Suicidal tendencies

[Inject77]

Hello. My ED appeared suddenly. I injured my pudendal nerve. I think it’s the worst kind of ED, because you lose a large part of sensitivity. I’ve been using injections for a year. They work. I developed severe depression and overwhelming anxiety. I am married, and sex has turned into a traumatic and risky activity. I became an alcoholic and have already tried several antidepressants. Most of them cause me anorgasmia. The ones that don’t, also don’t work. I wish for death every day, all day long. I don’t do it because of my children who need me. I am not managing to cope with this. Any advice would be welcome.

[Martin6469]

I have anorgasmia more and more because of age. When it happens I simply enjoy my wife's vagina and her enjoying my Trimix penis. Better than nothing, right? (She always has an orgasm because we use dildos.)

Please get your testosterone checked because low T causes depression and anxiety, and take steps to talk to a psychologist.

If you can't improve your mental state, I would use the antidepressants that work and deal with the anorgasmia the way I do.

PM me any time.

[Al1962]

Please, if the antidepressants work, use them.
I have been clinically depressed my entire life. Meds help me, I have never contemplated suicide, yet I for sure do not have a perfect sex life. Take the meds, deal with the sexual outcome. Go to couples therapy, there is nothing wrong with either of you, no blame. Think of therapy as a way to improve your relationship.
If the two of you can understand each others feeling about this without blame, your love will grow.
Please, talk to wife, (no blaming) take the meds that work for you, talk with a couples therapist to understand each other more. You both are in this together, fix it.

[John Dday]

There is always a flip side to any situation.
Start talking to your partner because the 'sex has turned into a traumatic and risky activity' can be the KINK that drives new ways to think about sex, ways to laugh and cum together

[Inject77]

Thank you, friends. I think all this suffering results from the grief of losing my old life, my identity, self-esteem, and self-confidence. And my age, 48. Too many years perhaps of suffering. This didn't happen all at once; it was a process of months of illness with repeated failures and disappointments. Antidepressants and Trimix pulled me out of the depths of the pit. But I didn't climb even halfway, and sometimes I slipped back down to nowhere near the bottom.

[wolfpacker]

How did you injure your pudendal nerve?

[Inject77]

How did you injure your pudendal nerve?

During the pandemic, I started cycling. First mountain biking, then road biking. Increasingly, I felt numbness in my genital area. I researched some articles and saw that most cyclists experienced this. I didn't pay any attention. Until one day, the erections stopped. From the beginning, I knew I had lost sensitivity. After a year and a half of being treated as a psychogenic patient, my doctors decided to order an MRI. And there it was: hyperintensity consistent with pudendal neuropathy. A lesion I believe was caused by a buildup of micro lesions. My uro deceived me. He said it was impossible for cycling to cause this and that it must be clogged cavernous arteries. So, I started cycling and running even more. At first, oral medications compensated for the loss, until, a few months later, they no longer had the expected effect. Then I became desperate. I researched further and saw that the pandemic had multiplied the number of cyclists and those affected by the same condition. I stopped cycling. But it was too late. The injury had set in. So had the depression. And that's how I've been ever since.

[HeavyMetalFan]

I’m finding it quite difficult to cope.

I’ve had a few suicide methods planned over the last 20 years, but they were violent (and possibly painful) enough to strongly discourage me from wanting to do them.

However, through some connections, I have acquired prescription drugs that could kill me about 5 times. Meant to be quite euphoric, too.

I’ve never done hard drugs. So I have no idea what to expect.

On the one hand I’m glad I have a better method now. But on the other hand I feel my fate is sealed and that one day or another I’m destined to take these drugs… which I’m not too happy about lol

The thought of having a wild drug experience and then passing out never to wake up again sounds pretty good. No more bad days. No more bullshit to deal with. I’m basically middle aged, and life’s been pretty shit. What am I going to miss out on? The second half of a shit life? Lol

[GoodWood]

I’m finding it quite difficult to cope.
What am I going to miss out on?

I think about the friends that I have lost to suicide. I think about everything that has happened in the years since. Some amazing. Some bad. Some boring. But there is NO WAY that I could have predicted any of it back then. The same is true now. Problems are temporary. There is always a chance to turn things around. Seasons change. Luck changes. Life changes.

I hope you have a moment of clarity and throw out of the drugs. I hope you can get the support you need to get through this. FrankTalk is poorly equipped to help with this. Erectile dysfunction?? We rock. Suicidal ideation? We can only offer support and tell you that there is hope.

This can be the beginning of a new beginning. Flush the drugs and pick up the phone to ask someone for help.

[HeavyMetalFan]

Problems are temporary.

Thanks for the reply.
“Temporary” can also mean a lifetime.

There is always a chance to turn things around. Seasons change. Luck changes. Life changes.

I hear that a lot. So what should I do? Persist anyway despite being miserable, and despite the odds being in favor of me being miserable for the rest of my life? I regret having endured yesterday, and the last week, and the last year, and the last decade. To insist that I must persist is a form of cruelty. Self-compassion means doing what’s best for me. And if that means to kill myself, then so be it.

I understand that death, and by extension suicide, is tragic. But I find it more tragic to read a diary entry from when I was 17, detailing how unhappy I am and why, and I know that I have endured over a decade of that same exact misery every day, and looking forward I have only more of the same waiting for me.

I do not want to die at the ripe old age of 95, still miserable, wishing I had killed myself at 17. I would rather die now.

I hope you have a moment of clarity and throw out of the drugs

I appreciate it, but those are the words of someone who hasn’t been suicidal enough lol

pick up the phone to ask someone for help.

Done that all too many times. The help I am offered is either drugs that may or may not have caused me PSSD and offered no relief from misery. Or talking therapies such as CBT which was nothing but telling me how to suck eggs.

If I was chronically hungry and thus chronically compelled by the first tier of “Maslow’s hierarchy of needs” to seek out food and put it to my lips, yet I am cursed with the inability to actually eat the food, what would the solution be? Drugs and talking therapies? Maybe I should do some CBT and learn to focus on the things in my life that I can change. Surely that would help me when I am laying in bed planning what to do tomorrow and all I can hear is my “food noise” screaming at me to get food right now because I am so fucking HUNGRY.

I have done half a dozen 7 day fasts for autophagy reasons (hoping it would help my ED (it didn’t)). Not a calorie was consumed. Only water and salt. I figured I would play video games and sleep for those 7 days to pass the time. From day 2 onwards I couldn’t sleep for more than 4 hours a night, and I couldn’t enjoy video games due to the “food noise”. I spent the last 5 days watching cooking shows and planning my first meal. I wasn’t suicidal during these fasts, because I knew I would get to eat soon. But if I knew the hunger could never be sated, I would have been suicidal.

That intense need for food when food isn’t available is the same as what I feel for sex and relationships when they are not available.

Thanks for listening lol