FrankTalk.org

My brothers Nocturne and Freddy,
An implant is a marvelous thing. I will never regret having mine. An implant won't solve all our problems. Some things only God can fix. Don't worry about what might be. Suicide only causes more hurt to the ones we love
Yes, our pain has ended but theirs is just beginning. I tried to end my life but thank God I failed. A pastor told me I was selfish looking back, he was right. At the time I just wanted the pain and mental anguish to go away. Please don't do it or talk of doing it. We lost a brother, Gollum, we don't want to lose another. Never, never, give up hope! We are here and always ready to talk. PM are always welcome.
Your brother,
Donnie

Sometimes a fresh outlook and support help one turn around their suicidal feelings. If not, please seek professional help...counseling or anti-depressants. Those w ED face a terrific loss and sometimes need help to get back on track w life and then being able to make good decisions about ED treatment. Hand in there brother.

Nocturne,

Please, just read my signature, not to get scared, but to let you know that I went through was worth it!

ThePlumber

Everyone -- thank you so much for the extremely thoughtful responses. I was in a dark place yesterday and needed to hear what some of you have written.

As it turns out, almost immediately after I wrote what I wrote, I went upstairs to find my wife awake, which was a surprise. Turns out she had just woken up with the urge to masturbate and had just finished. We talked, I felt how wet she was, and it turned me on, I got hard, and we had great sex without anything going wrong. Did so again today, twice in a row, with the second time being a real surprise - my dick literally ached with the erection I got just from bringing her to oragasm with a finger "one last time" after we'd rested and talked a bit, and I took her without any expectation that I'd be able to orgasm (was just gonna give her a few) but as it turns out after much pounding which surprised the two of us I finished anyway. So there is life in the old boy yet, which I knew, but it's always upsetting when something goes wrong.

You guys are great, and I am so glad this forum exists because when things get dark I always come here to read some of the stories of guys who have been through the wringer and come out on top -- guys like ThePlumber and so many more who show me that yeah, it's gonna suck, it's gonna get worse before it gets better, but it's gonna get better. I need to remember that sometimes. Thanks!

And Freddy -- hang in there. I never used to have those dark thoughts before either -- EVER! -- but I distinctly remember about two months into my first bout with ED being in a multifloor hotel with an open center, about a dozen floors up, and looking down with the thought snaking into my mind how one jump would end the madness and hurt -- even then I knew something about implants and knew that that would be a foolish move (understatement), but still the thought was there nontheless. Not sure I could be strong enough to suffer like that for years, if that were required before I could get an implant -- but it helps so much to know the implant is there as a light at the end of the tunnel. There is hope.

I hope YOU get greenlighted ASAP!

One more thing -- Donnie, I have followed your story closely, and am so glad to see how happy you are. I had not known you had been suicidal. It scares me to see how many threads there are here dealing with that issue. But at the same time I of course understand why. Have even discussed with my wife.

In my case, I have lost even more than what ED takes away -- I've lost my health, although right now the only real physical impediment is the ED, and I've gone from having "about 40 years left" to having "about 20 years left" (or rocketed from 40 to 60 in one short year), and my retirement basically sprouted wings and flew away since they changed the pension rules in my state and I cannot collect until I am 67 now -- which I will likely never live to see. Oh, and all the food I can't eat anymore, all the things I like to do that involve sitting when I have to be up and active all the time now -- it sucks. It really sucks. Just losing PEACE OF MIND and the ability to focus on things other than ED, heart disease, testosterone, blood glucose (lost 60 pounds and it went UP!), possible stroke or dying young from a heart attack or heart problems, what horrors I've unwittingly passed on to my kids... It's been such an incredible loss that often I see something around the house or at work I haven't touched in three years and think, "Oh, I remember the guy who bought that, made that, hung that up -- he's gone now. What happier times..." It's devastating. Fell flat on my face at 41. I remember I met my GP doc at 40, he did a workup and told me I was "fine", and I left his office feeling so relieved and like I owned my life -- and I realize that I'll never feel that way again, I'll never hear him say "you're fine" again, now we discuss how the AS is progressing, is there any chest pain yet, etc. And the nice techs at the cardio lab who smile and say, "WOW, you're YOUNG! Everyone else we've seen today has been in their 70s!" like that's supposed to make you feel better for some reason, but it does not.

