone replacement therapy for 2 years (androtop gel 50 ml every day and Omnic Ocas). Transformation was amazing. Sex was finally great amazing libido erections great. Penis size and girth increased. No prostate pain or discomfort. I was on TRT for 2 years and 5 years on Omnic Ocas. Didn't get any anti estrogenic pills. After 2 years I just could not stand the cialis or viagra. Chest heart discomfort. I had a little problems with libido after I stoped testosterone gel but found out that vitamin E got me very good libido.

My love is running I was sport active all the time. I finally went off from all the drugs. Everything was great. Got my son and then two daughters. Kids are are world to me. After my son was born my fiance (i asked her twice if she will marry me, first time years back she said that she is not raady) fell in love to some other guy she said to me. I was really angry didn't say nothing just waited when she will go. She didn't because he didn't want her. She said again that she love me and we kept going. Durring this time i just coud not stand vitamin E no more. Got some chest discomfort and discomfort in prostate. I tried ginseng, maca, tonghat ali. I got chest discomfort. I cant stand also coffe.

I tried l-carnitine it was good for erection but bad for libido and testosterone.

I often checked my testosterone levels and were always normal.

Two years ago libido and erections were more then great. But I got candida all the time from my fiance. Went to urologist and he gave me antibiotics for Clamidia. Never got tested for Clamidia but since then aways had problems with blader and became more and more constipated. My fiance had other men before me. So I if I have Clamidia I got it from her. She was my first and the only one. Everytime I was constipated I had problem with libido and erection and pressure on prostate. I tried everything but nothing helped for constipation.

Then another woman came to my life (coworker). She said that she loves me and she wanted to live with me but I could not left the kids and I still loved my fiance. I also didn't trust other woman and found out that she is a poison.

About one and a half year ago when was doing some pushups I got severe pain in wright testicle. Got inflated. After two weeks it was better. From that moment on I had big problems with libido but erections were still strong. Tested testosterone it was normal. I decided for more intense workout. Went to fitness. No change in libido. It was getting worse. Constipation also went realy bad. Got discomfort and pain in pelvis muscle area. Erections still good. I had always problems sitting in hard surfaces. Always got numbness an discomfort in pelvis flour muscles if I sat to long.

Eight monts ago I was forced to sit for several hours on hard surface. I got severe pain and numbness in pelvis area, penile pain an then again pain in testicles. Contipation made everything worse. This is the moment I got really bad ED. I don't know but I had to damage some nerves in pelvis flour area. From that on I don't have libido and my erections went realy bad to none. Took 1/4 20 mg levitra. Got chest heart discomfort - pain then got anxiety attack went to cardiologist made ultasound of the heart, ECG, cardio test on bycicle (durring the test pain was strong in pelvis four area because I had to sit on bycicle). She said that nothing is wrong with my heart. I have low blood presure average 110/70, heart resting 45-55, athletic, no body fat, not diabetic, holesterol normal, don't smoke or drink alcohol but have problem with digestion of carbohydrates, gluten and milk products.

More then 6 months now I'm standing at work for 8 hour per day and then at home also because I can't sit. I left running, fittness everything in hope that it will be better. But it is getting worse. Time to time have morning wood but it is bad and have penile pain it feels like i got crab/spasm. I have a feeling like that my penis is shrinking and muscle decaying.

No libido. I got tested for testosterone, estrodial, everything normal only DHT was low 246 pg/ml (300-850 normal). Urologist told me that I have problem with blood flow to my penis and testicles (3rd grade testicle vein reflux). He said that I shoud use time to time androtop testosterone gel (25ml) every other day for one month. He tested also my urine and made ultrasound of my prostate. Said that it is normal in size but had signs of infections. He asked me if i'm often ill. He gave me antibiotics.

I often went to laboratory to check my blood-always normal. PSA always normal (0.2, normal range in 0-4). After antibiotics it was better I got a my libido a little back and I was not constipated. Erections still bad. Penile numbness still there. I started using testosterone gel every other day felt better mentaly got a little bit of libido back but after two weeks I became constipated again and got prostate pain. Libido went away. I don't know why I reacted to androgel this way. Because of my pain and discofort after I use androtop gel I tested again PSA and was even lower then before I used testosterone gel: 0,174. Tested also for estradiol was 10 ng/L (normal range 11-44). Got complete blood flow - normal, no infection, urine normal.

Urologist said that if this will not work I will go to TRT injections and to penile injections.

I'm afraid that my penile is damaged eventhogh my urologist told me that it is ok. I have flacid penis about 7,5 cm in lenght and average in erection 16 cm. I'm afraid that I lost lenght and girth.

I hope that injections will work. I'm really depressed. I think anout my ED all the time and it is destroying me. I'm thinking how my fiance will left me or she is already with someone else. I lost myself.

What about my flacid penis because I'm a "grower" if I I had to get an implant some day would I get my 16 cm back when erect?

I don't know if i have pelvis floor muscle issue or nerves, penis injury or desease, prostate problem, or is clamidia. Varicoale in testis and pelvis flour?

I'm loosing my fiance every day, i'm losing myself everday. Nigtmare. My world is crushing down.

Please help me any advice is welcome!

Thank you very much!

bldoink
Posts: 1140
Joined: Mon Apr 03, 2017 12:58 am
Location: Fl.

Re: My story - please help

Postby bldoink » Mon Jan 07, 2019 11:47 am

If you haven't yet I'd print this out and share this complete story with a good doctor.
I pray you find the answers you need and a successful resolution.
R.R.P 2011 Mayo Jacksonville by Dr. Michael Wehle. Nerve sparing - damaged. V.E.D, Viagra and Alprostadil (80mcg/ml) injections @ ~ 12 units. Originally Edex20. Switched to compounded Alprostadil - cost. Injecting 5-6 yrs. It works. Treasure coast of FL.

David_R
Posts: 1572
Joined: Mon Nov 02, 2015 1:03 pm
Location: Northeast Maryland

Re: My story - please help

Postby David_R » Mon Jan 07, 2019 2:02 pm

I totally agree with bldoink. And I will keep you in my prayers, brother.
Age 69. Prostatectomy in 2000. My urologist (for 20 years) has been Dr. Marc Siegelbaum, Chief of Urology at Univ. of Md. St. Joseph Med. Ctr. in Baltimore suburb of Towson. I have LGX, and after regular inflating I regained my original length.

Herman
Posts: 4
Joined: Sun Jan 06, 2019 10:44 am

Re: My story - please help

Postby Herman » Mon Jan 07, 2019 4:11 pm

Thank you bldoink and David_R!

redandwhite
Posts: 15
Joined: Tue May 08, 2018 2:57 pm
Location: South Central Indiana

Re: My story - please help

Postby redandwhite » Tue Jan 08, 2019 12:44 am

You have so many issues, both physical and psychological, going on that I hesitate to see you add more trauma. I've posted on other threads here that I did injections for quite a few years. They worked great for some time, but gradually became less effective, as isn't unusual with any medication. But what else they did to me, they caused scar tissue to develop in my penis. I would caution against considering injections as a long term lifetime solution. I receive Veterans Administration medical care due to a military line of duty injury with lasting effects. They were quite positive that I would be much happier if I had an implant, and the bonus was that the scar tissue would be removed during the procedure, restoring my penis to just being straight and normal looking again. They were right. However, surgery always carries risk, both during and after the procedure, and of course the risk of being dissatisfied with the outcome. Most of the time, it works just like it should. I am so much happier and more confident now; my libido is through the roof. Even though my wife, also in her mid 60's, isn't always up for lovemaking, she still giggles at my talking sex to her and feeling her up all the time. We are happiest we've been for some years because of the successful surgery. I always am enthusiastically promoting it, but you do have to consider potential negatives. As far as length, post surgery I had the same length as my pre surgery somewhat damaged penis. Now, about 1.5 years after surgery, I've gained some length and girth. I was told that since I got the newer more flexible implant material, I might gradually gain some size and that has happened. I expand a bit more now over flaccid length, moreso than right after the surgery. They can't force too big an implant in, as I understand that the stiff material can possibly abrade or erode the inside of your penis causing damage, but they should put in the size that fully fills your skin. This new material is also designed to last longer than the original implants so fingers crossed there. Previously, they told me the original material could be expected to last 5 to 8 years, and once (if) it begins leaking, they would simply replace it with a new one assuming I was medically OK to have surgery at that time. This new design they said is touted to be able to last 15 years or so. Again, they will put a new one it if I need it. If you have more specific questions you would like to ask feel free.
Surgery at VA July 2017 after many years struggling with pills, shots, pump, etc. Should've done it way sooner!

Herman
Posts: 4
Joined: Sun Jan 06, 2019 10:44 am

Re: My story - please help

Postby Herman » Tue Jan 08, 2019 11:43 am

Thank you very much for your reply and advice redandwhite! If I had enough money at the moment I would probably go to implant wright away. I hope that injections work for me! As a short time solution to keep my relationship going, to keep penis filled with blood, to keep recover some lenght and girth. Loosing my fiance because of my ED is destroying me. I have nightmares because of this almost every night. I think that I'm a burden to her and that we are thogether only because of three little amazing kids.

Do injections help with penis recovery? Do injections work also if you are under pressure, nervous?
I have have health insurance but I don't know how much would insurance cover the cost of implant if any. And to find a good surgeon here and implant that would be best for me in europe.
Only now I realised how my ED is accompany me durring my whole life and is effecting my success and confidence in every aspect of life. It is hard because I think about my ED all the time now.