Oh, yeah, this all started with ED and learning I had crazy low testosterone -- like 125, doc said it "approached castrate level". I remember being so scared I had permanent VL due to low T -- HA! It would have been awful but it would have been a lot kinder than the truth.

I try to live everyday to the fullest none of have a gurantee. Medical problems are a true pain in the ass. Make use change our lives. I am having my second hip surgery next week. The right one has been in 10 years already. Ask my dr how long should they last. He said as active as I am the rt one at least 20 years. The lt one has been tested for 30. How long will my implant last I hope I dont have to get another one. I was medically retired at 45. My entire life goal and plan changed over night. I can no longer work a full day maybe 5 or 6 hours on anything have to take lots of breaks. But I am doing things alot of people my age cant do just takes me longer.

Just look up and ask GOD for some strengh and get you through it.

Hang in there. Never consider taking your life. The pai younwill cause others is beyond measure. My best friend took his life over his wife's adultery a day after we met to talk over a beer. I thought he was ok although very very down. He had two lovely little girls. They have grown up without a dad or an understanding of why he took his own life. Find someone to talk to - anyone. Even ring me!!! Pm me if you ever want a chat. Life is for living despite your issues.

Great advice Spikepork,
Blessings on your new life. Aren't implants great. Happy humping brother!
Donnie. PM anytime.

Nocturne wrote:Everyone -- thank you so much for the extremely thoughtful responses. I was in a dark place yesterday and needed to hear what some of you have written.

As it turns out, almost immediately after I wrote what I wrote, I went upstairs to find my wife awake, which was a surprise. Turns out she had just woken up with the urge to masturbate and had just finished. We talked, I felt how wet she was, and it turned me on, I got hard, and we had great sex without anything going wrong. Did so again today, twice in a row, with the second time being a real surprise - my dick literally ached with the erection I got just from bringing her to oragasm with a finger "one last time" after we'd rested and talked a bit, and I took her without any expectation that I'd be able to orgasm (was just gonna give her a few) but as it turns out after much pounding which surprised the two of us I finished anyway. So there is life in the old boy yet, which I knew, but it's always upsetting when something goes wrong.

You guys are great, and I am so glad this forum exists because when things get dark I always come here to read some of the stories of guys who have been through the wringer and come out on top -- guys like ThePlumber and so many more who show me that yeah, it's gonna suck, it's gonna get worse before it gets better, but it's gonna get better. I need to remember that sometimes. Thanks!

And Freddy -- hang in there. I never used to have those dark thoughts before either -- EVER! -- but I distinctly remember about two months into my first bout with ED being in a multifloor hotel with an open center, about a dozen floors up, and looking down with the thought snaking into my mind how one jump would end the madness and hurt -- even then I knew something about implants and knew that that would be a foolish move (understatement), but still the thought was there nontheless. Not sure I could be strong enough to suffer like that for years, if that were required before I could get an implant -- but it helps so much to know the implant is there as a light at the end of the tunnel. There is hope.

I hope YOU get greenlighted ASAP!

Nocturne; First of all, please create a signature, I sent you the instructions yesterday. Second, if you truly love your wife, you will stop considering suicide. Your hurt will stop but hers will last for the rest of her life. Even though your dick has worked a few times recently, you should still have the ED conversation with your wife. I have experienced first hand what goes through our wives heads when we can't get it up. They ALWAYS think it's their fault and think that we don't find them desirable anymore. You would be better off telling her now so it doesn't sound like an excuse down the road. Maybe discuss with her all of the ED remedies at the same time. I discussed it with my wife and let her weigh in on it and she has been incredibly supportive throughout the entire process. Take care.

Larry

Hi Donnie. I won't bore you with all the superlatives about how good I feel right now. Suffice to say the hardest days are now ahead of me instead of behind me if you get my drift. This forum is so valuable for me and their partners. My wife has been simply fantastic throughout this seemingly never ending journey of huge lows and stresses. Mind you initially I didn't open up to her. Should have at the start.