Before injury I had strong erections but I most of the time needed a little stimulation that my penis filled with blood to full. Never could perform second time after one hour eventhough I wanted. Penis was always to tired. I don't know why. Like my muscle didn't get enough blood oxygen to recover right away?
I found out few years back that my late grandfather on my mother side had »bend« penis could not perform wright. He fathered my mother and uncle but had big problems. Peyronie's disease? He never went to see a doctor. I have feeling of spasm time to time pain in my penis also in the part under testicles. Start of Pyronie? Genetic problem? My father don't have problems at all. To much heavy trainings and weights for me probably (varicocele vein reflux problem to my testis, prostate and pelvis flour and penis). My grandfather was also all the time constipated was the same fisical structure as I..
When I had morning wood or mastrubated I had very strong erections but when I had sex my penis was always bigger and stronger. Do injections get you full erections? Because I'm a »grower« not a »shower«. I hope I got erection at all and that it last some time.

I'm glad that you are doing great. It gives me hope. I think I'm also destined to have an implant.

bldoink
Posts: 1140
Joined: Mon Apr 03, 2017 12:58 am
Location: Fl.

Re: My story - please help

Postby bldoink » Tue Jan 08, 2019 2:46 pm

I'm not a medical professional of any kind. Anything I post is based, at best, on my own experiences and at worst on hallucinations or delusions. Nothing I post should be misconstrued as medical advice because it isn't. Always ask your doctor and follow his/her advice.

Again, I encourage you to print your full story out and take it to a competent medical professional, both a General Practitioner and dedicated Urologist specializing in mens issues. I also encourage to to see a mental health professional and share your full story with him/her. A competent mental health professional can be wonderful. Like with any medical specialty you may have to try more than one provider to find a good one, unfortunately.
Herman wrote:I hope that injections work for me! As a short time solution to keep my relationship going, to keep penis filled with blood, to keep recover some lenght and girth.


The success rate with injections is actually pretty good. It is my understanding that injections, when successful, do stop penis atrophy and shrinking and can, in some cases restore some lost size. Your fiance should be pleased with the results. If you aren't getting good nocturnal erections I's suggest you consider a good VED or penis pump for therapy but don't overdo it.

Loosing my fiance because of my ED is destroying me. I have nightmares because of this almost every night. I think that I'm a burden to her and that we are thogether only because of three little amazing kids.


Again, I encourage you to seek help from a mental health professional and also possibly couples counseling.

Do injections help with penis recovery? Do injections work also if you are under pressure, nervous?


As previously mentioned, it is my understanding that injections can help with recovery. The VED(vacuum erection device) AKA penis pump can too. While I do believe your mental and emotional state can have some effect on an injection erection, the injection will, for the most part, override those issues. Guys get erections from injections in a doctor's office in very non erotic settings so that should give you an idea.

I have have health insurance but I don't know how much would insurance cover the cost of implant if any. And to find a good surgeon here and implant that would be best for me in europe.


I have nothing to add here.

Only now I realised how my ED is accompany me durring my whole life and is effecting my success and confidence in every aspect of life. It is hard because I think about my ED all the time now.


See that mental health professional as soon as you can.

Before injury I had strong erections but I most of the time needed a little stimulation that my penis filled with blood to full. Never could perform second time after one hour eventhough I wanted. Penis was always to tired. I don't know why. Like my muscle didn't get enough blood oxygen to recover right away?


Yeah well not everyone is a porn star stud. I've always been a one and done guy too. Sometimes with an injection erection I can go again. Implants solve the erection stamina issue too. That doesn't necessarily make you ready for seconds in other aspects. Your mileage may vary.

I found out few years back that my late grandfather on my mother side had »bend« penis could not perform wright. He fathered my mother and uncle but had big problems. Peyronie's disease? He never went to see a doctor.


There could be a genetic component to your issue.

I have feeling of spasm time to time pain in my penis also in the part under testicles. Start of Pyronie? Genetic problem?


You really do need to take your full story to proper medical professionals to get to the bottom of those issues. Don't delay!

My father don't have problems at all.


Lucky him!

To much heavy trainings and weights for me probably (varicocele vein reflux problem to my testis, prostate and pelvis flour and penis).


No idea. See those doctors!

My grandfather was also all the time constipated was the same fisical structure as I..


Yeah, there could be a genetic component but maybe he just didn't eat his greens. You'll probably never know.

When I had morning wood or mastrubated I had very strong erections but when I had sex my penis was always bigger and stronger.


Yeah, having a real girl is more stimulating.

Do injections get you full erections? Because I'm a »grower« not a »shower«. I hope I got erection at all and that it last some time.


If injections work for you, and they most likely will, yeah you'll get fully boned out and likely last plenty long, at least once you have your dose figured out.


I hope that was helpful. I know you're struggling physically, mentally and emotionally. I feel for you. I feel your pain.
I pray you find solutions and happiness.
R.R.P 2011 Mayo Jacksonville by Dr. Michael Wehle. Nerve sparing - damaged. V.E.D, Viagra and Alprostadil (80mcg/ml) injections @ ~ 12 units. Originally Edex20. Switched to compounded Alprostadil - cost. Injecting 5-6 yrs. It works. Treasure coast of FL.

Herman
Posts: 4
Joined: Sun Jan 06, 2019 10:44 am

Re: My story - please help

Postby Herman » Tue Jan 08, 2019 3:09 pm

Thank your very much bldoink for support and help!


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